Feeling guilty about knowledge...


Tobin52
 Share

Recommended Posts

Quick background:

Basically I was hardcore anti-Mormon 4 months ago, but met with some amazing missionaries, had a couple remarkable spiritual experiences and was baptized about one month ago. I'm super active in my ward now and I love my new faith.

However I am insanely guilty of some of the knowledge I received while I was anti-Mormon. I watched leaked full endowment sessions and sealings. 

I've tried repenting, but dont feel much better. I understand how sacred these sessions are now, and don't think I am spiritually ready to know their inner workings like I do. I'm very upset with myself. 

Any suggestions? If I talk to my Bishop will he be upset? I'm really upset, but I love this church so much, I'd hate to get into serious disciplinary trouble for something I did as a non-believer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi and welcome Tobin52!

I have a sinful past.  One of the best thing I ever did was go through the repentance process, which included confessing fully to my bishop.  Besides helping me avail myself of the atoning sacrifice of Christ, he also surprised me by sort of 'triaging' my long list of sins.  I had been carrying lots of shame for lots of things, he sort of surprised me by letting me know some of it really just wasn't that bad.  

Your experience will be yours, not the same as mine.  But it sounds like you could use a lightening of the burden you carry, and we both know where you can go to find it.  Counsel with him.  Trust him, tell him everything.  Let him guide, direct, help you.

Edited by NeuroTypical
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome, @Tobin52!  What a wonderful story.

No, your bishop won't be upset - especially if he knows what you've told us - about formerly being anti-Mormon.  I cannot imagine any disciplinary action - this was done before you were a member!  Your baptism washed those sins away.

And yes, I think talking to your bishop will help.  He can help guide you through study of the Atonement, and help you to put things into perspective.  Tell him everything you need to, don't try to deceive yourself either - problems are easier to solve when we face them full on (which it sounds like you're doing).

I've always been impressed by Enos's simple faith as found in these verses:

Quote

5 And there came a voice unto me, saying: Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed.

6 And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Tobin52 said:

Quick background:

Basically I was hardcore anti-Mormon 4 months ago, but met with some amazing missionaries, had a couple remarkable spiritual experiences and was baptized about one month ago. I'm super active in my ward now and I love my new faith.

However I am insanely guilty of some of the knowledge I received while I was anti-Mormon. I watched leaked full endowment sessions and sealings. 

I've tried repenting, but dont feel much better. I understand how sacred these sessions are now, and don't think I am spiritually ready to know their inner workings like I do. I'm very upset with myself. 

Any suggestions? If I talk to my Bishop will he be upset? I'm really upset, but I love this church so much, I'd hate to get into serious disciplinary trouble for something I did as a non-believer.

There really is not much in way of disciplinary actions for unendowed members. Especially one so new as you. 

2 Nephi 9:25 says “Wherefore, he has given a law; and where there is no law given there is no punishment; and where there is no punishment there is no condemnation; and where there is no condemnation the mercies of the Holy One of Israel have claim upon them, because of the atonement; for they are delivered by the power of him.”

I believe you fit in this category and the Bishop will likely be able to calm your worries. I would say meet with him and tell him everyhing. I imagine it will be a short, worth while experience :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all, welcome to the church! It's always exciting to have new members come in, and hear about their different backgrounds. I'm a convert myself. I don't blame you for feeling guilty, but you didn't know any better at the time. You were like Paul before his conversion when he was Saul of Tarsus. He persecuted the church before his conversion because he thought that was what God wanted him to do. As you know, he became an apostle so you are in good company. I would agree with what others have said. Speak to your bishop. He will give you inspired guidance and help you prepare yourself so you can be ready to go through the temple ceremonies with the right heart and mind in the future. Don't worry about disciplinary measures, as you haven't done anything worthy of them, and you were washed clean of your sins when you were baptized. God bless you and again welcome!

Edited by Midwest LDS
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Talk to his bishop about what?

@Tobin52 you have nothing to feel guilty about. Think about you lessons with the missionaries and think about what happened when you were baptised. 

If you want a sounding board ok I guess you can talk to your bishop but you can talk to a friend in the church or the missionaries or anyone for that matter. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Talk to his bishop about what?

@Tobin52 you have nothing to feel guilty about. Think about you lessons with the missionaries and think about what happened when you were baptised. 

If you want a sounding board ok I guess you can talk to your bishop but you can talk to a friend in the church or the missionaries or anyone for that matter. 

I only suggested talking to the bishop because he is sort of the end all when it comes to sin confession. But yes, I agree with you, there is nothing of any serious nature that he needs to bring to the bishop, but if I was in his shoes, I feel like I would need to speak to my bishop just for closure purposes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/1/2018 at 8:15 PM, Tobin52 said:

Quick background:

Basically I was hardcore anti-Mormon 4 months ago, but met with some amazing missionaries, had a couple remarkable spiritual experiences and was baptized about one month ago. I'm super active in my ward now and I love my new faith.

