Switching Religions

[ConfusedCath]

Hello All,

I am new to the forum and looking for advice. So, I had my first experience with Latter-Day Saint culture when I moved to an area with a lot of members. Long story short, I have sort of been "in love" with your religion for about 9 years. Even though I felt like I was an athiest for many of those years. I remember reading The Family proclamation and it felt like HOME. It look at least 3 or 4 years before I had enough courage to meet with the missionaries. I did on and off. At that time I had no knowledge about Jesus, God, etc. I had no Christian background. So none of it made sense. The bible might as well off been a foreign language to me. But one day, out of the blue after meeting with the missionaries I received a revelation that duh, of course God was real! I started to find joy in the scriptures. Well, my husband was atheist. I had a lot of anxiety about becoming religious while my husband was not. Today this is still my problem.

Interestingly, I ended up becoming Catholic. Catholicism felt safe. My Mother and her side was Catholic in name only, coming from Ireland. It felt safe because that was my heritage. I love the traditional mass. I was hoping this "mormon problem" would go away. Actually, converting to the CC was a relief. I was hoping I'd fall out of love with your church!

The problem is, I never did. I realized all of my most profound spiritual moments came from when I was doing Mormony things. Listening to conference talks. Looking up topics on LDS.Org. Infact, I got kicked off a prominent Catholic forum for speaking too kindly of Latter-Day Saint stuff. 

Recently I went to Sacrament meeting, and then the next thing I know my husband asks to go to Mass!! My non religious spouse now wants to go to the catholic church. Isn't life funny??

So where I need help is.... I don't want to make any sudden changes. I don't want to be baptized right now. But how long can I keep living like this? I am clearly confused. My issue is that I don't want to confuse my children. I worry about now splitting up the family on Sunday. I worry about raising my kids LDS if their dad isn't. I am not even sure I would ever want that to happen. I don't ever want my kids to be alienated from their Dad or think of him badly because he drinks beer or coffee etc. What if he wants them raised Catholic? Would I be ostracized at the LDS church for not raising my kids in the faith? Is that even possible given how important the Family is?

So I am mainly filled with fear. Catholicism seems easy. Nice. We'd all be together on Sunday. Mass is beautiful. No rocking the boat. But then... there's me on LDS.ORG everynight feeling like a very bad Catholic because I can't seem to let it go............

 

Edited December 11, 2018 by ConfusedCath

[prisonchaplain]

I'm not a church member. I'm Pentecostal. However, it's a safe bet that what I am going to recommend to you is something members will agree with--PRAY TO GOD ABOUT THIS! You know He is real. You've gravitated to Christian beliefs quite naturally. Ask the God you now believe is real what He wants you to do. Family is super important. Ultimately, though, you will want whatever God has for you. Catholicism directs worship to the true God. It is not false. There are former members here, and you will almost never hear them criticize their former faith. However, if the Latter-day revelations are true, then God will want you with them. Another help might be to read Bible. Catholicism and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints both believe in them as scripture. So, read it deeply, and ask God to reveal truth and direction to you.

BTW, your post leads me to believe you want to eventually join this church. Other members will pick up on that. That may be right. However, I also sense that you want to be sure. So, pray for direction and read the Bible. Blessings on your journey!

[Jane_Doe]

Hi @ConfusedCath!  Welcome! 

I am an LDS lady married to an non-denominational / Evangelical dude.  We have a wonderful marriage and beautiful daughter, whom I'm raising LDS.  I'm also a nerd who loves to understand different faiths, so I've studied Catholicism pretty intensely (which of course involves attending many Catholic services).  Daughter has also visited a variety of churches with me (just last Friday we were at a Episcopalian church for Christmas hymn singing).   

A HUGE foundational part of marriage is respecting your other spouse, even when you disagree on matters.  I love my husband and respect him fully, even if he's very "whatever" about Joseph Smith, and I think Joseph Smith is a prophet.  He in turn totally respects me and my beliefs as well.  Neither of us need to be silent or otherwise hide our beliefs from our daughter.  She's still young, but starting to understand that some people have different beliefs and how we respectfully talk about that.  

