Are supposed to feel bad when we sin?

[LePeel]

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

 

 

[Vort]

Should you feel pain when you cut your finger? Well, yes, probably so. There are people who do not feel pain, or more precisely, do not register pain as unpleasant. These people are at constant risk of infection and death from burns, cuts, scrapes, and other injuries. If they can manage to avoid injury despite not being sensitive to it, they can live a reasonably healthy life. So the pain is not strictly necessary, but let's face it: It's a huge survival advantage.

Is it possible to be TOO sensitive to physical injury and pain? Sure. You can be so super-sensitive that you can't live a normal life. Everything is interpreted as painful. Someone brush up against you? Ouch. Someone touch your arm? Oh, the pain! That kind of a life is perhaps more miserable than the guy who doesn't register pain. I would guess it's quite a bit more common to find physically hypersensitive people than physically insensitive people.

I believe this translates over directly to the spiritual world. Sin can be defined as spiritual damage. If we have poor spiritual sensitivity, we will damage our spirit selves, perhaps deeply. This is especially dangerous if the spiritually damaging action gives carnal (non-spiritual) satisfaction, e.g. fornication. On the other hand, the spiritually hypersensitive might find living in a fallen world so painful that they cannot enjoy the many gifts and pleasures God has given us. In my opinion, and unlike the case with physical pain, the former problem (lack of spiritual sensitivity) is vastly more common than the latter (inappropriate spiritual hypersensitivity).

[zil]

Quote

2 Nephi 4:31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?

 

[zil]

Quote

D&C 1:33 And he that repents not, from him shall be taken even the light which he has received; for my Spirit shall not always strive with man, saith the Lord of Hosts.

See also Ether 2:15, 2 Nephi 26:11.

[Traveler]

I have discovered that with practice anything can become easier - either sin or repentance.  The better we get at repentance the more we can move beyond the big things - to the lesser sins.  In life we are taught to start with the low hanging fruit (the easy stuff) but with repentance - it is best to start with the more obvious and debilitating sins.  The more we practice repentance the more we will want to use it with all kinds of sins.

As for practicing sin; I have experienced and observed that as we practice even the most mundane sins - that sinning become so much easier that we can tackle even the most abhorrent sins without hardly batting an eye.

 

The Traveler

[Rob Osborn]

1 hour ago, LePeel said:

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

 

 

Why is it that we continue to stand in the dark when we can see the light such a short distance away? Complacency in sin causes us this. We are unable to let go or give up the carnal man within us and so we remain in the dark and not even realize were just a puppet of the devil. 

Until we decide to come into the light and leave the darkness, or said another way- until we decide to be true disciples of Christ and give up the carnal man we will be too numb to feel bad for long enough about sin that we will just keep feeding that appetite and continue to go further away from the light and into darkness until it's everlasting too late. My best friend committed suicide because a lifelong addiction to pornography led him into a crime involving children. 

You will only feel bad enough to want to change when you decide not to be a puppet of Satan and come into true discipleship.

[lostinwater]

@LePeel

Sorry you are having to deal with that.  Heavy feelings, indeed.

i think the prevailing narrative is that sin is some unruly thing the person lets into themselves by choice - that needs to be beaten and flogged to extinction.

A less common  way of viewing it is as the blood and pus that flows from some wound or trauma in the person.  In that case, you surround it with good things and avoid beating it with shame at all costs.

Usually, some mixture of both is needed - though the ratios seem to depend on the circumstance, the sin, and the person involved.  

i personally have found more of the latter and less of the former to be more effective - but i guess that may just be an artifact from the truth that all the wimpy wishy-washy snowflakes like me tend to clump together  .

Anyways, i don't know where you fall in the mixture of the two.  But i think the efficacy of any dark/shame-filled thoughts that don't come along with a big blazing door with the light of hope streaming through it and a clearly-marked "Exit" sign above it is very limited.

Anyways, FWIW, i still think you're a great person who is worthy of every happiness out there.  

[FunkyTown]

3 hours ago, LePeel said:

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

 

 

Faith does not equate to understanding.

