Help. Are My Girlfriends Parents Crazy?

[barnemic]

they are off our backs now. we had a talk and they sopport us now.

[pam]

As the mother of an 18 year old who is a senior in high school....I can understand where her parents are coming from. Understand their point of view. Their daughter is just 17. So much living to do...college...etc etc etc. I also understand where you two are coming from. But I'm here to tell you from experience. 17 and 18 are just TOO young to make that kind of a commitment. Go off to college...you go on a mission if worthy. Enjoy your young life while you still can without all the commitments of marriage. Marriage isn't a game. It's a lot of work and alot of responsibility. If after all of that the love still remains..then discuss it. Her parents might have a better outlook on it at that point.

[Andy_Plsn]

hey im also 18 and a convert its pretty cool right. anyway back to the point. well i can kinda see why they are freakin out first off how long have you been a member of the church?? second you should look it at from there point of view you have been dating there daughter for 5 months shes still in high school and yeah maybe they think that you are moving too quickly. well i would really like to know how long you have been a member cause thats really what my point will ride on.

[prisonchaplain]

If this love is meant to be, you will be able to wait out the parents' nervousness, better yourself through college and continued faithfulness, and at the right time, marry.

I courted my wife for nearly three years so that her parents would be at peace with and bless our union. Far better to slow down and do things right, in honor of parents, than to rush and sow bitterness in the family.

[barnemic]

i know that Marriage isnt a game at all. we have an amazing relationship. and OUR plans arent changing. i didnt want your advise on getting married thank you. just wanted to know if them freaking out is normal. and i will be goin to college with her once she graduates. we are going to build a foundation together.

[pam]

i know that Marriage isnt a game at all. we have an amazing relationship. and OUR plans arent changing. i didnt want your advise on getting married thank you. just wanted to know if them freaking out is normal. and i will be goin to college with her once she graduates. we are going to build a foundation together.

Listen. You asked if her parents were freaking out and YOU mentioned this started after you two mentioned marriage. So don't ask for one's opinions if you aren't willing to take all that is given.

[prisonchaplain]

You may not want the advice, but if you choose not to honor her parents, you are asking for heartache.

[barnemic]

grr we fallowed their rules. it did matter. they thot the rules would break us. but they made us stronger. so they want us to break up cause we are too seriuos

[mightynancy]

PC is totally right - yes, their freaking out is understandable.

Show you are mature by seeing things from their point of view (even if you don't agree), and acting responsibly. Share your plans. Don't be defensive or draw lines in the sand; you are only inviting a battle if you do.

In my experience, some young men believe that being a man means taking charge, being decisive, and taking no guff from anyone. In reality, flexibly working together and being reasonable are the way to show what you're made of.

Good luck to you!

[barnemic]

PC is totally right - yes, their freaking out is understandable.

Show you are mature by seeing things from their point of view (even if you don't agree), and acting responsibly. Share your plans. Don't be defensive or draw lines in the sand; you are only inviting a battle if you do.

In my experience, some young men believe that being a man means taking charge, being decisive, and taking no guff from anyone. In reality, flexibly working together and being reasonable are the way to show what you're made of.

Good luck to you!

thanK you :)

[mightynancy]

You're welcome. :)

[barnemic]

so pam.? why are we to young? everyone and every love is different. theres not set age where its right. hate to break that to you. but we know what we have and are very commited

[pam]

so pam.? why are we to young? everyone and every love is different. theres not set age where its right. hate to break that to you. but we know what we have and are very commited

I'm afraid whatever I had to say you would probably disagree with me so I'll just leave it. I've been there done it.

[barnemic]

<div class='quotemain'>

so pam.? why are we to young? everyone and every love is different. theres not set age where its right. hate to break that to you. but we know what we have and are very commited

I'm afraid whatever I had to say you would probably disagree with me so I'll just leave it. I've been there done it.

pam, im not meaning to disagree. im sorry. just trying to get some answers. not opinions. why are we to young? and i want to know this. just because YOU went throw it does not mean we will everyone is different.

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

so pam.? why are we to young? everyone and every love is different. theres not set age where its right. hate to break that to you. but we know what we have and are very commited

I'm afraid whatever I had to say you would probably disagree with me so I'll just leave it. I've been there done it.

pam, im not meaning to disagree. im sorry. just trying to get some answers. not opinions. why are we to young? and i want to know this. just because YOU went throw it does not mean we will everyone is different.

That's very true. Everyone is different. All I can do is offer opinions. Statistically marriages by those your age don't normally work out over time. Perhaps yours would if that's what you chose to do. I'm just saying....get an education (college). Earn a degree that will enable you to support a wife and future children. Many people who got married at a very young age regret some of the experiences they might have had if they had JUST waited a few more years. I'm not doubting or demeaning the relationship you have with your girlfriend. I just know from experience and the experience of many people I know that getting married too young is NOT always the best thing to do.

