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I’m in my senior year at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I’ve recently been dating a young man who is also a senior. We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. Because of this, there’s a lot of pressure to commit.

I enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve had some trouble communicating our expectations and needs, and it’s resulted in us breaking up once already. We both recognized that we needed to spend more time getting to know one another and less time cuddling, etc. 

We ended up getting together last night, just to communicate and connect on a personal level. The evening ended in the pushing of the boundaries of the Law of Chastity. 

We talked about it this morning and both agreed that it can’t happen again. I like this young man, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with him. I’m attracted to him physically, but not emotionally. 

I don’t know if I need to break this relationship off completely. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever love him, because I’m not emotionally available due to being hung up on a past love. If I stay with him, I’m afraid it would be purely physical and pushing the boundaries would lead to us eventually breaking the Law of Chastity completely. 

What do I do?

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18 minutes ago, EllieBelle2015 said:

We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse.

Rethink the above sentence.  

When I was a young man, I made a lot of impulsive decisions for exactly the same reason.  "Better stick with her, because who knows if another compatible person will ever come into my life!"   

You're not even out of college yet.  Have faith that the Lord will direct you to the person you're meant to be with.  If you're not emotionally connected to this guy, just physically, then you're right, it's a road you don't want to go down.  Best case scenario:  You marry the guy in order to keep from sinning and now what will you do?  Get sealed to a dude you're not even in love with?  Yeah, no.  

Be patient and have faith.  The right guy is out there.  Don't let this fellow you go to school with get in his way.  

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15 minutes ago, unixknight said:

Rethink the above sentence.  

 

Exactly. You are young. So, so young. A bad marriage will stick with you for the rest of your life. You have plenty of time to find a spouse!  

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1 hour ago, EllieBelle2015 said:

I’m in my senior year at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I’ve recently been dating a young man who is also a senior. We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. Because of this, there’s a lot of pressure to commit.

I enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve had some trouble communicating our expectations and needs, and it’s resulted in us breaking up once already. We both recognized that we needed to spend more time getting to know one another and less time cuddling, etc. 

We ended up getting together last night, just to communicate and connect on a personal level. The evening ended in the pushing of the boundaries of the Law of Chastity. 

We talked about it this morning and both agreed that it can’t happen again. I like this young man, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with him. I’m attracted to him physically, but not emotionally. 

I don’t know if I need to break this relationship off completely. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever love him, because I’m not emotionally available due to being hung up on a past love. If I stay with him, I’m afraid it would be purely physical and pushing the boundaries would lead to us eventually breaking the Law of Chastity completely. 

What do I do?

Please break up with him. I know this sounds like harsh advice, but if you truly don't love him emotionally, you are only stringing him along. It's going to hurt getting broken up with, but the pain ends, and you move on. Nothing, and I speak from personal experience, nothing hurts more than being strung along for months while you keep telling yourself that you can get her to change her mind, only to finally be told she never really loved you anyways. You're young, you have time to find a man you are truly compatible with, as he still has time to find a girl that will really love him. Marriage is wonderful, but it can be tough. If you go into a marriage thinking "well he's better than nothing" you guys will break at the first major challenge to your relationship, and you'll end up being a young divorced woman or sitting around in a relationship where you share a house but not a heart. Trust me, unless you can truly start loving him for who he is now, end it, take care of your personal sins and learn a little more about what you want in a relationship, and look for a guy you can love with your whole heart.

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Break up.

Don't string this guy along if you're not truly interested.  You have plenty of time to find a spouse.  

As to Law of Chasity protection: if you find yourself having trouble with anyone, the simplest thing to do is not just not be alone with them.  

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6 hours ago, EllieBelle2015 said:

I’m in my senior year at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I’ve recently been dating a young man who is also a senior. We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. Because of this, there’s a lot of pressure to commit.

I enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve had some trouble communicating our expectations and needs, and it’s resulted in us breaking up once already. We both recognized that we needed to spend more time getting to know one another and less time cuddling, etc. 

This doesn't bode well from my perspective, but it also isn't insurmountable if you're both willing to work on communication. Sometimes, the problem is that people aren't honest enough with themselves to admit what their needs and wants are or they lack the self-esteem to believe they deserve to have those hopes and expectations met. I believe it's important to take an inventory of non-negotiable qualities you'd like to see in a potential mate. People can change, but as a general rule they don't. So if you are self aware enough to know what you need and want out of a relationship you can save yourself and others a lot of time and frustration once you know those non-negotiables aren't present. On the other hand if they are present, then it is worth while to continue exploring the relationship.

