Letting Others Serve You


Connie
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We talk so much about serving others but not much about letting others serve us.

My take on this is that we have all taken that baptismal covenant to “mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort,” etc. We can only accomplish this if we all take our turns to serve and to have service rendered to us (or to minister and to be ministered to, if you prefer). Sometimes it seems like the best service you can render to someone is to let them serve you.

This requires patience and long-suffering sometimes as we are all imperfect at serving. We may be frustrated with how someone decides to minister to us. We may find it awkward or inconvenient or think we can just do it better ourselves. And then someone may find our efforts at ministering awkward or inconvenient and feel like they don’t need our service in their lives.

What are your thoughts on letting others serve you?

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What i do most of the time:  Accept it trying to be gracious - but likely coming across as super awkward.  Thank them profusely - probably too many times.  Try and give them something or do something for them in return.  Pray to God that they will understand i don't mean to make them feel awkward.

What i should do most of the time:  Not sure. Definitely exhibit graciousness and gratitude.

 

There have been a few times where a person did something for me that really made a difference. Most of them probably never realized it because it was just something that may have felt to them like a really inconsequential thing.  i'm pretty sure that the times where it just feels like pointless awkwardness where i'm sorry they put themselves through it on my behalf took as much or more on their part as the times someone made a difference without realizing it.  So in a way i feel guilty for not feeling the same level of appreciation consistently - though i attempt to show the same level of appreciation always.

Probably, though, i am the beneficiary of far more service than i am consciously aware of - and i just take it completely for granted because it is not in short supply.  So maybe another observation is that it is good to think about what we take for granted that is already given and show appreciation for that.

This is a really good thread, btw.  

Edited by lostinwater
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Guest MormonGator
2 hours ago, Connie said:

Sometimes it seems like the best service you can render to someone is to let them serve you.

How so? After all, if your life is going great shouldn't your ministering teachers be focused on someone who is having a hard time? 

Just asking, not arguing. 

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14 hours ago, MormonGator said:

How so? After all, if your life is going great shouldn't your ministering teachers be focused on someone who is having a hard time? 

Just asking, not arguing. 

I don’t know that I have a good answer to this, but more just an example of a time in my life where everyone was letting everyone serve each other.

I once had a group of friends where we lived as has been mentioned above. We served each other all the time and repaid each other through future service, no one ever rejected the service, just said “thank you so much! I would love help”. Anything from buying each other lunch to assisting someone in a task. None of us needed that service, but the constant service brought all us very close together.

Allowing others to serve you when you don’t need it is an incredible blessing... but I’m not sure why.

I make it a habit to never reject someone’s offer of service even if I think I don’t need help or think it might inconvenience them. Trust is built between parties when this happens.

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16 hours ago, lostinwater said:

This is a really good thread, btw.  

I love this. I say this often but I’ll say it again. We get TONS of trainings on how to be good home teachers / ministers, but none of us know how to receive such service. We all need a good lesson on the importance of having people minister to you and how we ought to receive them. We can’t build Zion if we aren’t serving others, nor can we build Zion if we aren’t letting others serve us.

Edited by Fether
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17 hours ago, Connie said:

We talk so much about serving others but not much about letting others serve us.

My take on this is that we have all taken that baptismal covenant to “mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort,” etc. We can only accomplish this if we all take our turns to serve and to have service rendered to us (or to minister and to be ministered to, if you prefer). Sometimes it seems like the best service you can render to someone is to let them serve you.

This requires patience and long-suffering sometimes as we are all imperfect at serving. We may be frustrated with how someone decides to minister to us. We may find it awkward or inconvenient or think we can just do it better ourselves. And then someone may find our efforts at ministering awkward or inconvenient and feel like they don’t need our service in their lives.

What are your thoughts on letting others serve you?

I was raised as a 5th generation member.  Service was drilled into me by my parents.  I was also taught that others would offer service as a matter of courtesy and that I should politely refuse out of courtesy.  When I arrived in the mission field as a missionary - I drove my companions nuts because I would not accept dinner invitations.   I must admit that to this day it is so difficult to accept service from someone I believe less capable of performing the needed service than myself.  For example I have a really nice and powerful show blower - often in heavy snow I will remove the snow from several walkways in my neighborhood.  But I have one neighbor that is not in any better physical shape than myself but if I am just a little late removing the snow he is out in my yard trying to remove the snow on my walkway with a pathetic shovel.   I would like to tell him that his efforts are pathetic - but in so many other things he is much better than me.

