AmandaF

Questions about Sealing Cancellation & Clearance

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I am a new member who is discussing marriage with my current boyfriend who is a member. He is civilly divorced with 1 child. He is still sealed to his ex wife. 

 

I have some questions and concerns about the fact that he can't unseal from his ex wife. Everything I read online is very conflicting. Some say he can unseal, some say no, some say he needs permission from his ex wife, some say one of them needed to either be abusive or commit adultery for an unsealing. 

I have also read that if he gets a 'clearance'  and we are married in the temple, then I will only be married to him for a time and he will be with his ex wife for eternity. This is bothersome to hear, as I wish to be with him for eternity and for any children we have to be with him as well. I have also read that a lot of people don't understand the feelings of a 2nd wife being concerned about him being sealed to two women and for the 1st wife to keep the blessings when she broke the covenant of remaining married to her husband. It is not natural for any woman to feel comfortable with the thought of their husband being tied (married, sealed, connected) with two women for eternity. Forgive me, but isn't multiple marriages no longer practiced and accepted within the church? 

Also, if the ex wife wishes to be with him for eternity and they are still sealed, but he wants to be with me and not her, who does God say yes to? He can't say yes to both. Everyone says, God will not force you to be with someone but how does that work when she is asking God to be with him? If she asks to be rejoined to her ex husband, am I then cast aside? 

If the ex wife and my boyfriend never get back together, then they are breaking their covenant under God and therefore, how would she receive the highest blessings by remaining sealed to him? 

All of this is very confusing and disheartening. I am still learning and don't fully comprehend scripture on this matter. Any insight and clarification would be appreciated. Especially from any woman who deals with the hard place of 2nd wife. Thank you!

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48 minutes ago, AmandaF said:

[1]I am a new member who is discussing marriage with my current boyfriend who is a member. He is civilly divorced with 1 child. He is still sealed to his ex wife. 

 

[2]I have some questions and concerns about the fact that he can't unseal from his ex wife. Everything I read online is very conflicting. Some say he can unseal, some say no, some say he needs permission from his ex wife, some say one of them needed to either be abusive or commit adultery for an unsealing. 

[3]I have also read that if he gets a 'clearance'  and we are married in the temple, then I will only be married to him for a time and he will be with his ex wife for eternity. This is bothersome to hear, as I wish to be with him for eternity and for any children we have to be with him as well. I have also read that a lot of people don't understand the feelings of a 2nd wife being concerned about him being sealed to two women and for the 1st wife to keep the blessings when she broke the covenant of remaining married to her husband. It is not natural for any woman to feel comfortable with the thought of their husband being tied (married, sealed, connected) with two women for eternity. Forgive me, but isn't multiple marriages no longer practiced and accepted within the church? 

[4]Also, if the ex wife wishes to be with him for eternity and they are still sealed, but he wants to be with me and not her, who does God say yes to? He can't say yes to both. Everyone says, God will not force you to be with someone but how does that work when she is asking God to be with him? If she asks to be rejoined to her ex husband, am I then cast aside? 

[5]If the ex wife and my boyfriend never get back together, then they are breaking their covenant under God and therefore, how would she receive the highest blessings by remaining sealed to him? 

[6]All of this is very confusing and disheartening. I am still learning and don't fully comprehend scripture on this matter. Any insight and clarification would be appreciated. Especially from any woman who deals with the hard place of 2nd wife. Thank you!

1.  Welcome!

2.  One of the sources of confusion is that the Church doesn’t make much of the guidelines publicly available.  It’s handled on a case-by-case basis, and I understand it’s handled directly by the First Presidency.  Fundamentally, there can be a cancellation or a clearance.  The cancellation, of course, nullifies the entire sealing.  The clearance clears the man to remarry, but it does not nullify the first sealing.  The clearance does not mean that your boyfriend will “be with” his ex in the eternities.  It merely means that a sealing entitles a person to claim certain blessings from the Lord (blessings that go far beyond who one will “be with”); and unless/until she identifies another man to be married to or is finally and eternally barred from claiming them—she claims them by virtue of her first sealing.  A man does not have the right to unilaterally cut his (ex-)wife off from those blessings; and I strongly believe that safeguarding those blessings is the reason the process is structured the way that it is. 