 

Here are the two great lies you need to avoid:

The first is that you aren't good enough. God will never tell you you are worthless, because you aren't worthless. You are His son and He loves you. Anything that pushes you to not try or to not care is not from God. Know that you are worth the love and effort he puts in to you.

 

The second is that you are good enough. You aren't. You should always be striving for perfection even though you will always fall short. The moment you are resting on your laurels, you start to backslide. Once you backslide, it's too easy to get worse and worse and worse. A bishop once suggested to me that I take stock spiritually every once in a while and ask 'Am I better than I was six months ago?'

If the answer is yes,  then all is well. If it's no, then I need to reevaluate and refocus. I don't need to put on sackcloth and rend my garments, weeping out 'Why died I not from the womb?'

[CV75]

10 hours ago, LePeel said:

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

If this how you're feeling, I highly recommend the addiction recovery program. That way you can feel right rather than be "past feeling."

[Fether]

10 hours ago, LePeel said:

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

 

 

I was once in a similar situation and I actually saw it as a bit of a blessing when I got to the point when I didn’t feel like an awful no good sinner.

In the beginning when I would act out I would spiral into a state of anxiety and depression, this is of course the perfect time to lead to more acting out. It is a difficult cycle to find yourself in.

At the same time I was studying scriptures a lot and was learning a lot about the Atonement, sin, repentance and addiction recovery. I eventually got to the point where when I acted out, I felt as you did but didn’t interpret it the same. To me it was a sign that I was internalizing the gospel and that sin does not make me worthless. When I acted out, those crippling feelings disappeared and I would face it constructively. Ie where was I, what started the temptation, what will I do differently next time.

Maybe I am wrong in my following thought, I’m just thinking out loud. I don’t think actions or events should dictate our feelings. Acting out shouldn’t force you into guilt or shame. Rather acknowledging to yourself that “I sinned and I don’t want to anymore” is a healthier form of guilt. You shouldn’t be forced into the depths of guilt and humility; but rather put yourself into the depths of guilt and humility. If you don’t do it yourself, all it is is shame.

Maybe the phrase “past feeling” or “numb” means more for people that neither feel guilt nor choose to feel guilt.

with you, you aren’t compelled to feel shame and guilt, rather you should stop feeling shame for not feeling guilt, and start seeing your own guilt in your sin.

anywho... Have hope, have hope in christ that you will one day be free of this addiction. We have a lot of tools to help us. Bishops, parents, spouses, counselors, friends, etc.

Dont let anyone tell you that all you need to do is read more scriptures or pray more.  In highschool I read scriptures every day, participated in all sorts of service projects, did family history, prayed often, attended seminary twice a day (including the 5am class by choice), went to 3 different mission prep courses, was seminary council President, attended all my church meetings, attended the temple weekly and a lot more . I did all this and still struggled with what you are struggling with. How do you get away from it. Go see the bishop! You cannot get past this without him. And if you are already with him. Get a counselor! I wasn’t able to overcome it till I went to a counselor that specialized in my addiction. It was pretty stinking expensive but it was the greatest investment of my life. Do whatever it takes.

[mordorbund]

On 8/24/2018 at 11:56 PM, LePeel said:

I have a problem with illicit content on the internet

CURSE YOU NAPSTER!!!!!!!!

[Vort]

On 8/24/2018 at 9:17 PM, zil said:

  Quote

2 Nephi 4:31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?

FTR, these were (IMO) mistakes made by John Gilbert, the original Book of Mormon typesetter. These are not questions; they are vocative statements -- that is, statements that address a person or people to impel or encourage action of some sort.

We English speakers long ago lost the vocative case (and pretty much all other grammatical cases), which were replaced by various prepositions and other linguistic constructs. For the vocative case, the replacement was "May I/we" (or "let us", same as the imperative mood), "wilt thou/will ye", and "will (or may) he/she/it/they". The initial "O" is a dead giveaway that this is a vocative statement. This is clearly seen in 1 Nephi 10:20 and in Mosiah 4:18 and 30.

I believe that each of the above sentences should end with an exclamation point, not a question mark, e.g. "O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul! Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies! Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin!"

[Guest MormonGator]

On 8/24/2018 at 11:56 PM, LePeel said:

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

 

 

You should feel guilty-but that's a good thing. With guilt comes the knowledge that you won't do the same thing again because you don't want to feel guilty.

