Craziest situation ever

[Sunday21]

One of my church friends has agreed to talk to one of my sisters. I am going to try to ask my older sister to stay with my other sister if she comes to town. I can baracade the front door (I have a secret exit out the back) until I get the lock changed and eventually get a number lock for the front. I think I am at an end with my sisters. I just can’t stand them any more. 

[Iggy]

@Sunday21 are you financially dependent on family money? Say a trust set up where you receive X amount of $ to assist in your mother's health needs? Then if you are, I would have an independent lawyer (yours and yours alone) go over that trust and spell out in bullet points your responsibilities, each siblings responsibilities, etc. Then if the other siblings are not doing what the trust lays out for them to do, have your own lawyer proceed with legal action against them. 

Get your locks changed for heaven's sake - include your home office also. Are you on good terms with your neighbors? If so, ask them to call the police if they see any of your siblings traipsing about your home and yard when you are not home.

I have a younger sister that is a "nut job" like @anatess2 says. Took the rest of the siblings nearly 15 years to finally realize just how toxic she is. Because of her screwed up actions she now lives a very, very lonely life. Her husband divorced her, her 4 children and their children have nothing to do with her, and her 4 remaining siblings and their 8 children and their children avoid her at ALL costs. Toxic is toxic. Last we heard even her Ward & Stake members are avoiding her.

It was and is a continuing struggle to forgive her ~ in writing this, I am fairly certain I have forgiven her ~ I just will NEVER forget, or allow her back into my life. When asked by the neices, nephews, and their children why, I am forthright and tell them why. That story has been told so many times, that now I can do it without deviating (Oh, look, a shiny dime), and without hatred in my voice.

Remember, remember that the gospel of Jesus Christ is TRUE. I suggest that your download the Come Follow Me for Individuals and Come Follow Me, Sunday. Study each weeks scriptures. What I am doing is also printing out the Joseph Smith, Jr Translation. This way I can fully understand the scriptures. ,  https://rsc.byu.edu/recent/joseph-smiths-translation-bible-electronic-library  Download Word Cruncher, then select the free books from the menu selections. Joseph Smith translated corrections to both the old and new testaments. Actually I copy and paste, then I paste in the verses that remain the same, change their text color to red. As I listen to the lds.org scriptures, I read along with my copy of the JST.

 

[Sunday21]

By the way, I went to my therapist today. I took emails from my family.

My therapist told me to:

chnage locks on my doors

tell my family to take a flying leap.

Screen my calls

Set boundaries! 

Thank you for your encouragement! ❤️

[Guest Mores]

11 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

By the way, I went to my therapist today. I took emails from my family.

My therapist told me to:

chnage locks on my doors

tell my family to take a flying leap.

Screen my calls

Set boundaries! 

Thank you for your encouragement! ❤️

I just read through this thread.  Wow.  

You have a very smart therapist.

[Sunday21]

15 hours ago, Mores said:

I just read through this thread.  Wow.  

You have a very smart therapist.

Thank you! But I am now entering a state of war. I will not be able to have my sisters enter my house. They are very vengeful. I may be serving food to the homeless at Xmas. Actually now that I think of this, I would far rather do this then spend time with my sisters! My sisters are fine but only if you do exactly what they say. Step out of line and there is nothing that they will not do.

[Guest Mores]

7 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Thank you! But I am now entering a state of war. I will not be able to have my sisters enter my house. They are very vengeful. I may be serving food to the homeless at Xmas. Actually now that I think of this, I would far rather do this then spend time with my sisters! My sisters are fine but only if you do exactly what they say. Step out of line and there is nothing that they will not do.

I don't want to send you into a frenzy.  But I have such bad feelings about this, I just have to say it.

Oh, heavens!  Do you realize what you've just described?  This is what is known as an abusive relationship.  Just because these are females does not mean they are not abusive.

Imagine if a husband said to his wife,"If you just did what I said, I wouldn't have to beat you."  

Please, please, find as much support as you can. Talk to the relief society president and the elders' quorum president.  Talk to you therapist and ask what other support structure and protections you can find.  Ask him/her that if you had an abusive husband, what sources of protection could you find.  This isn't just good advice.  It may be a necessity.  You've got to keep yourself safe.

Edited March 29, 2019 by Mores

[Sunday21]

@Mores Thank you. Our programs, like ministering do not function. My poor RS president is a transplant recipient who if her doctor’s knew that she had such a stressful role would have a fit.

i have been having free EAP counselling from work. That is about 5 sessions. After that ends, I would have to pay. I spend a ton on health care. The medications that I use are new and thus not covered by the usual sources. 

I cant enter the church building but I am going to start my own social activities by inviting sisters to movies etc. I am going to make friends with the new SA rep.

My counselor has suggested a church that is warm and welcoming and I am going to attend this Sunday. 

Fingers crossed.

[Sunday21]

Good news! I may get a ministering sister! I called my former bishop’s wife and she feels that this can be arranged! Very happy 😊 

Things are getting better! 

[Sunday21]

Have changed locks.

My younger sister sent info on my mother’s medications and doctor info. Very complicated. I am not going to be able to deal with the complications of this. I can’t manage my own complicated health regime. 

My older sister will expect to stay at my house when she visits from out of town. I will not be able to have her in my house. My younger sister has a spare bed but house will be crowded. War is about to begin. Very unpleasant. 

My therapist has recommended a friendly Protestant church. I did not go as I am frantically trying to keep up with work. I wish that I had gone. Lonely. My sisters will do their best to make my life hell.