[mightynancy]

Mike, I don't think that every marriage at 18 is doomed to fail. I do think, though, that marrying so young *can* make things harder.

From a purely developmental point of view, the brain itself goes through another big change around the age of 21 (I'm a geeky educator, sue me! LOL!). One of the hardest things to stick through in a marriage is when your partner changes. Can it be done? Of course. But it can be bumpy.

Also, ask most folks on the other side of 30, and they'll tell you that things they believed to be carved in stone at 18 turned out not to be. I'm not saying you'll quit loving who you loved, but your priorities and plans can vary wildly over the next few years.

Thirdly, serving a mission is a great idea. You'll solidify your faith, you'll grow as an independent man, your eyes will be opened to all kinds of experiences you won't get in any other way. Icing on the cake: "RM" is a great thing to have on the resumé you present to prospective in-laws.

Best wishes - I remember 18 as a very intense time in my life, so my heart goes out to you.

[barnemic]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

so pam.? why are we to young? everyone and every love is different. theres not set age where its right. hate to break that to you. but we know what we have and are very commited

I'm afraid whatever I had to say you would probably disagree with me so I'll just leave it. I've been there done it.

pam, im not meaning to disagree. im sorry. just trying to get some answers. not opinions. why are we to young? and i want to know this. just because YOU went throw it does not mean we will everyone is different.

That's very true. Everyone is different. All I can do is offer opinions. Statistically marriages by those your age don't normally work out over time. Perhaps yours would if that's what you chose to do. I'm just saying....get an education (college). Earn a degree that will enable you to support a wife and future children. Many people who got married at a very young age regret some of the experiences they might have had if they had JUST waited a few more years. I'm not doubting or demeaning the relationship you have with your girlfriend. I just know from experience and the experience of many people I know that getting married too young is NOT always the best thing to do.

and i agree that early marriages dont work as often, but we both have faith. and have the same goals. and i am in college actually. getting a degree. and im already sucessful with out it. so support isnt an issue

but over all thank you for your opinions. sorry i had to snap at you

[mightynancy]

Sorry, we posted at the same time!

[barnemic]

Mike, I don't think that every marriage at 18 is doomed to fail. I do think, though, that marrying so young *can* make things harder.

From a purely developmental point of view, the brain itself goes through another big change around the age of 21 (I'm a geeky educator, sue me! LOL!). One of the hardest things to stick through in a marriage is when your partner changes. Can it be done? Of course. But it can be bumpy.

Also, ask most folks on the other side of 30, and they'll tell you that things they believed to be carved in stone at 18 turned out not to be. I'm not saying you'll quit loving who you loved, but your priorities and plans can vary wildly over the next few years.

Thirdly, serving a mission is a great idea. You'll solidify your faith, you'll grow as an independent man, your eyes will be opened to all kinds of experiences you won't get in any other way. Icing on the cake: "RM" is a great thing to have on the resumé you present to prospective in-laws.

Best wishes - I remember 18 as a very intense time in my life, so my heart goes out to you.

THANK YOU. i appricate that alot :) and i know how change is. i have changed. if it wasnt for my gf i wouldnt be on this site. she showed me the church, i love her. never will change, thank you

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

Mike, I don't think that every marriage at 18 is doomed to fail. I do think, though, that marrying so young *can* make things harder.

From a purely developmental point of view, the brain itself goes through another big change around the age of 21 (I'm a geeky educator, sue me! LOL!). One of the hardest things to stick through in a marriage is when your partner changes. Can it be done? Of course. But it can be bumpy.

Also, ask most folks on the other side of 30, and they'll tell you that things they believed to be carved in stone at 18 turned out not to be. I'm not saying you'll quit loving who you loved, but your priorities and plans can vary wildly over the next few years.

Thirdly, serving a mission is a great idea. You'll solidify your faith, you'll grow as an independent man, your eyes will be opened to all kinds of experiences you won't get in any other way. Icing on the cake: "RM" is a great thing to have on the resumé you present to prospective in-laws.

Best wishes - I remember 18 as a very intense time in my life, so my heart goes out to you.

THANK YOU. i appricate that alot :) and i know how change is. i have changed. if it wasnt for my gf i wouldnt be on this site. she showed me the church, i love her. never will change, thank you

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Now back to the parents. Sometimes you just have to play by their rules a little longer than you would like. Now remember I'm talking as a parent here. They have their little girl who is just 17 who is thinking of taking a big step in her life. As ready as she is and you are...sometimes parents are a little blind in seeing that. Are you included in any of their family activities so they can see the kind of person you are? That they can see your testimony of the gospel? That you are right for their little girl? Sometimes we are parents just need to have our eyes opened a little.

