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Edm2e944

Understand Promptings when it comes to Dating

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so there is this girl that got back from her mission and joined my ysa ward in December.  I met her and thought she was really cute, but i didnt want to get to close to her because she told me she was leaving the ward for school in September. I know thats a long ways away but i didn't want to end up in a long term relationship. Anyways during church activities and FHE activities she would go out of her way to talk with me. She is funny and has one of the strongest testimonies I have heard. So I thought, what the heck ill ask her out. She said yes and I took her out to dinner. We had a lot of fun so I asked her out again. She said yes, but i wasn't sure what to do. One thing i look for in a girl is if they will be a good teacher to her future children. so i prayed for a way to find that out about her. I got a prompting to take her to Temple square and the Church history Museum. I did and I had never seen someone so excited to be there. She knew so much about the temple and church history. I'm pretty sure the Lord was telling me that she would be an excellent teacher. So i asked her out again and we went out a few more times. I've been to the temple multiple times, prayed about it there and felt really good about everything. Anyway yesterday I finally told her how I feel. She just said she didn't want anything serious. i told her that I knew she just got home and I didn't want to try to rush her into making a decision. She said she really appreciated that and enjoyed spending time with me though. So I don't know what to think.

One other thing to add to this is when I got set apart for my current calling in the ysa ward. I was told in the blessing that If I fulfilled my calling I would have the opportunity to meet my eternal companion. For the record I am not desperate to get married. I just feel a pull to working towards it and I feel like the Lord is pushing me towards it as well.  I am about to get released from this calling and I believe I have given it my all. Sometimes I have this lingering thought in the back of my mind saying that I didn't fulfill my calling fully and thats why I'm still single.

 Some background on her. She has never been in a relationship before. Could that be a factor?  Idk I just feel like I prayed and gave this everything I had and got nothing in return even though I felt really good about it. She reminds me of how I felt on my mission, which was the happiest I had ever been. COuld that just be because she just came home? Maybe I just need to have patience idk do you guys have any advice? Was I really receiving revelation about all this or was it my our thoughts that made me feel good about this? How did you guys rely on the Lord when it came to finding your eternal companion?

 

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First thing to understand is God respects Agency.  Both yours and hers.  Our purpose in this life is to see if we will obey.  This means as much as you can disobey a prompting.... So can she and the Lord will respect yours (and hers) Agency in the matter.  This means you might desire to be married to her.  The Lord might approve of the idea of the two of you be married.  But if she is a against it hard enough to resist the gentle persuasion the two of you might muster to bring her around... then it will not happen.  The Lord will respect her choice in the matter and so should you.

Second thing to understand is God is in control.  He has a plan and it is perfect.  However we see through a "glass darkly" if at all when it comes to understanding this plan.  It is common for us to get a prompting and then pile tons and tons of meaning and implications onto that prompting thinking we "know" the mind of God.  This can lead to confusion not because the promptings were wrong, but because of our assumptions being wrong.  For example the Lord might want you to learn something from dating this young woman, but he knows you will not marry her.  If this is the case, you simply can not know this, and you assume the Lord's promptings for your learning mean she is the one.  Thus you end up heart broken and asking "Why God?"  All because you did not understand his plan for you.

This means that you should set aside some of your expectation of what you think God or this young lady will do.  Do your best to follow the promptings you are given and try to reduce your expectation of what the results of those promptings "should be" and focus on accepting what it really is.

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First of all, welcome @Edm2e944 to the forums.  You're guys dating relationship is really cute and thanks your sharing.  Also awesome job following the Spirit.  I'm going to re-order your questions a bit--

5 hours ago, Edm2e944 said:

How did you guys rely on the Lord when it came to finding your eternal companion?

  

I first met my (now) husband on my 14th birthday, when he kicked me in the face with a soccer ball and got us both permanently banned from playing soccer at recess.  It was NOT love a first site.  He and I were completely incompatible and the only reason I saw him regularly after that was because he had this huge crush on one of my best friend Riss and hung around to flirt with her.  This continued on for EIGHT YEARS.   I felt in the marrow of my bones that they were a perfect match and would totally get married one day (Riss just need to figure that out too).  

Then one day when I was 22, the guy asked ME out-- "what!?!?"  I literally burst into tears, sobbing*.  "But, but... you're supposed to be with Riss..."   He, being utterly baffoozled at my reactions said "No, we choose differently- I choose you.  I want to go on a date with you."   Still crying I told him "I'll think about it and get back to you in a few days*".  I called Riss and literally asked her permission* to go out to Chinese food with this guy.  She was very confused, told me that ship had said years ago, and she didn't need my permission.  

Needless to say 10 years later this guy and I are extremely happily married- Riss even came to our wedding and cheered.   

* For the record: this is NOT the proper way to respond to someone asking you out.  

