Did you ever use second hand things with your baby?

[Junior]

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

She wants the baby to be as safe and comfortable as possible by providing her with THINGS instead of what the baby needs the most - a responsible and loving MOTHER AND FATHER living under the protection of the marital covenant.

 

No my girlfriend does want to be a family but she can't force me to marry her, she can convince me to buy the baby expensive things kind of. 

[anatess2]

Here's another tip:  Encourage your girlfriend to breastfeed as long as she can.  The convenience of breastfeeding is unparalleled.  If she's breastfeeding, she can go to the mall for at least 4 hours with the baby sleeping in the sling, a spare diaper in her backpocket, wipes in her other backpocket, a spare onesie in her frontpocket, a burpee over her shoulder and off she goes.  Both her hands are free to inspect sales racks.  No need for diaper bags with all kinds of baby bottles, warmers, formula, etc. etc.  Stroller is not just an inconvenience, it allows her to waste her (and your) money buying up the entire mall because she can just shove the bags on the stroller.

Edited March 8, 2019 by anatess2

[Junior]

3 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

The sling is WAAAAAY better and more convenient than a stroller.  It's hands free and you won't ever have to worry about being separated from the baby at crowded areas or when using the restroom.

My mom would just use a piece of material with a traditional Polynesian Pattern probably cut from old curtains 😂I think a sling is helpful but there are benefits to some storllers if the baby can sleep in the stroller too. 

[anatess2]

5 minutes ago, Junior said:

No my girlfriend does want to be a family but she can't force me to marry her, she can convince me to buy the baby expensive things kind of. 

Let me rephrase that then...

YOU want the baby to be as safe and comfortable as possible by providing her with THINGS instead of what the baby needs the most - a responsible and loving MOTHER AND FATHER living under the protection of the marital covenant.

It's not too late to consider adoption.

 

[anatess2]

2 minutes ago, Junior said:

My mom would just use a piece of material with a traditional Polynesian Pattern probably cut from old curtains 😂I think a sling is helpful but there are benefits to some storllers if the baby can sleep in the stroller too. 

Like I said... your mother is wise.  But you don't listen to her. 

Ok, that's about all the advice I can give you.   Take it or leave it. 

[Junior]

1 hour ago, scottyg said:

Try and convince her otherwise. A stroller doesn't have to be nice. Better to save the money for food or possible emergencies.

Yes I will try to convince her but I don't think I will be successful. 

[Junior]

1 minute ago, anatess2 said:

Like I said... your mother is wise.  But you don't listen to her. 

Ok, that's about all the advice I can give you.   Take it or leave it. 

I will tell her you said she is wise but you have to understand my mother has a very different culture to me and my girlfriend. Her advice isn't relevant to my situation. 

[anatess2]

2 minutes ago, Junior said:

I will tell her you said she is wise but you have to understand my mother has a very different culture to me and my girlfriend. Her advice isn't relevant to my situation. 

Motherhood is the same across all cultures.  I am Filipino.  My mother is Filipino.  I raised my children in the USA.  It is not THAT different.   To think a Hispanic mother's knowledge is irrelevant in the USA is BIGOTED.  You should be ashamed of yourself!

Edited March 8, 2019 by anatess2

[Junior]

10 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Motherhood is the same across all cultures.  I am Filipino.  My mother is Filipino.  I raised my children in the USA.  It is not THAT different.   To think a Hispanic mother cannot raise children in the USA is RACIST.

No I'm not being racist it isn't about race I am the same race as my mom (the baby will be a different race to me), but we have a different culture. I'm very western but my mom isn't so we don't have the same outlook. I can't take her advice on what to buy for the baby because when I was born she could make do with barely anything, but my girlfriend and I want to give the baby more. Also, I am not Hispanic and neither is my girlfriend.

Edited March 8, 2019 by Junior

[Vort]

25 minutes ago, Junior said:

I will tell her you said she is wise but you have to understand my mother has a very different culture to me and my girlfriend. Her advice isn't relevant to my situation. 

I'm reminded of a story where a young woman from the sticks has married a foreigner and is carrying his child, and is afraid that if she doesn't learn her husband's language, she won't be able to talk to her baby.

Hispanics know things that apply to babies, even non-Hispanic or mixed-Hispanic babies. You should give yourself the benefit of your mother's wisdom, and give her the benefit of sharing it. You aren't required to do everything she says, but it would be foolish indeed to avoid at least getting input from such a font of wisdom.

[anatess2]

41 minutes ago, Junior said:

No I'm not being racist it isn't about race I am the same race as my mom (the baby will be a different race to me), but we have a different culture. I'm very western but my mom isn't so we don't have the same outlook. I can't take her advice on what to buy for the baby because when I was born she could make do with barely anything, but my girlfriend and I want to give the baby more. Also, I am not Hispanic and neither is my girlfriend.

