I'm sick of the church. What to do?


carlimac
 Share

Recommended Posts

Due to a job change we moved to a new area about a year ago.From medium density church membership to very low. Despite that, we have a good sized ward with about 50 youth.  I was immediately called into the YW presidency. This is a calling I've never had. I was initially excited. But over the last year I've found myself just dragging and my enthusiasm for anything youth or church related fizzling out. I'm a good 10 to 20 years older than most of the other leaders and I hate to say it but I just can't relate to the way things are run now. My husband was called into the bishopric. He is hanging in there but I can see his enthusiasm slipping, too. 

There is so much pressure to have the girls doing everything themselves- leading activities and events. It's exhausting to shadow lead. Some kids are cut out for it. Some aren't. And when you're  in charge of the ones that aren't cut out for it there ends up being a lot of guilt when we can't get our girls to do things the way they are prescribed in the handbooks.  And our ward is so spread out the even class presidency meetings are next to impossible to schedule without draining families' good will.They either have to stay an extra hour after church or take time to go home and then drive their daughter a long distance to meet somewhere else. We have a very persnickety and micro managing stake president. I haven't had any bad experiences myself with him but most of the other leaders have and there is an under current of gossip and bad feelings about him mixed with fear that he will not take kindly to something we're doing. And we're all a little jumpy since he's in our ward. 

So basically I'm feeling that all the activites that our church does is distracting us and wearing us out so that we have nothing left for true worship and living the gospel day to day. I have a seriously hard time even getting out of bed on Sunday mornings. I feel no joy at church any more.  

Throw early morning seminary into the mix and parents of teenagers who aren't old enough to drive ( it's 16 yrs and 9 months in our state) and all the kids are just exhausted. My daughter hates seminary but goes out of peer pressure. She says the lessons are so boring and she feels no love from the teacher. It has been such a struggle this year (9th grade) to find any kind of balance between school ( public school here is very demanding), church and after school sports and family time. School starts at 7:15 so seminary has to start at 5:45.  It really doesn't seem worth it. My kids that went to released time seminary had a great experience with professionally trained and paid teachers. They loved it! Out here it's just a grinding exercise in endurance for everyone.

Is this really the way the Lord wants us to live? Running faster than we have strength? Getting so caught up in rules and programs and expectations to fulfill that we can't concentrate on just living a good life?  I admit to having more anxiety than lots of people, but I'm starting to see other leaders burning out, too.

So how do I handle these negative feelings? Is my outlook justified or should I force a smile through it all? I feel so bogged down!! And guilty about my feelings and the half baked job I'm doing but  just ready to walk away from the church or at least a loooong vacation from it. My son did recently left and he seems so much happier than he's been for a long time.  Help!!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@carlimac So sorry to hear this! I wonder if you could FaceTime some of those meetings? If you are heading towards exhaustion, I would: 1) cut back. You are meant to have 4 activities in a certain period of time, half that. Adjusting for local conditions! Sure people will complain! What of it? 

2) If you cant cut back, then I would quit the calling. Tell them firmly, non-negotiable. Did I do this? You bet I did. Still holding temple recommend, now have one calling only. Be firm. If I can do it so can you! Good luck.

Edited by Sunday21
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator

You obviously have great passion for the church, I can tell that from your post. I admire that. I know of people who sleep walk though their callings. So proud of you, for what it's worth. 

That said, it's okay to ask for a break. If you are overwhelmed, asking the bishop to release you is a lot better than getting totally burned out and needing a break from the church overall. Take a break from the calling, not from the church. It's better for you spiritually. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

@carlimac So sorry to hear this! I wonder if you could FaceTime some of those meetings? If you are heading towards exhaustion, I would: 1) cut back. You are meant to have 4 activities in a certain period of time, half that. Adjusting for local conditions! Sure people will complain! What off it? 

2) If you cant cut back, then I would quit the calling. Tell them firmly, non-negotiable. Did I do this? You bet I did. Still holding temple recommend, now have one calling only. Be firm. If I can do it so can you! Good luck.

How do you just quit without the guilt eating you alive? I've talked to the YW pres about this but she keeps telling me to hang in there and that she felt inspired to call me as one of her counselors.  Ugh!

I know it's not an easy calling for anyone, but I think it's just not right for me. I have tried but have no relationship with the girls. It's always awkward between us. They don't want some old lady leader. They want a young hip mom who inspires them and who is funny and energetic and has great social skills. 

