How do I confess masturbation to my Bishop?

[Anon77]

I'm an eighteen year old young woman and in the past got into a habit of masturbation, I've since stopped as I want to be worthy to serve a mission. 

I know that sins regarding the law of chastity should be taken to the bishop and it's not enough to simply stop committing the sin and pray to be forgiven of it, so I fully intend to go to my bishop about this matter not matter how long ago it occurred. However, as a young woman I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of blatantly telling my bishop that I've masturbated, no matter how much I trust him. Plus I feel, although I don't think this is rational, that people are more understanding of young men committing sexual sins and as a woman that it is much worse to have committed this sin.

Do I have to explicitly have to tell my bishop that my sin is masturbation, or is it enough to tell him that I broke the law of chastity, but specify that I haven't had sex with anyone? Honestly the only thing that is keeping me from having this conversation with my bishop is the dread of having to explain to him that I masturbated.

[Just_A_Guy]

6 minutes ago, Anon77 said:

I'm an eighteen year old young woman and in the past got into a habit of masturbation, I've since stopped as I want to be worthy to serve a mission. 

I know that sins regarding the law of chastity should be taken to the bishop and it's not enough to simply stop committing the sin and pray to be forgiven of it, so I fully intend to go to my bishop about this matter not matter how long ago it occurred. However, as a young woman I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of blatantly telling my bishop that I've masturbated, no matter how much I trust him. Plus I feel, although I don't think this is rational, that people are more understanding of young men committing sexual sins and as a woman that it is much worse to have committed this sin.

Do I have to explicitly have to tell my bishop that my sin is masturbation, or is it enough to tell him that I broke the law of chastity, but specify that I haven't had sex with anyone? Honestly the only thing that is keeping me from having this conversation with my bishop is the dread of having to explain to him that I masturbated.

Hello Anon -

Sorry you’re in this situation; but it’s awesome that you want to fix it.  My suggestions would be

1). Now that Church policy allows it, I’d suggest going in to see the bishop along with someone you know and trust—maybe a mom, maybe a friend or Relief Society leader.  It may help de-fuse the awkwardness a little.

2). I don’t think you need to offer any more detail then “I have a masturbation problem”, and maybe discuss the frequency.  Detail beyond that shouldn’t be necessary.

[NeedleinA]

18 minutes ago, Anon77 said:

Plus I feel, although I don't think this is rational, that people are more understanding of young men committing sexual sins and as a woman that it is much worse to have committed this sin.

@Anon77, while different in its subject matter (masturbation / pornography), here is a great video by a young woman who got to the point of wondering, "Am I the only woman struggling with this?". I think as you go to prepare yourself to meet with your Bishop, this simple 4 minute video may be of some strength to you. One, you are not alone. Two, Bishops know that sexual struggles affect both men and women. Best of luck to you.

 

[Overwatch]

Feel free to look in my Man shack. I wrote a small piece about the issue you are fighting with right now.

I think you are being harder on yourself than what is really going on here. You are super young and wanting to be intimate is a natural course of life. Prior sinful behavior with another usually makes things worse so I hope in your case it is just you (don't respond to that). At this moment dig deep and forgive yourself. Like really. I really don't think anyone thinks poorly of you. If they do they have problems of their own. Talking to your bishop is fine. Take your Mom with you. Also not talking to the Bishop is okay too IMO  (stone me if you want)  Masturbation is something that no one else can make you stop. I suppose you can put uncomfortable mittens on... I think talking to your Mother is the best solution. I imagine she will be able to help you and lead you in the right path. If it is something that is SO out of control that you are on a masturbation Frenzy (multiple times a day, anywhere and anytime) Then yes, go to Bishop. He will pray with and for you. Maybe put your name into the temple. I would suggest going to the temple to be honest. "But, but, I am beatin my meat and and I feel evil"  Exactly! you feel bad so that means you need to feel good again and get the strength you need. Serving the Lord and doing everything else that you can will help you get through this.

Everyone goes through different trials. NO ONE is perfect. EVERYONE is ugly in some way. It is meant to keep us humble and always close to our Father. Sometimes we just develop weakness here on Earth. We are mortal. This particular sin is one that can be overcome, thankfully. It will become a strength for you once you overcome it. You will feel confident and beautiful again. I know this will happen. You will be an excellent missionary. Just remember to lock your heart and server with full purpose. The Lord will bless you with a loving husband and all of this will be a memory you laugh about. Sin is not funny but being mortal is lol.  So many things we have to overcome and make due on how to get things accomplished.

Best wishes, you got this. 

[mrmarklin]

Be straight up. This is a minor problem that won’t preclude you from a mission experience. 

[lostinwater]

@Anon77

i am so sorry you are going through this.  

All i'll say is that if this is a super sensitive issue (and it sounds like it is) - make sure your bishop knows how raw this all is - before you've said anything other than that.  If you have/want a person to go in with you - maybe they could do this for you.  Perhaps you and someone you have implicit trust in already could discuss what you're comfortable with beforehand.  And then start vague, and only go as deep as you feel comfortable (and this shouldn't be very deep at all).  

And if the trust just isn't there with the bishop... i just don't know.  Bishops are the gatekeepers to missions i guess - so if that's the goal.  

But try and make sure you don't create even more trauma and shame from all this than you already feel.  i really think it's worth the investment in pre-planning to ensure you you have a non-traumatic and loving environment around you throughout this whole process.

And i just hope you remember that sins are things we do - not things we are.  Please be gentle on yourself.  Not just because you deserve and need the gentle kindness, but also because hurts don't heal by continually scratching them with shame.