Terrible mindset.  Thinking you know better than your mother and thinking your mother is so ignorant about the USA.  "Giving the baby more" doesn't make your baby happy.   The way you discriminate against your mother is gonna be a detriment to your child's upbringing and no amount of THINGS you buy for your baby is going to make up for it. 

Okay, I'm out.  There's no point in this discussion.  Good luck.

[Junior]

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Terrible mindset.  Thinking you know better than your mother and thinking your mother is so ignorant about the USA.  "Giving the baby more" doesn't make your baby happy.   The way you discriminate against your mother is gonna be a detriment to your child's upbringing and no amount of THINGS you buy for your baby is going to make up for it. 

 Okay, I'm out.  There's no point in this discussion.  Good luck.

I am sorry if I offended you. I don't think my mom is ignorant at all she is my queen. Also, I wasn't offending immigrants to the USA I myself am an immigrant.  

[Junior]

1 hour ago, Vort said:

I'm reminded of a story where a young woman from the sticks has married a foreigner and is carrying his child, and is afraid that if she doesn't learn her husband's language, she won't be able to talk to her baby.

 Hispanics know things that apply to babies, even non-Hispanic or mixed-Hispanic babies. You should give yourself the benefit of your mother's wisdom, and give her the benefit of sharing it. You aren't required to do everything she says, but it would be foolish indeed to avoid at least getting input from such a font of wisdom.

Obviously, I am going to listen to her about somethings. If she tells me I am holding the baby wrong then I will listen and other things like that. I am sure I will leave the baby with my mom sometimes too, I trust her to look after the baby. All I meant was for somethings we have widely different views and she doesn't always understand the pressure of having a baby in the USA. 

[Junior]

2 hours ago, Vort said:

Hispanics know things that apply to babies, even non-Hispanic or mixed-Hispanic babies. You should give yourself the benefit of your mother's wisdom, and give her the benefit of sharing it. You aren't required to do everything she says, but it would be foolish indeed to avoid at least getting input from such a font of wisdom.

Also my mom is NOT Hispanic!! She is from Tonga and I am from New Zealand. 

Edited March 8, 2019 by Junior

[anatess2]

39 minutes ago, Junior said:

Obviously, I am going to listen to her about somethings. If she tells me I am holding the baby wrong then I will listen and other things like that. I am sure I will leave the baby with my mom sometimes too, I trust her to look after the baby. All I meant was for somethings we have widely different views and she doesn't always understand the pressure of having a baby in the USA. 

Except for car seat regulations, most perceived pressure of having a baby in the USA that is not present in Tonga is unnecessary pressure.  It is not necessary for American babies to have strollers same as in Tonga.  Those are LUXURIES.

Edited March 8, 2019 by anatess2

[Junior]

1 hour ago, anatess2 said:

Except for car seat regulations, most perceived pressure of having a baby in the USA that is not present in Tonga is unnecessary pressure.  It is not necessary for American babies to have strollers same as in Tonga.  Those are LUXURIES.

Yes but because the baby is going to be born in the USA I want to provide for them to the common standard in the USA, which I would say includes purchasing a stroller and other luxuries. I don't think everything has to be new or super expensive though.  

[Jane_Doe]

11 minutes ago, Junior said:

Yes but because the baby is going to be born in the USA I want to provide for them to the common standard in the USA, which I would say includes purchasing a stroller and other luxuries. I don't think everything has to be new or super expensive though.  

Remember: *things* are not what makes a baby/child happy or what they deeply need.   

[Junior]

13 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Remember: *things* are not what makes a baby/child happy or what they deeply need.   

Yes I know it is more for my girlfriend to feel good about getting nice things for the baby than for the baby. It makes me feel good too, that I can buy the baby nice things but $800 is probably a bit much for me to spend on a stroller. I though $1000 would be enough to get everything for the baby. 

[Suzie]

 YOU want the baby to be as safe and comfortable as possible by providing her with THINGS instead of what the baby needs the most - a responsible and loving MOTHER AND FATHER living under the protection of the marital covenant.

It's not too late to consider adoption.

Anatess, maybe I missed something about this story? Why are you suggesting adoption? Because Junior isn't considering marrying his girlfriend?

[anatess2]

1 hour ago, Suzie said:

 YOU want the baby to be as safe and comfortable as possible by providing her with THINGS instead of what the baby needs the most - a responsible and loving MOTHER AND FATHER living under the protection of the marital covenant.

It's not too late to consider adoption.

Anatess, maybe I missed something about this story? Why are you suggesting adoption? Because Junior isn't considering marrying his girlfriend?