6 hours ago, EllieBelle2015 said:

We ended up getting together last night, just to communicate and connect on a personal level. The evening ended in the pushing of the boundaries of the Law of Chastity. 

We talked about it this morning and both agreed that it can’t happen again. I like this young man, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with him. I’m attracted to him physically, but not emotionally. 

You've broken up before but got back together which leads me to wonder why get back together if there is no connection? Was there ever? Is it simply a physical relationship? If so that really does seem like playing with fire to be in a relationship that isn't going to fulfill needs beyond the physical ones. Those urges are strong and the absence of any other connection seem likely to pose a real problem.

6 hours ago, EllieBelle2015 said:

I don’t know if I need to break this relationship off completely. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever love him, because I’m not emotionally available due to being hung up on a past love. If I stay with him, I’m afraid it would be purely physical and pushing the boundaries would lead to us eventually breaking the Law of Chastity completely. 

What do I do?

A couple thoughts here - staying in a relationship because you don't want to hurt someone is a bad reason, it hurts more to be in a dead-end relationship than to be set free. Be honest with yourself and him. Also, you mention being hung up on a past love. Is this past love still available to you or has that ship permanently sailed? Is your lack of connection with the current young man strictly because of being hung up on some one else or because your current guy isn't really doing it for you? You may want to consider getting help getting over your former fellow if the current fellow is as fine a young man as any, but you are simply in a place where nothing is going to ever be good enough. I would also suggest that you be careful romanticizing over a former love. It can be easy to build people in our minds to be perfect when we aren't faced with their imperfections. If you have created an unrealistic standard in building up a former crush into a demi-god who will fulfill your every dream and no one else will ever have a chance then you may very well have sewed the seeds of discontent in yourself because no one is going to measure up and you'll always be left disappointed. Either way, in your current situation I think you either need to call it off or let the young man know that you need a break to sort things out. This may have the same net effect, but it leaves the door open to reconvene if it seems right after you deal with your emotions about the former fellow.

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My vote is to do both of your future selves a favor and break it off for good.  Save his number as "NO!" so you know not to pick up or reply.  Tell him exactly why you are ending the relationship and avoid saying anything about "maybe in the future if..."  Write him a letter if you have to.  It may hurt him now, but it will hurt both of you much worse if you continue down the path you're on right now.  I also recommend you work on doing what you need to do in order to feel emotionally available again.  (Said the pot to the kettle.)  Otherwise, you're keeping yourself open to entering this same situation again. Look for someone who helps you overcome temptations, not give in to them. 

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2 hours ago, Vort said:

Seriously?

photo-thumb-28712.jpg

Too late.

This is one of those times where I finally realized what a user’s avatar really is. Until now I just saw @mordorbund as a mass of red color. Until last week, @Just_A_Guy was just smeared blue color.

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On 12/12/2018 at 12:25 PM, EllieBelle2015 said:

We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. 

I went to SUU for college and left about 6 months ago. It is a “liberal art” school but is still predominantly Latter-day Saint. This mindset you have is completely non-existent there. It is purely a cultural believe at the church schools.

This whole situation will go away if you dropped this belief

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On 12/12/2018 at 3:25 PM, EllieBelle2015 said:

I’m in my senior year at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I’ve recently been dating a young man who is also a senior. We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. Because of this, there’s a lot of pressure to commit.

I enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve had some trouble communicating our expectations and needs, and it’s resulted in us breaking up once already. We both recognized that we needed to spend more time getting to know one another and less time cuddling, etc. 

We ended up getting together last night, just to communicate and connect on a personal level. The evening ended in the pushing of the boundaries of the Law of Chastity. 

We talked about it this morning and both agreed that it can’t happen again. I like this young man, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with him. I’m attracted to him physically, but not emotionally. 

I don’t know if I need to break this relationship off completely. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever love him, because I’m not emotionally available due to being hung up on a past love. If I stay with him, I’m afraid it would be purely physical and pushing the boundaries would lead to us eventually breaking the Law of Chastity completely. 

