JayKi

My Bishop took my temple recommend away unfairly. How can I contest his decision?

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Hi, my bishop took away my temple recommend for no valid reason. I will explain what happened, I missed church for 3 weeks because I had work commitments that I couldn't get out of despite my best intentions. Also, a woman at church who is married was texting me because we are friends and I was only texting her back to be nice but apparently I sent her flirtatious messages (I didn't think they were at the time but I sort of see why they may be interpreted that way now). They were the 2 reasons the Bishop gave me to take away my temple recommend. I think he just prefers her husband to me so he is being unfair and spiteful. I am meant to be getting married in 10 weeks at the temple so this is a complete disaster. I made an appointment to see my stake President in a few days, do you think he will be fair? Or will he side with the Bishop? Do you know the general process? Will the stake President have the final say? Do I just need to get him on board or is it more complicated than that ?  

Edited by JayKi
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Stake president.  Not steak.

I see two plausible explanations here:

1. You need to do some humbling and perhaps grow in maturity a little. 
2. Your bishop is acting out of spite or other sinful negative places.

We can't really tell which is which here on an anonymous internet forum.  But I'm guessing that explanation 1 is a tad more plausible than explanation 2.

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38 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Also, a woman at church who is married was texting me because we are friends and I was only texting her back to be nice but apparently I sent her flirtatious messages (I didn't think they were at the time but I sort of see why they may be interpreted that way now).

Red flag anyone? Hello?

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I agree with @NeuroTypical, explanation 1 sounds like the winner.
FYI: all temple recommends state, "It (the recommend) remains the property of the Church, is not transferable, and must be surrendered on demand". 

Other plausible explanation:
3. This story is a story or a really misconstrued story

Edited by NeedleinA

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@NeuroTypical's answer really pretty much covers the bases. If the bishop truly is such a spiteful man that he would take your temple recommend based on an innocent but misunderstood text, that's shameful. I rather suspect there's more to it than that, and that if we got "the other side" of the story, it wouldn't be so clear-cut.

The stake president is in a position to override the bishop, but is unlikely to do so unless there is obvious evidence of bad action on the bishop's part. I advise you to treat this all as an honest misunderstanding, humble yourself, assume the best of the bishop, and ask him (and the stake president) sincerely, "What must I do to be worthy of a temple recommend?" Then do as they instruct.

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Just now, NeedleinA said:

or my sister (?).

Until you put brother, I thought it was a sister for some reason which made the post even more odd to me. :huh:

Yes, I apologize if I got the gender wrong.

I have a friend named Jay, so while looking at the screen name of the OP-I assumed it was male because of my friend. Yes, there are surely women who go by that too. Anyway, I apologize again. 

And I'm still praying for you OP, regardless of gender! 

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2 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

or my sister (?).

Until you put brother, I thought it was a sister for some reason which made the post even more odd to me. :huh:

If a female is sending flirty texts to a married woman, that might explain things a bit more . . . ;) 

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17 minutes ago, Vort said:

I rather suspect there's more to it than that, and that if we got "the other side" of the story, it wouldn't be so clear-cut.

There isn't I assume that her husband made a bigger deal out of it then what was necessary to the Bishop. I also think the Bishop is a little jealous of me so that may also be why 

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3 minutes ago, JayKi said:

There isn't I assume that her husband made a bigger deal out of it then what was necessary to the Bishop. I also think the Bishop is a little jealous of me so that may also be why 

Jealous of what, specifically?

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6 minutes ago, JayKi said:

There isn't I assume that her husband made a bigger deal out of it then what was necessary to the Bishop. I also think the Bishop is a little jealous of me so that may also be why 

JayKi, were you already in the ward when he was called to be the bishop?  Did you raise your right hand to sustain him?  Are you going to do so again in the next conference?  If so, then I suggest that you give your bishop the benefit of the doubt that he is exercising his power of discernment.  Doing these unfounded suspicions only makes things harder for you as it is contrary to God's desire for his kingdom.  I suggest you go and have another meeting with the bishop, be humble and show a true and honest desire to be clean before God and ask the bishop for his help to restore your temple recommend.  Have him lay out a plan of action for you and a set of goals.  Tell him about your planned temple marriage and see if he can work something out with you so that you can have your temple recommend restored by then.  A bishop will not stand in the way of an eternal sealing without God-given reasons.  Trust in God, sustain your bishop and have faith.  Your humility in sustaining your bishop will be your offering to God in a plea for His blessing.  If your bishop is enacting his calling in a corrupt manner, the sin is upon his head and not yours and you will remain spotless before God.  But if you judge your bishop without humility and in error, the sin is upon your head.

