Need Some Help Please?

[hubbsangel]

Hi there... I was wondering if anyone could help me. I have a 7 yr old son who cries over most anything. He is very smart... he is in 2nd grade and reads at a 4.8 grade level. His mind is amazing (he did not get it from me! :) ) I just had a meeting with his teacher & he told me that my son cries in class and is becoming troublesome. The kids in school don't play with him because of it. This morning, he was trying to find a glass for some milk and came to me with tears in his eyes and whining because he couldn't find a clean glass. I notice that he gets emotional when he has to do things for himself. I'm afraid I am at fault... I thought from when he was young, that I would allow him to do things for himself... but somehow, I fear that I have coddled him too much. I realized the other day that he does not even know how to tie his shoes. His pediatrician says that he's healthy and there are no problems there. I think that I need to give him some more responsabilities at home, maybe get him to do things that are difficult for him to do. Has anyone else had a problem like this? My heart aches for him... especially not having friends at school. He does have his own chores to do... and he's well behaved... I'm so worried about him. Any help please? Thanks!

[Gabelma]

If he was mine I would get him checked out with the US equivelent of an educational psychologist he may have something a normal Dr would miss, also does he seem worse when growing =- there could be growing pains etc He could be overtired or even bored - I was so bored at school it was unreal. And has he had his eyes checked recently? My daughter is younger but she would get whiny and difficult, she would then wet herself and her nose would bleed we discovered she was getting migraines, we have taken her out of school again and have cut dairy out of her diet she seems stronger,

I would also talk to him - if he is smart and a little odd his chances of being bullied are very strong, the teacher says the children won't play with him because he cries - could it be he cries because people aren't very nice to him. If he was mine I would be worried too but would tackle it by spending a lot of one on one fun time and try and get him to talk.

Just another thought as he can't tie his shoelaces - how is he doing with his writing you say his reading is excellent? does he have issues with clothes being uncomfortable? I have dyspraxia I was 26 when I learned to tie my shoelaces and about 14 before writing became something easy to me. My reading was off the scale before I was 8. Is he a bit clumsy etc?

-Charley

[mightynancy]

The crying could be from any number of things.

Is he gifted? Gifted children often have very intense emotions. My son is doing MUCH better now that he's in a gifted classroom - paradoxically, it took a lot of pressure off. My daughter weeps if something is cute or beautiful to her, and when she was younger she threw some doozies of tantrums. She has never been happy without a mountain to climb - engaging her in learning something new makes her much happier.

If he is interested in "beating" the crying, you could teach him some self-talk to get through his crises without tears. For a while, my son wasn't willing to give up his drama, as it served a purpose for him.

Good luck!

[gabelpa]

Hi there... I was wondering if anyone could help me. I have a 7 yr old son who cries over most anything. He is very smart... he is in 2nd grade and reads at a 4.8 grade level. His mind is amazing (he did not get it from me! :) ) I just had a meeting with his teacher & he told me that my son cries in class and is becoming troublesome. The kids in school don't play with him because of it. This morning, he was trying to find a glass for some milk and came to me with tears in his eyes and whining because he couldn't find a clean glass. I notice that he gets emotional when he has to do things for himself. I'm afraid I am at fault... I thought from when he was young, that I would allow him to do things for himself... but somehow, I fear that I have coddled him too much. I realized the other day that he does not even know how to tie his shoes. His pediatrician says that he's healthy and there are no problems there. I think that I need to give him some more responsabilities at home, maybe get him to do things that are difficult for him to do. Has anyone else had a problem like this? My heart aches for him... especially not having friends at school. He does have his own chores to do... and he's well behaved... I'm so worried about him. Any help please? Thanks!

If you are in a position to,take him out of school. Home school him, get him to help, and slowly to think independently. Teach him slowly. It will be a long process,no easy steps.

At least that is my 2 cents worth.

[Canuck Mormon]

The crying could be from any number of things.

Is he gifted? Gifted children often have very intense emotions. My son is doing MUCH better now that he's in a gifted classroom - paradoxically, it took a lot of pressure off. My daughter weeps if something is cute or beautiful to her, and when she was younger she threw some doozies of tantrums. She has never been happy without a mountain to climb - engaging her in learning something new makes her much happier.

