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Hi priesthoodpower - wow - I didn't know your story until now!  

If there is one thing I know, it's that divorced LDS guys can have it very tough.  Their fellow saints reject them, ignore them, look awkwardly away from them, let friendships with them grow stale and die.  I'm glad you've found a place to find advice/comfort/prayers/etc.  It's part of our dang baptismal covenant for pete's sake, although many of us just can't hack it for a guy in your situation.

So, let me say some things I can genuinely say:
* I'm glad to hear of your love for your soon-to-arrive kid.  Life might be more complicated for him/her than the next kid over, but I'm sure you'll do your best to do right by the kiddo.  I know folks in intact homes with uncaring parents, and they've got problems you might be able to help kiddo avoid.
* Being able to access such stories - the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the behaviors and the consequences - I know it helps people looking at similar paths.  One of the good things I did for my marriage two decades ago, was follow the story of a guy who agonized over his for months until finally divorcing.  I am able to be a better husband and father because I was able to learn from his successes and failures.  I'm sure your story can help others.  We never know everyone who reads this stuff.
* Agency is what it is.  You have the power, the right, the duty, and the responsibility to walk your side of the road to the best of your ability.  If you do that, no matter the choices of others in the picture, God isn't asking any more than that.

God bless you!

Edited by NeuroTypical
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@priesthoodpower, I’m hoping all goes well for you. We have all made decisions or mistakes and have had to live with the consequences.  I’ve made some pretty bad decisions in my life. In my circumstance, the consequences are hard to live with. But, this I do know, Jesus Christ has atoned for all of our sins.  In the past, I would get really depressed about my sins and felt I had let my Savior down. What I have learned over the years, is that we all sin, and our Savior will only be disappointed if we don’t repent. I’ll be praying for you.

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20 hours ago, priesthoodpower said:

Its been a while,

It's been a while!  Glad to see you still coming here!  I read your post and whoa, momma!  A lot of things has happened!  And a baby on the way?  Another daughter?  Manoman!  That's awesome (for me reading your post, at least... I think it's been for you too, yes?).  So, is the divorce final?  How does this work with the new baby on the way?  Are you going to stay together?  Maybe get remarried (or is that putting the cart before the horse?).  Anyway, I'm just happy to hear you sounding a lot more positive!  I love that story about the voices while you were in the scaffolding.  I believe that would be your new daughter too.  Maybe even more on the way since you said "voices".  So yeah, I'm just glad you're going to the temple and all that.  I believe if you just work on remaining faithful, your eternal companion and your eternal family will follow.

 

20 hours ago, priesthoodpower said:

 Today got word that my offer on a 950 sq ft. 3bd 1970's shack was rejected by another offer that was above the asking 635K.

Holy guacamole, Batman!  That's steep for so small a house!  What city are you in?

So... I'm currently 3 years away from my youngest kid to qualify for a mission.  So, my husband and I have been talking and talking and pondering on what that means for us.  My other kid plans to go to BYU after mission - whichever BYU campus will take him, and none of them are close to me in Florida.  So with one kid in some BYU campus and the other on a mission to wherever God takes him, my husband and I would be by our lonesome over here.  We both agreed nah, we're gonna hound our children the rest of their lives.  Hah hah.  So, what to do when we don't know where they are gonna end up?  And it could be that they're both spread out to different places.  

And that's how I started looking at Tiny Houses.  Hah hah!  I am super obsessed by them.  I think I found my design - a 26-foot, double-axle gooseneck (also called 5th wheel) so the sleeping loft can be on the gooseneck, thereby, eliminating the need for a back-bending high loft!.  But then there's also this 32-foot triple-axle which is really nice especially as it has a retractable bed that comes down from the ceiling but I think we'll have to pull that baby with a dually.   I've been reading up like crazy on weight distribution and tongue weights and towing capacities of light trucks... I've been looking into composting toilets and solar energy systems and rainwater storage... Anyway, I've priced out my 26-foot double-axle and the 36-foot triple axle and with everything I want on it including the fancy-smancy auto-levelling things with full off-grid capabilities and the tiny home would cost me at the most 80K!  If I go get recycled materials or skimp on the modern tech and build this thing myself with just major things hired out (like the shell), I could possibly do a build for $20K.  We've charted possible RV parks to land our Tiny House close to BYU campuses (ok, so this is not gonna happen in Hawaii) or major cities we like.  Places close to the ocean, etc.  And priced out the park rental.  There are really good ones for $500/month and it gives you all the on-grid hook-ups.  And we could possibly go freebie-ing on our kids'  backyards.  Hah hah.  The cool thing is when one kid gets tired of us, we can just hook up the trailer and move to the other kid.  

