Missionaries have stopped coming to see my children


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Guest MormonGator
5 minutes ago, Lee said:

I completely understand wanting to distance yourself from people at your late husband's church whilst you were grieving .  

Yup, totally understandable. 

We are praying for you @Star.  You are in such a rough situation. A dear friend of mine died last summer, and he left behind two little boys. I see the heartbreak his widow is going though. I'm so, so sorry. 

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17 minutes ago, Lee said:

Sadly this is quite a common scenario. It's one reason I didn't serve a mission. The missionaries are insincere with you, they don't care about you or your children you are just potential baptisms to make sure they hit their targets. It's sad because your children deserve better than that especially if their father served a mission for the church and now his children are not being helped by missionaries because missionaries only care about their figures and not the people. I suggest that you teach them yourself maybe you can get some inspiration from Lds.org. You could start doing a family home evening with your children, you may not be as knowledgeable as the missionaries but at least you care for your children. 

 

Yes my late husband did serve a mission. Before the missionaries came over for the first time I showed my sons their dad's badge from his mission and some pictures of him on his mission, it made them so excited to meet the missionaries. 

 

I did think that I could begin to read with them I do have a Book of Mormon children's story book that was given to my oldest son a long time ago. 

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35 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Yup, totally understandable. 

We are praying for you @Star.  You are in such a rough situation. A dear friend of mine died last summer, and he left behind two little boys. I see the heartbreak his widow is going though. I'm so, so sorry. 

It has been hard for us for sure. I have a constant struggle of feeling that I am disappointing my late husband by not raising our children mormon because that was our agreement that we would raise them mormon but without him here it is too hard. 

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3 minutes ago, Star said:

It has been hard for us for sure. I have a constant struggle of feeling that I am disappointing my late husband by not raising our children mormon because that was our agreement that we would raise them mormon but without him here it is too hard. 

I can completely see your point of view. Honestly the situation that you are in is very challenging. To add in addition trying to provide teaching on the lds religion? Well, I think that you are asking too much of yourself. My heart goes out to you!

How about a weekly family home evening? A bit of reading from the Bible or the Book of Mormon, a prayer and a treat? Perhaps an activity once in awhile? The children could visit the church when they are older.

Edited by Sunday21
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41 minutes ago, Lee said:

Sadly this is quite a common scenario. It's one reason I didn't serve a mission. The missionaries are insincere with you, they don't care about you or your children you are just potential baptisms to make sure they hit their targets. It's sad because your children deserve better than that especially if their father served a mission for the church and now his children are not being helped by missionaries because missionaries only care about their figures and not the people. I suggest that you teach them yourself maybe you can get some inspiration from Lds.org. You could start doing a family home evening with your children, you may not be as knowledgeable as the missionaries but at least you care for your children. 

 

I completely understand wanting to distance yourself from people at your late husband's church whilst you were grieving .  

This is a false statement overall. The majority of missionaries DO love their investigators and if you served a mission you would know that 24 hours in a day goes by SO fast. They are servants of the Lord and they go where he directs them. They are charged with gathering the Elect and inviting them to come unto Christ and they will NOT force them to. Part of coming unto Christ is attending church. I am sorry you cannot see this. I don't know the missionaries that visited these children but the fact that they did go to them and invited them is a HUGE step. These children will remember those missionaries. The Lord will and has blessed the missionaries that served this family. They had the courage to go, they put everything else in their lives on hold. 

 

@Star Attending church is a huge step in feeling and knowing the Gospel is true. Meet the Bishop, meet the Primary Presidency and Relief Society President. They will be happy to answer your questions and you will feel first hand the Love that not only missionaries BUT all true saints have for each other. 

 

It may be hard for you to go BUT pray, pray with all your heart that you can have the courage to step inside the church. That first step will be huge in conquering other fears or worries. 

 

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Guest MormonGator
17 minutes ago, Star said:

It has been hard for us for sure. I have a constant struggle of feeling that I am disappointing my late husband by not raising our children mormon because that was our agreement that we would raise them mormon but without him here it is too hard. 

