Doubting God...please Help

[anthony]

First of all, let me apologise if this is posted in the wrong place. Perhaps perhaps a topic as difficult as doubt in God should be placed in the adult only section? I'm not sure. I also worry that my own thoughts and confusion (as foolish as it may be) might not be good for others testimonies. I have no desire to damage any one's testimony. Believe me, if I could just go on believing without all of this painful doubt life would be wonderful. I just don't want to believe in something that isn't there.

Theoretically, I should be a strong member of the church. I'm 27 years old and was born into the church. I served a full 2 year mission in a foreign country. My parents and brothers are members. My younger brothers are serving missions.

Sometimes I wonder why I can't just be like everybody else. Doubt in God is not fun. Believing in him gives so much meaning and purpose to life. Perhaps weak faith is my lot in life? My weakness God has given me to overcome? Why do others find it so easy to believe while I lack faith? Why can I say, that despite a lifetime in the Church, I cannot honestly recall a strong spiritual experience where God spoke to my soul and said I exist and I love you! I served a full mission studying and praying and working every day with all my soul despite an incredibly debilitating social anxiety disorder that often paralyzed me, where is my confirmation? Don't I deserve one? I can't stop sobbing while writing this.

Some of you may wonder, why is he doubting God instead of just the church? That is, after all, a more common problem. My reasoning is this- the organization of the church is wonderful. It is better and makes far more sense than any other church on the face of the earth. Therefore, if God exists, this is His church. I'm just not sure he exists sometimes...that last sentence was painful to write. Conversely, if this church is false, I would think God does not exist.

I know that in times like these one is encouraged to read the scriptures regularly and pray. Perhaps I should not give up on that as I have. But I also worry that by doing this daily activities it will kind of force me to believe just enough not to question so much...but then I'll eventually falter and lose faith again. Honestly, if I was a Muslim my whole life and felt my faith was weak but then decided to start praying and reading my scriptures everyday the outcome would be the same- my faith in my religion or God would be restored. It seems to me forcing yourself to do something every day makes you believe in what you are doing, no matter what it may be. I hope I'm wrong here.

Please be nice to me here. Some advice, encouragement, anything. These are the words of my soul and as I write them I find I'm crying. It's painful to doubt in something you have be brought up to believe your entire life. Thank you for your time.

[pam]

Is there something that has happened in your life that started your doubting? Just trying to get an idea of when this started.

[anthony]

Is there something that has happened in your life that started your doubting? Just trying to get an idea of when this started.

No, not really. Not that I can think of. Just for long as I remember I've never felt the way everybody else does. My parents got divorced few years ago but I think that didn't affect me too much, it affected my younger brothers a lot more. Other than that my life has been pretty good.

[prisonchaplain]

"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.

[Moksha]

Anthony, could you be more specific as to the doubts you have been having?

[rosie321]

"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.

Listen to the PrisonChaplain! Ask God. Be patient. God may not reveal himself to us on our terms or timing. The longer it takes the greater may be the reveal. He may try our patience and faith.

You're not alone. Even Christ felt forsaken at times.

I like a chapter that is rarely mentioned, Daniel 10 particularly vs. 12 and on. It gives me hope when I am feeling abandoned, overwhelmed, or unworthy despite honest efforts towards experiencing the contrary.

In my thoughts and prayers bro.

[mightynancy]

PC wrote what I would have - keep trying, keep asking.

Do things and go places that make it easier to feel the Spirit so you will recognize it. I think that often, anxiety can get in the way of spiritual things (my son has an anxiety disorder).

When my son was preparing for baptism, and to receive the priesthood, I took him to baptisms so that he could feel the spirit. We spoke beforehand, and I told him to pay attention to how he felt during the ceremony. Then he would know what it feels like, if that makes sense. I also took him to the temple grounds (I don't know if this is possible for you, not knowing where you live).

Faith is a gift we can ask for - don't give up.

[anthony]

"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.