Anyway, it is a whole lot cheaper than 635K.  I've seen Tiny Houses that are 500 sq feet and some that go beyond that with the expandable sliders.  I even saw several 5-member families living in one!   There's even one that is raising his family in San Francisco Valley with free parking offered by his workmate.  He built his house in Birmingham for 60K including the truck and drove it all the way to California.  You can't find a house anywhere in San Francisco for 60K... you might get one week a year at a timeshare.  Hah hah.  He is off-grid except for water hookup.  Anyway, lots of cool (and uncool) videos on youtube about it.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by anatess2
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Glad I am not the only one that has had wifey issues... 😉

Ok, I wish I were the only one that had that challenge.  Love has certainly had its challenges.

When I found out of my wife's emotional affair, I was devastated.  The hardest thing I had to go through.  There was a huge part of me that wanted to cut and run.  But after prayer, the answer was to love her and forgive her.  I don't expect her to return to church any time soon.  She isn't anti mormon, but just doesn't think it has what she needs.

That leaves me with what about our eternal marriage..  I have this strong feeling that all will work out if I do my part.  And my part is loving my wife.  Looking for the good in her everyday.  Serving her everyday.

I suspect you have felt many of the same things I have and probably to a much harder degree.  Keep loving her.  Kindness and a gentle heart.

I have found the more effort I put into loving her, the less pain I have.  I think that is part of the forgiveness process.  You will probably never forget the events, but the pain gets erased.  And happiness can return.  And your mind dwells on good things not the negative.  And I think that is what is meant by you remember them no more.

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Hi Priesthood power,

Heya man, no judgement here.  Although it is clearly not finished between you and the (ex) wife. What I am going to pray for is healing for you and your (ex) wife and that Heavenly Father will  eliminate the obstacles that have come between you two that you may be able to rekindle your marriage and return (and re-marry) one another. Also, maybe when the two of you hold your newest addition to the family, that the new child will remind you both just how the love between you has given another life breath in this world, and that love is a living breathing thing. 

The only judgement I make here is that my instinct tells me that you and your (ex) wife simply belong together. I can't tell you how to do it, it just seems like something that need be accomplished. Blessings to you both and your children. Maybe you both live as long as you want and never want for as long as you live. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey Brother, 

I can't relate to you one bit. My personality is such that I'd pop smoke (move on quick) if my wife were to file for divorce. It's something I've always done in life; leave when not wanted. No sense in making myself suffer rejection and loneliness. I mean, don't jump into another marriage but definitely I'd go out and date. Find myself another professional to marry, another lds woman (tons of worthy women) I like being happy and will do all I can to make my situation better  wherever I am. 

 

 

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Hello PriesthoodPower,

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice or not, I will say that I experienced something very similar to your story. I feel for you, and I'm sorry youre currently still going through all of this trial.

I don't recommend divorce, even through I went through it myself, but you... you are already divorced. and I'm going to be honest with my opinion (just my 2 cents) You are already divorce, get out of there, put your life in order, don't lower your standards, and prepare yourself to be able to go to the temple again.

Yes... :( I slept with my ex husband after we were divorced (abt a year after the divorce was finalized), and the very next day I went to talk to my stake president, and my bishop (I felt sooo bad) they took my recommend away, and for 9 months I did some repentance and I hurt sooooo much, (I had a disciplinary meeting with my bishopric and we met twice). It was a very difficult time, I didn't have my recommend, I couldn't go to the temple when before I was going every week :( , but I was able to learn soooo much about the healing power of the atonement, I was broken because of my divorce and my ex's cheating, and going through the repentance and healing process helped me sooooo much. Now I look back, it was a beautiful time where I grew a lot, and got closer to the Spirit and the Lord because of my trials.

Dude... your ex wife is holding you back, yes, I know you love her, she's the mom of your sweet daughters, but she's is not longer your wife and she is holding you back.

Many times with my ex we tried to work it out (We slept together just that one time, and I did get my recommend back after 9 months) We tried to work it out for about 2 years after the divorced just to find out he wasn't willing to live the gospel, he wasn't willing to work to have our lives back,  he wasn't willing to live a righteous life (He had started drinking heavily). He just didn't love me enough to be with me, or to even marry me again.

Months later, when I had finally understood those things about our toxic relationship, and I was healed from our divorce, Heavenly Father sent me a companion, a man that loved me and respected me, we married about 9 months after we met, and 2 years later, this past June we got sealed in the temple, and his little boy (4yrs old) got sealed to us, my 2 kids, from my previous marriage were able to be inside the temple and witness the sealing of their little brother to us.

Being a single parent sucks at church, big time! But you grow a lot! Yes, you will be judged, and be looked at weird, but I know you will learn so much about yourself. I would recommend for you to go to a therapist, there are a lot of stuff going on in your life, and talking to a therapist will help you be more present, mindful, and more in tune with yourself and the spirit.

You are no longer married to her, if there is a chance you guys could work it out and get married again would be wonderful, but you know she might never go back to church, is that going to be an issue in your marriage if you decide to get married again?

With that being said,  I want to tell you that the Lord will always always always bless you when you obey and keep your covenants. He is there for you to heal you and teach you about growing. Look for the things you have to learn while going through this. And do what is right.

 

Good luck. You'll be ok! :) 

 

 

Edited by Chilean
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