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Junior

Did you ever use second hand things with your baby?

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Hi, a woman at church offered me somethings for the baby who will be born soonish. She offered me a car seat, a Moses basket, a stroller and a baby monitor set. So I told her thank you and took them from her house but my girlfriend said we can't use them on the baby because the baby will have a weak immune system and it is risky to use second hand things as the baby could become unwell. If she thought it was unsafe then she wouldn't have offered the things to me. Do you think it is safe to use them? Also, the woman at church told me she has just used the things on her youngest son so it is second hand not anymore than that. I will find it so awkward to hand the things back as well. What do you think I should do ?

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Your girlfriend is being silly.

Think about it... how do you immunize babies from diseases?  You vaccinate - that is, you inject the baby with the germ.

These kinds of silly questions should have been answered by each of your parents who have a whole slew of experience in raising both of you.  Where are they and why are they not giving you guidance?

Edited by anatess2

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I think that the baby will be fine if you use those second-hand items. My baby was born 5 weeks premature. He weighed only 5 pounds. Everything I have for him is second hand--clothes, crib, baby bathtub--everything. He has been just fine. He is 2 months old now and hasn't gotten sick once.

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1 hour ago, Junior said:

my girlfriend said we can't use them on the baby because the baby will have a weak immune system and it is risky to use second hand things as the baby could become unwell. 

Your girlfriend is acting like a fretful mother.  That's not a bad thing, that's actually a good thing.  Not every mommy has these obsessive urges to do everything right.  But it is still important to know what's true and what isn't.   If nobody has given you guys these books, go get them and start reading them.  

What to Expect When You're Expecting: Sandee Eisenberg Hathaway; Heidi Eisenberg Murkoff; ...

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2 hours ago, Junior said:

Did you ever use second hand things with your baby?

Absolutely- whenever possible.  I would guess that ~80% of my daughter's things are second hand.  It's more economical and more environmentally friendly.  No it does not increase the chances of getting sick.  Everything my daughter uses then goes goes to another kid.  

2 hours ago, Junior said:

my girlfriend said we can't use them on the baby because the baby will have a weak immune system and it is risky to use second hand things as the baby could become unwell. If she thought it was unsafe then she wouldn't have offered the things to me

Your girlfriend is completely misinformed.  There's no need to worry about viruses/bacteria because you WASH things before you give them away or use them.  

The few things to be cautious of are are things expiration dates attached to them, such as food and car seats.  You just want to make sure those things aren't expired.  

Edited by Jane_Doe

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1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Your girlfriend is being silly.

 

8 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Your girlfriend is acting like a fretful mother.  That's not a bad thing, that's actually a good thing.

I agree with anatess, but I agree with NT more. Don't dismiss your girlfriend's feelings to her face. In point of fact, she's probably wrong to worry excessively about such things, so it's an overreaction. But as overreactions go, it's a small one.

My experience has taught me that nature has endowed mothers, especially mothers of newborns (and ESPECIALLY especially new mothers of newborns), with a magnificent rejection of logic and reason. They become creatures of seemingly almost pure instinct. And while that instinct might lead them to some excesses, it generally tends to be right on the mark. Arguing with her and telling her how unreasonable she's being will do no good and may do a lot of harm.

In any case, as with all aspects of interpersonal relations, you need to pick your battles. I do not believe this is a fight worth picking. If you can gently talk her into using second-hand items, that's good. Otherwise, it's not worth the trouble.

Edited by Vort

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1 minute ago, Vort said:

In any case, as with all aspects of interpersonal relations, you need to pick your battles. I do not believe this is a fight worth picking. If you can gently talk her into using second-hand items, that's good. Otherwise, it's not worth the trouble.

Except Junior and his girlfriend are barely out of their teens desperately seeking money... 

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6 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

 The few things to be cautious of are are things expiration dates attached to them, such as food and car seats.  You just want to make sure those things aren't expired.  

Car seats can expire? 

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2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

These kinds of silly questions should have been answered by each of your parents who have a whole slew of experience in raising both of you.  Where are they and why are they not giving you guidance?

I only speak to my mom though, and it is different with her she doesn't understand the way it is to provide for kids in America. If my mom raised my baby the way she raised me in New Zealand but in America she would be in trouble with the authorities. She thinks I just need to buy a sling for the baby and let them sleep in a box 😂

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3 minutes ago, Junior said:

Car seats can expire? 

Car seats do expire. Like bike helmets, car seats should never be reused when they've actually been in an accident (though I'm not convinced this is really important most times). A bigger thing is that technology improves incrementally, and ten or even five years can make a small but significant difference in performance.

