What does a Bishop need to know in a confession

[Makia]

I need some advice.  My son is getting ready to go on a mission but was dragging his feet.  He then confesses to me he's had a porn addiction since he was 12. I was hurt and shocked, but supportive.  He wanted to change and had already stayed away from it for about three weeks when he confessed to me.  I told his he needed to talk to the Bishop and go from there.  He did and he's felt great!  It's been over three months now.  He talks to me constantly about his excitement with going on his mission.  He's read the Book of Mormon twice now and is all most finished with the D & C.  He has been researching the archaeology of the Book of Mormon and gets so excited about it.  He's shared his testimony with me numerous times in the past three months and his prayers have changed.  They are filled with his gratitude for our Savior's Atonement and His tender mercies. He listens to conference talks all the time and will share them with me and what he has learned.  He tells me Satan will still fight him by bringing thoughts to his mind of things he did in the past related to the porn. He tells me when this happens, he will pray for help and continue reading his scriptures or listening to a General Conference talk. He has also received many priesthood blessings from his step-dad that has helped him.

So my question is, how much detail should he confess to the Bishop?  Apparently when he was around 13 or 14 he did some things with an animal in response to some porn he was looking at.  He only did it once and felt really bad about it later.  He'd forgotten about it until this morning when Satan was trying to really get at him, so he wanted to talk to me about it.  Though I'm grateful that I have the kind of relationship with my son that he feels he can come to me when he's struggling and tell me things,  to be honest, it was TMI for me to hear being his mother and it brakes my heart.  Then he asks me if he needed to tell the Bishop about that?  I didn't know what to say.  I asked him if he felt like the Lord had forgiven him and he said yes.  He felt better about himself and life now than he ever has.  I asked him if he had ever done it more than just that one time and he said no.  He confessed to the Bishop that he had a porn addition but didn't go into detail about anything nor did the Bishop ask for details.  I told him I felt he was good and that Satan was just trying to pull him back down and he just needed to stay firm in his commitment to keep all of Gods commandments and serve a good mission.

After he left for work, I felt sick and said a few prayers myself.  Did I tell him the right thing?  How much detail needs to be shared with the Bishop? 

[Fether]

Everything, all of it. If he is unsure about a certain thing then tell him.

 

there is no such thing as saying too much. Saying too little is damning to the soul

 

in fact the thought “how much should I tell” should never be on the table. Say EVERYHING

Edited June 20, 2018 by Fether

[unixknight]

The problem is that act with the animal doesn't really fall under the umbrella of 'porn addiction.'  That's a separate thing.  It's like if I were confessing to my Bishop about porn addiction and didn't mention seeing a prostitute along the way because of something I saw in a porn video.

On the other hand, it's hard to be riding the spiritual high and afraid of having to feel like you will lose that by bringing up this new thing.

My suggestion is to have him tell the Bishop.  With it being that long ago it may not even make a difference now but at least it's out.

[NeuroTypical]

1 hour ago, Makia said:

So my question is, how much detail should he confess to the Bishop? 

All of it.  He should leave nothing un-confessed.  When that happens, it festers.  Did he really fully repent?  Is he really forgiven?  Is he really worthy, or just living a lie and hurthing himself and pretending to be something he isn't?

Yeah, you don't want to go through life having to think those thoughts.

Edited June 20, 2018 by NeuroTypical

[Makia]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.  I really appreciate the help.

[Jane_Doe]

One last thought: the first purpose of saying things isn't because the bishop needs to hear them, but the sayer needs to say them-- get the filth out rather than holding it in.  That way so Satan can't play the "well you won't have been forgiven if you said X" lie.  

[omegaseamaster75]

4 hours ago, Makia said:

After he left for work, I felt sick and said a few prayers myself.  Did I tell him the right thing?  How much detail needs to be shared with the Bishop? 

Did he forget about the act with the animal or purposely leave it out? I think there is a distinction. If he purposely left it out then yes he should mention it. If he legitimately didn't remember I would say that it is covered under the umbrella of his repentance process.

