The Man Shack


Overwatch
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For me I love my wife and she has my respect and loyalty but I am aware and KNOW that there are many women out there worthy to be loved. BUUUT Also I have my heart crushed when I was a young thinking a young woman was the one for me. Horrible idea, never again. My wife loves me and I love her, cool. If  ever she dies or just gets sick of me one day and leaves (That would horribly suck) I would just shake it off and keep moving forward. 

I know it is not Romantic but to me it is realistic

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5 minutes ago, zil said:

That first face was wondering why you asked a question that was answered by the very post you quoted - sort of like looking at a person who clearly just lost several inches of hair and asking them if they got a haircut.

:blush:

I'm not sure what "the Today's thread" refers to (unless you mean today's posts in this thread, in which case, FYI, I've mostly been ignoring this thread.  I only stayed today because I caught a glimpse of @Grunt's "talk on fatherhood" and my brain immediately went into Literal Snarkist Doodle mode).

I am technically a widow.  (I say "technically" because I don't particularly feel like a widow - not that I'm sure what that's supposed to feel like.  I do feel single, however.)  I have no children.  I was very good at keeping the house clean before I got married.  The house has yet to recover from those years - I partly blame my calling - it and a full-time job keep me too busy to clean more often.  I have worked full time since I left college, back in the stone age.  Dinner tonight was peanut butter and jelly on separate pieces of toast (while they're good together, they're not good any closer together than two separate pieces of toast)1.

I think couples should agree on how to divide the chores in their household, and that no one else gets a say (though taking counsel from those you trust, and considering the wild2 ideas and experiences of others are good ideas).  Once you've agreed, each party should be proactive in doing their share of the work (as in, they should not need nagging to get it done; nor should one nag the other until / unless it's pretty clear that one party chooses to be reactive instead of proactive).  (In case it's not obvious, I've got a serious dislike of irresponsible behavior.)  I have also found that mundane work is more pleasant (or not so dull) when done with multiple people, if possible, or even just doing different tasks in proximity or at the same time.  Perhaps this is the "misery loves company" principle.

1My brother discovered a universal truth known as "The Worth-It Ratio".  This is the ratio of "peanut butter on toast" to "something more difficult to make".  Unless the more difficult thing is sufficiently appealing to overcome the "more difficult" part, dinner is peanut butter on toast.  (When you're the only one eating it, "more difficult" rarely seems worth it.)

2The older I get, the more in favor I am of considering and trying things which sound absurd (so long as they're still in harmony with the Gospel).

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry sister. :C  Thank you for the advice. 

 

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2 minutes ago, Grunt said:

Not that it's any of my business, but everything you've posted about your marriage screams "disaster" to me.

No is wont be disaster we have lots obstacles but we be together 9 year and our love is only get stronger

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6 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

For me I love my wife and she has my respect and loyalty but I am aware and KNOW that there are many women out there worthy to be loved. BUUUT Also I have my heart crushed when I was a young thinking a young woman was the one for me. Horrible idea, never again. My wife loves me and I love her, cool. If  ever she dies or just gets sick of me one day and leaves (That would horribly suck) I would just shake it off and keep moving forward. 

 I know it is not Romantic but to me it is realistic

I try make plan because she no wont to move I can marry her and then every 3 month she live with me 3 month then go back to home for 3 month. I know I will miss with her but she no want move because she never learn English and she wont be able to work in England

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Just now, JayKi said:

I try make plan because she no wont to move I can marry her and then every 3 month she live with me 3 month then go back to home for 3 month. I know I will miss with her but she no want move because she never learn English and she wont be able to work in England

Hey at least that is a start. You may find financially that might be a bad idea but overall can you put a price on happiness?.... or being content... I don't know 

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Just now, Overwatch said:

Hey at least that is a start. You may find financially that might be a bad idea but overall can you put a price on happiness?.... or being content... I don't know 

yes i sure we get married in 33 days and hopefully she will live with me for few month or week at least. 

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10 hours ago, JayKi said:

I need advice. Do you think is important to live with you wife straight away after wedding ? Or is okay to live apart for few month ?

My wife and I got married in our last year of college and after a few months we realised we would be going to different grad schools that were miles apart and we would have to live separately for a year. It wasn't ideal but we saw each other once a month for a few days. There were challenges of living apart I missed my wife very much and when we moved back in together after a year it felt strange for a while. Whilst it is doable I would try to convince your fiancee to at least trial living in England with you for 6 months after you are married. 

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2 hours ago, Lee said:

I looked over those and I can't believe it is a real site. You sure it isn't a landoverbaptist type thing? 

I read through this again and it seemed appropriate (the majority of it) Obviously, this is only for a rude, lazy and disrespectful wife. Most husbands can't skip a day of working just because they aren't feeling in the mood to work that day.  Men would be thrown in jail if they didn't provide for their wives and children. If a wife volunteers to be a stay at home spouse (that's right, you can't and shouldn't force her to) then she needs to fulfill her duties. If you don't fulfill your duties at work, you what?  You lose your job.  I suppose you can fire your wife and marry another woman but that seems really stupid. Help her first to help herself to not be a disgusting slob. To get out of her slothful state. These recommendations can be useful, modify them when needed or skip them all together, I don't care. If you have ever been in this situation the author is very reasonable and it is a breath of fresh air. 