[barnemic]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

Mike, I don't think that every marriage at 18 is doomed to fail. I do think, though, that marrying so young *can* make things harder.

From a purely developmental point of view, the brain itself goes through another big change around the age of 21 (I'm a geeky educator, sue me! LOL!). One of the hardest things to stick through in a marriage is when your partner changes. Can it be done? Of course. But it can be bumpy.

Also, ask most folks on the other side of 30, and they'll tell you that things they believed to be carved in stone at 18 turned out not to be. I'm not saying you'll quit loving who you loved, but your priorities and plans can vary wildly over the next few years.

Thirdly, serving a mission is a great idea. You'll solidify your faith, you'll grow as an independent man, your eyes will be opened to all kinds of experiences you won't get in any other way. Icing on the cake: "RM" is a great thing to have on the resumé you present to prospective in-laws.

Best wishes - I remember 18 as a very intense time in my life, so my heart goes out to you.

THANK YOU. i appricate that alot :) and i know how change is. i have changed. if it wasnt for my gf i wouldnt be on this site. she showed me the church, i love her. never will change, thank you

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Now back to the parents. Sometimes you just have to play by their rules a little longer than you would like. Now remember I'm talking as a parent here. They have their little girl who is just 17 who is thinking of taking a big step in her life. As ready as she is and you are...sometimes parents are a little blind in seeing that. Are you included in any of their family activities so they can see the kind of person you are? That they can see your testimony of the gospel? That you are right for their little girl? Sometimes we are parents just need to have our eyes opened a little.

yes they know me very well! my family and her family have been friends for years, this is also why i find them freaking out and depriving us of seeing eachother ver strange. we didnt do anything wrong. and we are going to a 0ne year enagement. when we get engaged it will have been a year and a half of being together. i just wish they would see that we know what we are doing. because i do understand for their point of view now. but still. is it right for them to say we cant see eachother if we did nothing rong?

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

Mike, I don't think that every marriage at 18 is doomed to fail. I do think, though, that marrying so young *can* make things harder.

From a purely developmental point of view, the brain itself goes through another big change around the age of 21 (I'm a geeky educator, sue me! LOL!). One of the hardest things to stick through in a marriage is when your partner changes. Can it be done? Of course. But it can be bumpy.

Also, ask most folks on the other side of 30, and they'll tell you that things they believed to be carved in stone at 18 turned out not to be. I'm not saying you'll quit loving who you loved, but your priorities and plans can vary wildly over the next few years.

Thirdly, serving a mission is a great idea. You'll solidify your faith, you'll grow as an independent man, your eyes will be opened to all kinds of experiences you won't get in any other way. Icing on the cake: "RM" is a great thing to have on the resumé you present to prospective in-laws.

Best wishes - I remember 18 as a very intense time in my life, so my heart goes out to you.

THANK YOU. i appricate that alot :) and i know how change is. i have changed. if it wasnt for my gf i wouldnt be on this site. she showed me the church, i love her. never will change, thank you

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Now back to the parents. Sometimes you just have to play by their rules a little longer than you would like. Now remember I'm talking as a parent here. They have their little girl who is just 17 who is thinking of taking a big step in her life. As ready as she is and you are...sometimes parents are a little blind in seeing that. Are you included in any of their family activities so they can see the kind of person you are? That they can see your testimony of the gospel? That you are right for their little girl? Sometimes we are parents just need to have our eyes opened a little.

yes they know me very well! my family and her family have been friends for years, this is also why i find them freaking out and depriving us of seeing eachother ver strange. we didnt do anything wrong. and we are going to a 0ne year enagement. when we get engaged it will have been a year and a half of being together. i just wish they would see that we know what we are doing. because i do understand for their point of view now. but still. is it right for them to say we cant see eachother if we did nothing rong?

Then I hope that during that year engagement they come around. I wish you the best. I really do.

[barnemic]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

Mike, I don't think that every marriage at 18 is doomed to fail. I do think, though, that marrying so young *can* make things harder.

From a purely developmental point of view, the brain itself goes through another big change around the age of 21 (I'm a geeky educator, sue me! LOL!). One of the hardest things to stick through in a marriage is when your partner changes. Can it be done? Of course. But it can be bumpy.

Also, ask most folks on the other side of 30, and they'll tell you that things they believed to be carved in stone at 18 turned out not to be. I'm not saying you'll quit loving who you loved, but your priorities and plans can vary wildly over the next few years.

Thirdly, serving a mission is a great idea. You'll solidify your faith, you'll grow as an independent man, your eyes will be opened to all kinds of experiences you won't get in any other way. Icing on the cake: "RM" is a great thing to have on the resumé you present to prospective in-laws.

Best wishes - I remember 18 as a very intense time in my life, so my heart goes out to you.