 

The Traveler

Edited by Traveler
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I wonder if we can also think of it in terms of the Savior's service. If we are all supposed to be serving/ministering by the Spirit according to how Christ would serve as people who have taken that covenant, then would it be considered as rejecting or accepting Christ's service as offered vicarious through another when we reject or accept the service of another fellow covenant member?

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10 hours ago, Fether said:

I don’t know that I have a good answer to this, but more just an example of a time in my life where everyone was letting everyone serve each other.

I once had a group of friends where we lived as has been mentioned above. We served each other all the time and repaid each other through future service, no one ever rejected the service, just said “thank you so much! I would love help”. Anything from buying each other lunch to assisting someone in a task. None of us needed that service, but the constant service brought all us very close together.

Allowing others to serve you when you don’t need it is an incredible blessing... but I’m not sure why.

I make it a habit to never reject someone’s offer of service even if I think I don’t need help or think it might inconvenience them. Trust is built between parties when this happens.

 I understand. 

To me, it's selfish if I demand my ministers time. My life is A-ok right now. He should focus on other families who have drama going on.

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Yesterday was the first Sunday in 5 that I have been able to make it to church. Last being General Conference, before that Stake Conference. Those times it is fed through internet streaming which is extremely spotty so we never go. But even if we had had perfect viewing, I wouldn't have gone. Just like I didn't go the previous three Sundays. Why? Because I was in physical pain from my sciatic nerve pain, RA, fibromyalgia, & neuropathy. Had I NOT had any Dr's appointments during the week before those Sunday's, I might have been able to make it.

I don't have a clue which sister(s) is(are) assigned to me and our HT hasn't knocked on our door since a year ago Dec 20th to give us a plate of his wife's homemade fudge (they both know I am diabetic and Hubby won't eat sweets, doesn't like them).

Back three weeks ago when I called the sister I thought was assigned to me to ask her to help me with a few chores in my home, she said she would check her scheduled and pencil me in. Haven't heard back. The gal from church that I pay to come and hand wash the plastics & cook ware, hasn't been able to come for the last 2 months - one sick kid after another has kept her tethered to her house.

So, both Hubby and I show up at church yesterday. It is Branch Council, so WE go 45 minutes early. I settle in the chapel, he goes to the council and I get a text from him - both the librarian and the assistant won't be attending church, please go sit in the Library, it is unlocked. Sitting on a fold up stool is just what my sciatic needs - -NOT! I close it up at 10 minutes before Sacrament and head for the Chapel. Once we get seated, three primary teachers come and want in the Library. Nope - wait till after Sacrament.

Hubby takes over Library duties, I stay for GD in the Chapel (I can sit sideways on the chairs to get my right leg up and ease the sciatic pain), but by RS/PH I can't take sitting in those chairs any longer so I go out to the car and Hubby stays for PH. He really likes when the EQP instructs.

Now, on my way to and from my seat I get stopped by no less than 8 sisters commenting how they hadn't seen me in "Like, Forever". Two of the sisters I have to yet again repeat that I hurt too bad for ANYONE to touch me. I will shake your hand, not the other way around. Please don't hug me, I will hug you. I also tell them that I have been home in pain.

If these 8 women had noticed every Sunday that I hadn't been there, then why didn't they look my phone number up in the Branch Directory and call to see how I am doing? Why didn't they look my email address up in that same directory and ask how I was doing, can I be of service??? Why didn't the NEW RS President call/email/text me??? The new RS president was called 4 Sundays ago!

I would NOT have refused anyone's service. As a NOT born in the covenant member, I was taught that to refuse service was denying them blessings from heaven. Also right now, I need the help. I need someone to fold my clean clothes and put them in our dressers & hang them in my closet. I need my floors vacuumed after moving the furniture away from the walls. I need the hallway bathroom/tub/toilet scrubbed. I also need my curtain rods in the master bedroom, guest bedroom and den raised up so the curtains don't puddle on the floor (they are blocking the heat vents, which during the summer didn't matter, but now it does.

If members don't offer service because Hubby hovers and distracts them with idle chatter of his *good old day*, then please, please tell me so I can keep him distracted else where in the house. Is it because I leave them to the task and stay in another part of the house? Then please, please tell me.

 

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2 hours ago, Iggy said:

I don't have a clue which sister(s) is(are) assigned to me and our HT hasn't knocked on our door since a year ago Dec 20th to give us a plate of his wife's homemade fudge (they both know I am diabetic and Hubby won't eat sweets, doesn't like them).

If you have LDS Tools, use your app store to make sure it's up to date, then sync it, then load your profile, then swipe over to "MINISTERING" and it will tell you who is assigned to minister to you, who your companion is, to whom you are assigned to minister - if any.  If nothing shows, either they're doing updates (they've been doing that off and on for a a couple days) or you aren't assigned / no one is assigned to you.

