My bishop keeps being unfair to me. What options do I have?


Junior
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6 minutes ago, Junior said:

No I don't I think it is a change of heart and a change of behavior. I have repented I have changed completely as a person. All I do now is go to work, help my mom, check my girlfriend is okay, read scripture and try to go to church. I never used to be this way the last 2 years before I repented I was a completely different person I would drink, smoke, have fights, race cars I am have changed but my bishop wont accept that I have changed. 

Good for you. Your job is to keep doing that while your bishop sees it and figures it out.

I gotta tell you, when you complain about how hard-nosed your bishop is, that doesn't look at all like humility or repentance. I still think you'd be much better off rethinking your whole approach to this.

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2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

It's not bad to want to go to the Temple.

Usually, by the time you're around 8 years old, you realize you can't always have what you want just because you want it.  You have to work hard to QUALIFY for it or even deserve it.

Go repent some more.  

I just want to get my temple recommend before the baby is born because if I get it and know I am temple worthy then I know I can be a good father. I did already work so hard :(  

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3 minutes ago, Junior said:

Yes because I wasn't sinning. I thought it was the right thing to help the mother of my child. 

So you think just because you weren't actually having sex, that there was no sin?

3 minutes ago, Junior said:

because I do care about her and I know it will upset her if I leave her. So I am staying with her at least until the baby is born. 

Does she know you're planning to dump her after the baby is born?

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3 minutes ago, Vort said:

Good for you. Your job is to keep doing that while your bishop sees it and figures it out.

I gotta tell you, when you complain about how hard-nosed your bishop is, that doesn't look at all like humility or repentance. I still think you'd be much better off rethinking your whole approach to this.

I do think I have been very patient with my bishop. I honestly think he believes that unless I marry with my girlfriend I will never be temple worthy. It is like he doesn't accept my decision on not marrying her and now he picks on minor things to make me feel bad. 

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1 minute ago, unixknight said:

So you think just because you weren't actually having sex, that there was no sin?

7 minutes ago, Junior said:

Yeah I do.

 

2 minutes ago, unixknight said:

Does she know you're planning to dump her after the baby is born?

I don't think so. I haven't been the most discrete about it, when I moved out she asked me what was going on between us and I said we should stay together for now. So I am not making her promises I wont keep or anything.  

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1 hour ago, Barrett Maximus said:

I'll make this simple,You have no business being in the temple at this point in your life.

Well I want to get back to being temple worthy because I want that for my child to have a dad who is temple worthy. So I am just trying to get there in the next few months. 

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13 minutes ago, Junior said:

Yeah I do.

Ok.  Consider this, then:  You are mistaken, brother.  That is sinful.

13 minutes ago, Junior said:

I don't think so. I haven't been the most discrete about it, when I moved out she asked me what was going on between us and I said we should stay together for now. So I am not making her promises I wont keep or anything.  

That's just wrong.  You're leading her on, letting her believe you'll be together, when you actually intend to leave her a single mother.  It's despicable to leave her like that but you could at least be honest about it.  

This is why your Bishop has a problem with your conduct.  You lived sinfully but won't admit it or repent, even when it's obvious to everybody around you.  You plan to leave the mother of your child as a single woman with a kid, and you haven't even been upfront with her about it which means that when she needs you the most, she's in for a nasty surprise.

And you still think you're entitled to go to the Temple?

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6 minutes ago, unixknight said:

Ok.  Consider this, then:  You are mistaken, brother.  That is sinful.

23 minutes ago, Junior said:

Explain why it is sinful?

 

7 minutes ago, unixknight said:

That's just wrong.  You're leading her on, letting her believe you'll be together, when you actually intend to leave her a single mother.  It's despicable to leave her like that but you could at least be honest about it.  

 

Well I would love to be with her but it wont work. Also, I will never leave her as a single mother I will help her completely and I will even have the baby to live with me as much as she wants. 

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1 minute ago, Junior said:

Well I would love to be with her but it wont work.

Can you explain this to me a bit more, Junior? Your girlfriend is good enough to undress and have a roll in the hay with, and she's good enough to create new innocent human life with, but she is not good enough to marry? That doesn't sound like a girlfriend. That sounds like a whore.

Is that what she is to you? A whore? Just something to have fun with, like taking a sports car out for a test drive and then telling the dealer thanks but no thanks? Just a vessel to relieve your physical urges, like a toilet?

Exactly why do you think this girl is okay to have sex with and make babies with, but not okay to marry?