Just remember if you hold your wife to a high standard, YOU AS A HUSBAND AND FATHER need to step up and fulfill your duties and walk a straight line as well. 

So no, I don't see this as satire at all. DO I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THIS MAN SAYS? NO, I don't. Do I agree with everything in these two posts linked? No, I don't. Are there some useful tools in there? YUP, there are. 

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50 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

I read through this again and it seemed appropriate (the majority of it) Obviously, this is only for a rude, lazy and disrespectful wife. Most husbands can't skip a day of working just because they aren't feeling in the mood to work that day.  Men would be thrown in jail if they didn't provide for their wives and children. If a wife volunteers to be a stay at home spouse (that's right, you can't and shouldn't force her to) then she needs to fulfill her duties. If you don't fulfill your duties at work, you what?  You lose your job.  I suppose you can fire your wife and marry another woman but that seems really stupid. Help her first to help herself to not be a disgusting slob. To get out of her slothful state. These recommendations can be useful, modify them when needed or skip them all together, I don't care. If you have ever been in this situation the author is very reasonable and it is a breath of fresh air. 

Just remember if you hold your wife to a high standard, YOU AS A HUSBAND AND FATHER need to step up and fulfill your duties and walk a straight line as well. 

So no, I don't see this as satire at all. DO I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THIS MAN SAYS? NO, I don't. Do I agree with everything in these two posts linked? No, I don't. Are there some useful tools in there? YUP, there are. 

I disagree with disciplining your wife at all ever

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6 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

Women discipline their husbands all the time without officially calling it what it is. I respect this guy for calling it what it is.

My wife has never disciplined me. For that article to suggest that you should discipline your wife for not having sex with you makes me think the person who wrote it is crazy. 

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3 minutes ago, Lee said:

My wife has never disciplined me. For that article to suggest that you should discipline your wife for not having sex with you makes me think the person who wrote it is crazy. 

I don't see a problem with you thinking he is. I took what I liked from it and dumped what wasn't sound to me.

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5 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

I don't see a problem with you thinking he is. I took what I liked from it and dumped what wasn't sound to me.

if I took any of that advice and tried to use it with my wife I would be a dead man. 

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16 hours ago, JayKi said:

But i dont know if I still marry her now or wait 2 year

Wait 2 years.

I spent Father's Day with my aunt who is almost 80 years old.  When my uncle and my aunt were dating in their very early 20's, my uncle took a job in another island where his sister lives (my mom).  My uncle told her that he's going to save up enough money to start them off on a good footing.  Then he'll come home and marry my aunt.  My uncle left and the day after, my aunt dropped everything - her family, her job, her life - packed a bag, and with only very little money to her name, hitch-rided her way to the other island.  She showed up at my mom's house begging for a roof over her head.  My mom went to her brother and he decided then and there to marry my aunt.  They had no money so my mom took both of them to the church and begged the parish priest to marry them.  When it was time to exchange rings, my uncle borrowed the priest's ring and my aunt borrowed my mom's ring.  They exchanged vows and gave the rings right back.

Years later, they have 5 kids and still very little money to their name.  My uncle got offered a great job - but it's in the UAE.  My uncle didn't want to take the job because he knows my aunt will follow him.  But my aunt told him that she can't follow him because she has to take care of their 5 children.  But she encouraged him to take the job because she knows he really wanted to be able to provide a better life for their family.  So he went for 2 years, she stayed and took care of all 5 children and cleverly managed the money he sent home.  He came home to much improved circumstances and my uncle promised they will never be apart ever again.

Anyway, a woman who will not drop everything to be with her husband is not good wife material - unless being with her husband causes her to be apart from their children.  But that's just me.

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2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Anyway, a woman who will not drop everything to be with her husband is not good wife material - unless being with her husband causes her to be apart from their children.  But that's just me.

She do want to be with me but she just scared to leave Costa Rica. I told her a lot when i first move to England that i didnt like it and i struggle to settle I think i scared her to not want to come. 

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3 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

I wouldn't marry someone who was not committed to living with me. You need to really think about this.

I think she is committed to live with me but is nervous to move. If I in Costa Rica with her then she would live with me

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52 minutes ago, JayKi said:

She do want to be with me but she just scared to leave Costa Rica. I told her a lot when i first move to England that i didnt like it and i struggle to settle I think i scared her to not want to come. 

Like I said, if she thinks being without you is not scary and living with you is scary then she's not good wife material.  You can try to defend her position and make excuses for her but the facts remain the same.  She doesn't trust you to provide a safe haven. 

 

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2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Like I said, if she thinks being without you is not scary and living with you is scary then she's not good wife material.  You can try to defend her position and make excuses for her but the facts remain the same.  She doesn't trust you to provide a safe haven. 

 

Dang, I feel like I want to say something to you to defend JayKi but you actually might be right  :C

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