This has a long history in several prior threads.  tl,dr; junior and girlfriend are barely out of youth, got unplanned pregnancy, girl wants a family, junior doesn’t want to get married but wants to support baby.  Both have no money and absent parents, junior is resistant to the guidance of his bishop.  I suggested to him in earlier threads that the baby’s best option is to have 2 loving parents under the marital covenant so if he can’t marry the girl, then adoption is an option.

[Suzie]

Thanks for explaining. Even though I absolutely agree that the baby's best option is always to have 2 loving parents under the marital covenant, I also believe that forcing or encouraging a marriage when one of the persons involved do not want to do it (for whatever reason), will make matters worse for the child in the long run (and two very unhappy parents). The baby needs both of them, no doubt about it so if they don't get married, they can still be present and involved in the child's life. I believe in this case adoption should be a last resort and not just because one of the persons is not considering marriage.

[anatess2]

3 hours ago, Suzie said:

Thanks for explaining. Even though I absolutely agree that the baby's best option is always to have 2 loving parents under the marital covenant, I also believe that forcing or encouraging a marriage when one of the persons involved do not want to do it (for whatever reason), will make matters worse for the child in the long run (and two very unhappy parents). The baby needs both of them, no doubt about it so if they don't get married, they can still be present and involved in the child's life. I believe in this case adoption should be a last resort and not just because one of the persons is not considering marriage.

I would agree if there’s family support on either side.  There’s none on both sides.  And we get a glimpse of the.... naivete... on the part of the girl and resistance to guidance on the part of the boy.  From where we’re sitting, internet quarterbacking, it doesn’t look good.  Although, jjunior has been very diligent in finding work to support the baby... but the girl is demanding $800 strollers.  So... 

Edited March 9, 2019 by anatess2

[Junior]

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

junior and girlfriend are barely out of youth

I know that I am young but I will be 20 next month and I know a few people who had children at 20. My mom had my older brother when she was 20. 

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

 Both have no money

We have money, we're not rich but it's not like we are living in poverty. 

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

absent parents

I live with my mother she isn't absent. It's true that I don't have a relationship with my dad but that isn't my fault. 

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

junior is resistant to the guidance of his bishop

That is true but only because his guidance is to get married. 

 

2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

I would agree if there’s family support on either side.  There’s none on both sides.

My mom will support me as well as she can. 

 

2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

And we get a glimpse of the.... naivete... on the part of the girl

We are a bit naive but that is because we never had a baby before, but I am sure she is going to be a good mother. She is very caring. 

Edited March 9, 2019 by Junior

[Junior]

5 hours ago, Suzie said:

Thanks for explaining. Even though I absolutely agree that the baby's best option is always to have 2 loving parents under the marital covenant, I also believe that forcing or encouraging a marriage when one of the persons involved do not want to do it (for whatever reason), will make matters worse for the child in the long run (and two very unhappy parents). The baby needs both of them, no doubt about it so if they don't get married, they can still be present and involved in the child's life. 

Yes I am going to be there for the baby all the time, I will even sleep in my car outside my girlfriend's house (because my Bishop doesn't want me to live with her) so I can help her at night. We don't need to give the baby away because we are capable of caring for the baby. Giving the baby away is wrong because the baby is our responsibility and to pass that to someone else isn't right. 

[Alia]

Hi @Junior I was exactly like your girlfriend. I wanted all new things for the baby and I bought expensive items with the mindset of these won't collapse, a wheel won't fall off etc. I can say that half of the things I bought I never used. I was also like your girlfriend in that I constantly worried about things going wrong, I really needed my husband to reassure me that the cot wasn't going to collapse. It sounds to me like you need to be the voice of reason to her, she won't always thank you for trying to reassure her but it is kinder than indulging her worrying, you've got to balance her emotions out. 

With regards to an $800 stroller I think mine cost around $700 but it is a stroller and a carseat. So perhaps you could compromise with your girlfriend and purchase an expensive stroller that doubles up as a car seat, so you don't have to buy a car seat too. I sort of agree with your girlfriend that second hand just doesn't feel as clean as new but a baby monitor set doesn't need to be as clean as a new set. The baby should never come into contact with it. 

 

44 minutes ago, Junior said:

We are a bit naive but that is because we never had a baby before, but I am sure she is going to be a good mother. She is very caring. 

I was naive when my son was born and I am still naive now. Being a parent is a journey no one is totally prepared and no one is an expert. 

23 minutes ago, Junior said:

Yes I am going to be there for the baby all the time, I will even sleep in my car outside my girlfriend's house (because my Bishop doesn't want me to live with her) so I can help her at night.

   That's so sweet, you sound totally committed to your baby which is the most important thing.