3.  Not quite correct.  A clearance allows a man to be sealed to a new woman without nullifying the blessings that the ex-wife may claim through the prior sealing.  I understand that if a clearance or cancellation were denied, at one point the Church used to allow the couple to go forward with a time-only wedding in the temple.  I have no idea whether this is still the case.  

4.  I don’t have an authoritative basis for this, except that I believe in a God who does right.  

In the scenario you describe—you and he are right, she’s wrong.  She can claim the blessings of exaltation and eternal increase as a sealed person, assuming she is otherwise worthy—but she can’t force him to take her back if he doesn’t want to.

Now, if you’re worried that he might willingly take her back—whether in this life or in eternity—I’m not sure whether that’s theologically possible.  But even if it were, that scenario strikes me as being something that is more of a relationship issue that you and he need to sort out, and not so much a theological one.   

5.  The sealing covenant entails obligations not only between the parties; but between each party individually and God.  If they are true and faithful to their end, then they have the assurance that a new and worthy third party can basically be spliced into the relationship. 

Now, you might say—“but I know darned well that she wasn’t true and faithful, so why not just cancel the sealing and have done with it?”  And the reason, I think, is that the Church doesn’t arrogate to itself the prerogative to adjudicate fault in a divorce.  Rather it grants each party as much leeway as possible to repent and avail themselves of the covenants already made, which in this case means leaving the sealing administratively intact while also permitting both parties the right to move on with other partners if and when they are ready to do so.  

6.  I’m not a woman (hence my moniker!), but hope this may be helpful in some small way.  

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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6 hours ago, AmandaF said:

I am a new member who is discussing marriage with my current boyfriend who is a member. He is civilly divorced with 1 child. He is still sealed to his ex wife. 

 

I have some questions and concerns about the fact that he can't unseal from his ex wife. Everything I read online is very conflicting. Some say he can unseal, some say no, some say he needs permission from his ex wife, some say one of them needed to either be abusive or commit adultery for an unsealing. 

I have also read that if he gets a 'clearance'  and we are married in the temple, then I will only be married to him for a time and he will be with his ex wife for eternity. This is bothersome to hear, as I wish to be with him for eternity and for any children we have to be with him as well. I have also read that a lot of people don't understand the feelings of a 2nd wife being concerned about him being sealed to two women and for the 1st wife to keep the blessings when she broke the covenant of remaining married to her husband. It is not natural for any woman to feel comfortable with the thought of their husband being tied (married, sealed, connected) with two women for eternity. Forgive me, but isn't multiple marriages no longer practiced and accepted within the church? 

Also, if the ex wife wishes to be with him for eternity and they are still sealed, but he wants to be with me and not her, who does God say yes to? He can't say yes to both. Everyone says, God will not force you to be with someone but how does that work when she is asking God to be with him? If she asks to be rejoined to her ex husband, am I then cast aside? 

If the ex wife and my boyfriend never get back together, then they are breaking their covenant under God and therefore, how would she receive the highest blessings by remaining sealed to him? 

All of this is very confusing and disheartening. I am still learning and don't fully comprehend scripture on this matter. Any insight and clarification would be appreciated. Especially from any woman who deals with the hard place of 2nd wife. Thank you!

Welcome!

I understand where you are coming from. I married a divorced man who was still sealed to his ex-wife. That was over 30 years ago. At that time it was difficult for men to get a sealing cancellation from an ex-wife unless she was going to be sealed to a new husband. When my husband and I decided to be sealed, my husband requested a sealing cancellation from his ex, but the First Presidency said it wasn’t necessary in order for us to be sealed. I swallowed my pride, and chose to be sealed. I wanted the blessings of the sealing for me and my children. That was far more important than whether my husband “might” still have a priesthood stewardship with his ex that would extend into the eternities. Also, at that time, sealing clearances for men had not been instituted.