For us, we also have the common core of important things like Christ, His atonement, prayer, etc.  That is the foundation of the Gospel, and I'm sure what drew you to both Catholicism and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I will be honest and say that I mind more of His Truth and His priesthood in the LDS church than I do Catholicism or Evangelical, but I readily acknowledge that Catholicism and Evangelical do still teach many important Truths.  I do still love modern-day revelation, pre-mortal life, and other doctrines not taught elsewhere.

1 hour ago, ConfusedCath said:

But how long can I keep living like this? I am clearly confused. ....

Ask God for peace and guidance.   He will give it to you, His beloved daughter. 

 

1 hour ago, ConfusedCath said:

My issue is that I don't want to confuse my children. I worry about now splitting up the family on Sunday. I worry about raising my kids LDS if their dad isn't. I am not even sure I would ever want that to happen. I don't ever want my kids to be alienated from their Dad or think of him badly because he drinks beer or coffee etc. What if he wants them raised Catholic? Would I be ostracized at the LDS church for not raising my kids in the faith? Is that even possible given how important the Family is?....

Re coffee & beer: the Word of Wisdom is a promise we make with God, to avoid these foods, just as the ancient Israelites avoided pork.  If I were to drink a coffee, then that would be bad because first and foremost because I would be breaking my promise with God.  Whether or not the coffee is actually unhealthy isn't the point -- it's that I promised God I would pass on the coffee.     My non-member husband has made no such promise with the Lord, and hence is not violating that promise if he drinks a cup, so he's not doing anything "bad" that way.  

1 hour ago, ConfusedCath said:

What if he wants them raised Catholic? 

Then you guys will talk about it then and cross that bridge then.   Until then, it's not really productive to run each possible "what if" scenario.

(I've mega been there freaking out and running "what if" scenarios)

1 hour ago, ConfusedCath said:

 Would I be ostracized at the LDS church for not raising my kids in the faith? Is that even possible given how important the Family is?....

Not remotely ostracized.  Nor would your husband be ostracized if he's Catholic or atheist.  We welcome everyone.  Heck, we had the ward Christmas party last weekend and I think people asked "how's your husband?"....4 different times?  And they laughed when I was "Mr Grinch is hiding at home with ear plugs in because he hates Christmas music" (and then I got more serious). 

[zil]

Can't argue with prayer!

Welcome, @ConfusedCath!

I can't tell you how any given Latter-day Saint will act, but I can tell you that there's no shortage of members who are the only member in their family.  No shortage of wives (and children) who come without their husband (father).  And there are husbands and fathers who attend without the rest of their family.  Nothing in the Church is intended, taught, or designed to discourage you from coming, let alone ostracize you for not raising your children in the faith.  If you simply let people know where your family is as far as religion is concerned, they will not (or at least should not) do anything but welcome you in whatever services or activities you choose to attend.

Further, your family can come with you (if they wish) and flat-out say that they're only there to support you, and not interested in conversion or learning more about the Church, and they too should be made welcome and not pressured.

It is my observation that while there might be some people who are less than charitable, the majority of folks will just be glad you chose to come and hang out with us.

So take your time, and do what you feel is right.

[Jane_Doe]

3 minutes ago, zil said:

Further, your family can come with you (if they wish) and flat-out say that they're only there to support you, and not interested in conversion or learning more about the Church, and they too should be made welcome and not pressured.

That's my husband's boat when he comes with me and daughter: "I'm here to support my girls".  And support he does.  And people thinks it's awesome (cause my husband is totally awesome).  

[priesthoodpower]

Do it for you, because YOU know its right, and forget what others think or say. The last 4 years of my marriage when my wife left the church - I felt I was being pulled in two directions and I was pointing fingers and trying to find blame in every thing. It took me those 4 years to realize that it shouldnt be a battle of "my church" vs. "your church" or me vs. the world.

There is only one direction, the Lords direction, follow him and he will take care of everyone else in your life including your kids and husband. I know because I have kids too and the biggest changes I seen them make was when I focused myself on the Gospel. My daughter asked me the other day. "Daddy do you love God more then us?"

I said, "God is first because he is the greatest teacher in teaching me how to love and take care of you guys, by putting God first I am putting family first."

[Sunday21]

I think it is possible to attend Lds church and activities and gradually move more into Lds culture. Baby steps. I think that you can hang around, enjoy the fellowship and even pick and choose where you participate without actually becoming Lds. Even members have different levels of time commitment. 

