The Kissing Break - Help!!!

[Overwatch]

Hey Chica,

First of all glad you are here 😄 second of all, stop being weird XD.  You don't need a kissing fast. That will tone down in due time ESPECIALLY after marriage and all the kiddos popping out. Now if you guys are licking each others tonsils just cut it out. That is married kissing and my opinion doesn't have place during dating. That is the pre-grame show, the short story before the main event. Really not appropriate before you say your I do's. 

You mentioned you being his first serious GF, so what? You want him all herped up and well acquainted with the ladies? He loves you and wants only you. Now to the scriptures you mentioned. I don't think reading scriptures is wrong but it will hurt if you break up. Also, Do you really want to read scriptures with all of your make out partners? "Reading scriptures right before we overindulge in kissing makes me feel SO righteous" Lol, look. There isn't one answer and EVERYONE has something ugly about them. Just love your spouse and all his tolerable ugliness because he is going to do the same for you. 

Do you ever wonder why people celebrate 30, 50, 80 year marriages? Because marriage is a BIG deal. Learning to really love and compromise is a BIG deal. Dealing with trials year after year and staying loyal, faithful and loving is a BIG deal. Why do you think in order for a man or woman to receive the highest exaltation they must enter into the everlasting covenant of celestial marriage? It's a big deal and will most likely be the hardest thing you will ever volunteer for.

 

Also, if you are just getting bored with him or don't like him then do him and you a favor and politely say goodbye. If you are worried about having physical contact take over your relationship tell him to calm down and talk to you. Engage him in thoughtful conversation and encourage him to engage you by saying "I really want to kiss you right now too, however we have eternity for kisses. Talk to me and ensure me you are the right man that will help me and my children achieve exaltation. What is your plan?"

Edited August 16, 2018 by Overwatch

[estradling75]

18 hours ago, Squoogie said:

I'm seeing the points in all sides of these comments, so thank you all for your input. It means a lot that you're trying to dissect this.

Alright since you are ok with us dissecting this (You might be surprised how many ask for advice then get offended when it is offered) lets continue.

Someone mentioned earlier the 5 Love languages, while I do not agree with all of it, it does a good job of showing how people can need and want different things from a relationship.

Based only on what I can dissect from what you have posted it seems you have a Strong Need for Security.  There nothing wrong with needing this... But there are lots of wrong ways to go about getting it (aka Going contrary to any Church teachings).  You have no right to make anyone else give you this... But you desire to find someone (aka Boyfriend and Husband) who will willing give it to you as best they can.  This is all understandable and acceptable.

Based only on what I can dissect from what you have posted it seems your boyfriend has a strong need for Exclusive Physical Intimacy.  There is nothing wrong with needing this... But there are lots of wrong ways to go about getting it (aka Going contrary to any Church teachings).  He has no right to make anyone else give him this... But he desires to find someone (aka Girlfriend and Wife) who will willing give it to him as best they can. This is also all understandable and acceptable.

You are both young and inexperienced... You are both trying to understand yourselves and what you need while learning about someone who has different understanding and needs.   Written out like I did above you can see that there is a huge difference (but not necessarily incompatible) between the two. Yet we often fail to apply this knowledge.

Many times in this type of situation we try to give the other person what we want them to give us, rather then what they want.  Then we get all hurt because they did not respond like we expected them to.  You tried to gain security for your needs and stepped on the physical intimacy of his needs... and it blew up because you both are rather inexperienced as to what the other might be needing. 

[Vort]

2 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

Alright since you are ok with us dissecting this (You might be surprised how many ask for advice then get offended when it is offered)

Ain't that the truth. Nice that the OP is actually open to suggestions without getting all ego-involved and bruised because someone gave a candid opinion.

4 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

You are both young and inexperienced... You are both trying to understand yourselves and what you need while learning about someone who has different understanding and needs.   Written out like I did above you can see that there is a huge difference (but not necessarily incompatible) between the two. Yet we often fail to apply this knowledge.

Many times in this type of situation we try to give the other person what we want them to give us, rather then what they want.  Then we get all hurt because they did not respond like we expected them to.  You tried to gain security for your needs and stepped on the physical intimacy of his needs... and it blew up because you both are rather inexperienced as to what the other might be needing.

Personally, I was tired of being young and inexperienced, so I did something about it. Now I'm old and inexperienced. Well, middle-aged and moderately experienced. For some of us with especially thick skulls, it apparently takes a long time for the experience to seep in and make changes. But it happens, maybe glacially, maybe in geologic time, but it happens.

[askandanswer]

I think that @MormonGator needs to take a fast from Kiss - maybe a decade or two. No doubt such a fast would do his personal and spiritual development a great deal of much needed good. 

[Sunday21]

3 hours ago, askandanswer said:

I think that @MormonGator needs to take a fast from Kiss - maybe a decade or two. No doubt such a fast would do his personal and spiritual development a great deal of much needed good. 

Did someone say ‘Intervention’? Can we tie him up in the basement of the compound? Play sitar music? 