A sealing clearance means just as it sounds. The man is “cleared” to be sealed to another woman. The sealing is not cancelled. A sealing cancellation though, means the sealing is cancelled. Any children that are either born in the covenant or are sealed to their parents will not lose the blessing of being sealed to righteousness parents. That remains intact even if the parents are no longer sealed to each other.

Now, fast forward about 25 years. My husband talked to our bishop about having his sealing cancelled to his ex-wife. Our bishop was very understanding and in fact asked my husband why he hadn’t tried to have the sealing cancelled earlier. My husband told him,  he had, but, “I didn’t think it was possible.”  Our bishop told him it is much easier for men to request a sealing cancellation from their ex-wife, even if she has never remarried, or has married a nonmember. So, our bishop started the paper work for the sealing cancellation. After the Stake President approved the paper work and sent it into church headquarters, my husband had his answer back within three weeks and the sealing cancellation was approved. (Sigh! That was such a huge burden taken from his shoulders and mine.)

The Bishop will ask the ex-wife to write a letter telling her point-of-view of the divorce. It is not a letter “giving permission.” My husband also needed to write a letter stating his point-of-view about the divorce. Any child support or maintenance payments will need to be current.

(Edit: some ex-spouses refuse to write a letter stating their views of the divorce. They are given about three weeks to reply. If they don’t reply the process goes on without the letter. Some ex-spouses may be vitriolic in their letter. From what I understand, unless there is proof of unrepentant misconduct it won’t have much bearing on the outcome.)

Our Father in Heaven understands our feelings. He will never force anyone to be together eternally if they don’t want to. Your future husband and his ex most likely have already broken the sealing covenant by their divorce. But, it is nice to know that the sealing can actually be cancelled. Some bishops and stake presidents may not know that men may be allowed to request a sealing cancellation. It isn’t very clearly written in the handbook unless it’s been clarified since my husband requested his sealing cancellation.

Even though it is hard to understand polygamy, especially from a woman’s point of view, and our current culture, it obviously was ordained of God at different points in time to help raise up a righteous generation. My family goes back at least five generations within the church, and I wouldn’t be here if polygamy wasn’t practiced. I’m very grateful to my ancestors for their sacrifice and dedication.

Good luck! I hope this helps.

Edited by classylady

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15 hours ago, AmandaF said:

I am a new member who is discussing marriage with my current boyfriend who is a member. He is civilly divorced with 1 child. He is still sealed to his ex wife. 

 

I have some questions and concerns about the fact that he can't unseal from his ex wife. Everything I read online is very conflicting. Some say he can unseal, some say no, some say he needs permission from his ex wife, some say one of them needed to either be abusive or commit adultery for an unsealing. 

I have also read that if he gets a 'clearance'  and we are married in the temple, then I will only be married to him for a time and he will be with his ex wife for eternity. This is bothersome to hear, as I wish to be with him for eternity and for any children we have to be with him as well. I have also read that a lot of people don't understand the feelings of a 2nd wife being concerned about him being sealed to two women and for the 1st wife to keep the blessings when she broke the covenant of remaining married to her husband. It is not natural for any woman to feel comfortable with the thought of their husband being tied (married, sealed, connected) with two women for eternity. Forgive me, but isn't multiple marriages no longer practiced and accepted within the church? 

Also, if the ex wife wishes to be with him for eternity and they are still sealed, but he wants to be with me and not her, who does God say yes to? He can't say yes to both. Everyone says, God will not force you to be with someone but how does that work when she is asking God to be with him? If she asks to be rejoined to her ex husband, am I then cast aside? 

