Overwhelming and a Burden

[omegaseamaster75]

This is a perfect example of a Bishop being out of his depth of expertise.  The bishops role should be to point you in a direction in which you can receive the help you need, and facilitate it if necessary. 

@Petty3 You need professional help, you have received some good advice so far but I would recommend counseling 3-4x a week, not once every 3-4 weeks. I don't know if you mentioned that you were on any types of medication, but if not this is something you should look into. 

[Petty3]

@anatess2 you are correct that I should probably go to the hospital.  But I don't think I can do that. I know I don't want to.  I am constantly thinking about dying. 

I am just moving forward one step at a time...one minute at a time.  

I hate being around people and then I hate being alone.  It's a strange feeling and cycle.  Most of the time I'd rather be alone though.

I don't know why suicide is so sad to others and looked down upon. If someone doesn't want to live why aren't they allowed to die?  Why are they put on suicide watch and not left alone?

 

[Jane_Doe]

17 minutes ago, Petty3 said:

@anatess2 you are correct that I should probably go to the hospital.  But I don't think I can do that. I know I don't want to.  I am constantly thinking about dying. 

I am just moving forward one step at a time...one minute at a time.  

I hate being around people and then I hate being alone.  It's a strange feeling and cycle.  Most of the time I'd rather be alone though.

I don't know why suicide is so sad to others and looked down upon. If someone doesn't want to live why aren't they allowed to die?  Why are they put on suicide watch and not left alone?

 

Speaking as someone who's been there--

Right now you're not remotely thinking straight @Petty3.  The life-sucking fog that is depression is what you're seeing.  What you're missing is your beautiful worth as a daughter of God.  You need MAJOR professional help RIGHT NOW.  It's not a matter of whether or not you want it, it's the fact that you NEED it.  Make an emergency appointment RIGHT NOW.  You need to be seen for help multiple times a week, not once a month.  Got to the hospital ER right now.   You NEED it. 

Edited October 24, 2018 by Jane_Doe

[anatess2]

6 minutes ago, Petty3 said:

@anatess2 you are correct that I should probably go to the hospital.  But I don't think I can do that. I know I don't want to.  I am constantly thinking about dying. 

I am just moving forward one step at a time...one minute at a time.  

I hate being around people and then I hate being alone.  It's a strange feeling and cycle.  Most of the time I'd rather be alone though.

I don't know why suicide is so sad to others and looked down upon. If someone doesn't want to live why aren't they allowed to die?  Why are they put on suicide watch and not left alone?

 

Suicide is on this unique pedestal that goes against both the Natural Man (Survival Instinct) and the Spiritual Man.

It's a difficult thing to talk about with someone who is suicidal because the reality of suicide is extreme self-focus.   This goes against Christ's plan of salvation that requires for us to change and surrender ourselves to the will of God.  It gives up on love, faith, hope, charity, forgiveness, repentance, and the atonement of Christ.

Please check yourself into a hospital.  This is a very serious matter that requires professional help.

 

[zil]

20 minutes ago, Petty3 said:

I don't know why suicide is so sad to others and looked down upon.

I whole-heartedly agree with what @Jane_Doe has said - please, go get help now.  Call your husband, go to the hospital, call the hotline (1-800-273-8255), whatever it is you need to do to get through the moment.

That said, and though I think this won't make an ounce of difference to your thinking right now, but I hope you'll think about it eventually, unless your suffering is strictly physical, death is not going to end it¹.  The same thoughts and emotions will exist on the other side of the veil.  It is reasonable to believe that you won't have the option of sleeping the day away there, thus one less escape option.  It wouldn't surprise me if there are no drugs or TV or other escapist-entertainment options.  The humans on the other side of the veil will be pretty much the same as here, so relationships and interactions won't suddenly be different (one of my biggest worries about the next life is that there will be more people and less privacy).  You will not have any more light and knowledge there than you do here.  Essentially, you'll have 20/20 vision and really, really want a bowl of chocolate ice cream that you can't get, but otherwise, things will be pretty much the same.  Thus, suicide solves nothing and seriously risks making matters worse.

Further, we are taught that the physical body gives us advantages that the spirit doesn't have - what if all your negative thoughts and feelings are a thousand times harder to overcome there?  It's a very real possibility.  So please, stop looking at death as a solution - it's not - and find someone to talk to, or a bowl of chocolate ice cream and someone to talk to.

¹And no, I don't think one should rely on mental struggles, such as suicidal thoughts, being only part of the physical body, as if, on arrival in the spirit world one would stop wishing for death - in fact, I suspect one would want it more, and be helpless to do a thing about it (there being no way to end one's immortal spirit).  Even if some mental problems are caused by physical, hormonal, or whatever defects, when they go away, the habits and thoughts and feelings created while under their influence will (in all likelihood) continue to exist.

[JohnsonJones]

1 hour ago, Petty3 said:

@anatess2 you are correct that I should probably go to the hospital.  But I don't think I can do that. I know I don't want to.  I am constantly thinking about dying. 

I am just moving forward one step at a time...one minute at a time.  

I hate being around people and then I hate being alone.  It's a strange feeling and cycle.  Most of the time I'd rather be alone though.

I don't know why suicide is so sad to others and looked down upon. If someone doesn't want to live why aren't they allowed to die?  Why are they put on suicide watch and not left alone?

 

I am not a therapist, I am not a counselor.  I don't know if what I'm saying is good or bad on this, what follows is ONLY my opinion.

One reason is that it hurts those that love the individual who commits suicide.  It hurts those that love that person the most very deeply.  It hurts some so deeply that they never recover.

I know of one young lady who's father died.  She blames herself to this day.  It is awful what this death did to her.  She is in no way responsible for it, but she blames herself.  It has caused her to feel terrible and at times fall into doing terrible things.  If her Father was even half aware of what his actions would do to her, how could he even say he loved her? 

If NOT for oneself, stay alive for oneself and those that love you.

I am not a therapist, I am not a counselor.  I don't know what they would say, but consider suicide as a NON-OPTION.  Say to yourself, you are NOT that selfish.  You would NOT want to hurt anyone.  Suicide hurts people FAR more than the individual who commits suicide thinks.  It does irreparable harm to children, if they have children. 

It can do irreparable harm to their spouse if they have a spouse.

Parents and loved ones also hurt and suffer. 

Not a suicide but a death of a child that I know of that has affected a set of friends I know.  They had a son who went into the military.  That son died.  The mother has never forgiven herself over it.  They are always in some form of grieving.  The father has said one should never have to bury their children.

Please, there are other alternatives than suicide.  You say you are hesitant to go to a hospital, but comparatively to the damage done by suicide, it is a FAR better choice to go to the hospital than to choose suicide.  If for no other reason than for children, family, and friends.  They may have some pain, but it is nothing compared to the knife that is stabbed into their hearts if one kills themselves instead.

Please, don't consider suicide as an option...EVER.  It should not be.  There are so many other choices and options to fall back on if you need it.