Do you think this is acceptable to do with fiancee?


JayKi
 Share

Recommended Posts

1 hour ago, JayKi said:

I think I will be okay if I sleep with her because I wont want to disrespect the tradition. If I get out of sleeping on floor then I wont do it when married. 

If the tradition is disrespectful to the commandments of God and.or His chosen servants, then it is an evil tradition, and should be eliminated.

Quote

Never do anything that could lead to sexual transgression. . . Do not do anything else that arouses sexual feelings. . . Avoid situations that invite increased temptation, such as late-night or overnight activities away from home or activities where there is a lack of adult supervision.  Have faith in and be obedient to the righteous counsel of your parents and leaders. . . Make a personal commitment to be sexually pure. By your words and actions, encourage others to do the same.

(For the Strength of Youth - Sexual Purity)

If sleeping beside your fiancee does not arouse sexual feelings or invite increased temptation, you either have a health condition, or you shouldn't be marrying this person.  You should both recognize and accept that the counsel of the Lord and His servants are more important than any tradition.  Remember that traditions negatively affected the Lamanites:

Quote

Because of their traditions, the Lamanites long remained in a state of ignorance. They knew little of Christ and of his teachings. What gospel truths had been retained by them were so encrusted with errors that they had great difficulty in recognizing the truth.

(The Traditions of Their Fathers)

I would not do it, and I think you should not do it.  For those of us who have recommended against it, there is nothing I can think of that would cause us to believe it is an acceptable behavior.  That said, you have your agency.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, JayKi said:

I think I will say we just do sleep on floor for 1 night so I show my devotion :)

If your fiance gave you brownies mixed with dog poop and said it was a tradition that you had to eat a whole pan together before getting married, would you tell yourself that you would be willing to eat just 1 of the to show your devotion?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, JayKi said:

I know it make sense. I want to make my fiancee happy and she already show her devotion to me by follow my culture tradition and now I feel bad say no to her culture tradition even though is weird. 

If she is honouring your beliefs then it would make sense for you to honour hers.  I'm sure you believe a lot of things that she finds weird or strange.  Just make sure the two of you wear really long, really thick, really ugly full length pyjamas!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, VelvetShadow said:

If she is honouring your beliefs then it would make sense for you to honour hers.  I'm sure you believe a lot of things that she finds weird or strange.  Just make sure the two of you wear really long, really thick, really ugly full length pyjamas!

No I dont believe in thing she find strange or weird. But she did embroid my wedding shirt for me which isnt in her culture but I asked her to because is in my culture for woman to show her devotion that way. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, JayKi said:

No I dont believe in thing she find strange or weird. But she did embroid my wedding shirt for me which isnt in her culture but I asked her to because is in my culture for woman to show her devotion that way. 

The difference being one of those traditions is not in conflict with the gospel in any way, and the other is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, LiterateParakeet said:

Since the biggest concern here is the temptation to violate the Law of Chastity, can you do this with a chaperon?  

I think so but I find so awkward to do that. I not worried about temptation though because I respect her so much I wont do that. Is more I feel bad because I know it goes against council. Although, we arent youth so we may not need to listen to the council in the strength of youth pamphlet. 

Edited by JayKi
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Although, we arent youth so we may not need to listen to the council in the strength of youth pamphlet. 

Nonsense.  That counsel applies to all, regardless of age.

10 minutes ago, JayKi said:

I not worried about temptation though because I respect her so much I wont do that.

Said nearly everyone before they inched too close to the edge and then fell over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Is it really conflict with gospel to sleep next to each other? 

The conflict comes in intentionally placing yourselves in a place of temptation. Satan works hard to prevent worthy couple's marrying and I find it unwise to intentionally put yourselves in a position where it would be so, so easy to give in.

 

Very unwise.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, JayKi said:

My fiancee and I are going to be marry on next Saturday. This Saturday she want to do traditional ritual for her ethnic background, is translate to blanket I think. Is just mean that we sleep together on floor next to bed with sharing blanket for one night we can hold hand or hug but we stay connect. Is to show our devotion to be uncomfortable but stay together. Then on Sunday morning I serenade her  and come back in evening to sleep in bed with her. I know is okay to sleep next to her but I feel guilty to do this. But i want show my devotion to my fiancee. Do you think is okay to do ?

