Mothers Have the Primary Role of Teaching in the Home


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Twice now in our Elders Quorum meeting, we have been told that the sisters have a fear regarding the recent change to Church Curriculum.  They fear that they will be saddled with all the work of teaching the children in the home.  Each time, this was brought up as an admonition to us: Don't let that happen!!!

Well, I don't know why it is a "fear" as much as a "reality".

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2018/10/women-and-gospel-learning-in-the-home?lang=eng

During the women's session of conference, they were flat out told that a) this was GOING to happen and b) it is SUPPOSED to happen.

I brought this up as the pronouncement from on high.  And it was still met with resistance from the elders in the room.  Yes, the men were saying that wasn't fair.   Interesting.  But they seemed to pipe down when I gave this qualifier: This does not mean that fathers are absolved of all responsibility.

As the presiding officer of the home, we need to do all we can to provide the proper environment where she can do this properly.  We need to provide resources that she might need to do this properly.  We need to advise and counsel regularly.  We need to provide emotional support and encouragement.  We need to encourage our children to listen properly.  You fill in when schedules don't line up.

Brief: A man made the statement -- Just because you're the Sunday School President, doesn't mean you leave the Sunday School teachers in the cold. -- I agree.

After this conversation, I noticed that three men in particular (who usually participate vociferously) didn't say a word during the discussion.  They were homeschool fathers.  I realized that for us, nothing would really change.  We already study in the home.  My wife already goes over scripture study with them.  I believe that is the case with all the homeschool families in the ward.

Now, with that homeschooler plug, I also admit that there are plenty of other families that do the same thing.  But I believe it is much more common among homeschooled families.  So, what do other families do to make up for the time lost at public school?  That's a LOT of hours that they simply cannot be taught gospel principles.  So, what do you do?

I ask because I was public schooled, and we never really talked about gospel topics except for maybe one FHE per month.  And I now understand that my parents didn't have a good grasp of gospel doctrine.

Edited by Guest
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2 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Now, with that homeschooler plug, I also admit that there are plenty of other families that do the same thing.  But I believe it is much more common among homeschooled families.  So, what do other families do to make up for the time lost at public school?  That's a LOT of hours that they simply cannot be taught gospel principles.  So, what do you do?

I don't consider public school being time lost.  Public school is for Reading, Writing, Arithmetic - things we still have to take time for in home school - and living the gospel in action with their peers.  In our family of public schooled children, we practice Christian Living.  My kids can be in public school and still live their faith. 

So anyway, at home.  When the kids were babies, nightly bed-time reading is gospel reading.  This was when they were just a few days old until they learned to read.  They're probably just listening to the drone of my voice and not necessary the bible story but it's a routine.

The way I grew up, my dad teaches scriptures first thing in the morning and my mother teaches lessons from Aesop's Fables and the like at night before we go to bed.  I am such a not-morning-person that gospel reading in the morning is just not something I am in a good mindset for.  So, my kids grew up with both "Aesop's Fables and the like" and gospel study at night after dinner and before bed from both my husband and I.  We didn't have FHE on Mondays.  Everyday is FHE starting with dinner. 

But that's not just it.   Gospel lesson can also be any "teachable moment" thing.  This can happen at anytime of the day - while driving in the car, in the middle of the grocery store, at music lessons, while watching a show on TV, etc. etc.  This was also the time that the iPhone was invented.  So, for example, my kids would be in the car fighting over something, I'd make them go look for scriptures about say... sharing...  in my phone and we'd talk about it.   Etc. etc.

Edited by anatess2
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I would be lost if my father hadn't taught me the gospel. Mom did all the stuff that she was supposed to do. Family prayers, morning and night. She must have prayed 4 times each morning with different kids and dad. Scripture studies each night. Family home evening. 

My dad taught us in simple ways. He was teaching us without us knowing what he was doing. He is the reason that I have a testimony.  I know my sibling feel the same.  If my dad hadn't done what he did, none of his kids would be in the church.  

My mom did all she could, but she didn't have the impact that my dad did. My kids seem to grasp gospel things better when it comes from their dad.  I am thankful for the men in my life.