THANK YOU. i appricate that alot :) and i know how change is. i have changed. if it wasnt for my gf i wouldnt be on this site. she showed me the church, i love her. never will change, thank you

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Now back to the parents. Sometimes you just have to play by their rules a little longer than you would like. Now remember I'm talking as a parent here. They have their little girl who is just 17 who is thinking of taking a big step in her life. As ready as she is and you are...sometimes parents are a little blind in seeing that. Are you included in any of their family activities so they can see the kind of person you are? That they can see your testimony of the gospel? That you are right for their little girl? Sometimes we are parents just need to have our eyes opened a little.

yes they know me very well! my family and her family have been friends for years, this is also why i find them freaking out and depriving us of seeing eachother ver strange. we didnt do anything wrong. and we are going to a 0ne year enagement. when we get engaged it will have been a year and a half of being together. i just wish they would see that we know what we are doing. because i do understand for their point of view now. but still. is it right for them to say we cant see eachother if we did nothing rong?

Then I hope that during that year engagement they come around. I wish you the best. I really do.

thank you pam.!

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

Mike, I don't think that every marriage at 18 is doomed to fail. I do think, though, that marrying so young *can* make things harder.

From a purely developmental point of view, the brain itself goes through another big change around the age of 21 (I'm a geeky educator, sue me! LOL!). One of the hardest things to stick through in a marriage is when your partner changes. Can it be done? Of course. But it can be bumpy.

Also, ask most folks on the other side of 30, and they'll tell you that things they believed to be carved in stone at 18 turned out not to be. I'm not saying you'll quit loving who you loved, but your priorities and plans can vary wildly over the next few years.

Thirdly, serving a mission is a great idea. You'll solidify your faith, you'll grow as an independent man, your eyes will be opened to all kinds of experiences you won't get in any other way. Icing on the cake: "RM" is a great thing to have on the resumé you present to prospective in-laws.

Best wishes - I remember 18 as a very intense time in my life, so my heart goes out to you.

THANK YOU. i appricate that alot :) and i know how change is. i have changed. if it wasnt for my gf i wouldnt be on this site. she showed me the church, i love her. never will change, thank you

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Now back to the parents. Sometimes you just have to play by their rules a little longer than you would like. Now remember I'm talking as a parent here. They have their little girl who is just 17 who is thinking of taking a big step in her life. As ready as she is and you are...sometimes parents are a little blind in seeing that. Are you included in any of their family activities so they can see the kind of person you are? That they can see your testimony of the gospel? That you are right for their little girl? Sometimes we are parents just need to have our eyes opened a little.

yes they know me very well! my family and her family have been friends for years, this is also why i find them freaking out and depriving us of seeing eachother ver strange. we didnt do anything wrong. and we are going to a 0ne year enagement. when we get engaged it will have been a year and a half of being together. i just wish they would see that we know what we are doing. because i do understand for their point of view now. but still. is it right for them to say we cant see eachother if we did nothing rong?

Then I hope that during that year engagement they come around. I wish you the best. I really do.

thank you pam.!

You are very welcome

[Aphrodite]

mike, the reason people seem to be against you is because most people on this site are older than you and have had similar experiences and dont want you to go through any heartache. Thats all. Im 24 so not too far from being 17. All I can say is, when I was 17, I thought I was grown up and mature enough to make my own decisions. Looking back now, only 7 years later, I want to die at some of the things I said and did. Yes, everyone is unique-I thought I was different and unique at 17. Now I realise I wasn't!! Just like every other 17 year old. I never realised how valuable hindsight is. People change with age. YOU will change and your girlfriend will change. You wont be able to imagine things being any different to how they are now. But they will be. Thats not my opinion, thats just a fact of life. Of course you will still love each other, but what everyone is saying is, change is inevitable and because you are so young, you dont have as much life experience to deal with something like that as well. I hope you dont feel Im patronizing you, but do you see what Im saying?

I actually knew my husband when I was 16 and he was 19. I thought he was a stupid, immature boy. He mucked around in classes at church, made rude noises during church, laughed and hit his friends during sacrament. I remember thinking, ugh soooooooo immature. He then went on a mission and grew up big time. Im now married to him. He changed. I would never have married him at that age, he is a completely different person now to what he was then. And that is typical of most people.

I used to scoff at older peoples advice, but now I value it. Most people have told me, oh yes get your career FIRST then have kids, I regretted rushing into it, its hard work, go to uni FIRST. When I was 17, I would have thought, phh what do you know, this is what I want. Now, I klnow they've been there and I really respect their opinions and value thir advice because I know they know what its like.

If you and your girlfriend are going to be together forever, prove to her parents you can wait for her and them to be ready. like people said, the parents are only freaking out because they want what is best for their daughter. It IS normal! Good luck to you.