Husband had one time affair

[Latter-Day Marriage]

44 minutes ago, Vort said:

Having never been drunk, I have often wondered at the way being drunk constitutes an exculpation of sorts. I don't get it. If a man gets drunk and kills someone in a car accident, it seems to me that he's more guilty of wrongdoing, not less. If you intentionally impair your judgment, you are asking for bad things to happen. How is it, then, that being drunk or high or otherwise impaired (by your own hand) is used to try to lessen responsibility?

I am not trying to condemn this man's drunken mistake. I just don't see why being drunk should somehow count in his favor.

I doubt at the time he made the choice to drink that he had any kind of expectation that it would result in this.  All he expected was the same thing he got from all the other times he went drinking, and he felt safe handicapping his rationality and lowering his inhibitions chemically.  He didn't set out at the start of the night to cheat on his wife.  It was a case of an opportunity plus a moment of weakness plus a bad decision.

To me that makes it different from somebody who had full command of their mental faculties making a deliberate choice to do the same thing.  That is rebellion, not weakness and/or foolishness.  In both cases the person has sinned and has to repent, and the one who was drunk has to also repent of breaking the WoW.

[Overwatch]

8 hours ago, MormonGator said:

I charge money for the lewd pictures-the regular black and white headshots I give out for free. 

And I was obviously kidding. I would suggest you lighten up. 

I would suggest you realize you aren't funny to everyone 

[Vort]

44 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Having been drunk several times in my life, I can tell you that when you are drinking it effects your judgement-it's easier to make bad decisions. You are more likely to do something you wouldn't do when you are sober. Does that justify bad behavior? Of course not. But I think that's why society views drunken decisions with less culpability then sober ones.

I accept your answer, but it begs the question: Why is being drunk exculpatory instead of condemning? If I go driving around with my eyes closed and kill someone, how valid is my defense, "It wasn't really my fault! My eyes were closed!"?

[Guest MormonGator]

Just now, Overwatch said:

I would suggest you realize you aren't funny to everyone 

That's why I had to quit stand up comedy. 

[Overwatch]

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

That's why I had to quit stand up comedy. 

To instead bring your act to the forums. I am aware you have a lot of time on your hands.

[Guest MormonGator]

 

Just now, Overwatch said:

 I am aware you have a lot of time on your hands.

It's hard to be so rich that you can retire at 30 and spend your days doing what you want. It's okay to be jealous. Frankly, I would be too if I wasn't me. 

[Vort]

 

[Overwatch]

1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

 

It's hard to be so rich that you can retire at 30 and spend your days doing what you want. It's okay to be jealous. Frankly, I would be too if I wasn't me. 

You are triggered lol. When you get flustered you try to tell passive aggressive jokes so you don't get in trouble XD

[Guest MormonGator]

2 minutes ago, Overwatch said:

You are triggered lol. When you get flustered you try to tell passive aggressive jokes so you don't get in trouble XD

All true. Agree 100%. 

Edited August 29, 2018 by MormonGator

[Overwatch]

Just now, MormonGator said:

All true. 

I understand your view on the actual topic but I have also seen people divorce and actually ended with someone who loved them MORE. Who are now more happy then they ever were before.

My uncle was cheated on after having many children. He was willing to forgive but his wife wanted to stay with her affair partner. He went into a deep depression and I saw him suffer. Despite his sadness he never stopped working and kept up paying two houses. He was eventually introduced to a medical doctor and today he is very happy, she loves him sooo much. They are happily married, it is good to see him smile again. 

While I don't discount the power of reconciliation I have also seen the power of entirely new blessings. 

[Guest MormonGator]

1 minute ago, Overwatch said:

I understand your view on the actual topic but I have also seen people divorce and actually ended with someone who loved them MORE. Who are now more happy then they ever were before.

My uncle was cheated on after having many children. He was willing to forgive but his wife wanted to stay with her affair partner. He went into a deep depression and I saw him suffer. Despite his sadness he never stopped working and kept up paying two houses. He was eventually introduced to a medical doctor and today he is very happy, she loves him sooo much. They are happily married, it is good to see him smile again. 

