My bishop keeps being unfair to me. What options do I have?


Junior
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9 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Your desire to go to the temple is a GOOD thing.  Your desire to be sealed to someone is a GOOD thing.  But these GOOD things don't instantly appear just because you want them.  

If you want to go to walk the temple grounds, you certainly are welcome to do that today.  I've personally been to the Laie temple grounds and visitor center and find them to be very beautiful and spiritual.  I don't know if the Big Island temple has a visitor center.  That is good and something you can do today.  

 But today you are not ready to stand as a personal representative of Christ in performing a saving ordinance.  This is because you recently cheated on Christ-- you betrayed the promises you made with Him and instead made your love of worldly things your Lord.  Now, you are working your way back- totally acknowledging that.  But it takes time for relationships to rebuild and you're still working on accepting Christ as your Lord and not worldly things (like your pride).  You need to quit thinking about yourself and your ego, and instead bow down before the Lord.  Things like being there for Sacrament-- being there for the celebration of what He did for you.  Holding with loyalty to Him, rather than flirting with betrayal again.

 Christ DOES want you to go to the temple and serve as His representative there.  He wants you to make those changes in your life so you can be that representative of His and honor your relationship with Him.

If I have to wait for 2 years to go to the temple then I am not going to bother with the church, because everyone has sinned not just me but to make someone wait for 2 years is unfair. I made so many changes and I struggled so much to be better but if I can't go to the temple then I can't progress and I don't want to stay how I am now for 2 years. I will have a much easier life if I just forget about the church and do the easier thing. 

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1 hour ago, Junior said:

If I have to wait for 2 years to go to the temple then I am not going to bother with the church, because everyone has sinned not just me but to make someone wait for 2 years is unfair. I made so many changes and I struggled so much to be better but if I can't go to the temple then I can't progress and I don't want to stay how I am now for 2 years. I will have a much easier life if I just forget about the church and do the easier thing. 

Yes, willfully turning your back on Heavenly Father to live a life of sin without repentance is certainly the wise choice and a fast track to exaltation.  I'm sure you know more than His chosen and He'll thank you for setting him straight on judgment day.  Good Luck.

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3 hours ago, Junior said:

You are wrong because I am 19 and I have dyslexia and English isn't even my first language. 

Not a chance! My guess is that you are: an underemployed writer looking for some entertainment or that you are writing a young adult novel. If you are not currently doing some writing, you should be. In 15 years of marking essays and responding to student emails, I have rarely encountered anyone who writes as well as you do. 

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7 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Not a chance! My guess is that you are: an underemployed writer looking for some entertainment or that you are writing a young adult novel. If you are not currently doing some writing, you should be. In 15 years of marking essays and responding to student emails, I have rarely encountered anyone who writes as well as you do. 

You are wrong about me but it will provide my mom with laughter when I show her your message. 

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3 hours ago, Junior said:

If I have to wait for 2 years to go to the temple then I am not going to bother with the church

This line right here is incredibly revealing. The church is clearly nothing more than just a social club to you.

If you REALLY believe that this was the true church and the only church that offered exaltation, you would not be saying this.

Part of repentance is turn from sin and TO God. You seem to have only shift your footing away from sin and towards some moral law that allows membership on a club.

Edited by Fether
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@Junior, here is the truth. You can change wherever you want. You don’t need this church to change and become a better person. But to become the best person and to spend eternity with our Heavenly Father, you absolutely need the church and to listen to its leaders.

I had a bad pornograohy addiction growing up. Amidst this addiction I had 3 different bishops that I confessed to.

The first bishop was very soft, told me that this was normal and that I should continue trying to overcome this. Nothing changed.

The second bishop was absolutely appalled (and discovered later that he didn’t believe in sexual addiction or any kind). He paid for me to see a counselor and that was it. Nothing changed.

The third bishop I had revoked my temple recommend, barred me from the sacrament, and met with me every week. Here is where the biggest change came from.

You have that third bishop I wish I had when I had the first and second.

This church isn’t meant to just make you a “good” or “better” person, but to make you like Christ in every way. In order to do that, you need to follow the leaders that are over you.