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7 minutes ago, Junior said:

I only speak to my mom though, and it is different with her she doesn't understand the way it is to provide for kids in America. If my mom raised my baby the way she raised me in New Zealand but in America she would be in trouble with the authorities. She thinks I just need to buy a sling for the baby and let them sleep in a box 😂

Your mother is wise.  Listen to her more.

Edited by anatess2

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13 minutes ago, Vort said:

In any case, as with all aspects of interpersonal relations, you need to pick your battles. I do not believe this is a fight worth picking. If you can gently talk her into using second-hand items, that's good. Otherwise, it's not worth the trouble.

I would buy new things but she wants me to buy a stroller that costs over $800 and I can't really afford to spend all that money on one item when the baby needs so many things.  

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5 minutes ago, Vort said:

Car seats do expire. Like bike helmets, car seats should never be reused when they've actually been in an accident (though I'm not convinced this is really important most times). A bigger thing is that technology improves incrementally, and ten or even five years can make a small but significant difference in performance.

I don't even know what I don't know about looking after a baby. 

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2 minutes ago, Junior said:

I don't even know what I don't know about looking after a baby. 

That's why you need to talk to your mother, her mother, the mother in that ward that gave you the stuff... You need hands-on guidance by experienced old mothers.  That's part of the job description of being mothers.  You get to give the next generation on-the-job-training on how to raise children.

Edited by anatess2

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1 minute ago, Junior said:

I don't even know what I don't know about looking after a baby. 

Welcome to new parenthood. Pay attention and be humble, and you'll be fine.

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1 minute ago, Junior said:

I would buy new things but she wants me to buy a stroller that costs over $800 and I can't really afford to spend all that money on one item when the baby needs so many things.  

A stoller is $5-20 bucks at a second hand store.  Even a super fancy new one should only cost you $100.

I would agree with PP's that it's a possibility your girl friend has an anxiety issue, lack of education on parenting, and there's a lack of parental figures in both of your lives.  These should all be addressed for your collective sanity.

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2 minutes ago, Junior said:

I don't even know what I don't know about looking after a baby. 

Very true, and that's actually a wise statement Junior.  

I strongly recommend those books.  It will help you know what you don't know.  They helped me and my wife immensely.

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5 minutes ago, Junior said:

I would buy new things but she wants me to buy a stroller that costs over $800 and I can't really afford to spend all that money on one item when the baby needs so many things.  

Hmmm. Yeah, I would agree that an $800 stroller is overkill.

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12 minutes ago, Junior said:

I only speak to my mom though, and it is different with her she doesn't understand the way it is to provide for kids in America. If my mom raised my baby the way she raised me in New Zealand but in America she would be in trouble with the authorities. She thinks I just need to buy a sling for the baby and let them sleep in a box 😂

Your mom is wise.  

Babies do NOT actually need that much.  Despite what American consumer fed culture will tell you.

Edited by Jane_Doe

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2 minutes ago, Vort said:

Hmmm. Yeah, I would agree that an $800 stroller is overkill.

 

3 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

A stoller is $5-20 bucks at a second hand store.  Even a super fancy new one should only cost you $100.

I would agree with PP's that it's a possibility your girl friend has an anxiety issue, lack of education on parenting, and there's a lack of parental figures in both of your lives.  These should all be addressed for your collective sanity.

My girlfriend said that if we buy a cheap stroller then it could collapse with the baby in and the baby could die or be seriously hurt. 

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11 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Your mother is wise.  Listen to her more.

 

5 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Your mom is wise.  

Babies do NOT actually need that much.  Despite what American consumer fed culture will tell you.

I can't take my mom's advice 😂My girlfriend wouldn't be able to cope. 

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4 minutes ago, Junior said:

 

My girlfriend said that if we buy a cheap stroller then it could collapse with the baby in and the baby could die or be seriously hurt. 

Again: your girlfriend is completely misinformed, and likely suffering from an anxiety disorder.  She should 1) talk to her doctor about that for treatment and 2) you both should read some parenting books. 

Edited by Jane_Doe

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10 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

That's why you need to talk to your mother, her mother, the mother in that ward that gave you the stuff... You need hands-on guidance by experienced old mothers.  That's part of the job description of being mothers.  You get to give the next generation on-the-job-training on how to raise children.

but I am going to be a father not a mother. I don't know if they can give me advice for that. 

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10 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Very true, and that's actually a wise statement Junior.  

I strongly recommend those books.  It will help you know what you don't know.  They helped me and my wife immensely.

Thank you. 

Yes I will ask her if she wants to read them. She has read a lot of articles online though and she sent me them to read but they are so dull and everyone has different opinions. 

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