Thank you for your words. I felt many things upon reading them. I myself would have given myself the same advice a few months ago. Dig in...but for how long? I'm 27 years old! 27! Why would God make me wait this long for the smallest sign? People in other churches and faiths have visions, life-changing expericences, ect. including the "burning in the busom". I cannot recall experiencing any of that. And if I'm so special, why are other members of this board sending me PM's that I'm not alone in my feelings? Please don't think I'm angry at you or God or anyone...I just feel very frustrated. Thank you so much for responding.

Anthony, could you be more specific as to the doubts you have been having?

I have many doubts, most of them are too confused to put into words. The big one, and the one I've never been able to answer, is why has God established his Church on earth throughout the ages when an incredibly small percentage of people on earth have ever belonged to it! If all history was like the Nephites and Lamanites where the truth was present but people turned their backs on it I would understand. But by crude guesswork I would imagine that only .01% of man since the beginning of time has even heard of His church. Why establish something that is so small, that affects so little? Why make such a huge plan with emphasis placed on our time here on earth when in our time here on earth nobody really knows about the church? Apparantly, the vast majority of missionary work will be done after this world, as well as all the ordinaces required. It just doesn't make sense, I try to think of answers but just end up confused.

[prisonchaplain]

Mother Theresa admitted that she struggled with this her whole life. Why do you have to wait? Why is it so hard, when it seems so natural for others?

There is no answer right now. God may choose to reveal it to you at some point this side of eternity. His timing is perfect though...and He does believe that this is a horrific trial that you are able to bear.

Your special, but others have shared your struggle. Mixed messages? Superficially perhaps. But you and I both know that most "strong believers" testify to having sensed the presence of God. As a Pentecostal, I live and breathe an expectancy of sensing his presence daily. "Surely, the presence of the Lord is in this place..." goes one of our hymns.

On the other hand, yes, others have experienced "the dark night of the soul" (which is seldom merely one night).

Perhaps, in your journey, you might meditate on the character of God. Do you believe He is truly good? Is He just? It may be that before you will encounter God, you must first establish your faith in who He is. I'm not so much speaking to Trinity or Godhead, as to his character. Do you trust God to be good and strong enough?

[rosie321]

<div class='quotemain'>

"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.

Thank you for your words. I felt many things upon reading them. I myself would have given myself the same advice a few months ago. Dig in...but for how long? I'm 27 years old! 27! Why would God make me wait this long for the smallest sign? People in other churches and faiths have visions, life-changing expericences, ect. including the "burning in the busom". I cannot recall experiencing any of that. And if I'm so special, why are other members of this board sending me PM's that I'm not alone in my feelings? Please don't think I'm angry at you or God or anyone...I just feel very frustrated. Thank you so much for responding.

Anthony, could you be more specific as to the doubts you have been having?

I have many doubts, most of them are too confused to put into words. The big one, and the one I've never been able to answer, is why has God established his Church on earth throughout the ages when an incredibly small percentage of people on earth have ever belonged to it! If all history was like the Nephites and Lamanites where the truth was present but people turned their backs on it I would understand. But by crude guesswork I would imagine that only .01% of man since the beginning of time has even heard of His church. Why establish something that is so small, that affects so little? Why make such a huge plan with emphasis placed on our time here on earth when in our time here on earth nobody really knows about the church? Apparantly, the vast majority of missionary work will be done after this world, as well as all the ordinaces required. It just doesn't make sense, I try to think of answers but just end up confused.

Seperate God and the Church for a minute. Talk to God. Ask Him to reveal Himself. You might miss God behind the church

As far as being 27-how long do you have to wait- How long did Abraham have to wait for his promised child? How long did it take before Christ came to earth. The faith walk is full of waiting Joseph Smith waited 3 years before recieving the plates. Please let me encourage you to take a look at Hebrews chapters 11-13. There it even talks about those who died in faith having not recieved their particular promise. But they knew that God was faithful. I don't believe God would leave such a big question like is he there a mystery. Just keep going, keep asking. It will come.