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Our last 4th Sunday topic was "ministering" in Relief Society. One of the discussion topics to choose from was "The Lord wants us to accept ministering from others."

It lists 1 Corinthians 12:13-21 as a reference. And also an old conference talk by Robert D. Hales which I am going to study.

Any thoughts? Did anyone discuss this topic in their Relief Society or Priesthood Quorum?

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4 hours ago, zil said:

If you have LDS Tools, use your app store to make sure it's up to date, then sync it, then load your profile, then swipe over to "MINISTERING" and it will tell you who is assigned to minister to you, who your companion is, to whom you are assigned to minister - if any.  If nothing shows, either they're doing updates (they've been doing that off and on for a a couple days) or you aren't assigned / no one is assigned to you.

I imagine @Iggy may be an older sister.  The problem with the church moving so far into the electronic realm is it leaves the poor and the elderly entirely in the cold.  Many of them either cannot afford the electronics, or are unable to figure out how to use them.  The focus on electronics is something for those of middle age and younger, as well as middle class and higher.  Unfortunately, many of those outside that arena are left out in the cold.

That said, most Bishoprics or clerks would probably be more than happy to try to help out with getting a ward directory or information on who one's ministering sisters or brothers are if they were simply asked.  Tell the Bishopric of your difficulties and your problems.  Tell them that you are in very dire need of help and aid.  Unless they are entirely ignoring their callings they will probably make sure that someone can help you within the next week or two (it may not be instantly, and it may not be as quick as needed, but they will do as much as they can as quickly as they can most likely).

I am extremely grateful to this forum, speaking for myself.  They helped me figure out the LDS tools and gospel Library when I was trying to figure out how to use them.  Many are probably not as blessed or fortunate as I was.  I really appreciate those who came and answered my questions when I needed to have that help.  As someone who is part of an older generation myself I can completely understand how difficult it can be for some to try to figure out many of this new technological arena.  I do have a good friend (he is 77 right now) who is VERY much up to date on these things, so it's not everyone that is elderly.  Some are probably sharper on them than the kids.  In general though, some of us need more help than others in these arenas.

 

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Yes, I guess I am elderly -66yo.😄 I do know how to use the tools. Our outgoing RS presidency of about one year has not updated anyone, and the new one of one month has not touched anything. So it shows our names but nothing else.

Our Sister Missionaries have been swapped out more often too - the two I saw at Church last Sunday are not familiar to me. Because cooking is painful for me, I help our missionaries by supplying them with: bath soap, toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent/fabric sheets, toothpaste/toothbrushes, personal hygiene items (if they wish), etc.

 

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On 10/13/2018 at 6:57 PM, Connie said:

We talk so much about serving others but not much about letting others serve us.

My take on this is that we have all taken that baptismal covenant to “mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort,” etc. We can only accomplish this if we all take our turns to serve and to have service rendered to us (or to minister and to be ministered to, if you prefer). Sometimes it seems like the best service you can render to someone is to let them serve you.

This requires patience and long-suffering sometimes as we are all imperfect at serving. We may be frustrated with how someone decides to minister to us. We may find it awkward or inconvenient or think we can just do it better ourselves. And then someone may find our efforts at ministering awkward or inconvenient and feel like they don’t need our service in their lives.

What are your thoughts on letting others serve you?

We actually do talk about letting others serve us.  At least in my ward we do.  We ask if there is anyone with a project that they could use some help with.  Sometimes there isn't.  Sometimes there is.  Sometimes people don't need help but say people are welcome to join.

 

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On 10/14/2018 at 6:37 PM, MormonGator said:

 I understand. 

To me, it's selfish if I demand my ministers time. My life is A-ok right now. He should focus on other families who have drama going on.

I think that even if like is going A-ok, it's still important to have ministers visit and spend their time with you (or anyone in general who is having things go well) because in an instant, that can change. Life has a funny way of doing that. In happy times, we have to build up our faith so that in not-so-great times, we can draw upon that faith because it's so strong. That's how I feel anyways. 

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1 hour ago, Morgaine said:

I think that even if like is going A-ok, it's still important to have ministers visit and spend their time with you (or anyone in general who is having things go well) because in an instant, that can change. Life has a funny way of doing that. In happy times, we have to build up our faith so that in not-so-great times, we can draw upon that faith because it's so strong. That's how I feel anyways. 

Great points @Morgaine, no doubt. 

I'm blessed to have a wonderful circle of friends. I rely on them when life gets tough. The ministering program is great and I'm glad it works for everyone, but for those who are't close to their ward for whatever reason, they prefer to rely on their friends/family. 

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