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lifeisgood

Trying to Help Friend Overcome her doubts

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So I have a close friend that I have been struggling to give advice to.

She has a boyfriend that isn't LDS, and they have been dating for 5+ years. She went off the deep end with this boyfriend, but went to her bishop and got things cleared up. In the past few years I've seen her flourish in her testimony of the gospel, in all aspects of her life and she's been a huge example to me in that.

Recently her and this boyfriend have been getting serious again, and she came to me for advice, she's not sure if she believes in parts of the gospel, she struggles with abstaining until marriage in aspects of the relationship. She keeps asking me why the lord would put boundaries on us if these things are so great, and how many other religions have the same beliefs but she feels like she's tied down with the LDS church standards.

I tried to explain to her the best I could that the lord doesn't set some boundaries to hold us back, but to help us focus on the bigger picture of life, and looking past what the world says we should and shouldn't do. She seems to agree, and the frustrating part, she admits to me that she knows that she shouldn't do those things, but she's not sure if she can wait till marriage.

I have told her countless times that I know that I will support her no matter what, and I will always love her free from judgement, but I feel like there's more I could say from a spiritual aspect that might help her. I know it's her life and she will make her own decisions, I just hate to see her do something that she regrets or has worse consequences from

 

Any advice on this situation?

--A struggling friend

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1 hour ago, lifeisgood said:

Recently her and this boyfriend have been getting serious again, and she came to me for advice, she's not sure if she believes in parts of the gospel, she struggles with abstaining until marriage in aspects of the relationship. She keeps asking me why the lord would put boundaries on us if these things are so great, and how many other religions have the same beliefs but she feels like she's tied down with the LDS church standards.

I'm pretty sure Muslims practice abstinence before marriage. Orthodox Jews do likewise. The Catholic Church and most Protestant churches teach the same. My church (Assemblies of God) absolutely believes such. So...I wonder if she is looking for a religion that will allow her to do as she pleases? After all, your church's beliefs on this matter are mainstream. Now, if her issue were drinking coffee/tea her questions might be more understandable.

So, perhaps you could ask her (gently, of course) what she believes about God and church? Does she believe that God is real? Does she believe He cares what we do--that He engages His creation? If so, what does she believe God's standard is on sex and marriage? Her answers might help you understand if she is really struggling with her specific church, with Christianity/religion in general, or if she is starting to wonder if it really matters, and whether she should just do what she wants and hope her good outweighs her bad?

Of course, pray, pray, and pray some more--that God will reveal himself to your friend, and guide you as you support her.

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Keep doing what you're doing man (or woman).  You're supporting her, guiding her, and being a good friend.

My personal favorite talk about sexuality and it's beautiful use is this one: https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/jeffrey-r-holland_souls-symbols-sacraments/

Sexual relations exist to bind lives together.  It is worth being in a position where you and the other person are truly committed to each other (which includes marriage).

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I think you may be focusing on the wrong question.  She's been dating this guy for five years, so clearly she likes him.  But five years of dating (at least as adults) is a long time even by non-LDS standards.  If they're not actively pursuing marriage at this point, why are they still in the relationship?

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16 hours ago, lifeisgood said:

So I have a close friend that I have been struggling to give advice to.

She has a boyfriend that isn't LDS, and they have been dating for 5+ years. She went off the deep end with this boyfriend, but went to her bishop and got things cleared up. In the past few years I've seen her flourish in her testimony of the gospel, in all aspects of her life and she's been a huge example to me in that.

Recently her and this boyfriend have been getting serious again, and she came to me for advice, she's not sure if she believes in parts of the gospel, she struggles with abstaining until marriage in aspects of the relationship. She keeps asking me why the lord would put boundaries on us if these things are so great, and how many other religions have the same beliefs but she feels like she's tied down with the LDS church standards.

I tried to explain to her the best I could that the lord doesn't set some boundaries to hold us back, but to help us focus on the bigger picture of life, and looking past what the world says we should and shouldn't do. She seems to agree, and the frustrating part, she admits to me that she knows that she shouldn't do those things, but she's not sure if she can wait till marriage.

I have told her countless times that I know that I will support her no matter what, and I will always love her free from judgement, but I feel like there's more I could say from a spiritual aspect that might help her. I know it's her life and she will make her own decisions, I just hate to see her do something that she regrets or has worse consequences from

 

Any advice on this situation?

--A struggling friend

Her “doubts” about the law of chastity are definitely not the main issue. 

The truth is when people discover that sin is fun, they will come up with justifiable reasons to do it. I doubt your friend is really having trouble understanding why the law if chastity is a law, but is pretending to so she can justify her desire to sin. This is all a symptom of a greater problem. And that is a basic faith in Christ and faith that this is is true church upon the earth.

additionally. Her testimony will continue to be dug away at for as long as she stays with this guy. 

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