I do so much better in Primary or RS. Right now I'm just so stressed that I'm having anxiety attacks all the time. Oh me of little faith. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For starters, hi @carlimac, happy to see you again!

Not happy to hear what's going down in your life-- mega problems there!   This not how things are supposed to be going.  Programs exist as a tool to help DEVELOP spirituality, not a burden or guilt thing.  You guys got to scale back.

- The YW meetings: minimize them, and meet via FaceTime / Skype rather than in person.  If a youth is leading an activity, move to their level and work with them there.  There are so many other things you can do differently to make it work better-- again, the point is to nurture spirituality not nature to-do-lists.  

- Your daughter specifically: kids are INCREDIBLY over scheduled nowadays.  You got to prioritize and say "no" to the things which are good to focus on the great essential things.

- If you need to take a break from your calling: you yourself are also entitled to revelation.  If the Lord and you come to a break, then you should act on that revelation and never feel guilty about that.  

Edited by Jane_Doe
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, carlimac said:

I'm just so stressed that I'm having anxiety attacks all the time

Hello Sister,

This is enough right here. If you were my wife I would tell you to ask to be removed. You fought the good fight and got out of your comfort zone. You definitely can be of service in another area. My pregnant wife just got a calling on Sunday but we both agreed it is about OUR family right now and if her calling interferes with us being full time attending members then she will put it aside. I want my family to be happy and willing to attend church.

I volunteered to go with the missionaries. My wife cancelled plans to stay home with the kids and I got out of work early only to get a text 30 mins prior to the meeting that it fell through. I know mission life is inconsistent when it comes to lessons. I had no shame telling them that next time I am going to pick them up anyway and drive them around for the rest of the night. At least then we might find someone and my day wasn't wasted.

YOUR family's salvation comes first. THEN once you gain strength you go.

Edited by Overwatch
Link to comment
Share on other sites

33 minutes ago, carlimac said:

How do you just quit without the guilt eating you alive? I've talked to the YW pres about this but she keeps telling me to hang in there and that she felt inspired to call me as one of her counselors.  Ugh!

I know it's not an easy calling for anyone, but I think it's just not right for me. I have tried but have no relationship with the girls. It's always awkward between us. They don't want some old lady leader. They want a young hip mom who inspires them and who is funny and energetic and has great social skills. 

I do so much better in Primary or RS. Right now I'm just so stressed that I'm having anxiety attacks all the time. Oh me of little faith. 

I came very close to losing not just my job but my career. My stake president told me that he was calling me to be a ‘single adult advisor’

.At stake conference he told announced that I was stake singles rep. He did this to many people. My stake president is hardworking, charming and a habitual liar. So yeah after 18 months of struggle, I quit. I am still paying for the disruption to my career. People do not always behave as they should and that includes some leaders. You have children to care for, reduce your load. Family first. 

Edited by Sunday21
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, carlimac said:

How do you just quit without the guilt eating you alive? I've talked to the YW pres about this but she keeps telling me to hang in there and that she felt inspired to call me as one of her counselors.  Ugh!

I know it's not an easy calling for anyone, but I think it's just not right for me. I have tried but have no relationship with the girls. It's always awkward between us. They don't want some old lady leader. They want a young hip mom who inspires them and who is funny and energetic and has great social skills. 

I do so much better in Primary or RS. Right now I'm just so stressed that I'm having anxiety attacks all the time. Oh me of little faith. 

If you are having anxiety attacks, my advice is to quit NOW. Four years ago, I was having a lot of stress in life, and my calling at the time pushed me over the edge and I started having panic attacks regularly. They were so bad that sometimes I couldn't even go to church because I would get anxiety attacks while driving/riding in a car. Yours may manifest differently, but the point is that panic attacks are a response to thing(s) that is/are extremely stressful for you. The fact that you are getting sick of church and want a break is a sign of being spiritually worn out.

This is not an "Oh ye of little faith" situation. If you feel guilty about resigning, remember the oxygen mask rule: You have to make sure YOU have your mask on before you put others' masks on them, otherwise you will pass out before you are even able to put theirs on them. If I were in your situation, I would tell the bishop that I have to quit because of health concerns, and if they press for more details, I would insist that my health details are private, and if I need help with them, I will let them know.