[anthony]

As far as being 27-how long do you have to wait- How long did Abraham have to wait for his promised child? How long did it take before Christ came to earth. The faith walk is full of waiting Joseph Smith waited 3 years before recieving the plates. Please let me encourage you to take a look at Hebrews chapters 11-13. There it even talks about those who died in faith having not recieved their particular promise. But they knew that God was faithful. I don't believe God would leave such a big question like is he there a mystery. Just keep going, keep asking. It will come.

I read the chapters you mentioned, thanks. Quite a lot on faith there, I can see how it is useful in my situation. However, it seems too much to keep going on faith these days. If I was born into another religion they could also tell me to keep going on faith and the confirmation will come later.

[prisonchaplain]

Anthony, you are asking the right questions. Do not be discouraged in that. Job has his detractors too.

Perhaps you ought to consider a personal retreat. Go off to a quiet, natural setting--away from the noise of life. Enjoy what you enjoy (hiking, fishing, just soaking it in). Pray, think...yell at God if you need to.

Consider looking at people of others faith--not to shop, but to compare. You believe that if there is a god then you've found the right church. Well, see how those who have not are doing. What are they doing that you my ADD to your current practices. Maybe something you spend time doing now is useless or worse?

You must grapple with this. If you feel you are beating your head against a wall, try something different. It's an important quest you are on.

[rosie321]

However, it seems too much to keep going on faith these days. If I was born into another religion they could also tell me to keep going on faith and the confirmation will come later.

That's why I suggest not even considering the idea of religion for a moment. Ask God who He is and what He should mean to you. Don't put any religious restrictions on. This goes deeper than religous customs, social enviornments and ideals. If the religion is based on principles of God then you will be led back to it. (Besides I'm certain there are probably a lot of posters praying for you right now).

It seems like your problem may be coming from tying two questions into one. Is the church true and is there a God? If the church is false then there is no God or where can I find him? Is He real. This is what I hear you saying. Seperate out those questions and let God answer them each individually. He will.

As far as each religion being different, consider for a minute how much religions have in common and how much truth is found in each. Sure each one different but each has similar ways of doing things. Certain aspects are consistent throughout religions. If you read Muslim works, for example, you'd see many great ideas, be asked to pray, be asked to live to a certain standard. There are ideas and truths of that cross over to different religions.

Once you know that there is a God it will start becoming clearer who He is and the way you can best draw closer to Him. You will also grow to identify what is not of God.

[amigo108]

The people who can simply and easily believe are truly blessed, for the rest of us I recommend the following: Do all the things that the church leaders advise i.e. pray daily, live a righteous life, read and ponder the scriptures, stay away from people/things that destroy spirituality like immoral people, pornography etc. pray to know if God exists. Then have patience. If you do the above you will eventually get your answer. It might be quick, it might take more time, but you will know.

Also, keep in mind that most of us have times when our faith and spirituality feels very low. During those times, think of this analogy. Two men are at dinner and both reach for their glass of water. The first picks up his glass and easily takes a long drink. The second who is very old, slowly picks up his glass with shaky hand and with much effort, manages to get a drink from the glass. He says to the younger man, Oh how I wish I had the strength to grip my glass and drink as easily as you. The younger man replies "the important thing is that you did reach out and try to drink and, like me, you were able to get water" The point is... sometimes it may feel as though your just going through the motions and that you don't have the faith to receive His holy water (the Holy spirit), but if you are diligent, you will receive the same holy spirit as those whose faith and testimony are strong.

Remember, just be diligent in doing what we are taught and what we know is right and good, then the time will come when you receive your answer. That is a promise (not from me!)

[pam]

I loved your analogy David. I must remember that one.

[Josie]

Anthony,

Will you think about this possibility in your present situation, please? Is your doubt in God or is it in yourself? Sometimes, we mask over what is really eating at us and place it somewhere else, where we do not have to look at it so closely. I am speaking from much experience.

