My wife and I fight about everything, I am not happy being home with her anymore

[SDO1985]

I don’t know where to start. I am at my wits and because my wife and I fight about every thing. Small insignificant things cause us to fight. I own my own business and today I came home during the day and switched vehicles. She was upset I didn’t tell her what I was doing, to me I was just doing what I needed to do to complete my work. I was still home at the same time tonight and her day wasn’t effected at all because of it but she was still mad I didn’t tell her what I was doing. HELP! I am at a point where I’d rather just get a divorce and move on, and make it the best situation I can for my kids.

[snow_white]

Woman here. My advice might be bad, but I'll give it a shot anyway, in case you find it useful. Us women are difficult in general, like to complain (without actually needing a solution) and are never satisfied. I guess we were made this way. Why don't you try just ignoring her for a while and just mind your business and seem unaffected? My husband does this to me and to be honest his aloofness saved us multiple times. I get angry and complain, he ignores me, and after a while he cracks a joke like nothing happened. 

I don't know, maybe I'm minimizing your problem and your wife is actually very difficult, I cannot know for sure. But you might try.

I wish you all the best and please put your kids first...

[LatterDSaint]

She is clearly looking for any reason she can to instigate something. If you have been completely faithful in your marriage then I suggest you ask her "Do you have something to tell me". If you have not been completely faithful in your marriage then you understand why this is happening

[prisonchaplain]

Whenever a poster expresses difficulties in marriage, problems with communication, overreactions, etc., it does not usually take too many posts before a very standard piece of advice is given:  See your bishop and seek out a faith-friendly therapist. Ideally, it would be great if you two went together, but go yourself, if she will not. Beyond the obvious, I'd simply suggest asking her, with frequency, how she is doing and how you can help her. Listen and listen hard. Try not to interrupt. Sometimes frustrated people actually talk themselves out of their negativity once they have a chance to vent. 

[anatess2]

It takes 2 to fight.  So, you get to decide.  TODAY.  RIGHT NOW.  "I am going to love my wife through to eternity".  The rest becomes easy.  So what if she's yelling at you for taking a car, brushing your hair wrong, wearing white socks, not wearing socks, etc. etc... give her the freedom to fail and feel and be mad and be happy and be whatever she wants to be at the time.  Be confident in your standing with Christ.  Your job then becomes simply to figure out how you can get her with you closer to Christ.

Good luck.

Edited September 12, 2018 by anatess2

[omegaseamaster75]

4 hours ago, LatterDSaint said:

She is clearly looking for any reason she can to instigate something. If you have been completely faithful in your marriage then I suggest you ask her "Do you have something to tell me". If you have not been completely faithful in your marriage then you understand why this is happening

nonsense, completely faithful in what way? No one mentioned adultery

 

[Lost Boy]

On 7/16/2018 at 11:05 PM, SDO1985 said:

I don’t know where to start. I am at my wits and because my wife and I fight about every thing. Small insignificant things cause us to fight. I own my own business and today I came home during the day and switched vehicles. She was upset I didn’t tell her what I was doing, to me I was just doing what I needed to do to complete my work. I was still home at the same time tonight and her day wasn’t effected at all because of it but she was still mad I didn’t tell her what I was doing. HELP! I am at a point where I’d rather just get a divorce and move on, and make it the best situation I can for my kids.

I've been there and done that.  Fighting over small things is generally a pretty good sign that both of you are not putting in the effort to show love for each other.  You can say that you love her, but are you truly showing it through action? 

How often do you make a concerted effort to make her feel special?  Do you on a daily basis make an effort to do something special for your wife?  And lets be clear here...  you making money is not anything special.  Almost all guys do that.  That is a duty.  

Make a commitment to do at least one thing special for her each day.  Make a daily checklist.  make the list for a couple of months.  And set yourself several goals.  One goal is to do something special for her each day.  Next, find a sincere compliment to pay her every day. Next, commit to clean the house for at least 30 minutes every day... this is above and beyond helping in the kitchen.  Next work on projects around the house, especially the ones she wants done.  Next hug your wife everyday... hug her like there is no tomorrow and look at her and tell her that she is an incredible woman.

And as you do these things, check them off on a daily basis.   But do not put your goals on this chart.  Just use numbers so your wife has no idea what you are doing.  On top of that, do not tell her what you are doing.  Just do these things without telling her.  Not a single mention.   Do not worry if she is doing anything in return.  Do not base what you do on what she does.  You have committed to love her.  So do so.  Again, do not worry if she is loving you in return.  You need to work on yourself.  You need to fix yourself.

If you do the above your marriage will improve.  It will not improve overnight.  It will take time.  If you are fighting all the time, the hurt is probably pretty deep and it will take time to heel.  View this chart of goals as a true gift of love from you to her.

The other thing you need to work on is anger.  It is normal to get angry.  The natural man gets angry.  The godly man controls that anger and instead finds a loving way to discuss the issue.

You know Johnny Lingo..  You treat your wife like a queen and she will be the queen you are looking for.

Is your wife part of the problem?  Yes, but it is not your job to fix her, it is your job to fix you.  And until you fix you, you have no right to demand that she fix herself, nor should you ever demand this.

And the above is all from personal experience.  I was very close to divorce.  I feel I was inspired to do the above in my life and it worked.  Our marriage and relationship changed dramatically after doing these things.  And after starting my journey on fixing myself, she saw the changes in me and decided to make changes herself.    You are the man of the house, if you bring love into the home, there will be love.

If you want to blame your wife for these issues, you just as well divorce now.  Do not blame her.  Your (hers and your) problem is both of you.  but you can only change you.  So do it.

[Guest MormonGator]

OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You have my prayers, big time. My heart breaks when I hear of someone going through marriage trouble. 

Have you thought of going to a marriage counselor?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

While I do think this info and advice can be useful to many, I just want to point out that the OP hasn't been back to the site since August.