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12 minutes ago, Vort said:

 Exactly why do you think this girl is okay to have sex with and make babies with, but not okay to marry?

Because she is attractive and I wanted to have fun and I wasn't thinking about the future but now I am I know it wont be fun to be married to her because we have a lot of differences. 

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1 minute ago, Junior said:

Because she is attractive and I wanted to have fun and I wasn't thinking about the future but now I am I know it wont be fun to be married to her because we have a lot of differences. 

So a whore, then.

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1 minute ago, Vort said:

So a whore, then.

No she isn't a whore. We were together for a long time before she agreed to sleep with me and I know she would never sleep with lots of people. She didn't know that I wasn't always honest about my intentions towards her. 

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29 minutes ago, Junior said:

Explain why it is sinful?

Why don't you ask your Bishop?

29 minutes ago, Junior said:

Well I would love to be with her but it wont work. Also, I will never leave her as a single mother I will help her completely and I will even have the baby to live with me as much as she wants. 

Ok so a woman who has a child but no husband or boyfriend, who lives alone with her child and receives child support, and sometimes the child stays at the father's home.

We have a term for that.  Know what it is?  A single mother.

Edited by unixknight
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3 minutes ago, Junior said:

No she isn't a whore. We were together for a long time before she agreed to sleep with me and I know she would never sleep with lots of people. She didn't know that I wasn't always honest about my intentions towards her. 

@Vort is not saying she's a whore.  He's saying you're treating her like one.

Edited by unixknight
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2 minutes ago, unixknight said:

Ok so a woman who has a child but no husband or boyfriend, who lives alone with her child and receives child support, and sometimes the child stays at the father's home.

 We have a term for that.  Know what it is?  A single mother.

Okay I thought it was for a woman who had a child whose dad wasn't around at all. 

 

2 minutes ago, unixknight said:

Vort is not saying she's a whore.  He's saying you're treating her like one.

Well I do admit that I could have been more honest with her but I never treated her like a whore. 

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@Junior, it is a very bad thing to lead a person on with "I'm just going to stay with them till X".  You're essentially putting on a ruse.

Also, when the baby is born, a woman goes through a MASSIVE shift in hormones, often leading to clinical depression.  Add on the sleepless nights, stress of taking care of a new person, and all those other hard moments like "how do I get this kid to stop crying!?!?"  

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21 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

@Junior, it is a very bad thing to lead a person on with "I'm just going to stay with them till X".  You're essentially putting on a ruse.

 Also, when the baby is born, a woman goes through a MASSIVE shift in hormones, often leading to clinical depression.  Add on the sleepless nights, stress of taking care of a new person, and all those other hard moments like "how do I get this kid to stop crying!?!?"  

I know and I don't want to hurt her because i care for her so much. I am thinking of moving back in with her once the baby is born to help her out especially at night to make sure she gets enough rest. I wouldn't fully move in but would just have a few things there so I can easily stay over to help her out with night times. 

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12 minutes ago, LePeel said:

What makes you think it wouldn't work?

because she hates it that I am a member of the church and she doesn't get on with my mom at all. Also, she is kind of controlling of me and I don't think I can put up with that forever. 

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44 minutes ago, Junior said:

I know and I don't want to hurt her because i care for her so much. I am thinking of moving back in with her once the baby is born to help her out especially at night to make sure she gets enough rest. I wouldn't fully move in but would just have a few things there so I can easily stay over to help her out with night times. 

You're missing my point.

If you want to help her and hurt her the least, you need to be honest with her.  Don't be a pretend boyfriend now and don't be a pretend husband later.  Be real.

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I read the whole thread, and this is my response.  I’ll be back later to see how much trouble I’m in....

Junior said: No I hadn't broken up with her and I still haven't.
Me: I see....

Junior said: I still do disagree that it is sinful because I only moved in with her to help her as she was struggling with sickness and told me she was lonely. Obviously, I wasn't going to sleep with her because I had already repented from that sin and I never want to do it again. Also, it's gross to sleep with a woman who is pregnant so obviously I wasn't going to sin. I was just trying to support her.
Me: It is not obvious, Junior.  First, where I’m from, under those conditions, you would be investigated for a minimum of Second Degree Rape because you recognize that she’s ill and having mental health issues.  Then you say it’s gross to sleep with a pregnant woman.  Well, unless someone else has been having sex with her, that’s clearly a problem of your own making.  But to tell how you refuse to marry her, yet you’re still going to support her?  No, it doesn’t happen that easily.  You two had sex.  You two became parents when she became pregnant by your own words and works.  Now you are obligated to marry her.  “It take two to make ‘em & it takes two to raise ‘em” is my philosophy.  You can disagree all you want, but either through marriage or the State, you will support your child.