Make sure that doubt in yourself or your abilities, has not made you feel that God has failed or not as close as He use to be. I suggest that you read King Benjamin's final address in Mosiah 2-5 I believe. Think about the reasons he gives there for God's existence and what He has given us. Then, as PC has suggested, pray and pray and pray until God answers. Remember, He has promised that He will answer and we are all entitled to that answer, if we pray with a sincere heart and truly desire an answer.

When you do pray for an answer, don't expect a vision or something miraculous to happen. Wait for the burning inside, the wonderful, yet unmistakable joy of knowing your prayer has been answered. It will come. I use to think how wonderful it would be to have a vision or something really spectacular happen, until I realized that we are judged on what we know and the greater blessings come from belief. Remember Christ telling his apostles how blessed they were that they knew he was the Christ. Then He said, how much blessed those were that did not know, but still believed. The greater blessings come from belief, rather than absolute knowledge.

Also, remember that keeping the commandments is a requirement for getting answers to our prayers. How can we expect God to talk to us, if we are not doing what He has commanded us to do. All of His commandments, not just the ones that we choose to keep. I am not chastizing in any way. If we want help or answers in this case from the Lord, we have to be doing what He has told us too.

Josie

[anthony]

It seems like your problem may be coming from tying two questions into one. Is the church true and is there a God? If the church is false then there is no God or where can I find him? Is He real. This is what I hear you saying. Seperate out those questions and let God answer them each individually. He will.

Good advice. I will separate the two questions from now on. I'd like to ask another question in addition to the unanswered "why has the vast majority of the world been denied the chance to hear the gospel" question. People keep telling my to hang on, that it will get better, that a confirmation is coming. Could not this be said to me if I was in any other religion? If I had been brought up a Cathlic all my life and started to doubt to to its numerous flaws, couldn't other members just tell me to stay in the religion and wait it out?

Anthony,

Will you think about this possibility in your present situation, please? Is your doubt in God or is it in yourself? Sometimes, we mask over what is really eating at us and place it somewhere else, where we do not have to look at it so closely. I am speaking from much experience.

Make sure that doubt in yourself or your abilities, has not made you feel that God has failed or not as close as He use to be. I suggest that you read King Benjamin's final address in Mosiah 2-5 I believe. Think about the reasons he gives there for God's existence and what He has given us. Then, as PC has suggested, pray and pray and pray until God answers. Remember, He has promised that He will answer and we are all entitled to that answer, if we pray with a sincere heart and truly desire an answer.

When you do pray for an answer, don't expect a vision or something miraculous to happen. Wait for the burning inside, the wonderful, yet unmistakable joy of knowing your prayer has been answered. It will come. I use to think how wonderful it would be to have a vision or something really spectacular happen, until I realized that we are judged on what we know and the greater blessings come from belief. Remember Christ telling his apostles how blessed they were that they knew he was the Christ. Then He said, how much blessed those were that did not know, but still believed. The greater blessings come from belief, rather than absolute knowledge.

Also, remember that keeping the commandments is a requirement for getting answers to our prayers. How can we expect God to talk to us, if we are not doing what He has commanded us to do. All of His commandments, not just the ones that we choose to keep. I am not chastizing in any way. If we want help or answers in this case from the Lord, we have to be doing what He has told us too.

Josie

Thank you for your loving answer, I can tell you really want to help. I would like to respond paragraph by paragraph to what you wrote, but am unsure how so I'll just do it below.

I don't believe I am doubting myself much these days. I'm am more full of confidence than I ever have been. My anxiety disorder is mostly gone and I find myself relying on my own abilities and ideas rather than others.

In the past I had prayed often, waiting for that burning inside, as you say. It has not come, though I wish it had now. I could happily be living the life of a devout Mormon full of security and free of doubt.

And in the past I also kept all the commandments and tried to live as a good Mormon should, especially while on my mission. If an answer didn't come then it doesn't seem likely to come now. It would be so much easer if I could just go on without an answer but I'm not sure I can.

