Forgiveness and trust


Aaddaamm
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Is it forgiveness if you never trust the person to the same extent you did, before they broke your trust.

Example, you're neighbor molests your child.

Do you forgive the person to the extent that you trust them again, once they have repented and told you they have changed.

 

Is our degree of forgivenss different to Gods, in that we dont have to trust again. But he can because he knows the persons true self.

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44 minutes ago, Aaddaamm said:

Is it forgiveness if you never trust the person to the same extent you did, before they broke your trust.

Example, you're neighbor molests your child.

Do you forgive the person to the extent that you trust them again, once they have repented and told you they have changed.

 

Is our degree of forgivenss different to Gods, in that we dont have to trust again. But he can because he knows the persons true self.

One way to look at it is, since we lack the capacity of God to look upon men's heart,  God has made restitution (including restoring lost trust) a part of the repentance process, and not a part of forgiveness process.

Also, forgiveness may rightly be viewed as a way of unburdening the victim rather than entirely absolving the perpetrator.

Thanks, -WAde Englund- 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Yes, you can forgive without EVER fully trusting the other person again.  Forgiveness is about healing from the wound, it does NOT mean that one has to set themselves up to be hurt again.   So in your scenario, first of all, in my experience,  it is very rare for adults who molest children to repent (or even admit they have done something wrong).  Forgiveness for you---which takes time, perhaps YEARS, and the Savior's help, means healing your wounds, and your pain, so that you are not consumed by anger and hate.  Healing from the pain and anger does NOT mean that you put your child or any other child in harm's way just because the offender claims to have repented.  Even if their repentance is utterly sincere, since we cannot know that 100% that that is the case, there is no need to fully trust them.  That lack of trust is one of the consequences of their sin, and sometimes repentance does not take away the consequences.  For example, if someone drives drunk, gets in an accident and another person is killed.  If the drunk repents, that doesn't bring the other person back to life.  Some consequences of our actions do not change even when we repent.  

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Your question immediately brought to my mind the talk from last conference by Jeffrey R Holland (Sunday morning)

“Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven,”11 Christ taught in New Testament times. And in our day: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”12 It is, however, important for some of you living in real anguish to note what He did not say. He did not say, “You are not allowed to feel true pain or real sorrow from the shattering experiences you have had at the hand of another.” Nor did He say, “In order to forgive fully, you have to re enter a toxic relationship or return to an abusive, destructive circumstance.” But notwithstanding even the most terrible offenses that might come to us, we can rise above our pain only when we put our feet onto the path of true healing. That path is the forgiving one walked by Jesus of Nazareth, who calls out to each of us, “Come, follow me.”13

 

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When we talk forgiveness we generally mention D&C 64:

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

This is a hard thing.  The Lord knows this.  It is made even harder when we have a misunderstanding of what forgiveness means... The Lord however makes it very clear in the very next verse what forgiveness really is

11 And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.

When you can truly turn it over to God for re-balance and redressing of the wrong done to you that is forgiveness.   Please note this in not the same as trust.  Trust is earned.  If you wouldn't trust a stranger then there is no reason to trust again someone who has broken said trust.  With trust you just be careful you are not being punitive about it (aka you would trust a stranger but you refuse to trust them)

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12 hours ago, Aaddaamm said:

Is it forgiveness if you never trust the person to the same extent you did, before they broke your trust.

Example, you're neighbor molests your child.

Do you forgive the person to the extent that you trust them again, once they have repented and told you they have changed.

 

Is our degree of forgivenss different to Gods, in that we dont have to trust again. But he can because he knows the persons true self.

Forgiveness and trust are two VERY different things.

Forgiveness is you taking your anger/bitterness/hurt, and laying those emotions at Christ's feet.  And then letting Him heal you.  It's between you and God.

Trust is between two mortals.  It is something that has to be earned through repeated showing.  

It is entirely possible to forgive and not trust that person again.  In fact, for major sins, that's commonly the advised road to take.

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17 hours ago, Aaddaamm said:

Is it forgiveness if you never trust the person to the same extent you did, before they broke your trust.

Example, you're neighbor molests your child.

Do you forgive the person to the extent that you trust them again, once they have repented and told you they have changed.

 

Is our degree of forgivenss different to Gods, in that we dont have to trust again. But he can because he knows the persons true self.

I believe you are confusing principles.  Forgiveness is what you do to validate your righteousness intentions towards others.  Being Trustworthy is what you become though mastering the ability to forgive ourselves and others.   I believe it was Shakespeare that said - "To thine ownself be true and it shall follow as the night the day - you cannot be false to any man."

 

The Traveler

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