Put your health and your family first. Then you'll have the strength to help others.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, Pale Queen said:

If you are having anxiety attacks, my advice is to quit NOW. Four years ago, I was having a lot of stress in life, and my calling at the time pushed me over the edge and I started having panic attacks regularly. They were so bad that sometimes I couldn't even go to church because I would get anxiety attacks while driving/riding in a car. Yours may manifest differently, but the point is that panic attacks are a response to thing(s) that is/are extremely stressful for you. The fact that you are getting sick of church and want a break is a sign of being spiritually worn out.

This is not an "Oh ye of little faith" situation. If you feel guilty about resigning, remember the oxygen mask rule: You have to make sure YOU have your mask on before you put others' masks on them, otherwise you will pass out before you are even able to put theirs on them. If I were in your situation, I would tell the bishop that I have to quit because of health concerns, and if they press for more details, I would insist that my health details are private, and if I need help with them, I will let them know.

Put your health and your family first. Then you'll have the strength to help others.

Amen!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
12 minutes ago, Pale Queen said:

If you are having anxiety attacks, my advice is to quit NOW. Four years ago, I was having a lot of stress in life, and my calling at the time pushed me over the edge and I started having panic attacks regularly. They were so bad that sometimes I couldn't even go to church because I would get anxiety attacks while driving/riding in a car. Yours may manifest differently, but the point is that panic attacks are a response to thing(s) that is/are extremely stressful for you. The fact that you are getting sick of church and want a break is a sign of being spiritually worn out.

This is not an "Oh ye of little faith" situation. If you feel guilty about resigning, remember the oxygen mask rule: You have to make sure YOU have your mask on before you put others' masks on them, otherwise you will pass out before you are even able to put theirs on them. If I were in your situation, I would tell the bishop that I have to quit because of health concerns, and if they press for more details, I would insist that my health details are private, and if I need help with them, I will let them know.

Put your health and your family first. Then you'll have the strength to help others.

Perfectly said. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, MormonGator said:

You obviously have great passion for the church, I can tell that from your post. I admire that. I know of people who sleep walk though their callings. So proud of you, for what it's worth. 

That said, it's okay to ask for a break. If you are overwhelmed, asking the bishop to release you is a lot better than getting totally burned out and needing a break from the church overall. Take a break from the calling, not from the church. It's better for you spiritually. 

Regretfully people don't understand what other s are going through and it becomes necessary to get released when necessary physically mentally or spiritually

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wouldn’t be so quick to quit, but I wouldn’t rule it out either.  When I’ve had similar issues in other areas I remember that others have done this before me.  Why were they successful when I’m not?

It could be personality.  It could be other things in your life others didn’t have.  You could have high expectations.   It could just be you’re doing it the hard way.  

Personally, I’d talk to the bishop.  Talk to past members who have held this calling.  Ask for help.  The option to ask to be released is ALWAYS there.  I see no reason to make that your first option.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
9 hours ago, john4truth said:

Regretfully people don't understand what other s are going through and it becomes necessary to get released when necessary physically mentally or spiritually

 Very true. You know yourself better than anyone else does and you should be trusted when you tell church authority that you need a break. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, carlimac said:

How do you just quit without the guilt eating you alive?

I try to follow the advice of President Hinckley

Quote

“Each of us has a fourfold responsibility.
First: we have a responsibility to our families.
Second: we have a responsibility to our employers.
Third: we have a responsibility to the Lord’s work.
Fourth:  we have a responsibility to ourselves.”

" When we do His work and His will, rather than our own will, we will realize that the yoke is easy and the burden is light. He will be with us always. He will reveal to us the exact portion that we need for success with our families, our career, and every responsibility that we have in His Church. He will help us to grow individually..."

 However...

14 hours ago, carlimac said:

Running faster than we have strength?

Don't run faster than you have strength, BUT don't quit the race entirely. The marathon can still be completed at a slower more manageable pace. Perhaps after a while you find your strength again and pick up the pace later down the road. I go through hills and valleys as well, however, I won't allow myself to ever consider quitting. 

 

Edited by NeedleinA
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi @carlimac!  Nice to see you posting here again!  Sorry to hear your troubles.  It's not good to start feeling anxiety.  You need to let go.  Not necessarily let go of your calling... but just let go of all the imposed expectations.  If the kids are not meeting handbook requirements don't worry.  Just let it go.  The important thing is that they gave it a shot.  It is the Spirit that is important and not necessarily the to-do.  Don't worry about the Stake President.  He can micro-manage all he wants, but you know what your girls are capable of and what you yourself are capable of.  He can ask you to be released if he's not happy with how you do your calling.  

