ISO LDS spouses married to someone with bipolar disorder

[Woyzeck]

I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Type I Disorder, severe, with anxious distress. The diagnosis probably came too late to save my marriage. I'm just interested in hearing success stories about before and after medication that I might be able to use at some point in the future if my wife is open to discussing the nature of my illness and how she had been living with someone that's gone for good. 

My heart is breaking and I'm wondering what's wrong with me that it took me so long to go get help. When I finally did get help, it was to show everyone that nothing was wrong. I can't believe the difference between how I thought I was doing and how I was really doing was so vast. I thought getting married in the temple would protect me from things that threatened our marriage that are out of my control or beyond my ability to grasp. I'm really distraught. 

[Sunday21]

@Woyzeck I am so sorry! You are enduring a severe trial. I send prayers! 

[zil]

Welcome, @Woyzeck!  So sorry for your struggles.  I'll pray for you and your family.  Sorry, I know of no related experiences to share.

[anatess2]

15 hours ago, Woyzeck said:

I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Type I Disorder, severe, with anxious distress. The diagnosis probably came too late to save my marriage. I'm just interested in hearing success stories about before and after medication that I might be able to use at some point in the future if my wife is open to discussing the nature of my illness and how she had been living with someone that's gone for good. 

My heart is breaking and I'm wondering what's wrong with me that it took me so long to go get help. When I finally did get help, it was to show everyone that nothing was wrong. I can't believe the difference between how I thought I was doing and how I was really doing was so vast. I thought getting married in the temple would protect me from things that threatened our marriage that are out of my control or beyond my ability to grasp. I'm really distraught. 

I have some issues I'm dealing with.  The differences between you and me is that I knew I have challenges before I got married, so my husband did as well.  I  realized I had problems when I was still a teen-ager.  I decided to not take medication simply because I preferred to mentally fight a disorder that I know about rather than have that medically dealt with but then end up having to fight a side-effect that I don't know about.  I built some coping mechanisms to help me deal.  My husband is my rock as he supports me in dealing with my issues.  He also shields my children from its effects.  Now that my kids are teen-agers they have become part of my support system.  They may not understand what I go through but they accept me for my weaknesses even as they encourage me to do better and that alone is a big salve to my spirit.

Getting married in the temple SHOULD protect you from things that threaten your marriage.  But, your temple covenant is between you and God.  Your wife has her own covenant with God and she has her free agency.  So, whatever your wife does to her covenant is for her alone.  Your covenant is for you to fulfill and making that covenant in the temple should give you more incentive to keep that covenant.  Therefore, my advice for you is to love your wife with all your heart, mind, and strength, fulfilling your covenant with God.  That love is not conditional, that is, your covenant does not depend on your wife loving you back.  As part of your covenant to love your wife, you can humble yourself before her and make reparations for the pain you have caused her in your struggle to fight your ailment.  Then you can be assured and confident that you did everything in your power to fulfill your covenant.  The rest is up to her.

Good luck and hope things start to look better for you.  Just remember, your disorder is not who you are.  It's just another burden in this thing called life.  Your free agency remains intact and you can choose to have your disorder dictate what you do or you can wrest the reigns and declare yourself Master of your Destiny.  You can do this.  It is a hard road but when life throws you lemons, you can make lemonade. 

 

Edited May 4, 2018 by anatess2

[Vin]

I don't necessary have a success story to share but I do have mental illnesses myself. It's important to note that you can see and feel the difference in yourself but this isn't something you can easily pass on to someone else - especially perhaps someone you have hurt. It takes time. Mental illnesses are difficult enough to understand and come to terms with when your the one experiencing it so to be completely outside of one, I can only imagine its more difficult to grasp - but not impossible. 

Resources will be your friend - booklets, leaflets, websites, doctors for your wife gain information from. Let her ask questions and answer them honestly.

Being married in the temple does not make your marriage immune to struggles - if one or both people do not make the effort (consciously or unconsciously) in the marriage then it will undoubtedly struggle.

Pray, communicate your struggles with heavenly father, ask for his help and guidance. Listen. Read scriptures. Pray that your wife will understand and that you can help her do so. Take every little thing in this to the Lord. 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

I have two kids with serious mental illnesses.  Both are YSA aged and haven't married, but both are leading good lives.  In both cases it took some time to find a treatment that worked for them, and sometimes a treatment that was working for them became ineffective and the search for a better treatment had to go all over again.  It is not easy, and certainly not an easy thing for a spouse to live with, but I believe it can be done.  The spouse of somebody with mental illness will need to have a good understanding of what a mental illness is and be able to not take the symptoms of it as if they were deliberate chosen actions.  It would take a lot of charity, but mental illness is a temporary thing and after mortality it wont' be a factor.

[Thefanny7]

I am the wife of a bipolar husband. We got married at 21, and married within 2.5 months of knowing each other. So it was quick. We have been married for 14 years this July, and it has been a tough road. 

We almost separated several times, and we didn’t start having kids until I was 30. I am 35 and about to have our second. 

Our marriage has had our ups and downs to say the least. Friends lost, family relationships strained and all because of his bipolar.  

but we have been married now for 14 years and still together. Sometimes it’s so hard that I get depression from always feeling like I am never good enough or that I can’t ever do anything right. 

But then I remember he’s suffering and I have had to learn that it isn’t me. Sure, sometimes it is me or I contribute to it, but I’m not the sole reason he’s mad at me, or gets upset. 

The one thing that keeps us together is knowing that no matter how upset we get with each other, marriage takes work for healthy mental couples and so it just takes more work for couples with a spouse with a mental illness. 

We all have our ups and downs. But trying to be there for one another with God in our side is a huge relief. 

Mom sorry to all those that have divorced from a spouse that has mental illness. I know firsthand (and still do) at how hard and draining it is. Highs are high and lows are very low. 

Remember that there is support out there and counseling for both parties. 

I don’t know if this helps at all, but I do know the struggle. I got in an argument today over something stupid. Just know God loves you both and with, God, all things are possible. Maybe not a cure for Bipolar, but ways to help cope with it. 

 

[Lost Boy]

I am sorry to hear of your situation.  All I have to offer is that God loves you and wants you to be happy.  You will probably have some difficult trials in your future.  Keep fasting and praying for help.

I am not even going try and figure out what you are your wife must be going through.  But remember to be kind to her always.  The power of kindness is amazing, but not necessarily quick.  stick with it regardless of her reaction.  If she is upset with you, do not be upset with her. Find a way to be kind to her.   I am sure you had no intention of it, but I am guessing you put her through hell and the only way out is to show love and kindness always.  It may not be enough to save your marriage, but I bet it is your best chance.

I wish you the best.  Don't give up.