BeccaKirstyn Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 (edited) 20 hours ago, Lee Seo Young said: Thank you! I think I havent told in the post why i rejected the two guys. 1st guy - Explained to me later (coz we were texting for a few mos regularly) that if we ever end up together, he would like to get married in a year or so. Explained to me he was feeling kind of missing out something bc at 28, he isn't settling down still. I felt aghast by that. It was too quick, too straigthtforward. we havent even had our first date together! 2nd guy - Asked if he could court me. He's looking for a relationship. I said NO because college was taking a toll on me 2 years ago and maybe I was judgmental about him as well. (My fault, my fault). 2 years later, he asks me out now. Now i dont know why I would reject him. ... Potentially might have overreacted about the 1st guy scenario, but I still don't have all the details so I could be wrong. But as @NightSG said, I would expect that a 28 year-old man is thinking about marriage in that way and not looking to waste his time with how long he dates someone. You guys were texting quite regularly, and those kinds of conversations come up. Just because you didn't have a real "first date" doesn't mean your communication wasn't similar to how conversations go on real dates. To me the problem isn't the guy, it is maybe your fear of getting married/committing to someone (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong--but there seems to be a lot of anxiety/fear related to dating/marriage.) I think you're kind of getting to what I was saying with the second guy. You look back and now see you were being a little judgmental about the second guy and were letting your own problems (stress about school, potential issues with relationships) get in the way of how you viewed him. Now he asks you out again, and you still say no because maybe those underlying feelings about him and your view towards dating/marriage are still there. It's definitely okay to take some time to yourself to figure out what you want out of dating and marriage. You don't want to waste the time of these guys who are ready to get married. And you don't want to go on dates if you're not wanting to date--just not productive for yourself or for the guy. Figure out who you are, what you want, and what your short-term/long-term goals are regarding marriage. Then maybe take a dive back into the dating world. Edited June 16, 2018 by BeccaKirstyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 1 hour ago, BeccaKirstyn said: It's definitely okay to take some time to yourself to figure out what you want out of dating and marriage. You don't want to waste the time of these guys who are ready to get married. And you don't want to go on dates if you're not wanting to date--just not productive for yourself or for the guy. Figure out who you are, what you want, and what your short-term/long-term goals are regarding marriage. Then maybe take a dive back into the dating world ^This. You are super young. Why rush to get married, you have plenty of time to settle down. Besides, the brain isn't considered to be sufficiently developed until 24-25yrs old supposedly. You aren't missing anything by rushing and getting married. Find someone you really love and who loves you back equally Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 (edited) On 6/16/2018 at 2:09 AM, Overwatch said: ^This. You are super young. Why rush to get married, you have plenty of time to settle down. Besides, the brain isn't considered to be sufficiently developed until 24-25yrs old supposedly. You aren't missing anything by rushing and getting married. Find someone you really love and who loves you back equally Equal opportunity PSA for young people who want to be parents: sure you're young, but keep in mind that when you turn 35 your pregnancies are considered "high risk", and as your age increases (even young ages) your ability to produce healthy children diminishes. Edited June 18, 2018 by mordorbund NightSG 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 2 minutes ago, mordorbund said: Equal opportunity PSA for young people who want to be parents: sure you're young, but keep in mind that when you turn 35 you're pregnancies are considered "high risk", and as your age increases (even young ages) your ability to produce healthy children diminishes. How many kids do you want? If you want to be a milk wagon, by all means, start pushing out babies at 18 yrs old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 4 minutes ago, Overwatch said: How many kids do you want? If you want to be a milk wagon, by all means, start pushing out babies at 18 yrs old. Sure, and as long as your neckbeard empowers you to do better at Kingdom Hearts, by all means stay in that cozy basement. You don't know how many kids the OP (or any lurkers) want, so think twice before calling them cows and breeders. NightSG 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 (edited) 3 minutes ago, mordorbund said: Sure, and as long as your neckbeard empowers you to do better at Kingdom Hearts, by all means stay in that cozy basement. You don't know how many kids the OP (or any lurkers) want, so think twice before calling them cows and breeders. Calm yourself. A milk wagon is not a cow first of all and you fearmongering to get people to marry young is outrageous. Edited June 18, 2018 by Overwatch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 18 minutes ago, Overwatch said: Calm yourself. A milk wagon is not a cow first of all and you fearmongering to get people to marry young is outrageous. I'm no expert, but I think the younger you