[Sunday21]

I wish that I was allowed a pet. My doctors forbid all pets even fish. I need to find a neighbor with a dog that needs walking! 

[NightSG]

3 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

I wish that I was allowed a pet. My doctors forbid all pets even fish. I need to find a neighbor with a dog that needs walking! 

Sounds more like you need a pet bat.

 

[Maureen]

15 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

I wish that I was allowed a pet. My doctors forbid all pets even fish. I need to find a neighbor with a dog that needs walking! 

Why do your doctors forbid pets?

M.

[anatess2]

12 minutes ago, Maureen said:

Why do your doctors forbid pets?

M.

+1

[Sunday21]

9 hours ago, Maureen said:

Why do your doctors forbid pets?

M.

Autoimmune. Not allowed so much as a fish. 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

So sorry you have all this to deal with Sunday. 

[Manners Matter]

6 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:

So sorry you have all this to deal with Sunday. 

I second this! Sending love and hugs.

[Sunday21]

Sad. How do I explain to family. ‘You cannot stay at my home.’ Therapist says use ‘broken record technique’ eg I think that you would be more comfortable at ‘younger sister’. I realize that I have a compulsion to be kind. This compulsion is ruining my life.

Edited April 3, 2019 by Sunday21

[zil]

21 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Sad. How do I explain to family. ‘You cannot say at my home.’ Therapist says use ‘broken record technique’ eg I think that you would be more comfortable at ‘younger sister’. I realize that I have a compulsion to be kind. This compulsion is ruining my life.

Is it kind to enable another person's abuse?  Those who abuse need to be forced to face their own problems and take responsibility for their own actions.  It may seem unkind, but at the end of the day, it's better (for you and them) than facilitating their bad behavior.

If necessary, consider what Zil would do and tell them to grow up and get a room.

[Sunday21]

3 hours ago, zil said:

Is it kind to enable another person's abuse?  Those who abuse need to be forced to face their own problems and take responsibility for their own actions.  It may seem unkind, but at the end of the day, it's better (for you and them) than facilitating their bad behavior.

If necessary, consider what Zil would do and tell them to grow up and get a room.

I need to change my behaviour. My counselor is horrified by my family’s behaviour. I have to change. 

[zil]

7 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

I need to change my behaviour. My counselor is horrified by my family’s behaviour. I have to change. 

Your family are demanding that you give up your life not to save their lives, but for their pleasure and convenience - this is murder (or slavery, if murder is too harsh for your mind, but really, what difference is there between ending a person's mortality and using it all up for your gain?).

They are demanding that you give up your liberty for their pleasure and convenience.  This is slavery.

They are demanding that you give up the product of your honest labor for their pleasure and convenience.  This is theft.

Their actions are immoral and no commandment of God, nor any decent law of mankind demands that you submit yourself to it.

Do whatever you need to, Sunday, to change your thinking on this - you have an inherent, God-given right to your own life, your own liberty, and to the product of your own honest labors.  To give any of these willingly for a righteous cause is virtuous.  To have them taken from you by force is a crime against all that is decent.

[Sunday21]

@zil Thank you! 

Further progress! Tracking down a dietitian! Also have somethings to give away . Rollerblades (That’s not happening anymore!) Very nice church theology books by Ridges, etc. Have arranged with a nice sister that I will gradually leave a few things at a time just inside an alcove just in side church doors. Progress! 

[anatess2]

19 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

Sad. How do I explain to family. ‘You cannot say at my home.’ 

You don't.  Because, you won't be talking to them for a while.  Email is fine.  Phone calls, no.  Don't respond to emails about when the older sister is staying at your house.  She'll just have to figure out what to do when she finds the door locked.  Where she's going to stay is her problem.

Now, this can't last forever.  This will eventually eat at you, especially with your mother.  But having zero contact right now is important until you have figured out how to set proper boundaries.

Are you allowed an orchid?  Growing an orchid - or any other hobby plant, even growing microgreens that are also good for your diet - can be very fulfilling and it opens up a brand new community of people to stave off loneliness.

[Sunday21]

32 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

You don't.  Because, you won't be talking to them for a while.  Email is fine.  Phone calls, no.  Don't respond to emails about when the older sister is staying at your house.  She'll just have to figure out what to do when she finds the door locked.  Where she's going to stay is her problem.

Now, this can't last forever.  This will eventually eat at you, especially with your mother.  But having zero contact right now is important until you have figured out how to set proper boundaries.

Are you allowed an orchid?  Growing an orchid - or any other hobby plant, even growing microgreens that are also good for your diet - can be very fulfilling and it opens up a brand new community of people to stave off loneliness.

Sensible advice! I will reread this advice often. Actually I am going to print this out and carry it in my purse. Very sensible!

No plants...mold but maybe an silk flower. Now tht’s A great idea! THANK YOU! 

Kinda funny. I can call my EAP help line anytime. You always get a fresh counselor. I was trying to think about rules for my family. I thought that maybe my brother who is a bit autistic might be ok to allow to stay. (I love autistic people ❤️). But my sisters are dangerous. My younger sister once took a family member’s toothbrush and rubbed it under the rim of the toilet. My older sister, although, I have sent her about 10-15 k and consistently subsidized her airfare, takes things that she does not think that I will notice. Poor counselor (social worker) had a melt down. Anyone wonder why I joined our church? 

Edited April 3, 2019 by Sunday21

[Sunday21]

I just think the above social worker bit is so funny. Reminds me of when I was a speech pathologist. I knew the exercises but I was aweful at interacting with anyone especially parents.

[pwrfrk]

No mention of a spouse...?

Get a restraining order from court.