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My best friend just confided in me and told me she's been having a relationship with man who just found out is a stake president and a employee of the church he has been pressuring her for months to record video of herself in a sexual nature and he also sends inappropriate videos and pics of himself. She's feels like he took advantage of her. What should she do

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12 hours ago, Kourt said:

My best friend just confided in me and told me she's been having a relationship with man who just found out is a stake president and a employee of the church he has been pressuring her for months to record video of herself in a sexual nature and he also sends inappropriate videos and pics of himself. She's feels like he took advantage of her. What should she do

From the little bit you have posted... you seem profoundly focused on the wrong thing.  Your "Best Friend" is mired in sin.  Yet you seem to be fixated on a stranger.  Focus on helping your friend get out of sin with whatever moral (repentance and confession to her bishop) and legal (if there is any lawbreaking happening) resources are available.

Once you get whatever proper authorities are needed (moral and legal) working on helping your "Best Friend."  They will also handle the stranger based on the facts and full review of the case at hand as they see fit.  That is their job and it is really no business of yours.  Yours is to help your "Best Friend"  not worry about a stranger

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Guest MormonGator

Remember that making this charge against a stake president is very serious. Unless you have solid evidence (and not just the word of someone else) you need to tread very carefully. Even if he wasn't a stake president and just a lowly peon, you'd still need to be very careful. 

Edited by MormonGator

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1 minute ago, askandanswer said:

Sometimes, on this forum, you also need to thread very carefully

That's true, you don't want to run into anyone from Australia.

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I think if someone is in a position he is in by being able to excommunicate and give temple recommends and yet he is acting this way . She has solid evidence and is very devastated they had an affair for 12 months. I am trying to help her that's why I'm trying to get feedback because I'm not sure how to help her.  She feels horrible about this 

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21 minutes ago, Kourt said:

I think if someone is in a position he is in by being able to excommunicate and give temple recommends and yet he is acting this way . She has solid evidence and is very devastated they had an affair for 12 months. I am trying to help her that's why I'm trying to get feedback because I'm not sure how to help her.  She feels horrible about this 

How is HER recovery coming along as far as repenting/healing?  That's the first piece of information needed.

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Welcome, @Kourt!  The advice you've already been given is good.  She may wish to hide what happened, but that will ensure it pains her to no end.  The way to heal begins with confession to her bishop.  I'm sure the thought sounds terrifying to her, but that's Satan's influence.  Confession takes a huge burden off the shoulders of the sinner.  It invites the Lord's help and healing.  Encourage her not to delay this - the longer she delays, the harder it will be.

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On 6/29/2018 at 11:38 AM, MormonGator said:

Remember that making this charge against a stake president is very serious. Unless you have solid evidence (and not just the word of someone else) you need to tread very carefully. Even if he wasn't a stake president and just a lowly peon, you'd still need to be very careful. 

I'm not sure what there is to fear if the go to their own bishop and inform him of what they know.  He is required to keep it confidential.  If the SP is a member of a different ward, the Bishop will pass the information on to the Bishop of the SP, and since this is a SP that Bishop will likely take the matter to the Area President and the matter will be investigated.  There should be nothing to fear in terms of repercussions to the OP, the SP should never find out they were the one that went to the Bishop.

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28 minutes ago, zil said:

Welcome, @Kourt!  The advice you've already been given is good.  She may wish to hide what happened, but that will ensure it pains her to no end.  The way to heal begins with confession to her bishop.  I'm sure the thought sounds terrifying to her, but that's Satan's influence.  Confession takes a huge burden off the shoulders of the sinner.  It invites the Lord's help and healing.  Encourage her not to delay this - the longer she delays, the harder it will be.

The OP can go to the Bishop herself, it doesn't have to the woman the SP is having an affair with.  I bet the SP had her make those videos and pictures so he could use them to intimidate her into keeping quiet.

Also, I think it is a bit unkind to jump to the conclusion that the OP is the person in the affair as some of you are implying.  Yes, it may be the case, but none of us have evidence to support such an accusation and I think it best to take the OP at her word.

 

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2 minutes ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

The OP can go to the Bishop herself, it doesn't have to the woman the SP is having an affair with.  I bet the SP had her make those videos and pictures so he could use them to intimidate her into keeping quiet.

Also, I think it is a bit unkind to jump to the conclusion that the OP is the person in the affair as some of you are implying.  Yes, it may be the case, but none of us have evidence to support such an accusation and I think it best to take the OP at her word.

Erm.  I'm assuming the OP is male (Kourt sounds male to me).  My understanding is that he (Kourt) is telling us that his female friend had an affair with a stake president and is now struggling with what to do.  Thus, I'm suggesting that he (Kourt) tell is female friend to go see her bishop.

In my post that you quoted, "she" and "her" are the friend of Kourt - the female who had the affair with the SP.

I said he (Kourt) had been given good advice because the advice thus far was to tell his female friend to go see her bishop.  Not sure why you think people are assuming Kourt is the one who had the affair - except perhaps a confusion of pronouns given that you think Kourt is also female.