 

One thing I've learned through my experiences is to A) respect people's choices, and B) the Lord works in mysterious ways, C) trust the Lord and not your understanding.  When hubby and I were 14, we should not have been together at all-- we both had MAJOR growing up to do before that time was right.  His experiences with Riss were part of him growing up.  And the Lord respected their choice to not be together, and for him and I to be together.  Things aren't some perfect "oh Riss is my only one possible soul mate I can be happy with" like I thought when I was younger.   If I had kept clinging to that Disney idea-- trusting in how *I* thought things worked, I would have totally loss out on the last 10 years of joy in my life.  I need to trust in the Lord.
 

5 hours ago, Edm2e944 said:

Some background on her. She has never been in a relationship before. Could that be a factor?  Idk I just feel like I prayed and gave this everything I had and got nothing in return even though I felt really good about it. She reminds me of how I felt on my mission, which was the happiest I had ever been. COuld that just be because she just came home? Maybe I just need to have patience idk do you guys have any advice? Was I really receiving revelation about all this or was it my our thoughts that made me feel good about this?

It is possible that she needs time to grow up, as I did before getting with my hubby.  And that patience is the key here. The fact that you're her first relationship points to the need for more growing on her part.  Of course, I don't know about your growth.

It is also possible that you two dating is part of her growing up, and your growing up-- like Riss and my hubby.   Again, patience would be the key here.

For ether of those possibilities (or many others), your relationship still has been a good thing-- fun, learning, etc.  It has been a Good thing and you both have greatly benefited from it.  

 

 

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Don't read too much into a prompting.  If you feel prompted to date somebody, that doesn't automatically mean they are the one you are supposed to marry.  It only means you should date them.  Why you should date them is a whole different ball of wax.  It may be for some other benefit, like an experience one or both of you need now to make a better choice of an eternal companion (somebody else) later on.

Also, it is highly unlikely that both people in a couple will get the same revelation at the same time.  In my case, I didn't get a prompting, I got out and out told that she was the one on the night that we met.  She didn't know for sure until a couple years later.  I didn't tell her I knew she was the one that night, she needed to find out for herself without me putting any kind of pressure on her.  I pursued her but I kept that revelation to myself until after we were engaged.  By then I knew it was safe to tell her.  I think you may have said too much too soon to her.  If she really is the one won't kill it.  If that does kill it, perhaps that is the lesson God wanted you to learn from this.

Likewise, if she really is the one then it won't matter that she is going off to school, things will work out.  LDRs are tough however.  My wife and I never lived in the same city until 2 months after we got engaged so I know what that's like.

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19 hours ago, Edm2e944 said:

She has never been in a relationship before. Could that be a factor? 

How did you guys rely on the Lord when it came to finding your eternal companion?

Sounds like lots of fun.  Should you go for it?  Don't know.  You haven't really given us anything other than "we really get along well and we seem to like each other."  Well, that's fine and all.  But that's not what a marriage should be based on.

1) The GAs have said multiple times that there really is no such thing as "the ONE."  There's no such thing as a soul mate.  We did not have fore-ordained marriages.  ANY two people who are dedicated to the Lord and to each other, who are willing to live a Christ-centered life and create a gospel centered home, and are willing to sacrifice the necessary things to make that happen, can have a successful marriage.

2) For every individual couple, it will help if you go over the points of doctrine, belief, and practice that are somewhat left up to interpretation.  Nothing there.  

3) For every couple, you should have similar goals.  You mentioned that she is apparently a good teacher, which is a quality you want in the future mother of your children.  That is one thing.  But is she a career woman and you're more traditional?  Or the other way around?  What about politics?

All that said, if the Spirit is telling you to go chase after her, then chase after her.  That doesn't necessarily mean you should marry her.  But just go with it and see where it leads.  I was prompted to ask my current wife out.  I was essentially possessed into doing so.  I don't think she was my soul mate.  But we were simply a perfect match for one another.  We just had EVERYthing in common, especially our values and goals.  And that has been the thing that helped us through the times that we didn't "just get along" or "like each other."  During those times, the fact that she's beautiful doesn't help.

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On 5/12/2018 at 2:31 AM, Edm2e944 said:

so there is this girl that got back from her mission and joined my ysa ward in December.  I met her and thought she was really cute, but i didnt want to get to close to her because she told me she was leaving the ward for school in September. I know thats a long ways away but i didn't want to end up in a long term relationship. Anyways during church activities and FHE activities she would go out of her way to talk with me. She is funny and has one of the strongest testimonies I have heard. So I thought, what the heck ill ask her out. She said yes and I took her out to dinner. We had a lot of fun so I asked her out again. She said yes, but i wasn't sure what to do. One thing i look for in a girl is if they will be a good teacher to her future children. so i prayed for a way to find that out about her. I got a prompting to take her to Temple square and the Church history Museum. I did and I had never seen someone so excited to be there. She knew so much about the temple and church history. I'm pretty sure the Lord was telling me that she would be an excellent teacher. So i asked her out again and we went out a few more times. I've been to the temple multiple times, prayed about it there and felt really good about everything. Anyway yesterday I finally told her how I feel. She just said she didn't want anything serious. i told her that I knew she just got home and I didn't want to try to rush her into making a decision. She said she really appreciated that and enjoyed spending time with me though. So I don't know what to think.

