Brainwashing our Children with Religion


clbent04
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The title of this topic is in regards to risks parents run introducing their children to any religion. 

As our two-year old girl grows older, I think about my negative and positive experiences with religion.  I'd like to figure out a way to give her all the positives and no negatives.

For me, I grew up in a loving, Latter-day Saint household with three siblings. We went to church every Sunday and were one of the staple families of our ward.  When it came to religion, my parents taught us nothing but the gospel and messages of the Church.  We were never taught to think for ourselves when it came to accepting a religion.  We simply were told the LDS Church was the one and only answer for all those years under our parents' roof.

This later came to have a negative effect on me as I realized all that time I went to church it wasn't because it was something I had personally accepted. I went because that was a better option than getting the belt from my Dad.  No one ever talked to me about what I felt or thought or wanted to believe.  I had very minimal exposure to religion beyond the LDS Church.  

My spiritual journey to find an answer for myself took place around the time I was 20-23 years old. After having some truly amazing spiritual experiences when I was 23, I was and forever will be a member and believer in the LDS Church.  

So even though I ended up accepting the very religion I grew up with, it bothers me we were sheltered as kids when it came to religion.  My parents did an outstanding job raising us and giving us all the love in the world, but I wish we were encouraged to think for ourselves more when it came to religion.

I would have appreciated being exposed to other walks of life and being encouraged to contemplate and internalize what I personally thought of all of it.  I wouldn't have felt as force feed as a kid if either one of my parents took the time to discuss outside-the-box topics. Even if I was still forced to go to church with them every Sunday, helping direct me to accept a belief system for myself with open dialogue about all religions would have gone a long ways.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with their upbringing?  Any suggestions on what you think would work best with introducing children to religion while at the same time encouraging them to think for themselves?

Edited by clbent04
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19 minutes ago, let’s roll said:

I’d suggest introducing children to God and Jesus Christ rather than to religion.

On paper this sounds great, but the truth of the matter is this. The Church if Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true church on the Earth. failing/refusing to teach your children this is a huge failure and you will likely end up in some sort of condemnation.

1 hour ago, clbent04 said:

The title of this topic is in regards to risks parents run introducing their children to any religion. 

As our two-year old girl grows older, I think about my negative and positive experiences with religion.  I'd like to figure out a way to give her all the positives and no negatives.

For me, I grew up in a loving, Latter-day Saint household with three siblings. We went to church every Sunday and were one of the staple families of our ward.  When it came to religion, my parents taught us nothing but the gospel and messages of the Church.  We were never taught to think for ourselves when it came to accepting a religion.  We simply were told the LDS Church was the one and only answer for all those years under our parents' roof.

This later came to have a negative effect on me as I realized all that time I went to church it wasn't because it was something I had personally accepted. I went because that was a better option than getting the belt from my Dad.  No one ever talked to me about what I felt or thought or wanted to believe.  I had very minimal exposure to religion beyond the LDS Church.  

My spiritual journey to find an answer for myself took place around the time I was 20-23 years old. After having some truly amazing spiritual experiences when I was 23, I was and forever will be a member and believer in the LDS Church.  

So even though I ended up accepting the very religion I grew up with, it bothers me we were sheltered as kids when it came to religion.  My parents did an outstanding job raising us and giving us all the love in the word, but I wish we were encouraged to think for ourselves more when it came to religion. I would have appreciated being exposed to other walks of life and being encouraged to contemplate and internalize what I personally thought of all it.  I wouldn't have felt as force feed as a kid if either one of my parents took the time to discuss outside-the-box topics. Even if I was still forced to go to church with them every Sunday, helping direct me to accept a belief system for myself with open dialogue about all religions would have gone a long ways.

Has anyone else had a similar experience with their upbringing?  Any suggestions on what you think would work best with introducing children to religion while at the same time encouraging them to think for themselves?

My issue growing up was that I naturally had questions and never bought into the verbal heuristics and catch phrases of the church. 

When learning that Joseph Smith was the only one that physically saw the plates (ie not through a vision but in person) and later the plates were taken back by angel Moroni, my first thought was “well that sure is convenient!”.