[Josie]

Remember, that is why we are doing our family history, so temple work can be done for anyone, who does not have an opportunity to hear the gospel here. God did not leave anyone out. Those that do not hear it on this earth, will hear it when they leave this earth and have the opportunity to accept or reject it. God loves all of his children and would not neglect any of them.

God will not and cannot take man's free agency away from them here. Since some men choose to take others free agency away, so they have no right or opportunity to hear the gospel, God has provided that they will not be cheated out of the same blessings and opportunities that those that have heard it are afforded.

It is things like this that show me every day that the gospel is true and God does live. He judges us so unselfishly, that He will afford all of us the same opportunities and blessings, and leave no one out. We make the choices, whether it is here or there.

Josie

[Josie]

Thank you for your loving answer, I can tell you really want to help. I would like to respond paragraph by paragraph to what you wrote, but am unsure how so I'll just do it below.

I don't believe I am doubting myself much these days. I'm am more full of confidence than I ever have been. My anxiety disorder is mostly gone and I find myself relying on my own abilities and ideas rather than others.

In the past I had prayed often, waiting for that burning inside, as you say. It has not come, though I wish it had now. I could happily be living the life of a devout Mormon full of security and free of doubt.

And in the past I also kept all the commandments and tried to live as a good Mormon should, especially while on my mission. If an answer didn't come then it doesn't seem likely to come now. It would be so much easer if I could just go on without an answer but I'm not sure I can.

Anthony,

I hope you find your answer. I do hope you will read those chapters in Mosiah. And I also hope that you will first work on deciding whether God exists or does not exist. Maybe you have to find that basic answer before you can go any further. This is not something that we can prove with science or facts that have acumilated some where. It is an answer that is found within ourselves through answer to prayer. There is no other way. I can ask you where all kinds of things really came from if God did not create them, but this is an answer that only you can find, directly from Him.

There is a story about a team of scientists that told God that they no longer needed him, not even for life. They could create life on their own now. So He told them to go to it. He would like to see this. And they began getting their test tubes and eye droppers and everything else they thought they would need together and then they went to gather some dirt. They were going to create life just like God did, from the dust of the earth. God stopped them. They protested, they had to have the dust, just like He had used. God reminded them that the dust was His and He and He alone had created it. So, if they no longer needed Him, they no longer needed His dust, they had to create their own. The scientists protested that that was not fair, they could not create life without the dust, and God told them that was right!

The story is in jest, but gives the point, that we cannot do much without God's influence or help, when it comes right down to it.

Josie

[rosie321]

Another thought came to mind that I must share. It is about the apostles who lived during Christ's time. The apostles as described in actual scriptural accounts, and not the Santa Claus, superhuman fantasy apostles passed down through human traditions. The scriptural apostles and prophets were people that walked with deity daily. If anyone should have understood what God was about the apostles should have. Yet I look at their confusion when it came to who God was and what God wanted of them. Consider Simon Peter. His life is a perfect example of this. The apostles struggled often, and were often redirected. After Christ died these men all scattered and were devastated. These men, if any, should have known and fully understand who God was and His full plan since they walked with Him-Right? Wrong. I don't think God ever expected these men to fully understand everything. The Book of Moses even discusses this idea of man not knowing everything in the mortal state. If these men who walked with a part of the Godhead/God could miss such important things why not cut yourself some slack then?

If its any comfort, despite their doubts, ignorance etc God used them and its clear that their service was of great worth. It seems clear that these mens service has been revered for centuries as an exemplar and through scriptures we know that God loves them and will bless them.

Sometimes God reveals himself here a little and there a little :)

[Gaia]

GAIA:

Hi There, Anthony.

I guess my response is going to be a little different, but i hope you'll give it no less prayerfull consideration --

Who says that doubt is something that should be avoided? Not God. I see God repeatedly telling people in various ways-- both literal and symbolic --that he WANTS us to "struggle" with Him, and with the "Big Questions" in Life.