marry the higher your likelihood for divorce is. I'm a big supporter in not getting married until you are in your early-mid twenties. Go live your life. Be yourself first, than get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 22 minutes ago, Overwatch said: Calm yourself. A milk wagon is not a cow first of all and you fearmongering to get people to marry young is outrageous. If you are outraged by my post, perhaps you should heed your own advice to calm yourself. I don't see the fearmongering in my post. Beyond the context of this thread, I've added the additional context of an audience of young people who want to be parents. If the shoe fits, wear it. If not, you can skip over my post. The content of the post talks about a real, biological upper bound that should be considered by any woman that wants to pursue multiple children but only after they've achieved some other milestone. Amazon and facebook are well aware of this reality, I see no reason why others shouldn't be as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 2 minutes ago, mordorbund said: If you are outraged by my post, perhaps you should heed your own advice to calm yourself. I don't see the fearmongering in my post. Beyond the context of this thread, I've added the additional context of an audience of young people who want to be parents. If the shoe fits, wear it. If not, you can skip over my post. The content of the post talks about a real, biological upper bound that should be considered by any woman that wants to pursue multiple children but only after they've achieved some other milestone. Amazon and facebook are well aware of this reality, I see no reason why others shouldn't be as well. I don't think you know what outrageous means. I figured you knew considering you used the term neckbeard. :thinking: My wife and I have a lot of children and we started later. My wife even finished her University studies and I was able to serve a religious mission. She traveled also to other countries and so did I. Then me met and married. The Lord has protected her and our children. I am grateful I got to do fun things beforehand. I can agree with gator; live life, have fun and then settle down with another person who knows themselves already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fether Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 29 minutes ago, Overwatch said: . I can agree with gator; live life, have fun and then settle down with another person who knows themselves already. Ya, so live life and have fun, but once you reach your “early-mid twenties”; get serious, get married and begin raising a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 3 minutes ago, Fether said: Ya, so live life and have fun, but once you reach your “early-mid twenties”; get serious, get married and begin raising a family. Mhm, but I'd lean more toward the mid twenties. School and Mission are done and you've had a chance to do stuff and even go on a lot of dates by then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 4 minutes ago, Fether said: Ya, so live life and have fun, but once you reach your “early-mid twenties”; get serious, get married and begin raising a family. Obviously marriage should be fun. @LadyGator and I just went to Disney World today. So being married doesn't have to be deadly serious all the time by any means. And no, not everyone who marries at 20 will have a miserable life. That said, I think the happiest marriages I know usually have people who married by their mid-late twenties when they have a much stronger grasp on who they are. You are not the same person at 25 that you were at 20 or that you will be at 30. It helps to have that life experience before you marry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fether Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 Just now, Overwatch said: Mhm, but I'd lean more toward the mid twenties. School and Mission are done and you've had a chance to do stuff and even go on a lot of dates by then. So Spencer W Kimball was just telling a joke when he said “I have told tens of thousands of young folks that when they marry they should not wait for children until they have finished their schooling and financial desires. Marriage is basically for the family, and when people have found their proper companions there should be no long delay. They should live together normally and let the children come.” or ”“Young married couples who postpone parenthood until their degrees are attained might be shocked if their expressed preference were labeled idolatry. Their rationalization gives them degrees at the expense of children. Is it a justifiable exchange? Whom do they love and worship - themselves or God?... in the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it comes from the Lord also. to refuse to bear or refrain from the bearing of children is an error of ommision.” NightSG 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 Just now, Fether said: So Spencer W Kimball was just telling a joke when he said “I have told tens of thousands of young folks that when they marry they should not wait for children until they have finished their schooling and financial desires. Marriage is basically for the family, and when people have found their proper companions there should be no long delay. They should live together normally and let the children come.” or ”“Young married couples who postpone parenthood until their degrees are attained might be shocked if their expressed preference were labeled idolatry. Their rationalization gives them degrees at the expense of children. Is it a justifiable exchange? Whom do they love and worship - themselves or God?... in the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it comes from the Lord also. to refuse to bear or refrain from the bearing of children is an error of ommision.” Can you show me in the scriptures where that is supported? