Suicide and the Darkness within (Caution: For Sensitive Reader)


Overwatch
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Here, have a gold fish cracker. Have a handful.

So, life is crazy huh?  Lol, I can’t even tell you the half of it. I got stories for days. I know you do too. I couldn’t help but notice the hint of sadness in your eyes. Like a hidden shadow that the average joe would miss.

C; You can’t fool me, I belonged to the same society of darkness as you.

Now don’t get me wrong, I would never harm the innocent. I have always loved life… life just seemed to not love me back.

Haha

I know, it’s rough. Expectations … they are something else. You don’t have to have any expectations with me right now. I can tell you, you may not make it through what I have to say. Only thing I need you to do is to sit, chill and consider what I am about to tell you.

 

I love you and I know someone else in this world must love you too. I wish I could have seen my friend one last time and told her I loved her… before she blew her own brains out. A mother of three.

Too much?  Too close to home?  May I continue?  Thanks

I wish I could have come as a shadow and stood next to myself as a child. I wish I could have hugged me. Banished the devils that surrounded me. That told me I was worthless and encouraged me to end IT all. I met a devil once, one that had a body. In fact, they had only become such after birth. It told me straight to my face that no woman would EVER love me. Years later, with my wife resting in the other room and all my daughters dispersed throughout the house (no sons XD) I have more love than I ever thought was possible!  Romance with my dear wife and pure love from my sweet babies. Hugs and kisses on cheeks every day.

Lucky me?  Nah, blessings and I worked very hard. The day when the legion thought they had me in the bag, my heart burned within me and the Lord dispersed them from my presence. I was born to light the world on fire. Let me fill you up with some oil and light your soul. Let’s sift through some of the madness together.

Let’s be open and frank:

Let’s start with addictions. If this is you then let’s laugh together. Right now, let it all out. LOL.  Addiction is stupid right?  Doing what you have to do until you can get your next fix and for what?  To want it again the next day or moments later?  Right. Very easy to get discouraged. Let me tell you something. SNAP out of it. You got this:

-Put down that Needle

- Dump out that drink

- Log off your computer more often

- Get off your dumb cell phone

- Toss your tablet and go wash your hands

- Leave that party and definitely do NOT go into that forbidden room

- Put down your credit and debit cards. Put those dollar bills away.

-Stop buying those stupid building blocks, cards, games. Clothes

- Get out of the fridge and close that pantry

-Put out that smoke, it stinks

-Stop looking at yourself in that mirror

Does it sting? Good. You are better than that. ALL of it. You are priceless. Get rid of it all. How? Pray my friend, plead with the Lord for help. Get support from your bishop and friends. family. Be held accountable. Go cold turkey or get medical assistance to help you dose off of it. Stop judging yourself and start looking at your strengths. Your spirit is strong but your flesh seems to be working against you, I UNDERSTAND.  Small steps. Day by day. If you relapse shake it off and double your efforts the next day. No, I am serious. Pray and ask God for forgiveness EVERY time. I don’t care what Mr. Self-righteous says, you can always pray. In fact, the Devil is perdition because he refuses to apologize and repent. Lucifer, handsome and holder of light, is now known as prince of darkness and lies, misery and woe.

While Father is ALMIGHTY He is more loving than you can possibly imagine. Pray to Him and seek Him. Through Christ you WILL be made clean again and most importantly FREE. You will become master of yourself and your confidence will bloom and be restored. Life will become bearable again and you will gain your life back.

This not only applies to addiction but overcoming ALL sin.

You can’t change the past, whether self-inflicted pain, abuse from another, heinous wrongs done to you from others, getting blown up down range; being left disfigured. Following orders that hurt the innocent by accident. Look it in the face and bury it!!! It won’t have control over you. Let the Lord disperse the demons from you. Let the hate and anger ooze out of you. If you keep it in you will get poisoned and maybe eventually die (inside and/or literally)

Why is the sun out and I feel so down?

You are not alone. Sometimes life is just sooo… crappy. Illness, death, problems, bad people, cheating spouse, rude children, can’t find a job. The list goes on and on. I can tell you this, NO ONE is going to fix it for you, they CAN’T. You have to decide for yourself and do it. You have to Love yourself first before you can help others (I know we have some martyrs in here) Let me help you:

-Get out of Bed, Pray and make your bed (If you are a couple and one stays home get up AT THE SAME TIME) you may end up sleeping at 7PM but guess what, worth it.

- Do some push-ups and sit-ups (exercise)

- Take a shower and brush your teeth

- Read a quick scripture and start your day.

- Look for jobs, go to school, clean the house, be positive at work. If your family and marriage is taking a dump FIND A COUNSELOR, that you both like, to help you pick up some tools to help change your habits.

- Do you have money? Take a trip to third world country and drink warm milk from a box for a few years. Take your antiparasitic pills to make sure you don’t die. Come back and life will be amazing! 