What do I do?

I'm going to give you different advice than anyone else.

First off, if you really want some good advice on this-ignore everyone here-go find the most trusted woman you can who has been married for a long time and has a family and ask her.

2nd. There are definitely some things you need to consider.  I believe there absolutely is substance to your fears but it depends on what you want in life. My guess is that you are at the youngest 22. Some things for you to consider that unfortunately are not told to young women these days b/c it's "sexist"-yeah whatever.  Women in general need to have their crap together much earlier than men-simple biology.  If you want to have kids you simply cannot wait forever-your body's ability to produce healthy children dramatically drops by the time you hit 35.  If you desire a large family then you can't wait. Babies take 9 months and in general you'll wait a year between birth to getting pregnant-that's roughly 2 years between kids.

If you want to have 5 kids with low-risk pregnancies (i.e. no abnormalities, deaths, etc.), you MUST be married by the time you are 25 . ..otherwise you simply will not be able to have that many kids in low-risk pregnancies. Time is just against you.  Let's also factor in that in order to find someone, get to know them, make the decision to get married, etc. get married . . .is probably on the order of 6 months to a year-best case scenario. Every boyfriend you have that you don't get married to is probably going to take anywhere from 3-6 months of your life on average. So if you want lots of kids, you need to be married by about 25, you generally need to have found the guy by 24 then.  Which means if a boyfriend lasts for 3-6 months then if you went one right after another you might have 4-8 boyfriends.  Of course you don't go one right after another it takes time to find a boyfriend.  So between now and 25 you may have 3 serious boyfriends.

Another thing, the simple fact is that your market value decreases every year you don't get married.  In general, a woman's peak attractive age is around 22 maybe up to 25.  You can claim "SEXISTS!". don't care-it's reality. It's called hypergamy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

"Studies of heterosexual mate selection in dozens of countries around the world have found men and women report prioritizing different traits when it comes to choosing a mate, with men tending to prefer women who are young and attractive and women tending to prefer men who are rich, well-educated, ambitious, and attractive."

Which consequently means, you've got to have your crap together!! If this dude ain't the guy, or you don't think he is the guy, or you can't see him being the guy-then for you our future self, drop him, move on and find that guy.  Trust me-unless the guy is a total loser-he'll be fine. Men have much more time to find a wife and have kids-biology is not against them.

I don't know you, I don't know your qualities and neither does anyone else on this board-so to ask advice from strangers about something so incredibly deep as this and expecting a decent answer is actually pretty ludicrous.  As for your boyfriend . . .no his market value increases over the next several years while your market value decreases-so I'm less concerned about him than about you. The fact that he doesn't realize this either means he's a loser, he's playing on your heart strings, or he really loves you and is actually concerned he won't find another woman like you.

Another thing to think about is that once you graduate college how exactly are you going to meet and date guys?  Are you going to live at home-where you'll have a lot of free time?  Or are you going to work-in which case good luck with going on dates.  After working a tail busting job during the week, it's really hard to find the energy to do anything "fun" on a Friday night. How are you going to meet guys? Internet dating?  Ward activites? at work??

The reason why you have this fear is b/c yes there are some very real concerns at play in your future.  You don't know all the concerns (either that or they are too overwhelming), you don't know how to articulate them and b/c you don't know how to articulate or know all the concerns you don't know how to mitigate them (i.e. plan for them and around them) and consequently it all bubbles up into one gigantic "I'm afraid I'll NEVER GET MARRIED!!!".

I'd venture to say it's really not "I'm afraid I'll never get married", but "I'm afraid I won't marry the "right" guy".  Look, as long as you withhold sexual relations to marriage-you will ALWAYS be able to find a guy who says . . .sure I'll marry you.  It's not a question of never getting married, it's a question of marrying the right guy for you.

And on that question . . .good luck. I'll say you want to marry a strong man, a provider, a leader, someone who is confident in himself and in his abilities, a spiritual man. A man who is willing and wants to play the role of a husband.  And consequently, you need to be willing and want to play the role of a wife.

Is this guy the guy for you?? Who knows . . .except God.  I don't believe the story that you have no emotional attachment to him.  You don't get physical with a person of the opposite sex unless you have some emotional attachment to them-that goes for men and women. 