While I don't discount the power of reconciliation I have also seen the power of entirely new blessings. 

I know exactly what you mean-the heartbreak of being cheated on must be incredibly intense (it's never happened to me, that I know of) and I wouldn't blame anyone for ending a relationship if such circumstances happened.

[omegaseamaster75]

13 hours ago, Overwatch said:

I understand your view on the actual topic but I have also seen people divorce and actually ended with someone who loved them MORE. Who are now more happy then they ever were before.

My uncle was cheated on after having many children. He was willing to forgive but his wife wanted to stay with her affair partner. He went into a deep depression and I saw him suffer. Despite his sadness he never stopped working and kept up paying two houses. He was eventually introduced to a medical doctor and today he is very happy, she loves him sooo much. They are happily married, it is good to see him smile again. 

While I don't discount the power of reconciliation I have also seen the power of entirely new blessings. 

Well your anecdotal evidence has convinced me. I'm totally on board and the OP should blow up her marriage.

[omegaseamaster75]

14 hours ago, Overwatch said:

I would suggest you realize you aren't funny to everyone 

He is funny to me, but I also have a sense of humor.

[Overwatch]

55 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Well your anecdotal evidence has convinced me. I'm totally on board and the OP should blow up her marriage.

Your sarcasm is unnecessary and insinuating that her making any choice other than forgiving and staying with her disrespectful husband is "blowing up her marriage" is  nauseating. 

54 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

He is funny to me, but I also have a sense of humor.

Weak bait

-------------------------------

She was faithful and true. She gets to decide what she wants with this situation. Either path she takes is a righteous choice. 

Edited August 29, 2018 by Overwatch

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

1 hour ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

He is funny to me, but I also have a sense of humor.

Lol, I was thinking the same thing.  

[omegaseamaster75]

3 hours ago, Overwatch said:

Your sarcasm is unnecessary and insinuating that her making any choice other than forgiving and staying with her disrespectful husband is "blowing up her marriage" is  nauseating. 

She was faithful and true. She gets to decide what she wants with this situation. Either path she takes is a righteous choice. 

I never said she had to stay with him point out where I said that. Don't put words in my mouth.  We know half of what has gone on in their relationship her half. So yeah I'm not so quick to "blow up" the marriage. 

The only nauseating thing is your lack of a sense of humor and singular focus on the sins of the husband..

She gets to decide. There are options it's up to the OP

[Overwatch]

3 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

I never said she had to stay with him point out where I said that. Don't put words in my mouth.  We know half of what has gone on in their relationship her half. So yeah I'm not so quick to "blow up" the marriage. 

The only nauseating thing is your lack of a sense of humor and singular focus on the sins of the husband..

She gets to decide. There are options it's up to the OP

Your last sentence is the only thing that matters in what you just wrote 😄

[Latter-Day Marriage]

On 8/28/2018 at 9:31 PM, Vort said:

I accept your answer, but it begs the question: Why is being drunk exculpatory instead of condemning? If I go driving around with my eyes closed and kill someone, how valid is my defense, "It wasn't really my fault! My eyes were closed!"?

But driving drunk does carry harsh penalties, even if you haven't caused an accident.  In a case like this, I don't see being drunk as exculpatory, but I do see it as moving the act toward being unintentional.  Like manslaughter instead of murder.  There is a dead person in both cases, but the intentions of the responsible parties are not the same.

[Vort]

2 hours ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

In a case like this, I don't see being drunk as exculpatory, but I do see it as moving the act toward being unintentional.  Like manslaughter instead of murder.  There is a dead person in both cases, but the intentions of the responsible parties are not the same.

But of course, that is the very definition of "exculpatory". He's not really as guilty of (in this case) adultery as he would have been had he been sober while fornicating.