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26 minutes ago, LadyGunnar said:

I would be lost if my father hadn't taught me the gospel. Mom did all the stuff that she was supposed to do. Family prayers, morning and night. She must have prayed 4 times each morning with different kids and dad. Scripture studies each night. Family home evening. 

My dad taught us in simple ways. He was teaching us without us knowing what he was doing. He is the reason that I have a testimony.  I know my sibling feel the same.  If my dad hadn't done what he did, none of his kids would be in the church.  

My mom did all she could, but she didn't have the impact that my dad did. My kids seem to grasp gospel things better when it comes from their dad.  I am thankful for the men in my life.

No disagreements.  And I totally understand.  I'd still recommend reading the address that I linked to in the OP.

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40 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

No disagreements.  And I totally understand.  I'd still recommend reading the address that I linked to in the OP.

Dads teach the gospel to their children.  Moms live the gospel with their children.  Yes, yes, the modern feminist would say, "you mean dads don't live the gospel?", because they're far removed from the culture of women raising their children in the home while the men find bacon.

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1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

No disagreements.  And I totally understand.  I'd still recommend reading the address that I linked to in the OP.

I read the address. I watched it as well. I am coming from the place where I KNOW that without my father I would not be active in the church. I know that my children learn more from their father than they do me.  I don't see the address as saying that its on the mom's  to do all the teaching of the children. I see it as being prepared to work with their father in this.  He and I are one in purpose to help our children find their own testimony. 

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6 minutes ago, LadyGunnar said:

I read the address. I watched it as well. I am coming from the place where I KNOW that without my father I would not be active in the church. I know that my children learn more from their father than they do me.  I don't see the address as saying that its on the mom's  to do all the teaching of the children. I see it as being prepared to work with their father in this.  He and I are one in purpose to help our children find their own testimony. 

Men AND women are supposed to teach the Gospel to their kids, in all venues.  I don't think anyone's going to argue with that that.  Even if one person is taking the primary lead, the other doesn't leave their partner out in the cold-- especially if they need help and/or are feeling overwhelmed.  

And sometimes, a child will 'click' more with one parent than the other.  It happens, and it's ok.  I'm a daddy's girl, my sister is mini-version of my mom.   And that's ok. 

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35 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Dads teach the gospel to their children.  Moms live the gospel with their children.  Yes, yes, the modern feminist would say, "you mean dads don't live the gospel?", because they're far removed from the culture of women raising their children in the home while the men find bacon.

8 minutes ago, LadyGunnar said:

I read the address. I watched it as well. I am coming from the place where I KNOW that without my father I would not be active in the church. I know that my children learn more from their father than they do me.  I don't see the address as saying that its on the mom's  to do all the teaching of the children. I see it as being prepared to work with their father in this.  He and I are one in purpose to help our children find their own testimony. 

Hmmm...

Quote

Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.

 -- Elder Eyring quoting The Family: A Proclamation to the World

What do you think nurture means?

Quote

1. to feed and protect

2. to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.

3. to bring up; train; educate.

-- Dictionary.com

Quote

1. To feed; to nourish.

2. To educate; to bring or train up.

 -- Webster's 1828 Dictionary

Quote

4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

  -- Ephesians 6:4

1 Behold, it came to pass that I, Enos, knowing my father that he was a just man—for he taught me in his language, and also in the nurture and admonition of the Lord—and blessed be the name of my God for it—

  -- Enos 1:1

Do these scriptural references, the Proclamation, or Elder Eyring's address have anything to do with feeding, nourishing, and protecting?  No?  So, what do you think is meant by a mother needing to nurture their children?  What are the scriptures pointing to?

There is nothing that says a father can't do this as well.  Just look at the scriptures above.  They both refer to FATHERS nurturing.  But the message Elder Eyring gave was that the "primary" responsibility for this falls on the mothers. 

To deny the true meaning of "nurture" is to deny your role as mothers.  Denying this role of mothers means denying your children the greatest of blessings you can give them.

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8 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

To deny the true meaning of "nurture" is to deny your role as mothers.  Denying this role of mothers means denying your children the greatest of blessings you can give them.

Tell that to the modern feminist who think women should be equally represented in STEM.