If he is interested in "beating" the crying, you could teach him some self-talk to get through his crises without tears. For a while, my son wasn't willing to give up his drama, as it served a purpose for him.

Good luck!

That is what I was thinking. My wife is a teacher at a gifted school and she tells me that most gifted kids do have behavor issues such as crying, throwing tantrums, etc.

Other than that, I'm of no help. When my son cries, I tell him "big boys don't cry" all that kind of stuff. That is unless he's seriously hurt of course.

[hubbsangel]

Thank you for your suggestions... :) I sat down with him today & had a good talk with him. He does get headaches, especially when there are loud noises, like too many kids talking at once in school. We live in a very small community... there's only 18 kids in his class. There are no options like classes for gifted children. I wish there was! Home-schooling is an option, but most of the home-school kids around here are labeled weird and have a really hard time with self-esteem... which is unfortunate, our community is predominately LDS. There are kids that bully him because he is not into sports & he is a bit awkward & odd. His teacher commented to me that he can not tollerate boys who cry... I thought that being Christ-like is loving all... not just the rough & tumble boys! (yeah, i'm a little upset with that) I have been praying about it & I think it mostly has to do with him having confidence in himself.

[Gabelma]

Thank you for your suggestions... :) I sat down with him today & had a good talk with him. He does get headaches, especially when there are loud noises, like too many kids talking at once in school. We live in a very small community... there's only 18 kids in his class. There are no options like classes for gifted children. I wish there was! Home-schooling is an option, but most of the home-school kids around here are labeled weird and have a really hard time with self-esteem... which is unfortunate, our community is predominately LDS. There are kids that bully him because he is not into sports & he is a bit awkward & odd. His teacher commented to me that he can not tollerate boys who cry... I thought that being Christ-like is loving all... not just the rough & tumble boys! (yeah, i'm a little upset with that) I have been praying about it & I think it mostly has to do with him having confidence in himself.

The headaches may be the root of a lot of his problems, we did an elimination diet with Ellie and it changed her behaviour over night. I feel for your little boy brings back many memories for me. Sounds like he does have the wrong teacher have you and he had blessings?? And I do think you might be worth getting him evaluated if you can I know its very different in the US

-Charley

[pam]

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The crying could be from any number of things.

Is he gifted? Gifted children often have very intense emotions. My son is doing MUCH better now that he's in a gifted classroom - paradoxically, it took a lot of pressure off. My daughter weeps if something is cute or beautiful to her, and when she was younger she threw some doozies of tantrums. She has never been happy without a mountain to climb - engaging her in learning something new makes her much happier.

If he is interested in "beating" the crying, you could teach him some self-talk to get through his crises without tears. For a while, my son wasn't willing to give up his drama, as it served a purpose for him.

Good luck!

That is what I was thinking. My wife is a teacher at a gifted school and she tells me that most gifted kids do have behavor issues such as crying, throwing tantrums, etc.

Other than that, I'm of no help. When my son cries, I tell him "big boys don't cry" all that kind of stuff. That is unless he's seriously hurt of course.

Just have one problem wth your last comment CM. Young boys are taught at a young age that "big boys don't cry." We've all done that. But I actually find nothing wrong with a man showing emotion even crying. To me that shows their sensitive side. Not the "I've got to be macho at all cost side." I find it more attractive.

[mightynancy]

Given so few options, I'd try to teach him some coping skills.

Here are some I have used with students at school, and with my own kids:

Stop. Think. This is for small catastrophes (like no clean glass where one ought to be). Rather than letting one's thoughts run amok right down to dying of thirst, Stop. Think. You can even teach a sign with this, such as holding one's hand up as though to say "stop". Then think: What is the problem? Can I fix it? What can I do to fix it? -or- To whom can I go for help?

Controlled breathing. We do three deep breaths. We start with having the child breathe along with the grownup, then the child "graduates" to doing it on a cue, then to doing it on his own.

I don't have a good coping skill for tuning out excess stimuli - you may want to google it, or ask a counselor experienced with children. It sounds like a lot of his emotional energy is spent coping with the noise and bustle of his environment, leaving little to use for coping with everything else. I have seen classrooms that have a desk with walls for the kids who just can't take all the distractions/noise. In one class I observed, it was a go-to place for the overwhelmed; in another, the desk belongs to a particular student.

Good luck!