If the ex wife and my boyfriend never get back together, then they are breaking their covenant under God and therefore, how would she receive the highest blessings by remaining sealed to him? 

All of this is very confusing and disheartening. I am still learning and don't fully comprehend scripture on this matter. Any insight and clarification would be appreciated. Especially from any woman who deals with the hard place of 2nd wife. Thank you!

I think one way to think about it is that we are sealed into the highest priesthood order of marriage, which is a requirement for exaltation. Those who remain worthy will enjoy that order, even if they become divorced, and may eventually enter the order with someone else. God makes these decisions in the hereafter and sometimes through His servants in this world. As in this life, the agency and choice of the couple to enter into this order is paramount, the covenant is made jointly with God, and He will not break it.

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I sympathize with you and your frustrations and concerns in this matter.  I feel like even long term members have a pretty superficial understanding of the sealing (yes, that's pretty elitist of me to say), and so I can only imagine how uncertain this all must feel to a new member who has probably been told something along the lines of "You can be married forever."

It both is and isn't quite that simple.  Allow me to use an illustration.  This illustration shows, effectively, how marriage and sealing relate to each other in the modern church. I've depicted each concept as a circle, and the two circles intersect, but neither consumes the other. That is, a sealing is not a marriage, and a marriage is not a sealing.

MarriageSealing.png.27398a0cc0c95fe304ccb45280ca0c83.png

On the left side in red, marriage comes with certain benefits that are not (necessarily) bestowed through the sealing. Think things like property, inheritance, next of kin, beneficiary status for insurance, etc.  A lot of these are legal and/or social matters that are agreed upon in the local society.  In some locations, such as the U.S., a sealing may be recognized by the government as a marriage, which would allow those benefits to be granted.  But those benefits are still a function of the marriage, not of the sealing.

The sealing, in blue, also has a number of benefits that are not bestowed through marriage.  Something along the lines of "Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths" (D&C 132:19).  Sealing was also described by Joseph Smith, Jr. as an "order of the priesthood" (D&C 131:2). I don't have great references for what that order of the priesthood entails (Smith died about a year after naming this order of the priesthood and never really developed it.  No one, to my knowledge, has developed the idea much further). My personal take on it is that the sealing offers benefits similar to the Gift of the Holy Ghost; that is, a promise and assurance of constant guidance and support, especially as it pertains to marital and family management.  Academically speaking (and I understand academically speaking doesn't mesh well with the emotional), this is a big reason why the Church is hesitant to cancel sealings unless there is the prospect of being sealed to another partner in the near term--we don't want to deprive individuals who choose to live up to their covenants of the blessings a sealing gives access to.

There is also an area in the background that is gray, and represents things that neither marriage nor sealing bestow/guarantee.  Personal exaltation would fit in that area.  Certainly, we believe a sealing is a necessary condition for exaltation, but it is not sufficient; it is just a part of the expectations. 

It's also important to recognize that a sealing is not an unbreakable bond. It does not impose any kind of possession of one individual to another.  Regardless of whether two people are sealed to each other in mortality, they will only remain sealed to each other in eternity if they mutually choose to be.  While we often focus on the fact that the sealing authority can "bind in heaven what is bound on earth," it also has the power to unbind. 

 

Some notes on process

I've shepherded a few sealing clearances in recent memory, so let me give you a brief description of what the process will entail

