Help. I don’t know what to think or what to do!


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23 hours ago, JayKi said:

Im no perfect I forgive lot of things but not harm a child. If that makes me bad I no care.

Then you are bad by your own admission.  I think  you need to learn a little more about forgiveness before you make the statement you just made.

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17 hours ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

I think there is a good chance that he has been getting into porn and that has lead him to this.  Linking inflicting pain with feelings of pleasure is a VERY dangerous place to go.

weird.  how do you even get there?  I'm not sure the OP has provided enough information to make this kind of inference.  

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1 hour ago, mdfxdb said:

Then you are bad by your own admission.  I think  you need to learn a little more about forgiveness before you make the statement you just made.

 Yep I am bad person but at least I no hurt children 🤔🤔

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Guest MormonGator
8 minutes ago, JayKi said:

 Yep I am bad person but at least I no hurt children 🤔🤔

You are better off than you think my friend. The best people realize how flawed they are. If you said you were a "good person" we'd all be able to tell you are not. It's like being humble. A truly humble person wouldn't say they are humble, and a truly good person wouldn't say they are good. 

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10 minutes ago, JayKi said:

There are worse sin than other so I will judge those who hurt children. 

Way to miss the point, bro. ;) 

Righteous indignation and general judginess on behalf of The Children is quite the rush, isn’t it?

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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1 minute ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Way to miss the point, bro. ;) 

Righteous indignation and general judginess on behalf of The Children™ is quite the rush, isn’t it?

Your English is almost worse than mine. I no understand what you say but I sure you wrong. 

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49 minutes ago, JayKi said:

There are worse sin than other so I will judge those who hurt children. 

Then we will judge you for judging us. You're HORRIBLE! YUCK! ICKY!

It's Pile On JayKi Day! Everyone grab your stick and get in line!

 

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5 hours ago, Mfam2018 said:

Thank you everyone for your help!

 

We went and spoke with the bishop yesterday and got in touch with the church legal department and counselors. We are working with them to get things taken care of the right way so we can figure out how to proceed.

Thank you once again for all of your advice!

Mfam, do me a favor:  *Do NOT rely* on what you think you hear the Church’s lawyers/bishop tell you in deciding whether to make a report to the authorities.  Your bishop probably doesn’t know the law.  The Church’s lawyers represent the Church and the bishop.  In most parts of the US, it would be absolutely unethical for the Church’s lawyers to give you legal advice—you aren’t their client.

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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53 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Different jurisdictions have different laws. But in my jurisdiction, if you did not remove the husband from the home, you could lose custody of the child. 

Because the husband told the wife he pinched the baby to make her cry, therefore the wife will lose custody of the child if she does not force the husband out?

Absurd. I'm sorry to hear it. I hope the US does not follow Canada down that particular road of overreactive foolishness.

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7 minutes ago, Vort said:

Because the husband told the wife he pinched the baby to make her cry, therefore the wife will lose custody of the child if she does not force the husband out?

Absurd. I'm sorry to hear it. I hope the US does not follow Canada down that particular road of overreactive foolishness.

Vort, FWIW, in my jurisdiction “physical abuse” usually requires physical evidence of harm (e.g. bruising or laceration), which is why I’m a little squishy about whether the OP’s situation would technically rise to the legal definition of “abuse” in her jurisdiction (wherever that may be).

But, if one parent is as a matter of law “abusing” a child and the other parent knows about it and doesn’t prevent it?  That’s “failure to protect”, and in extreme cases it can indeed be grounds to remove the child from the care of both parents.  :( 

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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6 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Vort, FWIW, in my jurisdiction “physical abuse” usually requires physical evidence of harm (e.g. bruising or laceration), which is why I’m a little squishy about whether the OP’s situation would technically rise to the legal definition of “abuse” in her jurisdiction (wherever that may be).

But, if one parent is as a matter of law “abusing” a child and the other parent knows about it and doesn’t prevent it?  That’s “failure to protect”, and in extreme cases it can indeed be grounds to remove the child from the care of both parents.  :( 

I have little sympathy for someone who would knowingly cause his child pain for no good reason. I'm not "Munchausen by proxy" apologist. But the guy apparently realized he was out of line and didn't want to continue. Do we really want to treat him like a baby rapist? Given the horrors that many parents visit on their children, this one seems to rank pretty low in comparison. I'm not sure it's in the child's or family's best interest for Dad to be kicked out of the house for such an act. Maybe it is, but maybe not. Certainly if he's causing actual physical injury to the child, that must be stopped.

I don't know. Believe it or not, I don't have much sympathy for a man who would pinch his own child just to get a rise out of the kid -- though my sympathy does increase when I think he's fighting a compulsion to act in that way. But today's society in the US and Canada has gone completely nuts, where a father's and husband's importance to his family is barely even paid lip service to, and does not seem to be an important consideration in court. I may be overreacting somewhat because I'm tired of the "kick him to the curb!" attitude displayed any time a father is something less than perfect. But to say a mother will lose custody of her baby because her husband pinched the baby and made it cry, and she didn't throw him out -- that's absurd, unless there's a lot more to the story.

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I am no professional, but it sounds to me like the OP's husband is perhaps suffering from some kind of combination of Hero Syndrome and Munchhausen by Proxy Syndrome.  He is creating a problem causing the child to cry, and then being the hero by calming the child and soothing it after it begins to cry.  Either way, this appears to be a specific and relatively rare issue.  Psychiatric help is highly recommended.  That said, given the confession, seems to me like he recognizes his weakness, and is ready to make amends, and wants to overcome the issue.  If it were my wife who confessed this to me, I would not feel any need to remove her from the home, but instead to seek professional help and to follow up with her on a daily basis about her actions and temptations related to this issue.

Edited by person0
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What I understood is he has an inconsolable infant, 5 months, that is crying for reasons he cannot understand. So instead of playing the detective and trying to figure out what the issue is he is hitting and scaring the baby. This is very dangerous as a next step of frustration could possibly be shaking the child which could lead to permanent damage and even death. 

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