Convert in a dark time needs advice on hirarchy

[Chilean]

Hello Inquisitive,

Of course, I don't know you, and I don't know what you are going through, but what I can tell just by reading the things you have wrote I can say a few things that might be able to help you some.

First, I think you're dealing with depression, which is not something to be embarrassed about. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has a very good talk about that.

Second, are you currently working? are you able to work? try to keep your mind occupied, find a hobby, things that will make you happy. If you don't know what will make you happy try different hobbies or activities that might help you feel and stay happy.

Third, start writing a journal. It will help you get rid of bad vibes.

Fourth, Imagine you have two buckets in each hand. Let say In the bucket on your left you'll place all those things you have no control over, like the way people behaves, the things others do or say, or don't do, etc.  On the bucket on your right you'll place on those things you do have control over, all those things have relationship to you, meaning, those are the things pertaining to you, like the way you choose to feel, what to wear, what to eat, what to read, watch, etc.        Now, imagine all those things in the two buckets. Sweetie, do not worry about the things inside the bucket on your left, because you will never have control over them, never, let them go! Worry about the things you do have control over.

Are you trying to exercise? Exercising can help you released tension.

 

Now, perhaps you are in a difficult ward. Ive been a member all my life, and I moved to this new ward, over 3 years ago, and it's been really hard to make good friends, I don't know why. There are about 3-4 big families, so everyone is related to everyone, and the ladies are very close to eachother. Ive found out that the older the sisters the better. I'm in my early 30s and the older sisters from RS are the best. The Gospel is true, and God has only imperfect people to help him out here on earth, so just try to hold on and be patient.

The miracle of the atonement is my favorite things to talk about, you know why? because the atonement is sooooo much more than being forgiven of our sins, its so much more! The atonement can truly help you heal. I have seen it in my own life. I have a very bad/ugly/the worst childhood, in my 20s my son had cancer, in my late 20s I got a divorce. So I do know of miseries and evil. BUT the atonement can heal our hearts, it's truly a miracle, it can help us heal from illnesses, from abuse, from sin, from whatever afflictions we go through during our time on Earth.  take the atonement, and learn about it, and let it do its miracle. Your life will change.  

Take care sweetie.

 

 

Edited August 2, 2018 by Chilean

[inquisitive]

13 hours ago, anatess2 said:

I probably understand more than you think.  I left my home country, moved to a brand new country, to a city with a culture so very different from my own and the only person I knew was a classmate in high school.  I got off the plane and walked into San Francisco airport where everybody had different color hair, different color eyes, and it was cold as all heck.  I was confused by everything.  I couldn't find my classmate so I went to a payphone - which is the instruction my classmate gave me if I get lost or in trouble.  I dialed 0 and the number for a collect call and this voice from the phone starts speaking in English that I couldn't understand (and I thought I was pretty good in English).  The first thing I did after leaving the airport is go into a Taco Bell as it was the only thing open.  I have never heard of a Taco before in my life.  The only familiar item on the menu was a Pizza.  I got the pizza and it didn't look like a pizza to me.  I go to the restroom and I can't figure out how to flush the darned toilet.  I was lost, I was confused, I was LONELY, and I ran out of money.  And yes... a few years later, I slashed my wrist.

This is what I learned:  Nobody can help you become un-Lonely.  It's just not something somebody else can do for us.  And that is because you can be in a crowded room, as rich as Bill Gates, with everything going for you... and still be lonely.  We have to crawl out of our heads on our own... and when we finally get our brain in a more positive outlook that's when we can start seeing the possibilities and the help that other people are offering become more meaningful.

I still think getting a dog could help you.  And, of course, a professional therapist.  The church can help you find one.

 

[inquisitive]

Well thanks for your answers,

a dog? Haha I am being evicted with no money and no where to go. A dog. Ok!

its not funny I am about to lose everything I have and have been stalked and harassed by a group of people for a very long time. Now that I am in this situation  losing an apt I NEVER should have lost but where another lawyer was corrupted, sold me out.  The judge was told, “they” another church had a place for me to go. Not true. I am a broken mess, I also had a very difficult childhood that I don’t feel anyone from the church understands or should even hear. Unless you work for LE it’s hard on the ears and brain. 

. This group of organized criminals that are making my life a daily living hell I find hard to believe the church is not able to know someone or get to the truth. They do t have to tell me just stop the killing machine. What they are doing is illegal if it were one of them o wonder if things would be different. I am very serious, it’s a way to torture people but never really touch them it’s a psychological game but right out of a Stasi handbook. That’s deep I know but there are a lot of people in the church that are in LE why can’t someone either speak to the biship or me and let me know when I am going to die. The pain is unbearable and people not all some older members know all about what I am going through and I get the stock there are no answers. 