Here is something that I learned when I was young and I was all stressed out at work, I was getting stressed out with my church responsibilities, I'm still depressed from having a major break-up with my fiance, and I was running out of money fast, etc. etc...  I just got done getting into my 2nd car accident in 12 hours where I had to beg off the ticket so my license wouldn't get suspencded.  Anyway, my good friend called me and he told me one thing about my tickets - "You don't have to slow down.  What you need is to SLOW YOUR MIND down."  That one sentence changed the course of my life.  I didn't change anything - I still had the same job, same church responsibilities, same depression from the break-up, still needed money, and still had to go to court to keep my license from being suspended... but my brain was clear and at peace.  I slowed my mind down and tackled all my challenges one at a time - and left the rest for tomorrow.  I learned to LET GO.  I didn't have to have 100% attendance at choir practice because I was working on keeping my job, etc.  I realized I can do everything and do a good job of it but I have to compromise on my expectations and LET GO of being too hard on myself.  I slowed my brain down and learned to forgive myself.

 

P.S.  We have 5:45 seminary too.  I used to drive my kid over and jog/skate around the parking lot until he got out.  And then I couldn't get myself to jog anymore (too early too tired!) so I just slept in the car.  But my kid got his license the day he turned 16 so I get to go back to sleep in my bed after I make and eat breakfast with the kiddos.  My kids love seminary.  They've had meh teachers and they had a great teacher that had to move one street over which knocked her out of Stake boundaries.  Doesn't matter.  My kids still love seminary despite their teachers so we're all good there.  My kids understand the importance of seminary, especially as they plan to go on a mission and attend BYU.  So I don't worry about it - I just do what needs to be done to support them on it.

 

Edited by anatess2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Grunt said:

I wouldn’t be so quick to quit, but I wouldn’t rule it out either.  When I’ve had similar issues in other areas I remember that others have done this before me.  Why were they successful when I’m not?

It could be personality.  It could be other things in your life others didn’t have.  You could have high expectations.   It could just be you’re doing it the hard way.  

Personally, I’d talk to the bishop.  Talk to past members who have held this calling.  Ask for help.  The option to ask to be released is ALWAYS there.  I see no reason to make that your first option.  

I debated saying anything because if carlimac is to the point of having anxiety attacks, it may be too late as my thoughts won't necessarily lead to quick relief.  But perhaps it might be of value anyway...

Caveat: I've never served in the YW organization (since I was in it as a YW), nor have I read the instructions found in Handbook 2 for YW, so some of the below may not be accurate, so just tweak as needed.

First, we need two bits of background information in our consciousness...

(1) We are instructed to "magnify" our callings.  We often think this means we have to do more.  I submit this is not necessarily true.  Often more is just more, but not better in any way.  Some other things that magnification gets us: it shows detail, allowing us to recognize the important piece we're interested in.  Things at the edges are often completely out of focus - blurry.  The amount we have in-focus is smaller - less - our scope is narrower.  (I'm not saying this is what the phrase was intended by its originator to mean (I wouldn't know), just that thinking about it takes us out of the assumptive box.)

(2) My perception is that Church policies, manuals, and guidelines for the last couple of decades have gotten less and less specific and more principled.  We are moving farther and farther from the (perverted) "Law of Moses" style rules and to-do lists, and more and more toward having the true principles (without detailed examples of how to implement them, which examples get perverted into law) and being left to govern ourselves.

Given the above, I am a huge proponent of making your calling your own.  Once you have been set apart (this is crucial beyond words, you must get set apart!), you have authority to go with your responsibility.  Use it!  Study the handbook diligently, analytically.  Let go of assumptions.  Take counsel from others - others are smart.  They know things you don't.  Learn from them.  But then use what you have learned to follow the Lord's instructions your way.  He called you, not them.  Make sure what you are doing matches the handbook instruction, sustains your leaders, is consistent with gospel principles found in scripture, and most importantly, is the Lord's will.  This will give you confidence and success.

If someone (not above you in stewardship) challenges you because your way isn't the way it's always been, act with the confidence the Lord has given you (explain or don't, as you feel appropriate; you can just listen to their concern and thank them for their input).  This is your stewardship, not theirs.  If your leaders who have stewardship over your calling challenge you, express and explain your approach and the reasons for it, and that you are following the Spirit.  (Better to explain before they might feel concern - keep them in your loop.)  In all likelihood, once they see that this isn't rebellion (or whatever), they will support you.  If they don't, discuss until you come to agreement (or they decide you need to be released - whatever).  This is the principle that if you walk like you own the ground you walk on, the only people who will challenge you are the ones who know better.  Well, you own your calling, so act like it.

