Ministering

[Guest MormonGator]

6 minutes ago, dprh said:

I think the most important thing about ministering is that the family knows they can call you when they need to.  If you keep reaching out, they should get that message.  Phone calls are more personal than texts or emails and will help develop the relationship better. When you are in a conversation with them, at church, on the phone, at the store, ask open-ended, but specific, questions.  Instead of 'how are you doing? Do you need anything?' you could ask about one of the kids.  "Is John doing all right in school?"  or "What is Sally interested in these days?"  

Good luck!  It's great to hear about people who are trying to minister.  

Great points! Welcome to the forums, btw. 

[Jane_Doe]

@Mores, I was that person who never wanted visited for years.  I still don't like visited at home because my husband feels obligated to scrub down the house.

But I knew who my people were, and when I was stranded in the middle of no where during blizzard of -40F and 60 mph winds at midnight with a newborn baby in the backseat, I knew who I could call & they were truly there for me.  

Edited May 10, 2019 by Jane_Doe

[Vort]

I minister to two truly delightful older ladies, one a widow and the other unmarried. Our ward was newly formed late last year, and most of my previous ward brothers and sisters ended up in a different ward, so I have known most of my fellow ward members for only a short time, including these sisters. I also minister to another family, the wife of whom is active but who teaches in Primary, so doesn't really know me. (I'm in gospel doctrine.) My ministering companion, who was the previous elders quorum president when the new ward was formed, has longstanding acquaintance with all these people. We make monthly visits to the single sisters, and I have been over once to the other family's home to help with a project that, it turns out, was finished before I got there.

I'm doing more home teaching now than I was when I was a home teacher.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Mores, I'm glad you started this thread. I'm really enjoying reading about people's experiences.

[MrShorty]

19 hours ago, Mores said:

Now that the "requirement" for visiting has been deleted, I find that no one is doing much of anything.  I can't even get an appointment with my families.  Everyone simply says,"Oh, we're ok. You don't need to visit us." 

When the ministering program got started -- with all the talk of "flexibility" and "do whatever works for your friends and families", I wondered how we felt about a model like "just say hi and share other pleasantries at church, but I/we don't need regular in home visits". All of the publicly shared examples of ministering involved -- like you describe -- time and effort to become well acquainted (maybe not best friends but something much more than name on a list) followed by service opportunities -- maybe even reciprocating service opportunities. No one describes scenarios like yours or some other form of "minimal contact" scenario.

My personal interpretation of the program has been that, if a family says they don't want a visit, or that they really don't want to get to know me better, then "ministering" is saying hi like I would to any other random ward member when I see them.

Maybe my question for you, specifically -- if your assigned families know who you are and are saying they don't need/want to know you better and don't want to spend time with you, why do you feel a need to go beyond what they say they want/need? For the rest of the group, I would ask the broader question -- does the ministering program require us to develop a close knit network within our wards, or does it allow and accept those scenarios like above where we allow for individuals and families to maintain distance or be "stand-offish" or otherwise less than excited about being a central part of a close knit network?

[MrShorty]

accidental double post. -- to be punished by 30 lashes with a wet noodle.

Edited May 10, 2019 by MrShorty

[Manners Matter]

My experience - Those I'm assigned to haven't changed and I'm still doing what I did before (letters to inactives). But as far as who ministers to me, I think the current person (changed in Feb) is at a loss of what to do. She did introduce herself to me (she's fairly new to the ward) and we had a bit of a conversation. She also asked what I needed but beyond prayers, I didn't know what to suggest and still don't. We don't cross paths at church but she did send a quick email recently.

Some suggestions - 

• invite them over for game night (a good way to get to know people but in a more casual way)
• email/fb a funny joke/short story/meme (everyone appreciates/needs a little laugh)
• email/fb a link to an inspiring song/article 
• recommend a good book/movie/restaurant
• offer to watch the kids so mom & dad can go out
• support them in their callings!
• let them know you're praying for them
• offer to help them get their food storage/emergency supplies in order 
• find out their birthdays and send them cards (old-fashioned mail is a nice surprise)
• take them a favorite treat/something from your garden
• if you know they'll be out of town, offer to check on the house/keep the lawn mowed, etc
• let them know what yard tools you have that they could borrow when needed
• offer to share your talents/knowledge (help Joey with his trigonometry, etc)

Basically, do a variety of things unless/until you know what their love language is (gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, touch, service) and what floats their boat.

[wenglund]

14 hours ago, Mores said:

The inactive family's mother does.  But she does not respond to me.  The other families don't have facebook accoutns.

I don't get that many responses from my families.  Even still, it is a way for me to stay informed about and remain connected to them,, and also let them know that I am interested and concerned about them.  If that is as much as I am able to do, I am okay with that. Certainly, it is better than nothing.

What about twitter or Instagram or pinstripe, etc.? If nothing else, there is always emails and texts.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[wenglund]

My Ward leadership have noticed that the new Ministering program has had the residual effect of increased awareness and activities among neighbors not assigned to each other.  Our Ward, in general, has become more neighborly--particularly towards older couples, widows,  singles sisters,  and others most in need.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-