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27 minutes ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

I'm not sure what there is to fear if the go to their own bishop and inform him of what they know.  He is required to keep it confidential.  If the SP is a member of a different ward, the Bishop will pass the information on to the Bishop of the SP, and since this is a SP that Bishop will likely take the matter to the Area President and the matter will be investigated.  There should be nothing to fear in terms of repercussions to the OP, the SP should never find out they were the one that went to the Bishop.

 If someone accused you of cheating on your spouse, how would you feel?

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My friend spoke to him SP. He told her to delete all messages and pics. She has solid evidence like him on video and text messages he even recorded himself in the bathtub so you can see his face. When they first met she recently just out of an abusive relationship and she confided in him and took advantage of her vulnerability. She is not a member of the church and he knew that. She feels horrible about what happened. This guy needs to be stopped so this doesn't happen again 

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On 6/28/2018 at 10:04 PM, Vort said:

I just wanted to point out that this random post from a complete stranger making serious allegations is totally believable. Sounds like literally every stake president I have ever known, except for all of them.

Said *Tongue in Cheek* , correct Vort? Or InOtherWords, sarcastically? 'um, yep - totally TIC and sarcastically, because of the last 5 words.

My :twocents: here, I agree with Vort.  As for your comment Kourt:

Quote

I think if someone is in a position he is in by being able to excommunicate and give temple recommends

Stake Presidents do NOT solely give temple recommends, the persons Bishop/Branch President interviews them FIRST, then along with the person's signature, they sign. THEN the person goes to an interview with the SP.

Now for excommunication. The Stake President DOES NOT excommunicate. THAT process is a long and involved process involving a lot more Priesthood holding people.

Let's get a little background information on Kourt okay? When, at what, age were you baptized into the LDS Church? Where are you from? What gender are you? Why am I asking these questions? Because there is something in his thread that just doesn't ring true with me, the gift of discernment that I have been given by God through the Holy Ghost is SCREAMING at me that this is not true. Yeah, the gift often comes across like the robot in the original Lost In Space - Danger, danger, danger. But to me as I read and re-read the OP It is SCREAMING Caution, caution, caution - there is the LDS talk, but NOT the LDS walk - caution, caution, caution.

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26 minutes ago, zil said:

Erm.  I'm assuming the OP is male (Kourt sounds male to me). 

I'm assuming the OP is making a play on the word Court - as in tribunal. But within the LDS church it is actually called Church Disciplinary Councils.

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I'm just asking for help. It's a serious allegation and she loves him and doesn't want to hurt him but it's eating her up and feels alone. I'm just trying to be a good friend to her.  I'm only asking because i don't know what action she should take.

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10 minutes ago, Iggy said:

I'm assuming the OP is making a play on the word Court - as in tribunal. But within the LDS church it is actually called Church Disciplinary Councils.

Could be.  Could be short for "Kourtney" or obscuring of "Courtney".  Where I work, we have both males and females named Courtney, so even that isn't a good indicator.  I suppose the average member assumes "female best friend" means the OP is also female.  I, on the other hand, go by what the OP's "handle" sounds like to me...  I guess if Kourt wants to clarify, s/he can.

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So to summarize your friend is not a member... Nor does she want to do anything.

You are out for blood against her wishes.  And yet you call yourself her friend.

The plain and simple fact is the only power you have is what little influence you have on your friend.  You can do nothing else.

Your "Best Friend" holds all the cards.  If she destroys the proof then there is nothing.  If she decides to come forth then something might happen.  But until she chooses to do so absolutely nothing will happen.

So if you truly want to "punish" this Stake President your only option is to convince your friend to change her mind and have her come forward.

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Why is this so complex?  From the OP’s perspective, is there any doubt that 

1) the friend is telling the truth, 

2) that the LDS Church doesn’t stand for this kind of thing, 

3) that if the proper church authorities had the appropriate evidence, they would take disciplinary action; and 

4) the ONLY person who has the requisite evidence in their possession at this time is the OP’s friend?

This doesn’t have to be particularly complex.  If her allegations are true, the Church needs her—HER—to come forward; probably by contacting a member of the Area Presidency where she lives—end of story.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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4 hours ago, zil said:

Erm.  I'm assuming the OP is male (Kourt sounds male to me).  My understanding is that he (Kourt) is telling us that his female friend had an affair with a stake president and is now struggling with what to do.  Thus, I'm suggesting that he (Kourt) tell is female friend to go see her bishop.

In my post that you quoted, "she" and "her" are the friend of Kourt - the female who had the affair with the SP.

I said he (Kourt) had been given good advice because the advice thus far was to tell his female friend to go see her bishop.  Not sure why you think people are assuming Kourt is the one who had the affair - except perhaps a confusion of pronouns given that you think Kourt is also female.

Some were putting quotes around the word friend in their replies, which can be taken as them implying the OP was the person having the affair and third-personing the story.

While is would be ideal for the woman in the affair to go to her Bishop and confess, the OP can go to their Bishop with this as well.

Edited by Latter-Day Marriage

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Again, and this is kind of important, was she under 18 at any time any of this was happening?  If she was, then turn off the stupid computer and immediately call the police.  Like, yesterday.  This is urgent.  Stop hanging out in discussion forums asking for advice, and go report a child offender, before he strikes again.

If she's been over 18 this whole time, it's still really important, but not quite so urgent.  

Edited by NeuroTypical

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