#

I will also second the wisdom @anatess2 expressed - your calling is not to make the YW do theirs perfectly.  Your calling is to teach and invite them, help them if they will accept it, and then let them learn through their own experiences.  Don't feel like you've failed if they fail.  They have their agency and you have yours.  Don't try to take the blame or punishment for what they did with their agency.  Encourage when they do well.  Express faith and trust in them.  But don't steal their consequences - let them have those.

Edited by zil
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Lord stretches us especially in some callings, but part of that stretching is being able to learn how to balance your life.  If you are getting the burn out it's time to have a 1 to 1 inventory with the Lord and see what needs to go and what needs to stay.

I know you are not leaving the church but there is a sifting going on so hang in there, even if it means cutting back your calling so you can manage your life and not let go due to burnout.  

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I really appreciate all the feedback. I'm somewhere in the middle. Not quite ready to ask to be released but definitely burning out. The stress and anxiety I'm feeling stems from a few different sources.

1)The past 2-3 years have been a roller coaster for us. Now that we're settled somewhere with a good job I've been trying to adjust and figure this new place out. While it has it's charm and beauty, that wears off and gets routine. And I'm left just missing "home" and family, friends and familiarity.

2) We moved from a pretty low key ward where every other home on the street is active LDS and the kids were just good kids without too many issues. Now we're on the east coast where the stakes seem to be higher and pressure to look, act and perform all things LDS have grown exponentially. There is an undercurrent that we are being watched  All. The. Time!!  Expectations on these youth are way higher than they were in Idaho. It was a rude awakening not only for me, but for my daughters, too.  It's a good thing in many ways, but can be stressful, too.

3) We are in a rural area and our stake house is an hour away. There are far more stake activities for the youth and they are always a long distance away. Sometimes you just want to stay home on a Sat. night rather than go to yet another stake activity for 4-5 hours including driving time.

4) Right off the bat there were differences of opinion and approaches between me and one of the other YW counselors. We just don't see eye to eye on many things. In a really bad ironic set of circumstances, we all have daughters the same age. She is MIA Maid counselor and my older daughter was president. She was hard on my daughter who has a butterfly personality and not used to being a leader.  I am Beehive counselor and her daughter was Beehive president- a fabulous girl who could run the whole ward. And the four same age daughters have had contention.

OK that is all just fuel for the fire. The real issue I have is that I just feel like there are too many BIG activities. The Church seems to be taking over our lives and our free time with organized structure and interfering with our ability to just BE and exist and simply feel gratitude to our Father in Heaven for all good things, church related or not. I feel like I don't really know how to serve and love people spontaneously in a Christ-like way because I have been assigned for so long. I feel so over- programmed.  Within the youth organization there is a push from the stake president and bishop to have even every small activity be "meaningful", a teaching/learning opportunity and where every kids knows beforehand and especially after each activity what the "purpose" of the activity was. Not only that but it's all supposed to be planned and run by the youth themselves. As we know, this was emphasized in General Conference, too, -that we are preparing the next generation to be leaders. The thing that doesn't jive with me, is that not every kid is endowed with those leadership qualities. Not every kid will be or is cut out to be a leader. There need to be followers and worker bees, too. And I think these kids need to just have time to hang out together without a big purpose. School out here is tough and demanding. They are tired from early seminary hours. They/we really need just a place to chill and know they/we are loved and accepted instead of forever feeling like we're in a pressure cooker. My new Beehive class president is so shy and socially awkward she actually burst out in tears the first time she had to conduct Sun YW opening exercises. I hate that! What does pressuring these kids have to do with the gospel?

Anyway, I think I'm not cut out to be this kind of leader working under these circumstances. I serve the Lord the best when I'm teaching a class of 8 yr olds or taking roll, or instead of stressing on Sun about all the details of being in a presidency, I can take time to sit by an elderly sister and chat.

Thanks for listening.

Edited by Mcmomma
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, zil said:

OK, I'm confused.  @Mcmomma are you also @carlimac?  Or is it just that you two are living parallel lives?  If you're the same person, you need to use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of any page to get your accounts merged (or something).  Don't mean to offend or anything, just confused.