It's very hard to be a single mom in the LDS world. I can't imagine the heartbreak you are going though. I really wish the missionaries treated you better. 😥

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3 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

It's very hard to be a single mom in the LDS world. I can't imagine the heartbreak you are going though. I really wish the missionaries treated you better. 😥

It is very hard to be a single Mom period. Especially a becoming a widow. She will gain the strength she needs to keep the promise she made to her husband, even more now that we know about it and can pray too.

I am fairly certain the missionaries did the best they could. They aren't allowed to take children to church in their vehicles let alone on the back of their bikes.

 

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Guest MormonGator
1 minute ago, Star said:

I have heard that before. I am not LDS and I don't have a desire to take my kids to church it would only be guilt that would make me. 

Regardless, I'm praying for you, and the missionaries or an elder should able to stop by occasionally to see if you are okay-just because your husband was a member. 

Sending love. 

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38 minutes ago, Star said:

Yes my late husband did serve a mission. Before the missionaries came over for the first time I showed my sons their dad's badge from his mission and some pictures of him on his mission, it made them so excited to meet the missionaries. 

 

That is adorable, I lose my father when I 9 and when I was missionary I took my father badge with me. 

 

32 minutes ago, Star said:

It has been hard for us for sure. I have a constant struggle of feeling that I am disappointing my late husband by not raising our children mormon because that was our agreement that we would raise them mormon but without him here it is too hard. 

:( when my dad die I wanted to do everything I knew he would tell me to do when I was growing up. I alway feeling like failure and he will be disappointed with me but I decide if I try my best then he will be happy with me if he were alive. 

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1 hour ago, Star said:

I have heard that before. I am not LDS and I don't have a desire to take my kids to church it would only be guilt that would make me. 

i am so sorry for what you have gone through.  Admittedly, those are shallow words.  

From what i've seen, decisions between a directive and a person (perhaps like the ones the missionaries made) are very close and conflicted ones.

A very small act of kindness on your part that you are comfortable with (not saying to go to the mormon church) - maybe baking some cookies and giving to them, taking them some fruit.  That would honor your husband's beliefs, change your kid's perspective about how to respond to people who confuse or hurt them, teach the missionaries what they are really here to do, and, in my opinion, almost certainly bring them regularly to your house.

i try to talk with the missionaries and give them something when they tract by.  It's been a bit of a revelation to me.  They sheath their manuals when you start talking about just general kindness or compassion.  You just have to let them put in their plug at the beginning so they feel comfortable too (which is important).

i'm for the record, i'm inactive and OK/not guilty about it - but at the same time happy when others find what they are looking for in the Mormon church.  i only say that because i think that context is needed for this post.

Take care.

Edited by lostinwater
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@Star I know you mentioned not wanting to go to your late husband's ward because his sister attends there.  I assume that means you live geographically close to them.  Would you consider letting your children's aunts/uncles/grandparents teach them the same things the missionaries were?  It would be a double dose of allowing your children to feel close to their father, since the family could also share stories about his youth that he isn't able to share with them.  If you see them over a holiday or birthday party, just mention that you would like the children to know more about what their father believed and ask if they would be willing to have the kids (and you, if you're comfortable) over for a Family Home Evening, which are just dinner, age-appropriate religious discussion, and an activity/game (that may or may not be related to the lesson taught).

Even if you don't find a way to provide other LDS people to come teach your children, you've already done a lot in showing them that you are open to discussing it and having them know more about it.  Odds are, they'll meet another Mormon in their life, have questions, and won't feel like they're betraying you if they ask someone else those questions or embarrassing you if they ask you and you don't know the answer.  I am sure you are doing a great job at being their mother.  Love and prayers to you and your family.

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My sister-in-law was widowed the day her son was born and she distanced herself from everyone except me (we were really close) for a long time. She even distanced herself from my parents but they understood that she needed time alone to figure things out without anyone else's influence. After 3 or 4 years she started speaking to my parents again and my mother didn't hold a grudge she was just happy to have her grandson in her life. My sister-in-law did also go back to the same ward for a while but she never resettled there and eventually moved away. She felt like people didn't treat her the way they did before her husband died and didn't like the sympathy or pity. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to that ward and I understand the constant struggle you face because I care for my nephew now and I constantly feel like I am letting my brother down. 

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13 hours ago, Star said:

Yes my late husband did serve a mission. Before the missionaries came over for the first time I showed my sons their dad's badge from his mission and some pictures of him on his mission, it made them so excited to meet the missionaries. 