See bolded part, you need to really think about this. Have you ever been to the temple and not felt good about it? Are those just general good feelings that we get when we pray? Have you laid the groundwork to be successful in marriage? Are you educated? have a good job?

 

On 5/12/2018 at 2:31 AM, Edm2e944 said:

One other thing to add to this is when I got set apart for my current calling in the ysa ward. I was told in the blessing that If I fulfilled my calling I would have the opportunity to meet my eternal companion. For the record I am not desperate to get married. I just feel a pull to working towards it and I feel like the Lord is pushing me towards it as well.  I am about to get released from this calling and I believe I have given it my all. Sometimes I have this lingering thought in the back of my mind saying that I didn't fulfill my calling fully and thats why I'm still single.

Someone said that? shame on them. What do I know, maybe you have met her and just didn't realize it. Or maybe it will bare fruit later. There really is no way to know don't get hung up on it.

On 5/12/2018 at 2:31 AM, Edm2e944 said:

 She has never been in a relationship before. Could that be a factor?  Idk I just feel like I prayed and gave this everything I had and got nothing in return even though I felt really good about it. She reminds me of how I felt on my mission, which was the happiest I had ever been. COuld that just be because she just came home? Maybe I just need to have patience idk do you guys have any advice? Was I really receiving revelation about all this or was it my our thoughts that made me feel good about this? How did you guys rely on the Lord when it came to finding your eternal companion?

 

Be patient, lay a solid foundation and your eternal spouse will find you.

 

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You are very young and hardly know this person.  Her stating that she's not looking for anything serious is a flag of some sort, and don't get too excited.

As Omega said, are you ready for marriage financially as well as biologically?  Laying a foundation is important.

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On 5/12/2018 at 10:31 AM, Edm2e944 said:

so there is this girl that got back from her mission and joined my ysa ward in December.  I met her and thought she was really cute, but i didnt want to get to close to her because she told me she was leaving the ward for school in September. I know thats a long ways away but i didn't want to end up in a long term relationship. Anyways during church activities and FHE activities she would go out of her way to talk with me. She is funny and has one of the strongest testimonies I have heard. So I thought, what the heck ill ask her out. She said yes and I took her out to dinner. We had a lot of fun so I asked her out again. She said yes, but i wasn't sure what to do. One thing i look for in a girl is if they will be a good teacher to her future children. so i prayed for a way to find that out about her. I got a prompting to take her to Temple square and the Church history Museum. I did and I had never seen someone so excited to be there. She knew so much about the temple and church history. I'm pretty sure the Lord was telling me that she would be an excellent teacher. So i asked her out again and we went out a few more times. I've been to the temple multiple times, prayed about it there and felt really good about everything. Anyway yesterday I finally told her how I feel. She just said she didn't want anything serious. i told her that I knew she just got home and I didn't want to try to rush her into making a decision. She said she really appreciated that and enjoyed spending time with me though. So I don't know what to think.

One other thing to add to this is when I got set apart for my current calling in the ysa ward. I was told in the blessing that If I fulfilled my calling I would have the opportunity to meet my eternal companion. For the record I am not desperate to get married. I just feel a pull to working towards it and I feel like the Lord is pushing me towards it as well.  I am about to get released from this calling and I believe I have given it my all. Sometimes I have this lingering thought in the back of my mind saying that I didn't fulfill my calling fully and thats why I'm still single.

 Some background on her. She has never been in a relationship before. Could that be a factor?  Idk I just feel like I prayed and gave this everything I had and got nothing in return even though I felt really good about it. She reminds me of how I felt on my mission, which was the happiest I had ever been. COuld that just be because she just came home? Maybe I just need to have patience idk do you guys have any advice? Was I really receiving revelation about all this or was it my our thoughts that made me feel good about this? How did you guys rely on the Lord when it came to finding your eternal companion?

 

Not sure amigo, but it may make you feel better to know my fiancee rejected me asking her on a date 4 times before she said yes and once she reject my marriage proposal. 

Edited by JayKi

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  • Not sure amigo, but it may make you feel better to know my fiancee rejected me asking her on a date 4 times before she said yes and once she reject my marriage proposal. 

Dang JayKi your a persistent son of a gun!

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As for me I did pray a lot to find out and never got an answer either way so said to myself well she is an amazing girl so I'm going for it answer or not and weve been hitched over 18 years now. I think there is a lot to be said that if a couple is willing to put in effort then any marriage can work. Although on the other hand I also believe certain people are much, much more compatible and hence they would be much happier together than they would be with certain others even though they could have made a marriage "work" with someone else.

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