There is always N answer, it depends on who you are and does the higher ups in church find you worthy enough to help you. I have no money selling things, been sending out resumes like crazy and nothing. I am also now quite ill from either or the conditions in this apt that I have been fighting or the cell towers and mold. Strange I was a functioning person before the 2016 election. Maybe it’s a coincidence but things got a lot worse for me. I need one person to BE HONEST and tell me am I goi g to die at the end of the month is that the PLAN of this viscous gov program I was put on or will someone from the church help me heal and stop covering up. I am serious this is my life there are no warm fuzzy dogs, there is daily suffering sabotaging everything I do and it’s to exhausting to go into. I feel they know so much more but will not tell me . 

I wrote the biship knowing he is on vacation but no reply. See the plan is for me to die if u look up gang stalking targeted individual you can read a lot. Where else can a person go but to. A church?

who wouldn’t be depressed I M alone with no support system and the few friends I had probably not real anyway will not go near me since I became a Mormon. many reasons why.

It hurts to be in a spiritual family not really understand culture but they understand things I won’t type here. It seems more of a psychological game like they don’t trust me, what’s there to hide. The clock is ticking and no one other then one women who is also going on vacation.

i am being evicted and my time is up 8/30 and I have no where to go and everyone is in Iutah or will be. Prayer isn’t going to help Mormons always have a lesson of some suffering. No one has the right to play Hod from what I have been through and those that I have to forgive God has a wonderful place for me. What I don’t need is ppl leading me on when they know the truth but refuse to tel me. I really believe some vey dark things happened to me via Gov and no one will tell me. How can I heal?

they pretend to care until the topic of money comes up then even I’d u want to work and never took a handout answer is we will give you food. How loud do you have to scream for help then hear a tape on suicide? If you ingnore pain no wonder members hurt themselves the aim has to go somewhere. 

What am I begging for? You are either part of the problem or the solution. One day hopefully the truth will come out my problem is I want to be validated in a church that will never validate me they will always believe the worst. Is everything a competition? Not Gods love. Suffering and abondonment there is no excuse for unless you are sadistic or do t like the person (me) I have many talents it’s a shame the church doesn’t see me and my true value.

i need a miracle and if Hod works through ppl somehow the lesson is going to come first. That’s why sometimes licensed professionals are the leaders of churches they get paid and you are not always nothing them. There isn’t enough time for people’s needs. In a perfect world converts wouldn’t be broken maybe Hod put me in the church to test them as well. He works in strange ways. I am not going to get through this and the church knows it. I really believe that too is part of the awful plan. Maybe God wants me home.

thanks for letting me share NO I am NOT going to hurt myself. God will never leave us it’s people who are messed up.

i also know the church reads and monitors everything that’s fine it’s their website. I don’t want to start controversy no names were used no mention of City, state, country etc. 

.with respect but in the 11 1/2 hour and it didn’t have to be this way. I have been asking for help ( not $$) for almost 2 years . I wonder if anyone wanted to see me win. 

[anatess2]

7 hours ago, inquisitive said:

.with respect but in the 11 1/2 hour and it didn’t have to be this way. I have been asking for help ( not $$) for almost 2 years . I wonder if anyone wanted to see me win. 

We all want to see you win.  We just don't know how we can help you.  I'm throwing things on the wall to see if anything works.  So far, none of my ideas work for you.  So, I'm not sure what else to say.  I'm coming up blank.  Maybe everybody else around you are desperately wanting to help but just couldn't figure out what exactly they can offer or throw on the wall that will work.

[inquisitive]

I think the key is there is no one around me. Only one lady was ( past tense) helping and that’s it, the rest don’t care,

i have never felt so alone but watched in my life. No one care s. People are people they all  said we are all trying to help you, I said no you aren’t only you made some phone calls, eveyone else is on vacation even the biship doesn’t return e mail or texts. This is the churches way of shaming a person they all ignore you so that you leave. You might not admit it but churches do that, they all kind of turn their back on you, and they all go in the same direction. When it comes to money you will see people run faster then ever. Yes my situation is unique, its about pride, money and truth.

Back to getting help,  its really a joke, they know I am unable to do this alone  I keep getting sicker. They are waiting for me to die. I know that sounds harsh but its true.   They aren’t helping me they are all enjoying vacation.  It comes down to money, the richest people are the ones who seem to see us as having no value, throwing us away like we are garbage. Its ok, God sees that too. Just because you have more money or a higer position in the church doesn't make you better it give you power in the church structure.

I think the hardest thing for me is to have to hand over all my power to a place I know isn't going to do anything but torture me.  The darkness is unbearable. I can't put my finger on it but there is something so dark going on, its unbearable. I don't see happy faces and light I  see secrets and no one here. Shaming a person so they don't come back just saves the church money. In the end its always about the money.

 

Edited August 4, 2018 by inquisitive