  • Your bishop will initiate an Application to the First Presidency for a sealing clearance for your fiance (no application is necessary for you because you have not been previously sealed.  But women that have been previously sealed also have an application prepared for them)
  • Your clerk or bishop will review with you and your fiance your membership information, wedding plans, and verify that everything is accurate and spelled right.
  • Your fiance will be asked to complete a form giving background information about his previous marriage and divorce. I've heard some objection to this part of the application on the grounds of "if he's repented, it shouldn't matter." However, the First Presidency isn't concerned with whether or not a person as "repented." They are concerned with whether the applicant understands what contributed to the failure of the marriage and, in particular, what they have learned that may lead to the success of the future marriage. 
  • Your fiance's ex-wife will be asked to submit her explanation of the relationship, and her feelings about the sealing.  This is not a request for her permission. More often than not, it serves as a check to make sure that the applicant's description of events is not one-sided (that is, it keeps the applicant honest). I've seen application(s) where the applicant blames everything under the sun under the previous spouse, and then the previous spouse's letter reveals some serious issues, such as abuse, that the applicant(s) didn't own up to.  If the former spouse cannot be reached or does not respond within some amount of time, the non-response is annotated and the application proceeds.
  • Your bishop and stake president's will write their perception of the situation for the First Presidency to review.  If they decide they want the First Presidency to review the application, they will submit it. 

The process is not fast.  It may take several months to finish the application and a couple more months before you hear from the First Presidency.  The pace at which things progress depends heavily on the local bishop and stake president.  

Inevitably, these discussions create more questions than answer.  That's normal.  Feel free to come talk to your Relief Society president, friends at church, or come hang out with us here if you have more questions about it.

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@MarginOfError, a pedantic question: my understanding was that for a previously-sealed woman, the request would be for a cancellation rather than a clearance (since AFAIK a woman cannot, as a matter of administrative procedure, be sealed to two living men).  Is that still the case?

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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It is.  I have hopes that some day we will administratively recognize the futility of trying to make our temporal policies reflect eternal policies and do away with cancellations entirely.  But before we could do that, I think we'd have to have some serious discussions separating marriage from sealing in the minds of members.  Perhaps the removal of the one year waiting period may trigger some of those discussions.

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21 hours ago, AmandaF said:

I am a new member who is discussing marriage with my current boyfriend who is a member. He is civilly divorced with 1 child. He is still sealed to his ex wife. 

I have some questions and concerns about the fact that he can't unseal from his ex wife. Everything I read online is very conflicting. Some say he can unseal, some say no, some say he needs permission from his ex wife, some say one of them needed to either be abusive or commit adultery for an unsealing. 

Welcome to the fold. You are not alone with your concerns; however, sometimes we create our own distress through our own misunderstandings (or what we imagine might happen that won't happen). The process of recommending a sealing cancellation or clearance is pretty straight forward. Bishops and stake presidents have guidelines they are to follow. The outcome though is different as every divorce is different.

With your boyfriend's circumstance a sealing cancellation is not required. A point of doctrine to remember with "sealings" is that this is done by the authority of the priesthood to bind in earth and in heaven. And the Lord has given us this scripture to help us more understand sealings, "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matt. 19:6.)

As sealings are bound on earth and in heaven, it makes perfect sense that a clearance or cancellation would come by those who have authority to seal (bind) on earth and to bind in heaven.

If a divorce was the result of abuse, or even adultery, then yes, it is easier to receive a sealing cancellation. It is also easy to see from words of the Lord's prophets that the Lord is not very fond of "no-fault" divorce laws. This is evident with President Hinckley's words, "The remedy for most marriage stress is not in divorce. It is in repentance. It is not in separation. It is in simple integrity that leads a man to square up his shoulders and meet his obligations. It is found in the Golden Rule."

No-fault divorce cases are definitely different than a woman/man remaining in a sealing with someone who was abusive or someone who committed adultery. Permission from the ex-wife /husband are taken into account, but they do not determine if a sealing will be cancelled.

21 hours ago, AmandaF said:

I have also read that if he gets a 'clearance'  and we are married in the temple, then I will only be married to him for a time and he will be with his ex wife for eternity. This is bothersome to hear, as I wish to be with him for eternity and for any children we have to be with him as well. I have also read that a lot of people don't understand the feelings of a 2nd wife being concerned about him being sealed to two women and for the 1st wife to keep the blessings when she broke the covenant of remaining married to her husband. It is not natural for any woman to feel comfortable with the thought of their husband being tied (married, sealed, connected) with two women for eternity. Forgive me, but isn't multiple marriages no longer practiced and accepted within the church? 