Junior said: I want to go to the temple with my mom because we used to go together a lot and I miss going with her. I dont see why it is bad that I want to go to the temple.
Me: Nothing bad about wanting to go to the temple.  But there are requirements you must first meet.

Junior said: because I do care about her and I know it will upset her if I leave her.  So I am staying with her at least until the baby is born.
Me: Ohhhh!  That is somehow going to make everything better!  Get a girl preggy then dump her once the kids is born.  Not only are your unrighteously proud, but you are rude and arrogant on top of that, and you found yourself in a pickle because you weren’t smart enough to use protection, and now you are going to leave her with the damage to repair while you go out partying and bragging about getting laid.  And don’t tell me you won’t, either.

Junior said: No she isn't a whore.  We were together for a long time before she agreed to sleep with me and I know she would never sleep with lots of people. She didn't know that I wasn't always honest about my intentions towards her.
Me: So you knew of her dedication to you, but you are not capable of show dedication in return...?

Junior said: Well I want to get back to being temple worthy because I want that for my child to have a dad who is temple worthy.  So I am just trying to get there in the next few months.  
Me: Dad?  WHAT dad?  You’re a dad when you marry the child’s mother.  Until then you are nothing more than a sperm donor.

Junior said: Okay I thought it was for a woman who had a child whose dad wasn't around at all.  
Me: And what are you, in this picture?

Junior said: because she hates it that I am a member of the church and she doesn't get on with my mom at all. Also, she is kind of controlling of me and I don't think I can put up with that forever.  
Me: Ohhhh!  And that somehow makes everything better, now?  She doesn’t like your mommy and now you’re gonna split.  She’s marrying you, not your mommy.  Oh, I forgot, you don’t want to get married.  So she really was just your whore.  That somehow explains everything right there.

Junior said: I know and I don't want to hurt her because i care for her so much.
Me: You care enough to get laid but not enough to marry her...how old are you again?

Junior said: I am thinking of moving back in with her once the baby is born to help her out especially at night to make sure she gets enough rest.
Me: Oh, please!  I have heard some pretty messed up back tracking, but that is close to earning the worst of the worst!  

Junior said: I wouldn't fully move in but would just have a few things there so I can easily stay over to help her out with night times.  
Me: Oh, so just there to help here and there and...get laid.  Hey “Junior”, I doubt I’m the only one that saw that line coming!  She needs you now and foreever.  You got laid.  You made another living being to be on this Earth.  And throughout all of your posts all I hear is some kid that was in the game for fun, and when he found out he he had a losing hand, he now wants to take his bet money and run.  Sorry Junior, life isn’t like that.  You put money on the Ante’ line, your cards were dealt, you bet & draw, you lost, now you lose you bet oney and the Ante’.  That’s the rules we all live with.  Now it’s time you pay up.

So you complain about your Bishop being unfair.  No, he is very fair, if not too nice.  You are the one guilty of being unfair and unreasonable.  There is a young woman you owe a big apology to, and I suggest you pay up a lot of money, because I don't think you have what it takes to be a good father or husband.

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4 hours ago, Junior said:

Well I want to get back to being temple worthy because I want that for my child to have a dad who is temple worthy. So I am just trying to get there in the next few months. 

Now, Junior, aren’t you forgetting something?

The last time we had this discussion you admitted your motives:  she’s a member of another faith, and you have made a Johnny-come-lately decision that you are entitled to nothing less than a temple marriage.  And if she won’t give it to you, why, you’ll just go get it from someone else.

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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Junior,

1. You need to break up with her right now or marry her.  Choose one, but do it now.  Don't be a monster.

2. You are paying 1/2 of her medical bills?  Wow bro.  you need to do better than that.  like it or not she is the mother of your child.  

3. Bishop doesn't decide if you are forgiven.  He is the facilitator through which you are guided to forgiveness.  He needs you to do the things he has asked and meet with him when scheduled.  Not keeping your commitments is an indicator that you are not repentant.

4. If you keep on this path you en-route to disfellowship or excommunication.

5. Do not go live with your girlfriend/ex/baby momma after the kid is born unless you are husband and wife.  Don't be ridiculous.  

 

Part of being a grown up is taking responsibility for your actions.  Doing what is right even when you don't want to.  You have made decisions that impact the lives of 3 human beings.  Time to man up.  

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