As a porn addict since the age of 12 it would be impossible to tell "everything" so that's just nonsense. He couldn't possibly remember every moment of sin and every moment of self abuse. If he remembers something later does he have to go through the same process all over again....I don't think so.

[Overwatch]

Beastiality is serious crime and your child needed to be helped. Most likely that animal needed to be put to sleep (based on what a man did with two dogs in the news, both were put to sleep and the man arrested) if it isn't sexual contact with the animal and just a killing of an animal I suggest therapy instead of the Bishop... or therapy either way.

Just right now I would say he is not ready to go and needs to get help first(if sexual in nature) He will be tried like he never has been before on the mission. I can only imagine if he feels guilty and confessed to his leaders on the mission. That will stir up a huge mess with him most likely being sent home.

Get it all out, it is like throwing up. If anything else comes up go again. If the bishop gets annoyed or mad he is in the wrong. Sin and fear sometimes cloud the mind and as things get fixed old uncared for wounds will start hurting. Just patiently mend him back up. I have no idea why he went so long without getting help (maybe he felt shame) but I am grateful you are helping him.

 

[Grunt]

4 hours ago, Makia said:

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.  I really appreciate the help.

Depending on the age it happened and his age now, I wouldn't get all broken up about it.  He's repented and moved on.  Talk to the Bishop about it.   

[CV75]

20 hours ago, Makia said:

I need some advice.  My son is getting ready to go on a mission but was dragging his feet.  He then confesses to me he's had a porn addiction since he was 12. I was hurt and shocked, but supportive.  He wanted to change and had already stayed away from it for about three weeks when he confessed to me.  I told his he needed to talk to the Bishop and go from there.  He did and he's felt great!  It's been over three months now.  He talks to me constantly about his excitement with going on his mission.  He's read the Book of Mormon twice now and is all most finished with the D & C.  He has been researching the archaeology of the Book of Mormon and gets so excited about it.  He's shared his testimony with me numerous times in the past three months and his prayers have changed.  They are filled with his gratitude for our Savior's Atonement and His tender mercies. He listens to conference talks all the time and will share them with me and what he has learned.  He tells me Satan will still fight him by bringing thoughts to his mind of things he did in the past related to the porn. He tells me when this happens, he will pray for help and continue reading his scriptures or listening to a General Conference talk. He has also received many priesthood blessings from his step-dad that has helped him.

So my question is, how much detail should he confess to the Bishop?  Apparently when he was around 13 or 14 he did some things with an animal in response to some porn he was looking at.  He only did it once and felt really bad about it later.  He'd forgotten about it until this morning when Satan was trying to really get at him, so he wanted to talk to me about it.  Though I'm grateful that I have the kind of relationship with my son that he feels he can come to me when he's struggling and tell me things,  to be honest, it was TMI for me to hear being his mother and it brakes my heart.  Then he asks me if he needed to tell the Bishop about that?  I didn't know what to say.  I asked him if he felt like the Lord had forgiven him and he said yes.  He felt better about himself and life now than he ever has.  I asked him if he had ever done it more than just that one time and he said no.  He confessed to the Bishop that he had a porn addition but didn't go into detail about anything nor did the Bishop ask for details.  I told him I felt he was good and that Satan was just trying to pull him back down and he just needed to stay firm in his commitment to keep all of Gods commandments and serve a good mission.

After he left for work, I felt sick and said a few prayers myself.  Did I tell him the right thing?  How much detail needs to be shared with the Bishop? 

It's hard to know what source actually prompted his concern to talk with you, as sometimes guilt is a prompting from the Spirit to confess something specific. And where there's the Spirit there will often be opposition and a destructive manipulation of guilt.

I wouldn't dwell or encourage him to dwell on it, but if it comes up again, something he might want to do is ask the Bishop what to do when individual incidents and guilt from the past come to mind in relation to his general confession about porn use. Hopefully he's in a recovery program where he can build some skills around this. At any rate, it is likely that he will be interviewed many times in the MTC and on his mission, so he will have plenty of additional opportunities to ask other priesthood leaders about how to handle such memories.