[askandanswer]

7 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Can we tie him up in the basement of the compound? Play sitar music? 

Your'e way too kind. I think something much harsher is needed - and deserved. No doubt @zil has a bag of tricks she's been plotting to use for years. 

[Guest MormonGator]

7 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Did someone say ‘Intervention’? Can we tie him up in the basement of the compound? Play sitar music? 

The horror! The horror! 

 

26 minutes ago, askandanswer said:

Your'e way too kind. I think something much harsher is needed - and deserved. No doubt @zil has a bag of tricks she's been plotting to use for years. 

If you think @zil is plotting something, you should talk to @LadyGator! 

[zil]

2 hours ago, askandanswer said:

Your'e way too kind. I think something much harsher is needed - and deserved. No doubt @zil has a bag of tricks she's been plotting to use for years. 

I have music by at least a couple hundred artists and not one of the is heavy metal. (I think my husband's Aerosmith CD is as close as I come to that.)  So, you know, a month of "other" music before they start to repeat ought to do it.  I'll have to switch the loudspeakers over to backup power first...

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, zil said:

I have music by at least a couple hundred artists and not one of the is heavy metal. (I think my husband's Aerosmith CD is as close as I come to that.)  So, you know, a month of "other" music before they start to repeat ought to do it.  I'll have to switch the loudspeakers over to backup power first...

That's why we keep you in payroll. Far away from where we play the music. 

[LadyGator]

22 hours ago, MormonGator said:

 

If you think @zil is plotting something, you should talk to @LadyGator! 

@zil and I might end up on an episode on one of those terrible shows on Id Discovery about crazy women 😉

[Sunday21]

35 minutes ago, LadyGator said:

@zil and I might end up on an episode on one of those terrible shows on Id Discovery about crazy women 😉

Your tv show is looking for you! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Widows_(TV_series)

[Guest MormonGator]

1 hour ago, Sunday21 said:

Your tv show is looking for you! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Widows_(TV_series)

If you don't hear from @MormonGator for a few months, please contact the Florida State Police! 

[Latter-Day Marriage]

On 8/16/2018 at 1:04 PM, Squoogie said:

     Am I in the wrong for wanting to do this break from kissing?  If so, I'll just scrap the whole idea.    

Hi Squoogie,

When a couple decides together to have a kissing fast like that with both of them fully agreeing to it, that is very different then when one person forces it on the other or pushes them into it when really they don't want to and don't see any reason for it.

Think of it from his perspective.  Guys generally have their feelings if being loved strongly linked with physical displays of affection, kissing, holding hands, hugs etc.  Your asking for this fast is very likely making him wonder if your feelings for him have changed, or if your feelings for him were never as deep as he thought they were.  This is something he would see as being pushed toward the friend zone so he feel rejected to a degree and reacts based on emotions of hurt and fear.  He likely was really looking forward to being able to kiss you more often since you would be closer, and it likely came as a shock that you want to take that away from him.

That does not mean he is entitled to your kisses, he is not, I'm just trying to explain what is likely going on inside his head.  You have a perfectly valid point that kissing is something that gets a young person's hormones working overtime, and that can cloud a their judgement.  IMHO a couple should not start kissing until the relationship if very serious and there is a level of mutual commitment and exclusivity.  I don't think a kissing fast is inherently a bad idea if you feel you may have been going too fast, but how you go about starting one can be damaging to a relationship if not done right.

If you really want to do this, you need to do the work to communicate to him your concerns, and why you think this is something that will help your relationship in the long run, not something you are doing to try and weaken it.  Also, listen to what he has to say.  Perhaps together the two of you can come up with a different way to address your concerns that is more agreeable.  If you impose this on him when he is unwilling or only grudgingly puts up with it being forced on him it will be harmful to your relationship. 

If you can talk out your concerns, clarify what each of you need from the other to feel loved and accepted, and from that either get him to fully buy into the fast idea so there will be no hurt or resentment on his part, or find another way to address your concerns, then it can be something that makes your relationship stronger.  Plus working something like that out together is great practice for marriage.  Sadly a LOT of marriages go bad because one spouse in effect imposes a 'sex fast' on the other spouse without their consent. 

Lastly, I wouldn't be too hard on him for getting upset over this and the previous  thing as well.  It shows he has strong feelings for you.  As long as his being upset didn't lead him to say or do anything abusive, take it as a kind of compliment that he cares so much about you.

 

[askandanswer]

On 8/20/2018 at 9:02 AM, MormonGator said:

If you don't hear from @MormonGator for a few months, please contact the Florida State Police! 

I'm sure they'll be delighted at the silence, and have a few quiet drinks together to celebrate. 

[Still_Small_Voice]

Squoogie if you feel that things are getting borderline too passionate you might want to get a family member or a friend who believes in Latter-Day Saint standards to hang around and chaperone you.  Passionate romantic feelings between couples can get out of control pretty easy.  Pray about it and get revelation on what to do and how to live the chastity standards that Christ has for all of us.