The things you are arguing for are not backed up by ANY of the general authorities in the church. Your views to not match the views of the church you are trying to argue your way into. Doesn’t this bother you??? It should either 1) convince you tht you are wrong and should follow the direction of the bishop, or 2) realize you don’t REALLY believe in the church as being Christ’s true church

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12 minutes ago, Fether said:

 This line right here is incredibly revealing. The church is clearly nothing more than just a social club to you.

If you REALLY believe that this was the true church and the only church that offered exaltation, you would not be saying this.

 Part of repentance is turn from sin and TO God. You seem to have only shift your footing away from sin and towards some moral law that allows membership on a club.

I don't even have any friends at church because all the people my age go to the YSA ward but my girlfriend wont let me go to that one. 

I have a testimony that church is true. It is just the amount of sacrifices I have made make me feel closer to God and I feel God is telling me it is important to go to the temple and progress and learn his plan for me. If I have to wait too long to go then I will be stuck how I am now for a period of time and I will have a baby and not be able to know God's plan for me. 

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1 minute ago, Junior said:

I don't even have any friends at church because all the people my age go to the YSA ward but my girlfriend wont let me go to that one. 

I have a testimony that church is true. It is just the amount of sacrifices I have made make me feel closer to God and I feel God is telling me it is important to go to the temple and progress and learn his plan for me. If I have to wait too long to go then I will be stuck how I am now for a period of time and I will have a baby and not be able to know God's plan for me. 

It's tough when you don't fit in to your ward. I'm sorry to hear that my friend. 

And it's wonderful to hear that you have a testimony that the church is true. That's a great starting point my brother. 

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13 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Your desire to go to the temple is a GOOD thing.  Your desire to be sealed to someone is a GOOD thing.  But these GOOD things don't instantly appear just because you want them.  

If you want to go to walk the temple grounds, you certainly are welcome to do that today.  I've personally been to the Laie temple grounds and visitor center and find them to be very beautiful and spiritual.  I don't know if the Big Island temple has a visitor center.  That is good and something you can do today.  

Also, I do go outside the temple often because I drive my mom and my siblings there and wait for her sometimes in the grounds but sometimes I have to go to work. 

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3 minutes ago, Junior said:

If I have to wait too long to go then I will be stuck how I am now for a period of time and I will have a baby and not be able to know God's plan for me.

You won’t be stuck, personal progression has little to do with temple ordinances. For example, I have partaken in all the ordinances available to the average adult in the church. But right now I’m working on having more meaningful prayer and scripture study. I have changed so much more over the past 6 months in trying to work on on that than I did in the 3ish hours  that made up my temple endowment.

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7 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

 It's tough when you don't fit in to your ward. I'm sorry to hear that my friend. 

 And it's wonderful to hear that you have a testimony that the church is true. That's a great starting point my brother. 

Well I don't mind it because I am with my family there. Not having my friends there helps me to focus on God at church. 

Even though, I have a testimony in the past I have found it hard to have lots of trust in God when things in life get hard. That is why I wanted to get to the temple. 

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25 minutes ago, Fether said:

You won’t be stuck, personal progression has little to do with temple ordinances. For example, I have partaken in all the ordinances available to the average adult in the church. But right now I’m working on having more meaningful prayer and scripture study. I have changed so much more over the past 6 months in trying to work on on that than I did in the 3ish hours  that made up my temple endowment.

I just wanted to go before the baby was born, because that was a timeline I decided, so the baby would have a dad who is temple worthy and I want to be able to give the baby a blessing. If I am constantly told I am not good enough to go to the temple for 2 years then I don't know if I will be able to stay in the church because I will get worn down. 

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25 minutes ago, Junior said:

I just wanted to go before the baby was born, because that was a timeline I decided, so the baby would have a dad who is temple worthy and I want to be able to give the baby a blessing. If I am constantly told I am not good enough to go to the temple for 2 years then I don't know if I will be able to stay in the church because I will get worn down. 

I see. Well correct me if I’m wrong, but the two year timeline was given by someone here and not by the Bishop right?

It comes down to this. Regardless of who is wrong or right, you should follow the counsel of your bishop or the temple won’t even be an option 

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31 minutes ago, Junior said:

I just wanted to go before the baby was born, because that was a timeline I decided, so the baby would have a dad who is temple worthy and I want to be able to give the baby a blessing. If I am constantly told I am not good enough to go to the temple for 2 years then I don't know if I will be able to stay in the church because I will get worn down. 