And if it truly is that you have 0 emotional attachment and it is only physical, then you need to repent of your wicked ways and turn to God.  What it means is that your heart is filled with lust and you will never be able to find the "right" spouse with a heart filled with lust.

 

Edited by boxer

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19 minutes ago, boxer said:

I'm going to give you different advice than anyone else.

First off, if you really want some good advice on this-ignore everyone here-go find the most trusted woman you can who has been married for a long time and has a family and ask her.

2nd. There are definitely some things you need to consider.  I believe there absolutely is substance to your fears but it depends on what you want in life. My guess is that you are at the youngest 22. Some things for you to consider that unfortunately are not told to young women these days b/c it's "sexist"-yeah whatever.  Women in general need to have their crap together much earlier than men-simple biology.  If you want to have kids you simply cannot wait forever-your body's ability to produce healthy children dramatically drops by the time you hit 35.  If you desire a large family then you can't wait. Babies take 9 months and in general you'll wait a year between birth to getting pregnant-that's roughly 2 years between kids.

If you want to have 5 kids with low-risk pregnancies (i.e. no abnormalities, deaths, etc.), you MUST be married by the time you are 25 . ..otherwise you simply will not be able to have that many kids in low-risk pregnancies. Time is just against you.

Another thing, the simple fact is that your market value decreases every year you don't get married.  In general, a woman's peak attractive age is around 22 maybe up to 25.  You can claim "SEXISTS!". don't care-it's reality. It's called hypergamy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

"Studies of heterosexual mate selection in dozens of countries around the world have found men and women report prioritizing different traits when it comes to choosing a mate, with men tending to prefer women who are young and attractive and women tending to prefer men who are rich, well-educated, ambitious, and attractive."

I don't know you, I don't know your qualities and neither does anyone else on this board-so to ask advice from strangers about something so incredibly deep as this and expecting a decent answer is actually pretty ludicrous.  As for your boyfriend . . .no his market value increases over the next several years while your market value decreases-so I'm less concerned about him than about you. The fact that he doesn't realize this either means he's a loser, he's playing on your heart strings, or he really loves you and is actually concerned he won't find another woman like you.

Another thing to think about is that once you graduate college how exactly are you going to meet and date guys?  Are you going to live at home-where you'll have a lot of free time?  Or are you going to work-in which case good luck with going on dates.  After working a tail busting job during the week, it's really hard to find the energy to do anything "fun" on a Friday night. How are you going to meet guys? Internet dating?  Ward activites? at work??

The reason why you have this fear is b/c yes there are some very real concerns at play in your future.  You don't know all the concerns (either that or they are too overwhelming), you don't know how to articulate them and b/c you don't know how to articulate or know all the concerns you don't know how to mitigate them (i.e. plan for them and around them) and consequently it all bubbles up into one gigantic "I'm afraid I'll NEVER GET MARRIED!!!".

I'd venture to say it's really not "I'm afraid I'll never get married", but "I'm afraid I won't marry the "right" guy".  Look, as long as you withhold sexual relations to marriage-you will ALWAYS be able to find a guy who says . . .sure I'll marry you.  It's not a question of never getting married, it's a question of marrying the right guy for you.

And on that question . . .good luck. I'll say you want to marry a strong man, a provider, a leader, someone who is confident in himself and in his abilities, a spiritual man. A man who is willing and wants to play the role of a husband.  And consequently, you need to be willing and want to play the role of a wife.

Is this guy the guy for you?? Who knows . . .except God.  I don't believe the story that you have no emotional attachment to him.  You don't get physical with a person of the opposite sex unless you have some emotional attachment to them-that goes for men and women. 

And if it truly is that you have 0 emotional attachment and it is only physical, then you need to repent of your wicked ways and turn to God.  What it means is that your heart is filled with lust and you will never be able to find the "right" spouse with a heart filled with lust.

 

There’s a lot of horse sense in what you say, Boxer; but as it as applies to the OP the million-dollar issue seems to be that she wanted to briefly step back physically to foster their emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection, she conveyed that to him . . . and the next time they got together, they darn near broke the LoC.  And since we’re making broad (and yes, usually correct) inferences about social behaviors of the sexes, I’ll offer one more:  yes, it takes two to tango; but I’ll bet he was the primary instigator.  