[zil]

FWIW, I also reject the "unintentional" argument.  I cannot believe there's an adult in existence who does not know - in an intellectual fashion - that they will lose (some portion of) their reasoning and self control when drunk.  I cannot believe any drunken person, after they sober up the first time, doesn't understand this in an experiential fashion.

Therefore, the minute one chooses to take the first drink, one chooses all the consequences of what happens afterward.

If one chooses to first secure the car keys and weapons and drugs, and whatever other things have the potential to lead to evil, if one first chooses to engage the services of an able sober person to restrain them, if needed, then one is at least taking steps to ensure their drunken self has a harder time doing something stupider, and going to those extremes might be exculpatory, but they are still willingly, and knowingly giving up their self control and reason and therefore willingly, and knowingly accepting the consequences of their drinking.

I cannot find an excuse in there.

[Vort]

3 minutes ago, zil said:

FWIW, I also reject the "unintentional" argument.  I cannot believe there's an adult in existence who does not know - in an intellectual fashion - that they will lose (some portion of) their reasoning and self control when drunk.  I cannot believe any drunken person, after they sober up the first time, doesn't understand this in an experiential fashion.

Therefore, the minute one chooses to take the first drink, one chooses all the consequences of what happens afterward.

If one chooses to first secure the car keys and weapons and drugs, and whatever other things have the potential to lead to evil, if one first chooses to engage the services of an able sober person to restrain them, if needed, then one is at least taking steps to ensure their drunken self has a harder time doing something stupider, and going to those extremes might be exculpatory, but they are still willingly, and knowingly giving up their self control and reason and therefore willingly, and knowingly accepting the consequences of their drinking.

I cannot find an excuse in there.

This is what I think. I feel like there's an important lesson here staring me in the face, but I can't quite make it out.

On a rational level, I can't see how "I was drunk" ever excuses or lessens responsibility for the evil one does. If anything, that makes it worse. The fact that maybe it was my niece or other loved one that committed the drunken evil is irrelevant. When you (willingly) surrender control, you don't surrender your accountability. On the contrary, you now must account not only for what happened, but for why you impaired your own control.

But my gut tells me that there is a broad application here that applies to us all, teetotalers as well as drinkers. Something about this topic is a fundamental part of the human condition, an existential fact woven into our very being, a tragedy of mortality that can be escaped only through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Pointing the blaming finger at the drunk seems implicitly to point three others back at myself.

 

[zil]

16 minutes ago, Vort said:

But my gut tells me that there is a broad application here that applies to us all, teetotalers as well as drinkers. Something about this topic is a fundamental part of the human condition, an existential fact woven into our very being, a tragedy of mortality that can be escaped only through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Pointing the blaming finger at the drunk seems implicitly to point three others back at myself.

I think it's our desire to both receive and (hopefully) extend mercy.  It's our understanding of how weak we are in the face of temptation and how much we need another - either to help us resist that temptation, or atone for giving in to it.

But there is a difference between denying responsibility, and begging for mercy in the face of our own irresponsibility.

[Just_A_Guy]

17 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

The only nauseating thing is your lack of a sense of humor and singular focus on the sins of the husband..

I, for one, was mildly nauseated by the Wendy’s Baconator Fries I had for lunch yesterday . . .

[Sunday21]

I am a convert. Used to drink. But as a adult, did not consume more than one alcoholic beverage unless I was at home or with my husband. If you drink, you need rules for yourself.

[mordorbund]

5 hours ago, zil said:

FWIW, I also reject the "unintentional" argument.  I cannot believe there's an adult in existence who does not know - in an intellectual fashion - that they will lose (some portion of) their reasoning and self control when drunk.  I cannot believe any drunken person, after they sober up the first time, doesn't understand this in an experiential fashion.

Therefore, the minute one chooses to take the first drink, one chooses all the consequences of what happens afterward.

And yet, if we reverse the gender and apply consensus thought to the OP, husband becomes a young woman who drank away her ability to consent. Your argument becomes victim blaming someone who was sexually assaulted (at best).