Do you bother dressing modestly at home?


Lee
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I don't usually comment on how women dress but today my wife and I were lounging around the house all day so my wife was wearing short shorts and a vest top like what you would work out in. In the afternoon my friend was coming over to watch a game, so I told my wife she may want to get dressed she said she was already dresses, so I told her she may want to cover up a bit and she told me she doesn't have to in her own house and she thinks I am out of line asking her to. I like to walk around my house shirtless but if my wife has friends over I put a shirt on. Was I in the wrong for asking my wife to get changed because I had a friend coming over? Do you bother to dress modestly at home ?

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I always dress presentably (shabbily, but not immodestly).  My wife sometimes is a bit under dressed but if company is coming over she'll upgrade to something she wouldn't be afraid to wear in public.  It's courtesy.  Yes, it's your own home, but dressing modestly is just the same as straightening up a bit or offering refreshments... It's what you do when you're hosting visitors.

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I disagree. If I am comfortable with my body and feel comfortable in what I am wearing inside my own home, I am not going to change that for the sake of a guest, they can accept me as I am or we can schedule a meet up at another time. I think there is quite a difference between lounging around in your underwear or garments versus being shirtless or wearing a sleeveless tank top and shorts. 

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2 minutes ago, Bini said:

I disagree. If I am comfortable with my body and feel comfortable in what I am wearing inside my own home, I am not going to change that for the sake of a guest, they can accept me as I am or we can schedule a meet up at another time. I think there is quite a difference between lounging around in your underwear or garments versus being shirtless or wearing a sleeveless tank top and shorts. 

I'm sure it's up to the individual, but standards of modesty exist when we interact with each other, regardless of where we are.

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Just now, Grunt said:

I'm sure it's up to the individual, but standards of modesty exist when we interact with each other, regardless of where we are.

Women are not responsible for the thoughts men have about their bodies. Their thoughts are their responsibility. Our bodies are not objects and therefore should not be treated as distractions. I disagree that OP's wife should have to change clothes for the sake of a man entering her domain -- her home -- her safe environment. Maybe OP should suggest to his friend that he either closes his eyes or doesn't sexualise his wife while he visits.

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Just now, Bini said:

Women are not responsible for the thoughts men have about their bodies. Their thoughts are their responsibility. Our bodies are not objects and therefore should not be treated as distractions. I disagree that OP's wife should have to change clothes for the sake of a man entering her domain -- her home -- her safe environment. Maybe OP should suggest to his friend that he either closes his eyes or doesn't sexualise his wife while he visits.

Nobody said they were.  Saints are called to act and dress with modesty.  Period.  That's all.  I'm assuming the OP is Mormon, so I'm merely telling him what the church suggests.

Edited by Grunt
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Just now, Grunt said:

Nobody said they were.  Saints are called to act and dress with modesty.  Period.  That's all.

What is modesty? What is the intent for that? To stop "unclean" thoughts that might lead to "sinful" actions. These are things that are the responsibility of, in this case, the friend who is coming over to visit. (Although it applies to everyone. We are responsible for our own thoughts and actions.) It is not everyone else's responsibility to stop me from having wandering eyes, thoughts, or committing certain actions. That is on me.

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Just now, Bini said:

What is modesty? What is the intent for that? To stop "unclean" thoughts that might lead to "sinful" actions. These are things that are the responsibility of, in this case, the friend who is coming over to visit. (Although it applies to everyone. We are responsible for our own thoughts and actions.) It is not everyone else's responsibility to stop me from having wandering eyes, thoughts, or committing certain actions. That is on me.

https://www.lds.org/topics/modesty?lang=eng

Quote

Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If we are modest, we do not draw undue attention to ourselves. Instead, we seek to “glorify God in [our] body, and in [our] spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:20; see also 1 Corinthians 6:19).

 

 

 

 

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Just now, Bini said:

This snippet just reinforces the problematic issue of (primarily) women being responsible for men's thoughts and actions. "Do not draw undue attention to ourselves"? Really? 

That quote had nothing to do with "women".  It has to do with us all as children of God and how we should glorify him, not our mortal selves.

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12 minutes ago, Bini said:

Women are not responsible for the thoughts men have about their bodies. Their thoughts are their responsibility. Our bodies are not objects and therefore should not be treated as distractions. I disagree that OP's wife should have to change clothes for the sake of a man entering her domain -- her home -- her safe environment. Maybe OP should suggest to his friend that he either closes his eyes or doesn't sexualise his wife while he visits.

I don't think the OP being describe is a "men vs woman" thing or sexual thing.   But rather I'm seeing the question as "how do you dress in your own house when company comes over?"   Not gender or sexuality specific.  

Personally, if it's just me and hubby around the house, I'll lounge around dressed very down.  Especially on hot summer days when we don't have AC.  If company comes over, I'll get my regular level of dressed.  It doesn't matter who the company is- let alone gender specific.  

Edited by Jane_Doe
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3 minutes ago, Grunt said:

That quote had nothing to do with "women".  It has to do with us all as children of God and how we should glorify him, not our mortal selves.

Alright... But I'm not understanding how his wife is "glorifying" herself... Doesn't make any sense. That's a crazy assessment to me.

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2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

I don't think the OP being describe is a "men vs woman" thing or sexual thing.   But rather I'm seeing the question as "how do you dress in your own house when company comes over?"   Not gender or sexuality specific. 

When a husband tells a wife she should change clothes because his male friend is coming over, that is indeed, a gender bias and sexual thing.

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7 minutes ago, Bini said:

Alright... But I'm not understanding how his wife is "glorifying" herself... Doesn't make any sense. That's a crazy assessment to me.