For example, Consider Jacob, who won a blessing from the Lord precisely because he "wrestled" -- and refused to give in easily or quickly (Genesis 32). The Jews have a somewhat different (and more positive) view of this episode than is often heard in Christian circles; May i encourage you to explore it a bit? -- I think you may find some meaningful ideas ---

In fact, i think we CHEAT both God and ourselves, when we try to put down, suppress, ignore or deny our questions and doubts. We're talking about the most important issues and questions in life, right? - The things that in fact, make life worth living. Shouldn't they present us with difficult questions that make us struggle? Shouldn't they be difficult to find?

Instead of fearing, avoiding or denying their questions, many people feel that the Questions are often at least as important/ valuable, as the Answers --

If i may quote a line from a movie ("On A Clear Day, You Can See Forever") that raised some of those questions in an interesting way:

".... The answers make us wise, but the questions make us human."

Being human connects you with others: If you acknowledge your questions, you begin to be more understanding and compassionate, toward others who have similar questions -- and more understanding if they find answers that differ from yours *smile*.

I think the questions themselves are important, and have much to teach us -- and we should avoid rushing to answer them too quickly or easily.

Blessings --

~Gaia

[Gabelma]

I have spent ages trying to work out an articulate response and its hard to respond to your question my story goes like this

I had always knows God existed and felt God by my side I had never known him be apart from me, then about 4 years ago he for all intents a purposes left me alone to battle - I knew he was there but couldn't feel him directing my life in the same way, I used to get strong feelings, big miracles, major direction and it all just stopped. I couldn't understand during times when I wasn't strong in the gospel he was with me, then at a timae I was doing really well I couldn't feel him.

I got a blessing that said the goal posts had moved, thath i I needed to work harder for my relationship with the Lord, I had progressed so far and needed this to move forward towards my eternal goal. And this was true I needed to find new ways to pray and had to learn to appreciate that relationship and not take it for granted.

My time in the wilderness has been tworth it - my relationship with the Lord seems to be growing more and more, my understanding of the atonment has increased. I am also having to grow in myself more and place more in myself rather than relying on the Lord for everything (I guess I needed the push) as a result I am now able to praise what he has done in my life more.

Not sure this makes sense I am not really far enough along on the journey to make sense of it in myself

-Charley

[anthony]

I have spent ages trying to work out an articulate response and its hard to respond to your question my story goes like this

I had always knows God existed and felt God by my side I had never known him be apart from me, then about 4 years ago he for all intents a purposes left me alone to battle - I knew he was there but couldn't feel him directing my life in the same way, I used to get strong feelings, big miracles, major direction and it all just stopped. I couldn't understand during times when I wasn't strong in the gospel he was with me, then at a timae I was doing really well I couldn't feel him.

I got a blessing that said the goal posts had moved, thath i I needed to work harder for my relationship with the Lord, I had progressed so far and needed this to move forward towards my eternal goal. And this was true I needed to find new ways to pray and had to learn to appreciate that relationship and not take it for granted.

My time in the wilderness has been tworth it - my relationship with the Lord seems to be growing more and more, my understanding of the atonment has increased. I am also having to grow in myself more and place more in myself rather than relying on the Lord for everything (I guess I needed the push) as a result I am now able to praise what he has done in my life more.

Not sure this makes sense I am not really far enough along on the journey to make sense of it in myself

-Charley

That was a beautiful story, I liked it. I've decided that I will try to find God, it may take a long time but I will continue searching. I'm just not sure if I'll find him in the Mormon church anymore.

[Gabelma]

There is no point in being LDS unless you are converted - follow God and take the path he wants you to take. If you go the long way round and do come back you will be stronger for it, if you don't come back you can't go wrong doing what God wants of you, what he has to sayto you is more important than anything anyone can post here.

-Charley

[Holly3278]

I hope this reply is helpful to you. Anyway, I think that everyone at times has doubts. That is at least until they gain a strong testimony. Don't worry too much though. Just pray to the Lord about your doubts and read your scriptures more. Also, post what doubts you have here and people will reply to them and maybe be able to help you. There are also some Mormon apologetics sites online that you can look up that would be helpful to you concerning any doubts you may have. I hope this helps.