On a few occasions, someone would ask a leader or teacher about why women could t have the priesthood and it was met with the comment “Goodness, I wouldn’t want the priesthood! That is a lot of work.” And call it good. This made me so irritated. 

Here is what I see as a healthy approach to teaching the gospel. Teach your children this is the true church. Teach from the church manuals, from general conference talks and the scriptures. Have a questioning attitude. When having FHE and your 9 year old kid asks “What are 1769 King James Version edition errors 3 doing in the Book of Mormon? A purported ancient text? Errors which are unique to the 1769 edition that Joseph Smith owned?” Don’t use humor to disregard the question. Say “I don’t know, let’s try to find the answer” and show them how you would go about finding the answer. Show them that it is ok to notice contradictions in the religions. Growing up I saw them all the dang time. I asked my seminary teacher once and he snapped at me (probably cause I snapped at him first). Every contradiction I found growing up has been answered by simple doctrine already taught in the church that I hadn’t put together fully in my mind.

Teach tour children to see potential contradictions or bad teachings as simply gaps in their knowledge (it always will be) and figure out how to overcome it.

Their is a certain letter written by an apostate member of the church full of questions the church “won’t answer”. It is famous for causing thousands of members to lose their faith. I read it all in one night (it’s about 150 pages) and I had an incredible experience. There were SO many great questions that left me pondering deeply for quite a long time. I learned so much that night just from reading the questions, pondering, reading church source material and looking for answers. I was able to answer pretty much all the questions using church sources published long before this letter.

This is the true church and there are answers to every question. You just have to be patient and search (I once waited 3 years for a troubling question of mine to be answered).

So ya, teach your kids all that your parents taught you, but include and incourage the asking of questions. 

 

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23 minutes ago, mikbone said:

One should not be a Latter-Day Saint by proxy.  Even our children.  

If what your saying is that we should NOT teach and encourage activity and belief in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from the day they are born, you are gravely mistaken. No Protestant religion or alternative belief will save them. You might as well be saying “Alright Timmy, drugs are a thing, you can do them or not. It’s up to you.”

Edited by Fether
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4 minutes ago, Fether said:

If what your saying is that we should teach and encourage activity and belief in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from the day they are born, you are gravely mistaken. No Protestant religion or alternative belief will save them. You might as well be saying “Alright Timmy, drugs are a thing, you can do them or not. It’s up to you.”

Im confused by your statement.

We are responsible for teaching our children. 

It is NOT the church that saves us though.   It is the Savior, His ordinances, and our compliance.

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I teach my children how I was taught. Simple truths and example. My mom and dad joined the church while dad was in the navy.  It changed their lives so much. My parents had very rough childhoods. They are the only ones in their families to break the cycle of abuse and alcoholism.  

My parents set great examples for me.  When questioned on if the church was true, I stumbled.  Then I knew it was true because  my father knew it was.  I was a young 15 year old and that was the start of finding my own testimony.  I set out to find what I believed with the help of my parents.  I was never told what to believe. I was taught what my parents believe to be true. 

   Questions were answered.  It was never this is what the church believes.  It was this is what I believe.  I was taught much of the gospel in a barn waiting for a calf or foal to be born.  I was taught in how they lived the gospel. Things that they never knew I saw. I am thankful for my parents.

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9 minutes ago, mikbone said:

Im confused by your statement.

 

I edited, I left out an important word haha.

11 minutes ago, mikbone said:

It is NOT the church that saves us though.   It is the Savior, His ordinances, and our compliance

It is the Savior’s church, the church runs the ordinances, and it is our compliance to the savior who is asking us to comply to the church.

in the temple we covenant to consecrated ourselves and ALL we have to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

stop trying to separate Christ and the church. You cannot get to a Christ without the church as it is established in the earth in your dispensation.

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7 minutes ago, LadyGunnar said:

Questions were answered.  It was never this is what the church believes.  It was this is what I believe.

I love this approach, but only if the “I believe” doesn’t contradict what the church says. 

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Guest MormonGator

You have to walk a fine line. If you shove religion down their throat, they might rebel. If you never teach them anything about the gospel, they might be uninterested in it. I feel sorry for parents. 