That, to me, is a deal-killer.  Better to remain single—or marry later and have one or two fewer kids than desired—than to wind up yoked to a rakish cad for the rest of one’s life.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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2 hours ago, Fether said:

This is one of those times where I finally realized what a user’s avatar really is. Until now I just saw @mordorbund as a mass of red color. Until last week, @Just_A_Guy was just smeared blue color.

Does that make me a smeared gray?

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3 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Does that make me a smeared gray?

No, I realized about a month ago that you were not a grey circle, but a dandelion weed (which I always suspected)

Update: I just realized you are not a  weed... but a stone wheel

update 2: I’m back to thinking your just a grey circle

Edited by Fether

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2 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

There’s a lot of horse sense in what you say, Boxer; but as it as applies to the OP the million-dollar issue seems to be that she wanted to briefly step back physically to foster their emotional/intellectual/spiritual connection, she conveyed that to him . . . and the next time they got together, they darn near broke the LoC.  And since we’re making broad (and yes, usually correct) inferences about social behaviors of the sexes, I’ll offer one more:  yes, it takes two to tango; but I’ll bet he was the primary instigator.  

That, to me, is a deal-killer.  Better to remain single—or marry later and have one or two fewer kids than desired—than to wind up yoked to a rakish cad for the rest of one’s life.

You are probably right that he was the instigator. It really just depends . . .if this was a 2-3-4th date-probably very true.  If they have known each other for a while . . .Looking back on my life, there were definitely times where I did not maintain the proper standards with my wife prior to marriage-anything that would have required not taking the sacrament for more than a week or two-no.  It was never really bad, but certainly worse than it should have been.

I guess I make allowances for the scripture that says "better for them to marry then to burn" where it is clearly talking about the lusts of the flesh. If it involved things like fondling, no clothes, simulated sexual relations etc. then that is something that needs to be addressed with the Bishop post-haste, before anything about the relationship can be determined that has to be taken care of first and foremost.  And while he probably instigated it-like you said it takes two to tango.  I think it's more sexists to believe that a woman can not stand up to a male's improper advances.

I do feel bad for kids these days.  So much harder in this sense, simply b/c they are disadvantaged.  At least half the youth in my ward come from broken homes.  How can they possibly be expected to understand how to develop good relationships for marriage when it's not modeled at home-they have no clue how it works. Add on all the sex,sex,sex that is pushed on kids, all the TV shows, movies, a constant bombardment about sex.  Then how many men (and women now!) who are involved in pornography-so easy to get into and then to just lest the base desires run wild.  . . .

It's just sad; I personally wouldn't worry about myself if I somehow inexplicable found myself on the market again through death-'cuz I've got the experience, wisdom, etc. to really understand and know.  But these kids . . .without anyone modeling for them proper families-how are they going to know-just so sad.

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31 minutes ago, Fether said:

No, I realized about a month ago that you were not a grey circle, but a dandelion weed (which I always suspected)

Update: I just realized you are not a  weed... but a stone wheel

update 2: I’m back to thinking your just a grey circle

I only play a grey wheel on TV.  But in real life, I am a dandelion weed.

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My thought is if you are serious about the guy, pray about it.  Seek an actual answer.  If it is yes, pursue marriage.  If not, then do not waste your or his time and break up.  However, in all things seek the most wise individual we know of to help you.  Seek your answer in prayer.

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Nobody wants to be the person their spouse settled for, that is a terrible trap to put somebody in.  Let this guy go so that each of you can find somebody who really loves you above all overs forever.  My oldest daughter is on the verge of aging out of YSA and expected to become the old cat lady in a few decades, but in May she met the right man and they are now engaged.  Don't every buy into the idea that time is up and you have to settle for somebody that you don't love with all your heart.

Edited by Latter-Day Marriage

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On 12/12/2018 at 8:25 PM, EllieBelle2015 said:

I’m in my senior year at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I’ve recently been dating a young man who is also a senior. We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. Because of this, there’s a lot of pressure to commit.

I enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve had some trouble communicating our expectations and needs, and it’s resulted in us breaking up once already. We both recognized that we needed to spend more time getting to know one another and less time cuddling, etc. 

We ended up getting together last night, just to communicate and connect on a personal level. The evening ended in the pushing of the boundaries of the Law of Chastity. 

We talked about it this morning and both agreed that it can’t happen again. I like this young man, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with him. I’m attracted to him physically, but not emotionally. 