Feeling Lonely? Get over yourself EVERYONE feels lonely at some point in their life. Remember Jesus?  Yeah, when He went to go suffer for everyone’s sins, his friends fell asleep and left Him alone in agony. Oh yeah and remember when He got lifted up on the cross and Father withdrew from Him?  I get shivers just thinking about. When He was dying and thirsty He asked for water and they gave Him vinegar from a sponge.  You get my point. Now that you got over yourself… You are not alone. People love you, we are all here together and the Lord puts us where we are needed. Even if we can’t see it right away. Be of Good cheer, the Lord is aware of you. Believe that He will guide you to more friends, more support, He will guide you to your Eternal companion.

Those of you who have lost part of yourself for others, THANK YOU. To the military wounded veteran (physically and mentally) to the missionary who loses EVERYTHING to go serve, being disowned by family and coming home to nothing material THANK YOU. Don’t give up, keep pushing. Get your heart burning again and the Lord will guide you and offer relief. HE WILL

Life is good and I can’t list everything that makes people down. Get Help wherever you can. Even finding therapists or using meds to stabilize (if you indeed have chem imbalance) or even just for a moment to stabilize, remember to dose off when you decide to quit. They can make you violently ill if you go cold turkey.

Life is GOOD remember that. We weren’t made to be 100% happy here. This is a TEST. Let’s endure it well. Reach out when we need to but channel the strength we need by building a personal relationship with Christ and Heavenly Father. Remember, even after all we do, sometimes people just do awful things. We can’t force them to be smarter, love us or even love themselves. We ourselves aren’t perfect and subject to making mistakes. What can we do? Forgive ourselves and surround ourselves with good; surround ourselves with light.

Push out the darkness within you by doing the simple things day by day. The sun shines on the righteous and the wicked, the rain falls on the bad and good. Sometimes the Lord may try us but more often than not it is just mortal life being its mortal self. Endure it well and you will be exalted. You will be master of yourself and take part of the happiness that God our Father has prepared for all of us.

45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/nt/matt/5.html

YOU ARE PRICELESS

Never forget that

 

*Got this card from my baby today

 

 

Sunshine.jpg

Edited by Overwatch
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2 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Good post, for them what needs it.

The Word of Wisdom can help too.

Image may contain: text

I think so too. We used to have a counselor in the ward that was very addicted to Energy drinks. He would even say it himself. I know it is not specifically in the word of wisdom but he was also very depressed or at least held the countenance of one in mental distress.

Word of Wisdom

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/89

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Quote

“Christians don’t talk enough about depression.  Emotional pain, for one thing, can be hard to share.  Despair can feel very physical for the sufferer, weighing heavily on the heart and clogging the brain, but its surface features can be easily overlooked or missing altogether.  A depression that finally lifts leaves no scars on the skin to show how deep the wound was and how long the healing took.  Besides, such anguish is so personal that it is hard to share it with anyone other than members of the family or the medical profession.”

Stephen H. Webb, “God of the Depressed,” First Things (19 February 2016)

 

Elder Holland in 2013 gave a great talk, covering everything from depression, to suicide, to the burdens borne by caregivers.

Like a Broken Vessel

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1 hour ago, Lee said:

My brother took his own life almost 9 years ago and there is a lot I disagree with in your post. 

Hi Lee,

Sad news.

I hope his soul has found some rest. Suicide is such a devastating resolution to life's trials. It hurts lots of people in its aftermath.

I honestly don't care if you disagree Lee, at least give some examples for me to consider. This has been my experience with suicide and by no means do I claim the only method to find relief.

 

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1 hour ago, Lee said:

My brother took his own life almost 9 years ago and there is a lot I disagree with in your post. 

I've been touched by suicide, and there are many things in the OP that I don't think would have helped.  But it's still a good post, and a subject worthy of discussion.

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16 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

I've been touched by suicide, and there are many things in the OP that I don't think would have helped.  But it's still a good post, and a subject worthy of discussion.

Thank you. This is how I survived so it has at least worked once.

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52 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

Hi Lee,

Sad news.

I hope his soul has found some rest. Suicide is such a devastating resolution to life's trials. It hurts lots of people in its aftermath.

I honestly don't care if you disagree Lee, at least give some examples for me to consider. This has been my experience with suicide and by no means do I claim the only method to find relief.

 

My brother killed himself the day his son was born, he didn't have any addictions, he had a good job, he was active in the church and he seemed happy.

You assume that it is only or predominantly people who have a bad life that are tempted to commit suicide or perhaps people who are doing something wrong. 

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2 minutes ago, Lee said:

You assume that it is only or predominantly people who have a bad life that are tempted to commit suicide or perhaps people who are doing something wrong

False

On 6/8/2018 at 11:26 PM, Overwatch said:

Let’s sift through some of the madness together

There are so many different reasons for one wanting to end their own life. If I were to go over every example this post would possibly not have an end.

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14 minutes ago, Lee said:

My only advice would be to reach out to the people who love you and the people you love. 