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I don’t  respondi well to traditional forms of teaching (e.g. classroom lectures), I prefer to read and ponder.  So I admit to a bias against the approach often used for teaching the Gospel.  There wasn’t much pedagogical teaching of the Gospel in our home.  Instead we focused on sharing with our children why we believe...experiences involving the Spirit; how our understanding of the Gospel shapes and deepens our love for them; how Gospel knowledge underpins how we understand our relationship with them and defines how we view all of God’s children.

We encouraged questions and many Gospel discussions sprang from those questions...I always tried to listen and ask questions more than talk...I’m prone to engage the Socratic method.  Our adult children still enjoy raising questions and our back and forth.

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1 minute ago, let’s roll said:

I don’t  respondi well to traditional forms of teaching (e.g. classroom lectures), I prefer to read and ponder.  So I admit to a bias against the approach often used for teaching the Gospel.  There wasn’t much pedagogical teaching of the Gospel in our home.  Instead we focused on sharing with our children why we believe...experiences involving the Spirit; how our understanding of the Gospel shapes and deepens our love for them; how Gospel knowledge underpins how we understand our relationship with them and defines how we view all of God’s children.

We encouraged questions and many Gospel discussions sprang from those questions...I always tried to listen and ask questions more than talk...I’m prone to engage the Socratic method.  Our adult children still enjoy raising questions and our back and forth.

That's great.  Nothing wrong with that.  Instruction is instruction.  The methodology is whatever the father and mother jointly determine is best for their children.  But the fact instruction happens is what is important.

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Just now, Carborendum said:

I really don't get what you're saying here.

My post about STEM was not to say you haven't said it.  Rather, it's a "trying to be linguistically artististic" way of agreeing with you.  Hey, maybe I misused the linguistics.  I tend to do that.

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5 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

My post about STEM was not to say you haven't said it.  Rather, it's a "trying to be linguistically artististic" way of agreeing with you.  Hey, maybe I misused the linguistics.  I tend to do that.

Sometimes I just don't get you.

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3 minutes ago, let’s roll said:

I don’t  respondi well to traditional forms of teaching (e.g. classroom lectures), I prefer to read and ponder.  So I admit to a bias against the approach often used for teaching the Gospel.  There wasn’t much pedagogical teaching of the Gospel in our home.  Instead we focused on sharing with our children why we believe...experiences involving the Spirit; how our understanding of the Gospel shapes and deepens our love for them; how Gospel knowledge underpins how we understand our relationship with them and defines how we view all of God’s children.

We encouraged questions and many Gospel discussions sprang from those questions...I always tried to listen and ask questions more than talk...I’m prone to engage the Socratic method.  Our adult children still enjoy raising questions and our back and forth.

We don't really do the "Sunday School Method" of teaching gospel instructions in my family.  We read scriptures, go to church,  listen to the prophets as a family.  Then, we LIVE gospel-centered lives.  Gospel instruction comes when we start to ask why we do things the way we do.... like, "why can't I punch my brother?" ends up with one of Jesus' instructions on the matter.  You know, like the Apple commercial, "there's an app for that", we say, "there's gospel verses for that".  So, most of the gospel instruction happens through me, the mom, because I'm the one taking care of the kids all day long while my husband goes to work.  So I get to be the one to tell them to stop punching their brother... make sense?

But that's just my family.  Other families have different dynamics.

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2 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Hmmm...

What do you think nurture means?

Do these scriptural references, the Proclamation, or Elder Eyring's address have anything to do with feeding, nourishing, and protecting?  No?  So, what do you think is meant by a mother needing to nurture their children?  What are the scriptures pointing to?

There is nothing that says a father can't do this as well.  Just look at the scriptures above.  They both refer to FATHERS nurturing.  But the message Elder Eyring gave was that the "primary" responsibility for this falls on the mothers. 

To deny the true meaning of "nurture" is to deny your role as mothers.  Denying this role of mothers means denying your children the greatest of blessings you can give them.

My role as a mother is this, I gave them life, I carried them, I care for them, I am teaching them how to great, responsible adults. I teach them the gospel using counsel  that we were given when we were sealed and that is found in blessings we have been given.  I know that I will be held accountable for how I have raised my kids. 

I am thinking that you and I see this world in very different lights.

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