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Screw it brainwash them! I believe in the promise that is repeated throughout the Book of Mormon, "If you keep the commandments you'll prosper." That's a true promise from God. The church is also very practical. In my mind, I know that if my daughters are reared in and follow the gospel their lives will be so much better. They will truly prosper in many different ways. The only two things I don't want to teach my daughters is to blindly follow men and not to feel guilty about everything. After all, this is a gospel of repentance. I will teach them that no matter what they've done the Lord has experienced it all and they can be forgiven. As far as blindly following, I will teach them to follow Jesus Christ not man.

Edited by Tyme
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7 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

If you shove religion down their throat, they might rebel.

I have never worried about this, that I can recall. I have raised my children to do what I expect of them as far as performances go (attending Church, family prayer, etc.). Beyond that, my words and actions tell them what I believe. I offer to help them as I can, but they are responsible for choosing their own path, which I think I make abundantly clear to them.

My own opinion is that worrying about how "cramming religion down their throats" will incite them to rebellion is overblown and probably mostly untrue. Unless you really and truly are "shoving religion down their throats", in which case rebellion can probably be expected.

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1 minute ago, Fether said:

I edited, I left out an important word haha.

It is the Savior’s church, the church runs the ordinances, and it is our compliance to the savior who is asking us to comply to the church.

in the temple we covenant to consecrated ourselves and ALL we have to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

stop trying to separate Christ and the church. You cannot get to a Christ without the church as it is established in the earth in your dispensation.

Thanks for the edit.

I take my children to church, teach them, and encourage them to think for themselves.

Forcing your children to be Mormon without their consent and understanding can only harbor future problems.

I was raised in the church from 6 months of age.  My bishop and stake president from childhood were both ex-communicated.  And my mission president was inactive during the mission.

I attend the temple and have two children currently in the field (daughter comes home from Temple Square this month and my son is in the MTC fixin to leave for Cambodia).

My faith is in God.  When we go to church I make sure that my children are taught correct principles (sometimes they are not).  And I teach them to think and seek out their own testimonies.

This post is about ‘brainwashing’ I will not brainwash my children.

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10 minutes ago, Vort said:

My own opinion is that worrying about how "cramming religion down their throats" will incite them to rebellion is overblown and probably mostly untrue. 

Oh, I'm sure you are correct, and since I don't have kids, surely I can't tell someone else how to raise their own.  

My upbringing was deeply religious (Catholic). Catholic school-everything. Most (most, not all) of my friends were the same way. Out of the 19 of us who were in 8th grade, a grand total of 2 still practice. I got into this very conversation with a classmate recently. She's the only person from that time period in my life I still talk to, but she still speaks to the majority of our classmates.

I know what you are saying-"But, your situation doesn't mean that's the same way for everyone." And that's 100% right. But it's still interesting food for thought. Especially because the upcoming generations seem to be much less religiously inclined than the previous ones. 

Edited by MormonGator
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4 minutes ago, mikbone said:

Thanks for the edit.

I take my children to church, teach them, and encourage them to think for themselves.

Forcing your children to be Mormon without their consent and understanding can only harbor future problems.

I was raised in the church from 6 months of age.  My bishop and stake president from childhood were both ex-communicated.  And my mission president was inactive during the mission.

I attend the temple and have two children currently in the field (daughter comes home from Temple Square this month and my son is in the MTC fixin to leave for Cambodia).

My faith is in God.  When we go to church I make sure that my children are taught correct principles (sometimes they are not).  And I teach them to think and seek out their own testimonies.

This post is about ‘brainwashing’ I will not brainwash my children.

If you don't brainwash/teach them somebody else will. They get brainwashed in society to act a certain way. They get brainwashed at school. They get brainwashed in church. They get brainwashed at home.

I don't know exactly what you mean by brainwashed. Could you give me examples?

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2 minutes ago, Tyme said:

If you don't brainwash/teach them somebody else will. They get brainwashed in society to act a certain way. They get brainwashed at school. They get brainwashed in church. They get brainwashed at home.

I don't know exactly what you mean by brainwashed. Could you give me examples?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brainwashing

We homeschool our children 😀

We teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.

