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Hi, this is my first time here so idk what to expect, but I heard there Is really good advice given here.

im a young adult living on my own still going to high school. I have a girlfriend. I’ve been addicted to porn for a while and have been trying to stop for a while. 

About 2 years ago I heard about my friend being in a relationship with a boy who was addicted to porn. He stole her virginity and I advised her to break up with him. 

I feel like I’m being a hypocrite and want to take my own advice. The two main differences between their relationship and my relationship is I’m trying to overcome this addiction and I have not taken her virginity.

i feel like I should break up with her for that reason. But I’m trying so hard to overcome it and I love her so much. She knows about my problem and is trying to help, but I think it’s just hurting her more. 

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Welcome!

To get a little more context on your issue:  

—are you and/or your girlfriend a practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

—when you say your friend’s boyfriend “stole her virginity”—are you saying he raped her?

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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Guest Mores
29 minutes ago, Anonymous2478 said:

The two main differences between their relationship and my relationship is I’m trying to overcome this addiction and I have not taken her virginity.

This makes all the difference in the world.

We all sin.  But are we trying to change and repent?  It appears that you are.  So rejoice in the wonderful gift of repentance and the miracle of forgiveness.

Also remember that porn and self-abuse are a LOT different than fornication.  While we often categorize them as Law of Chastity, the seriousness of fornication is much greater than simply seeing naughty pictures.  That is not to say you don't need to repent of it.  You do.  But just remember that sins have differing levels of severity.

Please clarify: When you say he "stole" her virginity, is that to mean he raped her?  Or that they fornicated together.  There is a big difference.

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Hi @Anonymous2478, welcome to the forum!  I have several disorganized thoughts here

-- There's a HUGE difference between 1) being stuck in a sewer and completely content to just live there, vs 2) being currently stuck in a sewer, but knowing that this is a bad place to be and trying your hardest to get out.   HUGE difference.  

- You can't get out a sewer by yourself.  You need the Lord and formal counseling to help you resolve this addiction.  Your girlfriend cannot fight that battle for you.  (Not saying she is, just calling a common problem I've seen).

- The phrase "he stole her virginity" is alarming.  It seems to indicate rape.   If so, that man has a WHOLE another level of sins to answer for.  If he had pressured her into sex, but don't downright force, that's also very wrong and sinful.  If you want not done either of these things, then you are in no way guilty of the sins that man did.

- Spoiler alert: real-life sex does zero to alleviate porn addiction. 

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Guest Mores
14 hours ago, Vort said:

 In my experience, the phrase is normally used to refer to someone seducing someone else.

Not in the Book of Mormon.  But I suppose we should let him clarify the statement.

Edited by Mores
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Fether, I am far from holier than thou.  Two reasons why pron does not impress me-

First, I am a naturist.  I call it naturism, the slang term is nudism.  I'm a nudist.  I look at a naked man or woman, skinny fat or trim, and I do not get sexually aroused by it.  Even though I was molested and raped and sexually assaulted, it never changed how I was raised, and I was bought up to respect that the human body itself is a marvelous creation.  Seeing someone naked as a jay bird does not mean it's time for sex.  In my opinion, and my kin, if you can look at a naked man or woman and get sexually aroused just from that, you're a danger to the farming community.  How would you react to seeing a couple of horses "going at it"?  Cattle?  Sheep?  They're naked all the time.

Second, I spent 13-1/2 years in fire & rescue.  I have seen a lot of stuff, naked people, dressed people, you name it.

It just doesn't impress me.  It disappoints me, because I feel that considering nudity = sex is disgusting and deplorable.  It is child abuse, one step from child sexual abuse.

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What I mean by "stole her virginity", is he tricked her into having sex with him. She didnt want to but she gave her consent to him slightly purposefully and accidentally at the same time.

And my girlfriend and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Edited by Anonymous2478
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41 minutes ago, Anonymous2478 said:

What I mean by "stole her virginity", is he tricked her into having sex with him. She didnt want to but she gave her consent to him slightly purposefully and accidentally at the same time.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is nonsense. A woman does not accidentally agree to sex. Either she agreed or she did not. She might have agreed under emotional duress, or she might have agreed even though she really didn't want to. But agreeing is agreeing. If she was forced, then she was raped. Otherwise, she gave herself to him, however much she may regret it.

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So, be that as it may:  with the additional information, @Anonymous2478, I’ll suggest that you’re kind of putting the cart before the horse here.  If you’re still in high school, your first priority should be getting out of high school and getting your plans lined up for college education/vocations training, and missionary service, and giving your adolescent brain (I don’t mean that pejoratively) a little more time to mature and settle down.  Having a girlfriend at all during that process, is a distraction that is usually counterproductive during that period of one’s life—that’s my practical experience, and the Church has also counseled against having a boyfriend/girlfriend in high school/before missionary service.

I don’t think you need to beat yourself up for being a hypocrite—I mean, fix the porn issue with your bishop, obviously; but at this point in your life there are other and better reasons for freeing your girlfriend to explore other options.

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