B.cole2

Attend the church after a divorce, with young daughter

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I recently got divorced. Ex husband is going to relocated out of state, leaving me with a teenage daughter alone. The world is towering down on me from all aspect, spiritually, financially… everything. 

Our family of three used to attend church together now has been suddenly reduced to just us girls alone. 

Right now I’m seeking refugee with my sister’s family, as I get through my emotional wreckage. So we have been going with her families’ ward, which is an hour away. But this won’t  do in the long run. Unless I move closer to my sisters or other family members, but I don’t know… everyone got their own families to worry about.. 

What should I do? I don’t know how much of a judgement will there be when I had to return to my home ward, as a single mother and a daughter.

Edited by B.cole2

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I'm sorry to hear about the incredibly hard times in your life right now, @B.cole2.  My heart and prayers go out for you and your daughter.

As to returning to your home ward: you and your daughter are always welcome.  Walking closer with God during this heart wrenching time can be a balm.  You don't need to talk to anyone about the divorce, or where your daughter's father is.  You are completely the boss of who gets to know anything.    If one of the people in your ward (unrighteously) judges you, that's their problem, not yours.  Never mind what any mortal sinner thinks, going to church is about you walking closer with Christ.  

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Thank you @Jane_doe, I appreciate your thoughts. 

My concern is that.. what could I do to comfort my daughter of her feeling.

I wonder if there are any single mother with children that you had witnessed in the church, I wonder what was the situation like for them? I'm scared and afraid of how my daughter will take in on all of this changes. 

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Guest MormonGator

I can offer you no advice, just know I'm praying for you and your daughter. 

Edited by MormonGator

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Dear @B.cole2 So sorry to hear this! Sending love your way!

Got to say. Returned to church after my divorce. Never experienced the smallest crumb of criticism from ANYONE. Never. NOT EVER. Not a snicker. Not a frown. Not a sideways glance. Nothing. In a decade of attending church with a wide variety of people. Served in all kinds of positions: ward, stake, temple. US and Canada. I received total and complete acceptance from everyone without exception:male and female. Even those weird people from Utah (Just kidding! Total love ❤️). I was received with open arms by every living person even those who hate virtually everyone on the planet. Total love fest. Bishops, Stake Presidents and RS presidents accepted me unreservedly. 

My ward by the way has the reputation for being cold, cliquish and full of backbiting and the least friendly ward in the stake!  - maybe...not my experience!  No one, not even the people who criticize everyone, ever criticized me for being divorced or for anything! Total and complete acceptance from every living soul! 

Edited by Sunday21

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Another divorcee here and I had my teenage son.  The ward were amazing and we were both in the same ward. I was initially worried but it was all in my own head.

As for my son, he needed his friends at church to help him deal with the situation.  They were the people he could call on for support and help him feel the love of the Saviour.  My home teachers were AMAZING and stepped up to make sure that he was included in things like father son camp, getting to early morning seminary when I was ill for a number of months. His YM presidency were true friends to him and positive male role models; this was really important for me as I do not have family that could take on these roles. Most importantly these were all people who knew him for years and he did not feel like a "project", they were our church family and accepted that sometimes bad stuff happens.  They accepted it all much better than I did.

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There are a couple of people in my ward who are divorced.  I've never heard anyone say anything to them directly or to anyone behind their back anything negative about the divorce.  

Some members may be curious as to what happened.  If they ask, I would tell them straight out that it isn't any of their business and it will go away quickly.

Anyway, one lady I am somewhat friends with went 10 years until she found a great husband.  One gentleman had a very hard divorce and has never married again...  Honestly, I think he would be hard to be married to, but love is weird.

I think you will find far more support in your ward than anyone negative.  And I highly doubt you will find any negative people.

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@B.cole2 you will be welcome in the ward. I wouldn't worry about what people think of you since that's not anything you can control. I would say the worst thing you could do is not go to church, and choose to remove yourself from the gospel and a ward family. You need additional strength right not, and that is found in your ward family. Weekly teaching of Christ will reverence your soul. I recommend it.

HOWEVER....

I saw later in the thread your concern about your daughter. She's a teenager and she wants to know why her dad left. Here are the options:

1. You married the wrong man. 

2. You married a good man, but he changed and became a bad man.

3. It was something you did to cause the divorce.

All of these have ramifications, and none of them are good unfortunately. But your daughter is smart, and she wants to know the truth.

 

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