[Makia]

I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice and input concerning my son.  Just to relieve everyone’s mind, it wasn’t as serious or drastic as some think.  The good news is, my son did go to the Bishop and he has been given a clean slate, and is now waiting anxiously for his mission call.  That being said, I am grateful to have a resource such as this to turn to for help and I’m very grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who sent his son Jesus Christ to atone for our sins and help us repent so that we can live happy, clean lives and return to live with him someday. 

[Traveler]

On ‎6‎/‎20‎/‎2018 at 11:19 AM, Makia said:

I need some advice.  My son is getting ready to go on a mission but was dragging his feet.  He then confesses to me he's had a porn addiction since he was 12. I was hurt and shocked, but supportive.  He wanted to change and had already stayed away from it for about three weeks when he confessed to me.  I told his he needed to talk to the Bishop and go from there.  He did and he's felt great!  It's been over three months now.  He talks to me constantly about his excitement with going on his mission.  He's read the Book of Mormon twice now and is all most finished with the D & C.  He has been researching the archaeology of the Book of Mormon and gets so excited about it.  He's shared his testimony with me numerous times in the past three months and his prayers have changed.  They are filled with his gratitude for our Savior's Atonement and His tender mercies. He listens to conference talks all the time and will share them with me and what he has learned.  He tells me Satan will still fight him by bringing thoughts to his mind of things he did in the past related to the porn. He tells me when this happens, he will pray for help and continue reading his scriptures or listening to a General Conference talk. He has also received many priesthood blessings from his step-dad that has helped him.

So my question is, how much detail should he confess to the Bishop?  Apparently when he was around 13 or 14 he did some things with an animal in response to some porn he was looking at.  He only did it once and felt really bad about it later.  He'd forgotten about it until this morning when Satan was trying to really get at him, so he wanted to talk to me about it.  Though I'm grateful that I have the kind of relationship with my son that he feels he can come to me when he's struggling and tell me things,  to be honest, it was TMI for me to hear being his mother and it brakes my heart.  Then he asks me if he needed to tell the Bishop about that?  I didn't know what to say.  I asked him if he felt like the Lord had forgiven him and he said yes.  He felt better about himself and life now than he ever has.  I asked him if he had ever done it more than just that one time and he said no.  He confessed to the Bishop that he had a porn addition but didn't go into detail about anything nor did the Bishop ask for details.  I told him I felt he was good and that Satan was just trying to pull him back down and he just needed to stay firm in his commitment to keep all of Gods commandments and serve a good mission.

After he left for work, I felt sick and said a few prayers myself.  Did I tell him the right thing?  How much detail needs to be shared with the Bishop? 

 

I think the question should be more along the lines that the person confessing needs to know and overcome in order to get their life on track and in harmony with G-d and all things good.  Even in a temple recommend for a worthy member - I think the attitude of confessing things not needed to be confessed - is a good thing.

 

The Traveler

[theplains]

On 6/20/2018 at 1:19 PM, Makia said:

So my question is, how much detail should he confess to the Bishop? 

Why would he feel the need to confess to his Bishop instead of going directly to Christ?  As a former Catholic, I used
my priest and Mother Mary as my mediator, but no longer after being born-again.

Thanks,
Jim

[mordorbund]

1 hour ago, theplains said:

Why would he feel the need to confess to his Bishop instead of going directly to Christ?  As a former Catholic, I used
my priest and Mother Mary as my mediator, but no longer after being born-again.

Thanks,
Jim

As a former Catholic, you're aware of the doctrine that Christ Himself designated representatives and gave them authority to stand in for Him. He passed on to them the "keys of the kingdom" which included the key to remit and retain others' sins. Latter-day Saints believe these keys were given to Joseph Smith and are held today by his living successor. In turn, these keys have been delegated, following the pattern Moses set up with his system of judges (and, come to think of it, the whole New Testament Church as expanded in Acts, where the deacons and others could "wait tables" and leave the weightier work for the Apostles). That was a system of delegation and stewardship which we see in principle today. The Bishop is even known as a "common Judge in Israel".