It is always better to keep your bishop as your ally instead of your enemy.  God has seen fit to call him to his duty.

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18 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Jealous of what, specifically?

It is weird but he is married to my Aunt and I live with them for a little while. I think he doesn't like me being there because he is jealous of my life I don't know exactly why but he is quite bitter.    

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1 hour ago, JayKi said:

It is weird but he is married to my Aunt and I live with them for a little while. I think he doesn't like me being there because he is jealous of my life I don't know exactly why but he is quite bitter.    

What about your life might be worth being jealous over?

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Bro I don't know the process of contesting having your temple recommend being taken away but you should definitely speak to the Stake President. I would just explain the situation clearly and I am sure he will act fairly and he won't take sides. Did you not speak with the Stake President about your marriage in the temple? You should have a feel of what his nature is like. Good Luck with your uncle, that sounds rough. 

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3 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Stake president.  Not steak.

I see two plausible explanations here:

1. You need to do some humbling and perhaps grow in maturity a little. 
2. Your bishop is acting out of spite or other sinful negative places.

We can't really tell which is which here on an anonymous internet forum.  But I'm guessing that explanation 1 is a tad more plausible than explanation 2.

Editing #2 based on your subsequent posts.

2. Your bishop is acting out of spite and jealousy and bitterness.

So, if he's really that bad, then you wouldn't be the only person noticing.  A spiteful jealous bitter bishop would have ticked plenty of people off by now.      Surely you can find half a dozen or so people with similar valid gripes, substantiated by fact.  You should have no problem approaching the Stake President, who I'm sure would swiftly act to remove this bad bishop before he can do more harm.

Unless, you know, #1 really is the right answer.  Just sayin'.

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1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

What about your life might be worth being jealous over?

 I am a very handsome and cool young man. I am just kidding, I think it is that my Aunt gives me a lot of presents and attention and he doesn't like it. Maybe he feels left out because we talk in Spanish a lot and he can't understand. 

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5 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

So, if he's really that bad, then you wouldn't be the only person noticing.  A spiteful jealous bitter bishop would have ticked plenty of people off by now.      Surely you can find half a dozen or so people with similar valid gripes, substantiated by fact.  You should have no problem approaching the Stake President, who I'm sure would swiftly act to remove this bad bishop before he can do more harm.

But I know him better than most people because I living with him

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6 minutes ago, JayKi said:

But I know him better than most people because I living with him

Your statement doesn't change my advice, or my opinion, JayKi.   When someone is prone to spite, jealousy, and bitterness, they don't show those negative character traits against just one person - they are spiteful, jealous, and bitter in general.  No really - if you're the only one who sees this, you really should consider option 1. 

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Outsider perspective here--so I may be more objective (or perhaps less). See if the following make sense and are true:

1. OP respects/believes in LDS spirituality. He wants to be married in the temple.

2. OP appears to respect LDS authority, in that he is appealing to the stake president (rather than storming away from the church in a huff).

3. OP believes his bishop is not objective towards him, and was unduly harsh in his decision to remove his recommend so soon before his wedding.

Lots of questions: Does the bishop oppose the upcoming marriage? Does he perhaps believe that OP is not yet mature enough? Is he truly a bitter, jealous, spiritual leader, determined to be anti-JayKi?

Whatever the answers, a course of action has been suggested. Humility. If OP is not at the place where he can respect/agree with the person who is his bishop, then perhaps he can simply honor the position of bishop? The man serves that role, and it is one established and sustained by the church and its members. If Heavenly Father has chosen a broken vessel for this position (aren't we all somewhat broken?) then He has his reasons. Submitting to authority doesn't entail agreeing. It means doing what authority has asked for a season, because those people have been given decision-making power.

Military folks say they must salute the rank, not the person. Perhaps that's the right course for this situation. After all, isn't the girl worth it?

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