First sentence is false, and I am sorry you read a misunderstanding of what is taught. The only way that is possible is if you are married for time only, and are not sealed. If your boyfriend received a clearance and you were sealed by the authority of the priesthood to your boyfriend that sealing is bound in heaven and on earth. @Just_A_Guy is correct in that some situations are provided an opportunity to only have a "for time" marriage in the temple. I don't know all the details on this, that would have to be asked to your bishop or stake president. I had never heard of it until a woman I home taught had mentioned that she was going to go to the temple and have a "for time" only marriage in the temple.

Now that you know this is false, you don't have to be bothered by this incorrect teaching and understanding.

There is a difference between not understanding how the 2nd wife would feel and recognizing that God is love. God is perfect. God is perfect in faith, love, justice, and mercy. All things are handled by him in the end. Who better to resolve any concern than our Father in heaven (who is perfect)?

Although difficult, the ex-wife/husband still have the opportunity to repent and to receive forgiveness from our Father in heaven. Please don't deny them, or believe they are unworthy of eternal blessings, if they have repented. This mentality only hurts us.

I would caution the statement of "it is not natural for any woman to feel comfortable with the thought of their husband being tied..." Remember, the Church practiced polygamy and there are a good number of women who will share the same husband in eternity and they loved their sister wives.

Polygamy is not a living practice. Remember, all the sealings that occurred before polygamy was banned were done so by the sealing (binding) authority of the priesthood. Even if a woman dies,  and her husband is sealed to another the Lord will not force any relationship. Any women, before the Father could say she doesn't want to be with the man she was sealed to. As all this concept is unknown, we will leave it at that.

I am good with the concept given that all things are worked out by a loving Father in heaven. We move forward with what we know, and exercise faith until we know, even if that means this knowledge is received in our immortal life.

21 hours ago, AmandaF said:

Also, if the ex wife wishes to be with him for eternity and they are still sealed, but he wants to be with me and not her, who does God say yes to? He can't say yes to both. Everyone says, God will not force you to be with someone but how does that work when she is asking God to be with him? If she asks to be rejoined to her ex husband, am I then cast aside? 

In the scenario you provide, God still can say yes to both; however, the chances are likely he will move forward with one. One thing to remember, in time we will not see things as we see them now. We will see things as God sees them. What we say now as "no way" we might be rejoicing in it in the afterlife for we see the wisdom, and we aren't harbored anymore by the natural man that is an enemy to God. At least that is the hope.

This is what I was mentioning about causing our own distress. How do you know God will ask you to be with him and her in the eternities? You don't. Since you don't know, don't imagine an illusion that causes stress that may never happen (and most likely won't happen).

There is a book I like titled "To Be Human." In this book, it was an eye opener for me (because sadly I create my own misery also), when he said how often we as humans will create our own demise or misery. He said we create illusions (fallacies) in our own head and we believe those fallacies. The example he provided was a person that was about to perform on a stage. Before the performance the actor "imagined" (created an illusion) of how things would turn out. At this point, so to speak, we have already potentially set us up for failure or success. If the performance goes according to our illusion (our imagination) we may feel happy or sad/miserable depending on what we imagined. He was presenting that we do our best, and accept whatever outcome comes our way and learn from it.

Your last question, creates this illusion also. If you are sealed to your husband and you have been faithful to your covenant why in the world would we think a loving Father in heaven would cast us aside? He wouldn't. Live the gospel in truth and righteousness and you will be just fine in the eternities.

21 hours ago, AmandaF said:

If the ex wife and my boyfriend never get back together, then they are breaking their covenant under God and therefore, how would she receive the highest blessings by remaining sealed to him? 