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fether Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 1 minute ago, MormonGator said: Obviously marriage should be fun. @LadyGator and I just went to Disney World today. So being married doesn't have to be deadly serious all the time by any means. And no, not everyone who marries at 20 will have a miserable life. That said, I think the happiest marriages I know usually have people who married by their mid-late twenties when they have a much stronger grasp on who they are. You are not the same person at 25 that you were at 20 or that you will be at 30. It helps to have that life experience before you marry. I agree. I think the only thing that should come before marriage is a mission for men. Some MAJOR changes occurred between those 2 years. I don’t know how else I would have gained such experience, but such a change was essential to my happy marriage today Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 Just now, Fether said: I agree. I think the only thing that should come before marriage is a mission for men. Some MAJOR changes occurred between those 2 years. I don’t know how else I would have gained such experience, but such a change was essential to my happy marriage today And I'm so glad you have a happy marriage my friend. That matters more than anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fether Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 1 minute ago, Overwatch said: Can you show me in the scriptures where that is supported? D&C 1:38 “whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” SilentOne 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 Just now, Fether said: D&C 1:38 “whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” Yes but was his statement made Canon? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 Just now, Fether said: D&C 1:38 “whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.” Everything the Prophets say is NOT scripture. While a lot of it can apply it is up to every couple to decide when THEY want to have children. It is between them and the Lord. I am simply giving my opinion that waiting till older is better. However, people have free agency to choose and govern themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 The pressure to marry young bothers me because I'm afraid some people might make poor choices in a spouse or feel guilty if they aren't married by age 17 (playing!). My marriage is the greatest blessing in my life and I hope and pray others feel the same in their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 44 minutes ago, Overwatch said: I don't think you know what outrageous means. I figured you knew considering you used the term neckbeard. :thinking: My wife and I have a lot of children and we started later. My wife even finished her University studies and I was able to serve a religious mission. She traveled also to other countries and so did I. Then me met and married. The Lord has protected her and our children. I am grateful I got to do fun things beforehand. I can agree with gator; live life, have fun and then settle down with another person who knows themselves already. Yeah! Anecdata! Your single-point example convinces me. Are you prepared to correct your relaxed attitude about marriage timelines because other couples have married in their teens and wouldn't do it any differently if they had the chance? Quote I don't think you know what outrageous means Not when speaking with Humpty Dumpty, I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fether Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 4 minutes ago, Overwatch said: Yes but was his statement made Canon? It was quoted in general conference https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1987/10/to-the-fathers-in-israel?lang=eng Just now, Overwatch said: I am simply giving my opinion that waiting till older is better. However, people have free agency to choose and govern themselves. A saint’s opinion should not contradict the words of the prophets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 1 minute ago, mordorbund said: Yeah! Anecdata! Your single-point example convinces me. Are you prepared to correct your relaxed attitude about marriage timelines because other couples have married in their teens and wouldn't do it any differently if they had the chance? Not when speaking with Humpty Dumpty, I don't. Neckbeard now humpty dumpty? You are quite sassy tonight. Carmen Sandiego and Sauron? Your villainous avatar is fitting. Get thee behind me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 Just now, Overwatch said: Neckbeard now humpty dumpty? You are quite sassy tonight. Carmen Sandiego and Sauron? Your villainous avatar is fitting. Get thee behind me. 5 minutes ago, mordorbund said: Yeah! Anecdata! Your single-point example convinces me. Are you prepared to correct your relaxed attitude about marriage timelines because other couples have married in their teens and wouldn't do it any differently if they had the chance? Not when speaking with Humpty Dumpty, I don't. Time out. Neutral corners gentlemen 😉 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overwatch Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 (edited) 18 minutes ago, MormonGator said: Time out. Neutral corners gentlemen 😉 Lol Edited June 18, 2018 by Overwatch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.