However I am insanely guilty of some of the knowledge I received while I was anti-Mormon. I watched leaked full endowment sessions and sealings. 

I've tried repenting, but dont feel much better. I understand how sacred these sessions are now, and don't think I am spiritually ready to know their inner workings like I do. I'm very upset with myself. 

Any suggestions? If I talk to my Bishop will he be upset? I'm really upset, but I love this church so much, I'd hate to get into serious disciplinary trouble for something I did as a non-believer.

Hello,

Don't feel bad. My mentors growing up were polygamists and I already knew a lot about things before I even "officially" was taught them. As far as the sacredness just keep moving forward. No sense in feeling bad about the knowledge you gained, keep it sacred from now on :) 

Things you did before your baptism, that were already taken care of during your missionary lessons, don't need to be brought up again. Even this peeking into the sessions. Guess what, now you get to participate legitimately. Lol 

Cheer up and don't let your sorrow hold you down. Time to be happy, you are a member now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Talk to his bishop about what?

About how he's feeling and the guilt he's experiencing. The bishop holds the keys of leadership. He is the perfect person to talk to. Whether the OP "has to" talk with the bishop is irrelevant. It's appropriate, and it's a good idea.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
17 minutes ago, Vort said:

About how he's feeling and the guilt he's experiencing. The bishop holds the keys of leadership. He is the perfect person to talk to. Whether the OP "has to" talk with the bishop is irrelevant. It's appropriate, and it's a good idea.

Were you ever a bishop @Vort? I think you'd make a great one. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Were you ever a bishop @Vort? I think you'd make a great one. 

No, just served as a counselor for a short time. I don't think I'm bishop material, though of course God can make silk purses from sow's ears, or wine from water.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Vort said:

About how he's feeling and the guilt he's experiencing. The bishop holds the keys of leadership. He is the perfect person to talk to. Whether the OP "has to" talk with the bishop is irrelevant. It's appropriate, and it's a good idea.

Your missing my point the OP should feel no guilt. There is no sin. What sins transpired in the past washed away with his baptism. Like most people he just needs to get out of his own head. 

OP your Bishop is a busy man, I am sure that he would love to meet with you and discuss anything you want, but you don't need to see him to resolve your feelings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Your missing my point the OP should feel no guilt.

You can't know that. Maybe there is a perfectly good reason he's feeling guilty.

But even if you're right (and I suspect you might be), that's still irrelevant. You think the OP shouldn't feel guilt? Fine. He shouldn't feel guilt. But he does. So he should go talk to his bishop. That's what one does when one is in spiritual agitation and needs help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As much as I hate agreeing with Vort :), whether a person should feel guilt is irrelevant. The person does. It is the responsibility of fellow saints to meet people where they are in their spiritual growth. 

In this case, speaking with the Elders Quorum President or Relief Society President  (depending on your gender) would also be acceptable. If either of them suspect your path of repentance requires the involvement of the bishop, they will refer you to him. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, MarginOfError said:

In this case, speaking with the Elders Quorum President or Relief Society President  (depending on your gender) would also be acceptable. If either of them suspect your path of repentance requires the involvement of the bishop, they will refer you to him. 

There is no path to repentance....he has nothing to repent for

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
27 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

There is no path to repentance....he has nothing to repent for

I agree he doesn't. Sometimes though for converts the guilt that we have over past decisions can be tough to overcome though. I'm 100% confident that just talking with the bishop will be a huge positive for him, though yes, he has nothing to repent over. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/2/2018 at 2:15 AM, Tobin52 said:

Quick background:

Basically I was hardcore anti-Mormon 4 months ago, but met with some amazing missionaries, had a couple remarkable spiritual experiences and was baptized about one month ago. I'm super active in my ward now and I love my new faith.

However I am insanely guilty of some of the knowledge I received while I was anti-Mormon. I watched leaked full endowment sessions and sealings. 

I've tried repenting, but dont feel much better. I understand how sacred these sessions are now, and don't think I am spiritually ready to know their inner workings like I do. I'm very upset with myself. 

Any suggestions? If I talk to my Bishop will he be upset? I'm really upset, but I love this church so much, I'd hate to get into serious disciplinary trouble for something I did as a non-believer.

When I was inactive I was so anti-Mormon I got myself excommunicated for doing something to "expose" the church that I deeply regret. I was forgiven when I was baptised but I still feel guilty that doesn't mean I don't know that I am forgiven or that I need to constantly talk to my Bishop about it but if you want to go ahead, he will just try to help you feel less guilty. You won't get into trouble. 

You may always have guilt that doesn't mean you are still guilty of your sin or transgression. Guilt isn't always a bad thing it will help to ensure you don't do the sin again. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 7/3/2018 at 10:50 PM, omegaseamaster75 said:

Your missing my point the OP should feel no guilt. 

Feeling guilt is okay, it doesn't mean you are still guilty. I have guilt over things I know I have been forgiven for. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share