From what I was understanding, the OP had a different level of dressed up perception than his wife did in this situation.  He was then asking what other folks do.

 

*Bigger picture*  @Bini, I am with you a million times over on the "I don't control your thoughts" camp.  That drives me bonkers.  I just don't see right now as being circumstance where that's what's going on in this particular case.  

Edited by Jane_Doe
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4 minutes ago, Bini said:

Alright... But I'm not understanding how his wife is "glorifying" herself... Doesn't make any sense. That's a crazy assessment to me.

Some modesty is very easy to judge.  Other forms of modesty, not so much.  Modesty isn't just what you are, or aren't, wearing.  It's also your reasons for wearing it, where it's worn, how you carry it, etc.  You can ask a million different people and get a million different answers.  

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Just now, Jane_Doe said:

From what I was understanding, the OP had a different level of dressed up perception than his wife did in this situation.  He was then asking what other folks do.

 

*Bigger picture*  @Bini, I am with you a million times over on the "I don't control your thoughts" camp.  That drives me bonkers.  I just don't see right now as being circumstance where that's what's going on.  

What is the reason for her having to change clothes because a guest, specifically a man, is coming over? What is she supposed to be shielding him from?

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2 minutes ago, Bini said:

What is the reason for her having to change clothes because a guest, specifically a man, is coming over? What is she supposed to be shielding him from?

I guess we'll have to wait and see if he tells us.

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1 minute ago, Grunt said:

Some modesty is very easy to judge.  Other forms of modesty, not so much.  Modesty isn't just what you are, or aren't, wearing.  It's also your reasons for wearing it, where it's worn, how you carry it, etc.  You can ask a million different people and get a million different answers.  

I agree you will get a million different answers but the dialogue should always be this: doesn't matter if I wear a bikini because I like showing my body off or if I wear a head-to-toe tunic because I don't want to show any skin -- whatever I'm wearing and for whatever reason -- I am not responsible for how men view me. I am not responsible for any thoughts they may or may not have. If "modesty" has nothing to do with this line of thinking, what is it then? How I choose to carry myself and how I choose to dress, is my business, it isn't the concern of my cable guy or my landlord or my male colleagues or even my boyfriend. The focus should be on learning how to regulate thoughts and feelings -- not tell people how to carry themselves and what to wear because someone might get a dirty thought. That is your problem. Don't project that onto me.

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1 minute ago, Bini said:

I agree you will get a million different answers but the dialogue should always be this: doesn't matter if I wear a bikini because I like showing my body off or if I wear a head-to-toe tunic because I don't want to show any skin -- whatever I'm wearing and for whatever reason -- I am not responsible for how men view me. I am not responsible for any thoughts they may or may not have. If "modesty" has nothing to do with this line of thinking, what is it then? How I choose to carry myself and how I choose to dress, is my business, it isn't the concern of my cable guy or my landlord or my male colleagues or even my boyfriend. The focus should be on learning how to regulate thoughts and feelings -- not tell people how to carry themselves and what to wear because someone might get a dirty thought. That is your problem. Don't project that onto me.

I provided you a link with many follow-up sources.  The church explains it far better than I could. 

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8 minutes ago, Bini said:

What is the reason for her having to change clothes because a guest, specifically a man, is coming over? What is she supposed to be shielding him from?

It was never said that the guest coming over was a man.  

Speaking personally, I get dressed when company is coming over (or when I'm going out) simply because a way of conducting myself with composure and modesty.  It totally doesn't matter if the company is a man, woman, a bunch of kids, my sister, mixed group, or whatever.  I'm still going to put a shirt on-- has nothing to do with who the company is.  

Edited by Jane_Doe
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1 hour ago, Lee said:

I don't usually comment on how women dress but today my wife and I were lounging around the house all day so my wife was wearing short shorts and a vest top like what you would work out in. In the afternoon my friend was coming over to watch a game, so I told my wife she may want to get dressed she said she was already dresses, so I told her she may want to cover up a bit and she told me she doesn't have to in her own house and she thinks I am out of line asking her to. I like to walk around my house shirtless but if my wife has friends over I put a shirt on. Was I in the wrong for asking my wife to get changed because I had a friend coming over? Do you bother to dress modestly at home ?

You are not out of line. Once you allow a guest into your home you can be held liable for what happens to that person in your home. It somewhat becomes public area but with the right for you to still throw people out XD.  While dressing immodestly is not a crime, to the world, it is not in line with Christian teachings. If a woman I am not married to comes to visit my home, I get dressed. Simple.

Best Wishes

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2 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

It was never said that the guest coming over was a man.  

 

 

You are right, my correction, we don't know if the guest is male.

Regardless of gender but especially opposite gender, this should not even be an issue.

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10 minutes ago, Bini said:

What is the reason for her having to change clothes because a guest, specifically a man, is coming over? What is she supposed to be shielding him from?

 

The argument you are making us absolutely idiotic. If we had it your way, modesty wouldn’t be a thing and men and women could walk around in underwear everywhere, cause apparently it isn’t your job to control the thoughts of men, but that isn’t what modesty is, even though you keep saying it is.

as quoted before “Modesty is an attitude of propriety and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior.”

Also

”Central to the command to be modest is an understanding of the sacred power of procreation, the ability to bring children into the world. This power is to be used only between husband and wife. Revealing and sexually suggestive clothing, which includes short shorts and skirts, tight clothing, and shirts that do not cover the stomach, can stimulate desires and actions that violate the Lord’s law of chastity.” - LDS gospel Library Topics

So yes, according to the Church if Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints, you do need to watch what you wear to help others keep their thoughts clean.

But it appears you are atheist so that doesn’t matter does it.

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