The penitent can repent of many sins herself, but those that intersect with the Bishop's stewardship requires the Bishop's counsel to work through - specifically, any sin that would affect a person's membership status in the Church or worthiness to attend the Temple or mission preparation. A subset of these circumstances require a greater judge than the Bishop and would be handled by the Stake President. And some have to be handled by the Apostles and Prophet. The reflects the system of stewardship and delegation Moses had with his judges, and that the Apostles exercised in the New Testament church.

So he would feel the need to confess to the Bishop because he is concerned that his sins are the type that may have an impact on his mission preparation. Or, he may have the maturity to recognize that some sins are extremely difficult to resolve alone, and seeking the Bishop's counsel in that case is the course of Wisdom. If he has such an understanding, he may wonder where his particular sin falls on such a spectrum.

[theplains]

22 hours ago, mordorbund said:

As a former Catholic, you're aware of the doctrine that Christ Himself designated representatives and gave them authority to stand in for Him. He passed on to them the "keys of the kingdom" which included the key to remit and retain others' sins. Latter-day Saints believe these keys were given to Joseph Smith and are held today by his living successor.

From my Catholic days, it is taught that only Peter held the keys to bind and loose (Matthew 16:19) until he
died and someone else took his place.  But the scriptures reveal these keys were given to all the disciples
(Matthew 18:1,18).

"Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained."

If someone has committed a sin against you, do you have the authority to remit that offender of his sin?

Thanks,
Jim
 

[mordorbund]

4 hours ago, theplains said:

From my Catholic days, it is taught that only Peter held the keys to bind and loose (Matthew 16:19) until he
died and someone else took his place.  But the scriptures reveal these keys were given to all the disciples
(Matthew 18:1,18).

"Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained."

If someone has committed a sin against you, do you have the authority to remit that offender of his sin?

Thanks,
Jim
 

I'm not going to get into the apologetics of it in this thread (if you're interested you can start another) since the OP is looking for advice in an LDS ministerial context. Your post asked "Why would he feel the need to confess to his Bishop instead of going directly to Christ?" Based on my post above, do you understand why a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would feel the need to confess to his Bishop in preparation for his mission instead of going directly to Christ?

Edited July 19, 2018 by mordorbund

[NeuroTypical]

On 7/18/2018 at 10:50 AM, theplains said:

Why would he feel the need to confess to his Bishop instead of going directly to Christ?

Hi Theplains,

Here's a chapter from our Gospel Essentials manual that explains our take on repentance pretty well.  Chapter 19: Repentance

The whole chapter is good, but here are some relevant sections regarding confession:

Quote

We Must Confess Our Sins

Confessing our sins is very important. The Lord has commanded us to confess our sins. Confession relieves a heavy burden from the sinner. The Lord has promised, “I, the Lord, forgive sins, and am merciful unto those who confess their sins with humble hearts” (D&C 61:2).

We must confess all our sins to the Lord. In addition, we must confess serious sins—such as adultery, fornication, homosexual relations, spouse or child abuse, and the sale or use of illegal drugs—which might affect our standing in the Church, to the proper priesthood authority. If we have sinned against another person, we should confess to the person we have injured. Some less serious sins involve no one but ourselves and the Lord. These may be confessed privately to the Lord.

We Must Make Restitution

Part of repentance is to make restitution. This means that as much as possible we must make right any wrong that we have done. For example, a thief should give back what he has stolen. A liar should make the truth known. A gossip who has slandered the character of a person should work to restore the good name of the person he has harmed. As we do these things, God will not mention our sins to us when we are judged (see Ezekiel 33:15–16).

 

Edited July 19, 2018 by NeuroTypical