I was just reminded if this quote by Pres Spencer W Kimball

”There is a good verbal test to apply to determine the depth of one’s conviction of sin and hence of his start on the road to repentance… Do you wish to be forgiven? Could you accept excommunication for the sin of deemed necessary? Why do you feel you should not h excommunicated? If you were, would you become bitter at the church and its officers? Would you cease your activities in the church? Would You Work Your Way back to baptism and restoration of former blessings even through years? What have you done to prove your repentance? How much did you pray before the sin? How much during? How much since your admission of it? How much did you study the scriptures before your trouble? How much since? Are you attending meetings? Paying tithing? Have you told your wife or parents? Have you confessed your total sins? Are you humble now? Is it a result of being forced to be humble? Have you wrestled with your problems as did Enos? Has your soul hungered for your soul’s sake? Did you “cry unto him” a day-long prayer and into the night and raise you voice high that it reached heaven, as did Enos? How much have you tasted? How much suffering have you endured? Is your guilt “swept away?”

 

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14 minutes ago, Fether said:

I see. Well correct me if I’m wrong, but the two year timeline was given by someone here and not by the Bishop right?

It comes down to this. Regardless of who is wrong or right, you should follow the counsel of your bishop or the temple won’t even be an option 

Yes the bishop never gave me a time when I would be able to go to the temple. I thought 6 months was a good amount of time for me to change as a person and become temple worthy but I will continue for a while to convince my bishop I am temple worthy and see if I can endure being told I am not.

 

The issue with my bishop is that he is kind of old fashioned and in his mind I can't be repentant until I marry my girlfriend which I am not planning on doing. Maybe when the baby is born and he sees me bring them to church and he realises I am not abandoning the baby he will let me go to the temple.

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6 hours ago, Junior said:

If I have to wait for 2 years to go to the temple then I am not going to bother with the church, because everyone has sinned not just me but to make someone wait for 2 years is unfair. I made so many changes and I struggled so much to be better but if I can't go to the temple then I can't progress and I don't want to stay how I am now for 2 years. 

Your accepting Christ as your Lord *IS* progress.  That's what you need to be working on right now.  

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57 minutes ago, Junior said:

Yes the bishop never gave me a time when I would be able to go to the temple. I thought 6 months was a good amount of time for me to change as a person and become temple worthy but I will continue for a while to convince my bishop I am temple worthy and see if I can endure being told I am not.

If your girlfriend cheated on you-- full blown slept with someone else, then lied to you.  And then you found out, and she promised to be loyal to you.  But then she kept not following through with those promises, kept hanging out with the adultery guy (but she swears nothing is happening between them).  She tells you that she'll be here for you, but keeps standing you up on your dates.

Would you say that after 6 months of this everything is totally fine between the two of you and that she's ready to make the next level of commitment?

 

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6 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Your accepting Christ as your Lord *IS* progress.  That's what you need to be working on right now.  

I have accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.

6 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

If your girlfriend cheated on you-- full blown slept with someone else, then lied to you.  And then you found out, and she promised to be loyal to you.  But then she kept not following through with those promises, kept hanging out with the adultery guy (but she swears nothing is happening between them).  She tells you that she'll be here for you, but keeps standing you up on your dates.

 Would you say that after 6 months of this everything is totally fine between the two of you and that she's ready to make the next level of commitment?

 

Well God is a lot more forgiving than I would be. I understand your point but God knows my heart and I think God trusts me to go to the temple. I know God wants me to go and I believe I will go soon. I know I don't always make the best choices but I am trying to always do what is pleasing to God, but that is only possible if I have the spirit with me to guide me. That is what I hope will happen soon and then I will be able to make the right life decisions and parenting decisions etc. 

 

I don't think I would forgive them after 6 months but I wouldn't even give my girlfriend a second chance if she hurt me like that. Thankfully, God is gracious. 

Edited by Junior
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8 hours ago, Junior said:

I just wanted to go before the baby was born, because that was a timeline I decided, so the baby would have a dad who is temple worthy and I want to be able to give the baby a blessing. If I am constantly told I am not good enough to go to the temple for 2 years then I don't know if I will be able to stay in the church because I will get worn down. 