It might be easier for your family and your life to attend what you can and to utilize aspects of church life gradually increasing when you feel comfortable.

A no-drama approach may help your family feel more comfortable.

[anatess2]

So, when I got married, I was devout Catholic and my husband was inactive LDS that just started going back to his Church again.  Luckily, the Catholic Church that I went to was right next to the LDS Church connected by the parking lot.  I was the cantor for the high mass so my husband would sit out front for the Catholic service and then after mass we'd hop to the other side of the parking lot and attend LDS service.  We did this for years until I decided to get baptized LDS.

My teen-aged son's girlfriend was also devout Catholic. Her siblings were active Catholic but their mom is inactive Catholic.  Their dad was devout but he passed away a few years ago.  Anyway, when she got together with my son she started attending LDS youth activities (they hold youth activities usually during mid week every week and they can be really fun!).  Her sister went with her while her brother attended the Catholic prep class.  It just so happened that in her neighborhood, the Catholic Church also shared a parking lot with the LDS Church!  Eventually, her and her sister got baptized LDS while her brother stayed in the Catholic Church.  They continue to drive to Church together but her brother just waits for them outside the LDS Church because the LDS services are longer (2 hours) than the Catholic service (1 hour).  All 3 still do activities with the youth in both Churches depending on schedule.  Well, my son's girlfriend turned 18 and went to college last term so it's just the 2 siblings that are attending the youth activities now.

Anyway, I'm sharing these because Catholic and LDS have a lot in common so having that mixed faith family can work even crossing over activities.  But, this is solely dependent on each family member and how they respect each other's differences.  Just note that the Catholic faith requires the Catholic parent to raise their children Catholic to the best of their ability.  But this does not prevent you from bringing the children with you to LDS activities as long as there is no anti-Catholic activity going on (there should be none in LDS activities or services.  Differences in faith beliefs does not constitute anti-Catholicism.).  If you do decide to be baptized in the LDS Church, you will have to have a serious talk with your husband and your bishop about you and your husband's activities and your plans for raising the children.  The primary objective in both Catholic and LDS faiths is Peace within the family unit.

Edited January 31, 2019 by anatess2

[Aish HaTorah]

On 12/11/2018 at 10:32 AM, prisonchaplain said:

I'm not a church member. I'm Pentecostal. However, it's a safe bet that what I am going to recommend to you is something members will agree with--PRAY TO GOD ABOUT THIS! You know He is real. You've gravitated to Christian beliefs quite naturally. Ask the God you now believe is real what He wants you to do. Family is super important. Ultimately, though, you will want whatever God has for you. Catholicism directs worship to the true God. It is not false. There are former members here, and you will almost never hear them criticize their former faith. However, if the Latter-day revelations are true, then God will want you with them. Another help might be to read Bible. Catholicism and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints both believe in them as scripture. So, read it deeply, and ask God to reveal truth and direction to you.

BTW, your post leads me to believe you want to eventually join this church. Other members will pick up on that. That may be right. However, I also sense that you want to be sure. So, pray for direction and read the Bible. Blessings on your journey!

Prayer is, indeed, the key...

Supplication is an invitation to the Almighty, blessed be He, to intervene in our lives, to let His will prevail in all our affairs; it is the opening of a window to Him in our will, an effort to make Him the L-rd of our soul.  We submit our interests to His concern, and seek to be allied with what is ultimately right.  Our approach to the holy is not an intrusion, but an answer.  Between the dawn of childhood and the door of death, we encounter things and events out of which comes a still small whisper of truth, not much louder than stillness, but exhorting and persistent.  Yet, too often, we listen to our fears and our whims, rather than the gentle petitions of G-d.  

The purpose of prayer is not the same as the purpose of speech.  The purpose of speech is to inform; the purpose of prayer is to partake.

I realize that I am somewhat late in joining this dialogue, but I couldn't very well let all these Pentecostals and non-denominational Christians steal all the limelight!  We Jews have to poke our noses into things.  

In all earnestness, I pray the G-d of Israel instills in you His wisdom and His shalom.

Edited February 14, 2019 by Aish HaTorah