We have not been provided enough knowledge (and we as members already have a hard time receiving what has been received) to answer this question. We don't know exactly how the sealings work, in totality. We simply accept that if a person repents, and God forgives, then we should forgive also and the "ex-spouse" to receive whatever God specifies they have received. It is his gift to give, not ours.

21 hours ago, AmandaF said:

All of this is very confusing and disheartening. I am still learning and don't fully comprehend scripture on this matter. Any insight and clarification would be appreciated. Especially from any woman who deals with the hard place of 2nd wife. Thank you!

Yes, it can be, and continue to learn so the Lord can bring you comfort and peace through the atonement.

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I am in a similar situation my husband and I have been married for 6 years and started the process to be sealed several months ago... Our situation is messy as we were both sealed to our former spouses and both have children from those marriages and now have children of our own also... I have done a lot of soul searching and praying about this subject and I as AmandaF am still hung up on the idea of my husband still being sealed to his ex wife.... it doesn't help that said ex is awful to me and degrades me to my step kids any chance she can but she passionately speaks about her continuing love of my husband and her eternal family still including my husband and even stated that she understands that I will now be apart of her eternal family now... I don't know how to emotionally handle this situation... I agree it is all very confusing and disheartening... When my Stake President said to me who know maybe by then you might like her... my stomach sank! He also stated that we shouldn't even try for a cancellation due to her statements in response for the clearance he didn't think there was anyway the cancellation would be granted...This has truly shaken me to core... 

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Most of us tend to over think this stuff, bringing unnecessary stress and worries into the mix. Just remember that sealings between two individuals are not a "done deal", but rather something that MIGHT happen in the next life. The most important thing to remember is that any negative feelings one might have towards en ex of their own or their current or future spouse's ex will be GONE, if we reach the point in the next life where a sealing can become ratified and eternal in nature. We will be of one mind with our Father in Heaven and will whole heartedly accept His will. There literally won't be any bad feelings harbored or grudges held by us for ANYONE anywhere, nor will anyone there with us in the celestial kingdom have any bad feelings towards us or anyone else. We will all literally be of one mind and one heart. So, it doesn't really matter what kind of a person a particular "Ex" is now. If they make it to the celestial kingdom with us, we will without question accept them and love them completely. Try to keep that in mind when looking at the whole situation and you may see things with a different perspective.

Interestingly, if we refuse to repent of our negative thoughts and feelings towards someone, refuse to forgive them and to love them, the greater sin will be on our heads. Ironically if that does happen and we are not exalted, but they do repent and attain exaltation, then guess what? We won't be there in the Celestial Kingdom with our current spouse and our children, we will not be sealed to anyone, but they will (maybe not to the same person they were sealed to in this life...) if they desire it! 

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I have been in your shoes. My husband was sealed to his first wife and is applying for a sealings clearance. From the research I’ve found the sealing they had is no longer valid as once they broke their covenant to each other it broke the sealing however the man can only ask for a clearance as through  the previous sealing this still allows his ex to keep her covenant that she made with Heavenly Father that day. And once we are sealed our sealing is the only valid sealing. She can apply for a cancelation once she is ready to remarry as she will then make a covenant with her new husband and Heavenly father at her next sealing. So don’t worry. You will be the only one with your spouse. 

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11 hours ago, Mombe8 said:

and even stated that she understands that I will now be apart of her eternal family now... I don't know how to emotionally handle this situation... 

Your husband's ex-wife sounds like a nut case. At least on this topic.  In these situations, I can't repeat myself enough times

On 5/14/2019 at 9:13 AM, MarginOfError said:

Regardless of whether two people are sealed to each other in mortality, they will only remain sealed to each other in eternity if they mutually choose to be.

So I think the best strategy to handling this emotionally is to quietly acknowledge she's a nut case and ignore anything she has to say on the matter.  Frankly, your stake president should have told you the same thing*.

 

* While it may be true that, given decades (centuries?) you may come to like her, that notion is immaterial to your sealing.

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