 

I did think that I could begin to read with them I do have a Book of Mormon children's story book that was given to my oldest son a long time ago. 

Sad that your husband was a faithful servant to the church and now there is apparently no time to teach his children. 

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1 hour ago, Lee said:

My sister-in-law was widowed the day her son was born and she distanced herself from everyone except me (we were really close) for a long time. She even distanced herself from my parents but they understood that she needed time alone to figure things out without anyone else's influence. After 3 or 4 years she started speaking to my parents again and my mother didn't hold a grudge she was just happy to have her grandson in her life. My sister-in-law did also go back to the same ward for a while but she never resettled there and eventually moved away. She felt like people didn't treat her the way they did before her husband died and didn't like the sympathy or pity. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to that ward and I understand the constant struggle you face because I care for my nephew now and I constantly feel like I am letting my brother down. 

I can tell that you understand what it is like to lose someone very close to you. I identify with a lot of things in this post 

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12 hours ago, seashmore said:

@Star I know you mentioned not wanting to go to your late husband's ward because his sister attends there.  I assume that means you live geographically close to them.  Would you consider letting your children's aunts/uncles/grandparents teach them the same things the missionaries were?  It would be a double dose of allowing your children to feel close to their father, since the family could also share stories about his youth that he isn't able to share with them.  If you see them over a holiday or birthday party, just mention that you would like the children to know more about what their father believed and ask if they would be willing to have the kids (and you, if you're comfortable) over for a Family Home Evening, which are just dinner, age-appropriate religious discussion, and an activity/game (that may or may not be related to the lesson taught).

 

Unfortunately, I never really got on with my late husband's family so after his passing I cut contact with them. Occasionally, they try to reach out with me on Facebook to find out how my kids are but I ignore their requests. I don't want to invite them into my home. 

I may try to have a family home evening with them. I did like the missionaries coming to see my children they brought a warm feeling with them that felt familiar. 

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On 6/25/2018 at 6:15 PM, Star said:

I have heard that before. I am not LDS and I don't have a desire to take my kids to church it would only be guilt that would make me. 

@Star, it’s admirable that you desire to raise your children as their father wanted.  There are many issues with teaching children of non-member families.  First, what if they desire to become baptized?   They would be entering into covenants and would be dependent upon you to help them abide by them.  One of which is Sacrament and church attendance, which you refuse to do. As such, it is rare that a missionary will teach minor children because of the issues it can cause.  

My advice to you would be to attend church.  It’s not a matter of what we want as parents.  That goes on a back burner when we have children. This is about what’s best for them.  I believe attending church is best for them, and you.  That’s why my wife, a non-member, not just attends but participates every Sunday, whether I’m in town or not.  It is best for the children and they are her primary concern. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

@Star, I'm sorry you're having these troubles with your children.  This is because you're asking the wrong people to help your children (kinda like calling an electrician to fix your plumbing).  The full-time missionaries (those young men or women walking around with name tags) aren't the right people for what you need.  The full-time missionaries have specific responsibilities (as mentioned - they teach and prepare investigators for baptism) and they are limited to specific area boundaries.  They can't go outside of those responsibilities and area boundaries without special instructions from their Mission President.  It is possible for them to do what you need but it is a special case for them to be able to do so.

What you need is the WARD MISSIONARIES.  These are people who are assigned to minister to non-members within your ward boundaries in the same manner that full-time missionaries do.  They are not full-time missionaries - meaning they may have regular jobs and such so they're not as flexible with time schedules.  But they have a church calling for what your children need.   More than likely (if your ward missionaries are set up the same as ours), what will happen is that the ward missionaries will give your children a visit and then introduce you to the Primary Presidency.  The Primary leadership are in-charge of teaching your children.  They can even arrange for somebody to pick up your children and take them to church on Sunday and then take them back to you after Church if you desire.

So, this is my advice to you - call the missionaries or the bishop of your ward (their phone number is listed on mormon.org by entering your address on the top left section to know exactly which ward you belong to - the phone numbers will be displayed with the address of the ward).  Then explain to them exactly what you explained to us about what you need and ask them if you can meet with a ward missionary or the primary presidency.

Good luck.

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