 

Freakin Alabama won.

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2 hours ago, Tyme said:

I mean I've been through real re-education and mind control by the intelligence community. The closest the church has come to that is what they did to gays back in the day.

Did you go through the MTC?

It is an interesting place.  When I was there I was sleep deprived.  Required to wear a uniform. Required to memorize and recite discussions word for word (in a language that I barely understood). I prayed at least twenty times a day and was required to participate in role playing situations constantly. Testimony meetings were almost daily and we were constantly admonished to teach with and identify the spirit even when I know that some of my fellow students didn’t feel the spirit and the teachers many times stated that we were feeling the spirit when at times we were not...  Plus the constant reminders to confess our sins to our bishops.  And the whole slew of new rules and regulations.   Just Saying...

Edited by mikbone
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3 minutes ago, mikbone said:

Did you go through the MTC?

It is an interesting place.  When I was there I was sleep deprived.  Required to wear a uniform. Required to memorize and recite discussions word for word (in a language that I barely understood). I prayed at least twenty times a day and was required to play role playing situations. Testimony meetings were almost daily and we were constantly admonished to teach with and identify the spirit even when I know that some of my fellow students didn’t feel the spirit and the teachers many times stated that we were feeling the spirit when at times we were not...

Sleep deprivation is a big tool used to brainwash. How were you sleep deprived?

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3 hours ago, Fether said:

Teach your children to see potential contradictions or bad teachings as simply gaps in their knowledge (it always will be) and figure out how to overcome it.

Agree with everything you said except for the wording on the part I’m quoting up above. 

I think I know what you mean, but I would just add another qualifier to it.

If something is contradicting with a religion, I wouldn’t default to saying it’s the child who might be missing something. There might very well be a contradiction. The LDS Church is no exception to having contradictions largely created when leaders of the Church misspoke as men rather than acting in an official capacity on behalf of the Church.

I would want my child to reason through contradictions like these to see if they can accept the apologetics’ reasoning for these types of contractions. I’d want to teach them how to draw their own conclusions by not being afraid to ask whatever question they wanted, and how to research and reason it out in their own mind.

For example, I don’t think your seminary teacher should have ever responded to you that way. Teachers of the youth need to commend and encourage the harder questions because that’s when you know kids are engaged and really wanting to think for themselves.

Teachers should never discourage any questioning so long as it’s not derrogatory to the Church. If a kid has a question suggesting they have a less than perfect understanding of the gospel, those are the most important questions to answer and not shut down for fear that others in the class may begin questioning their own testimonies. 

Edited by clbent04
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1 hour ago, MormonGator said:

You have to walk a fine line. If you shove religion down their throat, they might rebel. If you never teach them anything about the gospel, they might be uninterested in it. I feel sorry for parents. 

Yep. Agreed. I really think that's part of the reason why my brother is atheist now.

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23 minutes ago, Tyme said:

Sleep deprivation is a big tool used to brainwash. How were you sleep deprived?

We were required to wake up for morning prayers and companion / self study at 6:30 AM.  And it was recommended that we wake up earlier than that of our own accord.

I’m not saying that I was brainwashed, but that the situation made we wonder more than once if some of the program was not inspired.

They have since removed the requirement to memorize the discussions word for word.  But the fake investigators persist.  

I recogonize that it is a dufficult proposition to train the missionaries in such a short time to get ready for the field.  And Im not sure what I would do if I was in charge of the MTC.

Edited by mikbone
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1 hour ago, Tyme said:

The only two things I don't want to teach my daughters is to blindly follow men and not to feel guilty about everything

Besides feeling brainwashed, the other negative experience I've had from religion is experiencing an unhealthy, overly burdensome amount guilt. Over the years I've come to learn I process and deal with guilt in a way that most people don't. This has led me to develop mild if not sometimes severe depression over the last 5 years. I've met with Church leaders on multiple occasions and have done therapy with both LDS and non-LDS psychologists, but it's something that remains a burden.

I would like to teach my daughter how not to be so hard on herself if I can figure it out. Unfortunately, she has 1/2 my brain so I'm hoping that part doesn't carry over to her, and that she can cope with guilt in a more normal way.

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