Depending on the sin, you should feel some sorrow too. If you get a DUI and kill a family of four going to Disney World-then you should feel extreme sorrow and be broken up by it. If you lose your temper in traffic and make an obscene gesture towards them-then you should feel a little sorrow. So it depends on the sin.

if you find yourself dealing with suicidal depression/regret over little sins, that's a sign of scrupulosity. You might have an anxiety disorder. 

Edited August 27, 2018 by MormonGator

[Vort]

On rereading what I wrote, I don't think I phrased it very well. Let me try to add a quick clarifying comment.

To be clear: The "vocative part" is "O Lord", not the rest of the sentence. "Vocative" is the case, which applies only to nouns and pronouns and their modifying adjectives. The verb of a vocative sentence (as it might be called) is typically conjugated in the imperative mood -- thus the use of the imperative mood to signal a vocative statement.

[OhWELLthen]

It took me 15 years after a season of sin to truly feel the power of its destruction.   To feel anything but numbness from it.  For me it was not the knowledge of the actual sinning i had committed that caused any absence or void in my life.   I believed in the savior and I didn’t do these things any more, so why dwell on them, right?  It was years and years later after i was forced to divorce my husband of 12 years and i wanted a real and loving relationship that i started to unravel the crazy that my past sins had woven into me.  when my desires and expectations went from grade z to grade a that i realized all the things that I HAD done would follow me still.  The kinds of things and people i wanted in my life did not care about anything but facade deep attributes or limitations.  My out of sight, out mind lifestyle of the past was the least of concearns.  But when that ceased to satisfy me and i wanted deeper connections with way deeper people, i realized that my past could actuallly affect and negotiate what was possible .    In my experience, it wont be painful for you until you have a reason to stop looking and try and you cant, or are unsatisfied with the real thing, that you will start to feel real pain.   It goes against the nature of sin to feel remourse or pain while you do it.  You can even live though a lengthy season of doing it. It’s immediate gratification!  It’s when you can’t un learn the habits/ expectations of immediate fulfillment /  false expectations all together is when it starts to suck.   There is a lot of research now that show, people who watch that stuff regularly enjoy the real thing much less.  They relate to other opposite sex less Bc their expectations are askew.   Rules are not made just to keep you from having too good of a time..... they are put there by a wise and wonderful God teaching you not to cheapen and abuse the blessing in your life that  a real woman can bring you.  All the rich wonderful feelings, emotions, sensations and fulfillment that they are to a man should not be dabbled with cheaply on the net or you are settling for something waaaay beneath their and your worth.    If you become accustomed to abusing and cheapening the blessing, then you run the risk of missing it all together when its staring you in the face.  That has been my experience with sin in this nature.   Do all that you can to stop partaking in it.  It took me many many attempts to stop being tricked by my own mind into the same sinful behavior.  And i mean,  MANY many times of screwing up and giving in.  It was in actually failing to rid myself of it easily that i  realized how desperate i was to be rid of it.  

 

 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

On 8/24/2018 at 8:56 PM, LePeel said:

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

Relapse is normal in the beginning of recovery.  I think it is best not to beat yourself up over it.  But, I don't agree with "it's not like you were worthy anyway."  I think that is the wrong way to approach this.  Can you replace that with, "I'm human, I'll keep trying."  I think what matters most to the Lord is the direction you are going.  Are you trying to stop, but have some relapses?  That is understandable as long as you are trying to follow God.  If you have given up and given in, I think that would be unfortunate and when the Holy Ghost might really hit you with guilt to try and get you to try again.  Hang in there.  The Lord loves you.  Remember that because of the Atonement, He truly does understand what you are feeling.  He is not like some touch coach waiting for you to cross the finish line so He can look at His stopwatch and ask you what took you so long.  He is the one running the race beside you saying, "Just one more step.  You can do this." And helping you get back up when you fall, and encouraging you to finish the race.  You can do this.  Don't quit, you have the best partner on this journey, Jesus Christ.  Lean on His strength.  