No.  This is not Okay to do.  I have told you this before - your fiancee needs to realize God comes FIRST before Cultural Traditions and she needs to respect your wishes on this matter.  From what you have shared with us, we have repeatedly seen a pattern where when you are uncomfortable, it usually means the power of your Priesthood Authority is not being respected.  Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and tell your fiancee to respect your Priesthood Authority.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

58 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

No.  This is not Okay to do.  I have told you this before - your fiancee needs to realize God comes FIRST before Cultural Traditions and she needs to respect your wishes on this matter.  From what you have shared with us, we have repeatedly seen a pattern where when you are uncomfortable, it usually means the power of your Priesthood Authority is not being respected.  Listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and tell your fiancee to respect your Priesthood Authority.

Is good advice but I cant say that to my fiancee. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, JayKi said:

Is no nice to say this I think American thing are stupid too 

Sure, lots of American things are stupid.  You’ve got me there.  But we haven’t yet figured out how to monopolize the concept.

Look, skippy.  Either you’ve got the hots for each other, or you don’t.  If you do, then spending a night together IN A FREAKING BED the night before your temple wedding is a darned foolish thing to do.  If you aren’t attracted to each other, then marrying each other is a darned foolish thing to do.

And sure, I’m not being very “nice”.  You know what else isn’t nice?  Complacency, and pride, and fornication, and justifying recklessness with jingoistic smugness.

Edited by Just_A_Guy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest LiterateParakeet
4 hours ago, JayKi said:

I think so but I find so awkward to do that. I not worried about temptation though because I respect her so much I wont do that. Is more I feel bad because I know it goes against council. Although, we arent youth so we may not need to listen to the council in the strength of youth pamphlet. 

It seems like you have three options then...go against the counsel of the church (it applies to you also even if you aren't teenagers), say no, or have a chaperon.  To me awkward would be the least of my worries here, but it's your choice.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes there is a question of gospel standards and being able to obey the Law of Chasity if you try to follow this custom...  Could you do it?  Yes you could... you could also screw it up and require repentance before the two of you can be Sealed in the temple.  Seemly highly likely

But I see a bigger issue...  The two of you having some serious issues with being able to communicate, respect and resolve differences of opinion between the two of you.  She wants to do something, you don't.  This will not be the last time this kind of issue comes up in your marriage and the two of you need to learn how to work through your difference together.

This forum and the internet in general can not offer you magic words to say fix it...  You and her need to figure this out and sooner would be better.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 
Although, we arent youth so we may not need to listen to the council in the strength of youth pamphlet. 
 
As a former Stake Singles Rep, I cannot tell you how many times, men and women have told me that The Strength of Youth (SOY) does not apply to those > some age or other.  SOY is excellent advice for those of any age. Be wise. Don’t do something that you will have to repent of!
Edited by Sunday21
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator
11 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Nonsense, if you can't speak freely now you need to postpone the wedding.

I'm sympathetic to @JayKi but that is a good point. If you can't talk to your fiancee about an uncomfortable issue now, it's not a good sign. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Then you need to postpone marriage until such time that you can do so.

 

1 hour ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Nonsense, if you can't speak freely now you need to postpone the wedding.

 

1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

I'm sympathetic to @JayKi but that is a good point. If you can't talk to your fiancee about an uncomfortable issue now, it's not a good sign. 

No I can discuss this with her I did already is just I cant say: 

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

tell your fiancee to respect your Priesthood Authority.

Because I will be having a wedding with black eye 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 hours ago, person0 said:

If your fiance gave you brownies mixed with dog poop and said it was a tradition that you had to eat a whole pan together before getting married, would you tell yourself that you would be willing to eat just 1 of the to show your devotion?

I probably would eat 1 yes

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JayKi, why would you marry someone that would physically abuse you because you told her your faith has standards and sex before marriage is forbidden and chastity is something dear to your heart?  You are making a grave mistake in my opinion marrying a woman that would hurt you physically.

Edited by Still_Small_Voice
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share