It's a good thing I love my fellow man then. Even if some don't love me back. That is their choice

 

On 6/8/2018 at 11:26 PM, Overwatch said:

Remember, even after all we do, sometimes people just do awful things. We can’t force them to be smarter, love us or even love themselves

This was in my post :)

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3 hours ago, Lee said:

 You assume that it is only or predominantly people who have a bad life that are tempted to commit suicide or perhaps people who are doing something wrong. 

Lee - there are simply no words.  i am so sorry.  i can't even begin to imagine the kind of feelings you are dealing with.  

i agree with what you've said.  There are a thousand reasons of every conceivable stripe for each single person.  

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Just now, Pale Queen said:

@OverwatchGreat post. Thank you for your perspective. Thanks for not giving up. 😍

Thank you, that means a lot. Thank you for not giving up on me. I write about things the way they helped me. While I understand some people need more TLC, I needed to be honest with myself and learn to rely on the Lord. After I resolved to not commit suicide I still suffered for 6 more years. Then when I got out of my situation I made a lot of money working very hard and even was given a large sum of cash at one point. So here I was, a survivor of terrible treatment throughout childhood, with a lot of money. Have you ever had everything you wanted finally and felt completely empty? I sure did.

I went to school, did humanitarian service, gave money to homeless on the street but was still hurting inside. Have you ever been surrounded by people but were completely alone? I sure experienced it. I had the opportunity to help others struggling. I have spoken to a lot of people up until this point. I find several types. This is a list but not all examples are here:

- Those who have suffered in life due to natural causes: Health/medical condition, unnatural desires (without acting), and financial circumstance

- Those who suffer because of addiction

- Those who suffer because of social interactions: Violent crimes, being made fun of, trying to fit into society or be accepted into a certain group (Professional or for pleasure)

- Those who suffer the consequence of deep sin (other than addiction): Adultery, abortion of a child for convenience, Homosexual (acting on desires)

- Those who suffer because of ingratitude (They have not had significant traumatic events but still find themselves wanting more and more)

The list goes on. I have also met the bizarre who threaten to kill themselves and make people jump through hoops for them. I call these people emotional predators. They get enraged and lash out at you after you are exhausted and can no longer jump at every threat they make on themselves.

Being outside of the darkness, you can really see how big mental conditions really are. We have a lot of work to do still on making positive improvements to the behavioral health  system.

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16 hours ago, Lee said:

I don't care why someone commits suicide it is there choice I just don't like your post

Well, that's very disrespectful.  Especially directed at someone who struggled with suicidal tendencies.  

It's interesting that you mention mental health and then say you don't care why someone commits suicide.  There's a conflict/disconnect there.

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17 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Well, that's very disrespectful.  Especially directed at someone who struggled with suicidal tendencies.  

It's interesting that you mention mental health and then say you don't care why someone commits suicide.  There's a conflict/disconnect there.

I didn't mean that I don't care about the reason. I meant I don't judge them for it. 

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I plan to update this post quite often or if not, I'll keep going until I feel it is sufficient.

Broken Dreams

At times things happen in our lives that seem to be inconsistent with how we have been living.  These trials happen at times when we are the most faithful and you would think that it would not happen to one living righteously. I know a woman who lived a very righteous life. She had plenty of children and she served faithfully in church and was a wonderful stay at home mother. Her husband was a retired military officer who opened up his own medical practice and served in a stake calling. Both of these wonderful people were still fairly young when tragedy struck.

Due to a medical condition the husband suffered, he died and left his wife behind with many kids. The wife continued serving in the church and supported her children and later grandchildren, with weekly calls and visits when she could. This woman's face was weathered and sullen. You could see the pain in her eyes. I had the opportunity to meet with her in her beautiful home. The home, I was told, was designed and built by the woman and her husband. I looked at her pictures, she was very beautiful in her youth. Her family pictures on the wall progressed as the family grew in size. The beautiful smiles and seeing the babies grow in the time lapse of pictures was very sweet.

She later shared with me that she was just waiting for death, waiting for the Lord to take her back to her husband. I asked her why she didn't get remarried. Maybe she could be happier with a temporary companion until her death. She looked at me directly in the face and told me she already had a husband and didn't need another man's company. I could see the loyal resolve in her eyes for her Love. Her husband worked very hard and left her with enough resources to never have to work outside the house, even after his death.

The last time I spoke to her she was serving in the Temple and continuing on her mortal journey.

While the world, at times, promotes and encourages people to take their own lives, especially during rough times, this woman was a prime example of enduring to the end. Not her will but the Lord's will be done. She knows her worth and knows that her family is counting on her. Counting on grandma to live as long as she can. "But she is the owner of her own body and can do whatever she wants with it!" I can just imagine hearing this from some confused person. No, her body is not just her own, It is a gift from God and she is caring for it; she is being a wonderful steward and example. It is also written 13 Thou shalt not kill

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ex/20.13

May the widows of Zion receive peace in their hearts and continued love from those who mean the most to them.

Thank you for your wonderful example sisters.

Edited by Overwatch
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