Fiancee hasn't converted yet...


Maggie
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How long should I wait for my fiance to decide if he wants to be baptized? He has taken missionary lessons, read the BoM several times and is also knowledgeable about church history, and scripture in ways I dont even know. He respects the church and finds many beautiful things about the culture of the church but still doubts the scriptures and fundamental base of the religion. This is marriage number 2 for me and number 3 for him.  I have been endowed but I was not sealed in the temple with my ex husband. It is especially important for me. I love this man and he is good to me and my children. I was single for 5 years and it was not easy to find a man that fits most of the standards I set for my future partner.  What should I do? 

Edited by Maggie
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4 hours ago, Maggie said:

How long should I wait for my fiance to decide if he wants to be baptized? He has taken missionary lessons, read the BoM several times and is also knowledgeable about church history, and scripture in ways I dont even know. He respects the church and finds many beautiful things about the culture of the church but still doubts the scriptures and fundamental base of the religion. This is marriage number 2 for me and number 3 for him.  I have been endowed but I was not sealed in the temple with my ex husband. It is especially important for me. I love this man and he is good to me and my children. I was single for 5 years and it was not easy to find a man that fits most of the standards I set for my future partner.  What should I do? 

Sup Maggie.

Glad you asked us. Dump him and find a man willing to take you to the temple. My wife suffered trying to get me to be everything she wanted. She is lucky I already had an lds background otherwise I most likely wouldn't have gave a crap. The church sounds crazy, especially these days. So much easier to drink my beer and coffee and do whatever I want on Sunday. I know everyone is different but two years, you already know what you have to do.

Just remember your first marriage and strive for what you really want and don't take less.

Edited by Overwatch
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10 hours ago, Maggie said:

I have postponed the wedding for 2 years...  I love him but I want an eternal marriage.  

It is a tough decision, but a temple marriage is astronomically more important than marrying him civilly. Every romantic relationship we have all feel the same when we are invested. “We love eaccother, we have been through so much! And I can’t bare to leave him.”

The reality is that you will find someone else that is just as good or even better. Might be hard to understand now but it is true.

I broke up with two different girls that I was very close to for various important reasons. But each time I gave up one girl, I was getting closer to the marriage I knew I wanted.

Im now married to someone who is far better than i am and we both strive to be everything God wantabofbus. We remind each other to pray on our knees on the ground and not just in the bed, to attend the temple regularity, read scriptures both together and personally, keep the commandments and continually progress towards exaltation. That is the kind of marriage you should look for. And if he won’t do that, you need to move on.

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17 hours ago, Maggie said:

 I was single for 5 years and it was not easy to find a man that fits most of the standards I set for my future partner.  What should I do? 

If your question could be re-phrased as "How long do I sit around waiting for this person to turn into the person I want to marry" - that's a major problem on your side.  If this person how he is NOW is not the person you want to marry, then break up the engagement.  Don't wait around until they become a different person that you want to marry-- that's unfair to all involved.

(Note: none of this is specific to religion, rather applies to all things)

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16 hours ago, Maggie said:

I have postponed the wedding for 2 years...  I love him but I want an eternal marriage.  

If you've found a man who isn't baptized and he's been fine with you following the Law of Chastity for over TWO years while remaining faithful to you, he either loves you immensely or is a man of character, I think.  The rest is a decision you need to make.

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Maggie.

You: "How long should I wait for my fiance to decide if he wants to be baptized?"

Me: "I guess you need to decide - assume he'll never join the church, never gain a testimony.  Are you willing to marry him or not?"

You: "I have postponed the wedding for 2 years...  I love him but I want an eternal marriage."

 

So, are you going to interact with the reality looking you in the face and make your hard decision, or aren't you?  Or is there some benefit to being eternally engaged with an ever-delayed date that I don't know about?

Edited by NeuroTypical
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  • 2 weeks later...

If you love him and he loves you, then marry him.

A temple marriage doesn't guarantee anything other than a celestial marriage if a whole lot of other things go right..  He may cave and get baptized just to appease you.  You don't want this.  He needs to join on his own terms.

But you have to understand why this is his third marriage and your second marriage.  Statistically, not good odds.  But love can overcome.  Still you have to understand what went wrong in the previous marriages.... yours and his.  And you have to be honest about what went wrong.  Because things will go wrong with the next one...  Things always go wrong.  But do you know how to correct things when they go wrong?  Do you have the patience to work on issues?  I am sure you have thought these questions yourself.

Here is a statistic not working for you..  There are more single women than men in the church and by a good percentage.  Being a divorced is certainly a strike against you.  A strike that a divorced man would certainly over look, but one a non-divorced guy would easily dismiss.

So there is a real chance you won't find another good man for many years, if ever.  And as you know, being single sucks.  If you two really love each other, then get married.

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