Looks like two different people. Mc is teaching 8 yr olds and CMac is teaching yw.  Mcmomma was just appreciating the feedback aimed at Carlimac, she was in a similar situation it appears.

See!

"Anyway, I think I'm not cut out to be this kind of leader working under these circumstances. I serve the Lord the best when I'm teaching a class of 8 yr olds or taking roll, or instead of stressing on Sun about all the details of being in a presidency, I can take time to sit by an elderly sister and chat"

 

... Rip my life. It is the same person

 

 

This never happened

 

 

Edited by Overwatch
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/11/2018 at 6:43 PM, carlimac said:

Due to a job change we moved to a new area about a year ago.From medium density church membership to very low. Despite that, we have a good sized ward with about 50 youth.  I was immediately called into the YW presidency. This is a calling I've never had. I was initially excited. But over the last year I've found myself just dragging and my enthusiasm for anything youth or church related fizzling out. I'm a good 10 to 20 years older than most of the other leaders and I hate to say it but I just can't relate to the way things are run now. My husband was called into the bishopric. He is hanging in there but I can see his enthusiasm slipping, too. 

There is so much pressure to have the girls doing everything themselves- leading activities and events. It's exhausting to shadow lead. Some kids are cut out for it. Some aren't. And when you're  in charge of the ones that aren't cut out for it there ends up being a lot of guilt when we can't get our girls to do things the way they are prescribed in the handbooks.  And our ward is so spread out the even class presidency meetings are next to impossible to schedule without draining families' good will.They either have to stay an extra hour after church or take time to go home and then drive their daughter a long distance to meet somewhere else. We have a very persnickety and micro managing stake president. I haven't had any bad experiences myself with him but most of the other leaders have and there is an under current of gossip and bad feelings about him mixed with fear that he will not take kindly to something we're doing. And we're all a little jumpy since he's in our ward. 

So basically I'm feeling that all the activites that our church does is distracting us and wearing us out so that we have nothing left for true worship and living the gospel day to day. I have a seriously hard time even getting out of bed on Sunday mornings. I feel no joy at church any more.  

Throw early morning seminary into the mix and parents of teenagers who aren't old enough to drive ( it's 16 yrs and 9 months in our state) and all the kids are just exhausted. My daughter hates seminary but goes out of peer pressure. She says the lessons are so boring and she feels no love from the teacher. It has been such a struggle this year (9th grade) to find any kind of balance between school ( public school here is very demanding), church and after school sports and family time. School starts at 7:15 so seminary has to start at 5:45.  It really doesn't seem worth it. My kids that went to released time seminary had a great experience with professionally trained and paid teachers. They loved it! Out here it's just a grinding exercise in endurance for everyone.

Is this really the way the Lord wants us to live? Running faster than we have strength? Getting so caught up in rules and programs and expectations to fulfill that we can't concentrate on just living a good life?  I admit to having more anxiety than lots of people, but I'm starting to see other leaders burning out, too.

So how do I handle these negative feelings? Is my outlook justified or should I force a smile through it all? I feel so bogged down!! And guilty about my feelings and the half baked job I'm doing but  just ready to walk away from the church or at least a loooong vacation from it. My son did recently left and he seems so much happier than he's been for a long time.  Help!!

10 hours ago, Mcmomma said:

I really appreciate all the feedback. I'm somewhere in the middle. Not quite ready to ask to be released but definitely burning out. The stress and anxiety I'm feeling stems from a few different sources. 

1)The past 2-3 years have been a roller coaster for us. Now that we're settled somewhere with a good job I've been trying to adjust and figure this new place out. While it has it's charm and beauty, that wears off and gets routine. And I'm left just missing "home" and family, friends and familiarity.

2) We moved from a pretty low key ward where every other home on the street is active LDS and the kids were just good kids without too many issues. Now we're on the east coast where the stakes seem to be higher and pressure to look, act and perform all things LDS have grown exponentially. There is an undercurrent that we are being watched  All. The. Time!!  Expectations on these youth are way higher than they were in Idaho. It was a rude awakening not only for me, but for my daughters, too.  It's a good thing in many ways, but can be stressful, too.

3) We are in a rural area and our stake house is an hour away. There are far more stake activities for the youth and they are always a long distance away. Sometimes you just want to stay home on a Sat. night rather than go to yet another stake activity for 4-5 hours including driving time.