You need to see the opportunities to grow everyday without temple attendance.  I waited a LOT longer than 2 years (without any worthiness issues) as it was common practice not to take out endowments unless about to go on a mission or sealed. I had no idea if or when I would be sealed and so waited patiently and learned that it was a righteous desire but things would happen in Gods time. It did not stop me from serving in my ward and stake. It did not stop me building a relationship with my Saviour. It did give me the opportunity to sustain and honour my priesthood holders who had stewardship over me.

I hope that you can move past your current feelings and find the opportunities to grow closer to Christ and serve those around you.

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3 hours ago, Junior said:

I have accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior.

Well God is a lot more forgiving than I would be. I understand your point but God knows my heart and I think God trusts me to go to the temple. I know God wants me to go and I believe I will go soon. I know I don't always make the best choices but I am trying to always do what is pleasing to God, but that is only possible if I have the spirit with me to guide me. That is what I hope will happen soon and then I will be able to make the right life decisions and parenting decisions etc. 

 

I don't think I would forgive them after 6 months but I wouldn't even give my girlfriend a second chance if she hurt me like that. Thankfully, God is gracious. 

If Christ is your Lord, I would recommend focusing on how to be the best servant to Him possible, listening to His will, and His timeline. 

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On 2/8/2019 at 7:05 PM, Junior said:

I hope that my girlfriend will marry someone who loves the baby so they can live with 2 parents who love them. I will also marry with a woman who will love the baby. So the baby will have 4 parents who love them. 

Just "Hoping" does not make it so.  One needs to ACT and PLAN on these things.  The baby is not coming in 5 years.  It's coming in the next few weeks.

This is why it is very important for people to not have kids before they are ready for them.  It is not for the couple as much as it is for the KID who is an innocent VICTIM.

Edited by anatess2
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43 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Just "Hoping" does not make it so.  One needs to ACT and PLAN on these things.  The baby is not coming in 5 years.  It's coming in the next few weeks.

This is why it is very important for people to not have kids before they are ready for them.  It is not for the couple as much as it is for the KID who is an innocent VICTIM.

In that case I was an innocent victim when my parents divorced and my dad moved away, but I got over it and the baby will too. The baby will be better off than me because I will never leave them. Obviously, I never wanted to have kids before I was married and old, but I can make this situation work for the baby. 

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6 minutes ago, Junior said:

In that case I was an innocent victim when my parents divorced and my dad moved away, but I got over it and the baby will too. The baby will be better off than me because I will never leave them. Obviously, I never wanted to have kids before I was married and old, but I can make this situation work for the baby. 

Yes, you were an innocent victim of your parents' troubles.  It would be a lesser chance that you would have the troubles you are having now if you had an intact family.  You have not gotten over it.  You are passing along your misfortune to your child as a byproduct of your poor choices that you learned from your parents.  If you and your girlfriend don't stop the cycle, that child will grow up and have the same troubles passing the misfortune of poor decisions to his/her child as well.  And on and on it goes.

Edited by anatess2
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29 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Yes, you were an innocent victim of your parents' troubles.  It would be a lesser chance that you would have the troubles you are having now if you had an intact family.  You have not gotten over it.  You are passing along your misfortune to your child as a byproduct of your poor choices that you learned from your parents.  If you don't stop the cycle, that child will grow up and have the same troubles passing the misfortune of poor decisions to his/her child as well.

In my opinion I have gotten over it because I used to be angry about it but I am not anymore. Also, it wasn't that my parents divorced that I found hard it was that my dad didn't want to see me. I wont do that to the baby I will always be there for them and I am working on improving myself so that I can guide them to be better than me.  

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7 minutes ago, Junior said:

In my opinion I have gotten over it because I used to be angry about it but I am not anymore. Also, it wasn't that my parents divorced that I found hard it was that my dad didn't want to see me. I wont do that to the baby I will always be there for them and I am working on improving myself so that I can guide them to be better than me.  

It is a GOOD thing to want to be there for your kid and be the best man possible.  Please listen to your bishop, make the effort to be there to celebrate the Lord's Supper, and diligently immerse yourself in the Lord's words.

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