I don’t know if I need to break this relationship off completely. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever love him, because I’m not emotionally available due to being hung up on a past love. If I stay with him, I’m afraid it would be purely physical and pushing the boundaries would lead to us eventually breaking the Law of Chastity completely. 

What do I do?

 

You are so young. Really, what is the rush? Do you think all the LDS single men are going to disappear tomorrow. I do sympathise with you as I remember being in a rush to get married. However, looking back now I was in a rush for the wrong reasons, all my friends were getting married and I was jealous, I felt there was something wrong with me, I was lonely or I was scared of ending up alone. My point is that none of my reasons for wanting to get married were based on gospel principles. I wasn't in a rush for a temple marriage, I wasn't in a rush to follow the prophet's council. I was in a rush to be validated by getting married. 

What are your reasons for wanting to get married?  Are they based on solid gospel reasons? 

If you don't love someone the honourable thing to do is to leave them. I met my husband after I decided to stop worrying about getting married and to focus on God. 

Also, when I told my mom (full disclosure, she is a baptist) I wanted to marry my now husband she sat me down and made me read 1 Corinthians 13 verse 4-8: but change the word charity to my now husband's name, which is Ian and to see how far I get. 

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

 

So it became Ian sufferers long, Ian is kind, Ian envieth not; Ian vaunteth not himself, Ian is not puffed up etc 

Point is, when you are thinking of marrying someone see how well their behaviour towards you stands up to the definition of Charity (love) in Corinthians. If it doesn't then don't marry them. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Alia

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On 12/12/2018 at 12:25 PM, EllieBelle2015 said:

I’m in my senior year at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I’ve recently been dating a young man who is also a senior. We’re both starting to worry that if we don’t find a spouse now, we’ll never find a spouse. Because of this, there’s a lot of pressure to commit.

I enjoy spending time with him, but we’ve had some trouble communicating our expectations and needs, and it’s resulted in us breaking up once already. We both recognized that we needed to spend more time getting to know one another and less time cuddling, etc. 

We ended up getting together last night, just to communicate and connect on a personal level. The evening ended in the pushing of the boundaries of the Law of Chastity. 

We talked about it this morning and both agreed that it can’t happen again. I like this young man, but I don’t feel an emotional connection with him. I’m attracted to him physically, but not emotionally. 

I don’t know if I need to break this relationship off completely. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t know that I’ll ever love him, because I’m not emotionally available due to being hung up on a past love. If I stay with him, I’m afraid it would be purely physical and pushing the boundaries would lead to us eventually breaking the Law of Chastity completely. 

What do I do?

Based on the information provided you should end the relationship. Physical attraction is not enough. 

 

You are young and will meet many others that can qualify as a good spouse. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

This year will be my 25th wedding anniversary.  When my husband and I got married, I was 28 and he was 33.  We have five children, but the fifth one did take a toll on me, it's true.
Neither my hubby or I had ever been to BYU-I.  Your life is not over if you graduate without getting married.  

If you were my daughter (I do have a 20 yr old daughter) I would tell you to break up.  It concerns me that your relationship is built on physical attraction with no emotional connection.  That is a poor foundation for a marriage.  

Break up and trust that the Lord.  Also please read How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind by Dr. Jon Van Epp.
I don't mean to say your current boyfriend is a jerk, not at all.  I recommend this book because Dr. Van Epp teaches a Relationship Attachment Model, that can help you avoid getting into another relationship that is more physical than emotional, and why that is important.  So please read the book.  

Trust that the Lord has your best interests in mind.  He does not expect you to settle because you are afraid there's no one better out there.  One of my friends married for that reason....she's divorced now...a very messy, painful divorce.  Don't do it.    

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I would break up with him. Physical attraction needs to be in a marriage, but emotional attraction is so important. Looks change. Things happen.  

You are still young. I know it doesn't feel like it. I never doubted when I met my husband. I rushed right on because nothing ever felt more right than being with him. He is my beat friend. He is everything that I never knew that I needed.  

Trust your gut. It will tell you a lot. 

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BYU-I do is infamous for Marriages.... If you don't have emotional connection with him, why would you marry him/keep dating him if you don't love him?maybe you can find the lovable personality hiding in him...maybe give it more time? 

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