4) Right off the bat there were differences of opinion and approaches between me and one of the other YW counselors. We just don't see eye to eye on many things. In a really bad ironic set of circumstances, we all have daughters the same age. She is MIA Maid counselor and my older daughter was president. She was hard on my daughter who has a butterfly personality and not used to being a leader.  I am Beehive counselor and her daughter was Beehive president- a fabulous girl who could run the whole ward. And the four same age daughters have had contention.

OK that is all just fuel for the fire. The real issue I have is that I just feel like there are too many BIG activities. The Church seems to be taking over our lives and our free time with organized structure and interfering with our ability to just BE and exist and simply feel gratitude to our Father in Heaven for all good things, church related or not. I feel like I don't really know how to serve and love people spontaneously in a Christ-like way because I have been assigned for so long. I feel so over- programmed.  Within the youth organization there is a push from the stake president and bishop to have even every small activity be "meaningful", a teaching/learning opportunity and where every kids knows beforehand and especially after each activity what the "purpose" of the activity was. Not only that but it's all supposed to be planned and run by the youth themselves. As we know, this was emphasized in General Conference, too, -that we are preparing the next generation to be leaders. The thing that doesn't jive with me, is that not every kid is endowed with those leadership qualities. Not every kid will be or is cut out to be a leader. There need to be followers and worker bees, too. And I think these kids need to just have time to hang out together without a big purpose. School out here is tough and demanding. They are tired from early seminary hours. They/we really need just a place to chill and know they/we are loved and accepted instead of forever feeling like we're in a pressure cooker. My new Beehive class president is so shy and socially awkward she actually burst out in tears the first time she had to conduct Sun YW opening exercises. I hate that! What does pressuring these kids have to do with the gospel?

Anyway, I think I'm not cut out to be this kind of leader working under these circumstances. I serve the Lord the best when I'm teaching a class of 8 yr olds or taking roll, or instead of stressing on Sun about all the details of being in a presidency, I can take time to sit by an elderly sister and chat.

Thanks for listening.

8 hours ago, Overwatch said:

Looks like two different people. Mc is teaching 8 yr olds and CMac is teaching yw.  Mcmomma was just appreciating the feedback aimed at Carlimac, she was in a similar situation it appears.

See!

"Anyway, I think I'm not cut out to be this kind of leader working under these circumstances. I serve the Lord the best when I'm teaching a class of 8 yr olds or taking roll, or instead of stressing on Sun about all the details of being in a presidency, I can take time to sit by an elderly sister and chat"

Both recently moved due to job change.  Both to an area with fewer Mormons than before.  Both in YW (the 8yr olds and taking roll are where Mcmomma wants to serve, but #4 makes it clear she's a counselor in the YW organization).  Both talk about stress / anxiety and leadership issues.

Add to that the fact that her post starts out like someone thanking people for responding (as if she were the OP), and I was uncertain.  I wasn't accusing, I was asking for confirmation one way or the other so that I could be sure whether we're dealing with two people who have had very similar experiences, or one person with two logins.  Please note that it is not that uncommon for people who have been here before but have been gone for quite a while to come back with a different login because they can't remember / find their original login.  And yes, we've had people use multiple logins before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One person, two accounts. New computer, forgotten passwords and such. I don’t know how I jumped from one account to another in this thread. Another source of anxiety for me is an aging brain!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, zil said:

Both recently moved due to job change.  Both to an area with fewer Mormons than before.  Both in YW (the 8yr olds and taking roll are where Mcmomma wants to serve, but #4 makes it clear she's a counselor in the YW organization).  Both talk about stress / anxiety and leadership issues.

Add to that the fact that her post starts out like someone thanking people for responding (as if she were the OP), and I was uncertain.  I wasn't accusing, I was asking for confirmation one way or the other so that I could be sure whether we're dealing with two people who have had very similar experiences, or one person with two logins.  Please note that it is not that uncommon for people who have been here before but have been gone for quite a while to come back with a different login because they can't remember / find their original login.  And yes, we've had people use multiple logins before.

Bruh, I already said you were the bee's knees

 

9 hours ago, Overwatch said:

... Rip my life. It is the same person

 

 

This never happened 

Lookie^

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Overwatch said:

Bruh, I already said you were the bee's knees

 

Lookie^

Hate to break it to you, but this was another scenario in which your slang is entirely unfamiliar to me.  I had no idea what the "Rip my life." portion of that text meant, and without knowing that, I was unsure how to understand the remainder -- literal or otherwise.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share