[Guest]

On 8/24/2018 at 10:56 PM, LePeel said:

Here's the fat. I have a problem with illicit content on the internet. Am I supposed to fall on my face in agony over my sins? I often question my faith based on how I feel about my problem when I act out. I think "if my faith was good enough, if I was truely sincere, I'd be on the floor crying and begging for forgiveness." 

At this point though, I've done all that. Now I often think something  like "well that sucks, better luck next time, it's not like you were worthy anyway."

How should I feel when I sin? Should I feel bad? Should I be broken up over it? Should I let it roll off my back?

Similar to what Vort said.  Here is another analogy.

Sin is dirt.  It's raw sewage.  Do you really want to get it on you?  If you get it on you, what would you do?  I'd want to wash it off as soon as possible and make every effort to avoid it in the future.  Do I feel bad about it?  Yes.  Do I feel bad about myself for getting it on me?  Maybe I think that I was clumsy or stupid or something like "How could I have done that?  Yuck!"  But I'm mainly thinking,"Ugh!  I never want to do that again!! YECKH!"

It's about separating the sin from the sinner.  The thing is that Satan wants you to think about how unworthy you are, while you continue to think that the sin is perfectly fine.  The Lord wants you to think about how disgusting the sin is while recognizing you are still a child of God and have an infinite potential.

The problem is that your perspective of pornography is that it is not raw sewage. Thus, the key to changing/repenting is to not simply "stop the behavior".  It is to change the way you THINK about pornography.  You still think of it as something pleasant to look at.  It gets hormones going in your body and they provide physically pleasant sensations.  And you focus on the sensations so much that you're not thinking about the fact that it is raw sewage.  But deep down, you know something is wrong.  So you believe it is you.  If you beleive you are disgusting or unworthy, then you feel perfectly fine having raw sewage on you.  That is why it continues.  

I had an interview with a young man about whether he had a pornography issue.  He said no. 
I asked if he had come across it on the internet (on purpose or by accident).  He said sometimes pop-ups come up on the screen.
I asked if he was tempted by them.  He said that he thought it was disgusting and he didn't see why anyone would care to look at it voluntarily.

He doesn't have a problem with it because that is how he thinks of it.  Figure out a way to change the way you think about the sin.  Change the way you think about yourself.  Then the behavior will follow. (What Zil said).

Edited September 2, 2018 by Guest

[anatess2]

On 9/2/2018 at 9:42 AM, Carborendum said:

Similar to what Vort said.  Here is another analogy.

Sin is dirt.  It's raw sewage.  Do you really want to get it on you?  If you get it on you, what would you do?  I'd want to wash it off as soon as possible and make every effort to avoid it in the future.  Do I feel bad about it?  Yes.  Do I feel bad about myself for getting it on me?  Maybe I think that I was clumsy or stupid or something like "How could I have done that?  Yuck!"  But I'm mainly thinking,"Ugh!  I never want to do that again!! YECKH!"

It's about separating the sin from the sinner.  The thing is that Satan wants you to think about how unworthy you are, while you continue to think that the sin is perfectly fine.  The Lord wants you to think about how disgusting the sin is while recognizing you are still a child of God and have an infinite potential.

The problem is that your perspective of pornography is that it is not raw sewage. Thus, the key to changing/repenting is to not simply "stop the behavior".  It is to change the way you THINK about pornography.  You still think of it as something pleasant to look at.  It gets hormones going in your body and they provide physically pleasant sensations.  And you focus on the sensations so much that you're not thinking about the fact that it is raw sewage.  But deep down, you know something is wrong.  So you believe it is you.  If you beleive you are disgusting or unworthy, then you feel perfectly fine having raw sewage on you.  That is why it continues.  

I had an interview with a young man about whether he had a pornography issue.  He said no. 
I asked if he had come across it on the internet (on purpose or by accident).  He said sometimes pop-ups come up on the screen.
I asked if he was tempted by them.  He said that he thought it was disgusting and he didn't see why anyone would care to look at it voluntarily.

He doesn't have a problem with it because that is how he thinks of it.  Figure out a way to change the way you think about the sin.  Change the way you think about yourself.  Then the behavior will follow. (What Zil said).

This is GOLD.  Thank you, Carb.