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Occitanie

Is there any hope for us?

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I recently got back in touch with the girl I cut contact with. 

I didn’t think she would respond after all this time, but she did and it was quite long:

- She said that all the hurt and pain had come back. 

- That what I put her through had badly affected her and still does. 

- That she’s had issues with her relationships and that she’s never quite felt the same again. 

- That she thought I hated her. 

 

This really hurt, but I know where she’s coming from. 

I cut contact because I kept doubting her feelings and I convinced myself she didn’t like me. I didn’t once think about how it would affected her - it was incredibly selfish and devoid of compassion and at least an explanation for her. 

Im totally ashamed of what I did and what I put her through. 

I would like to know what you guys think. 

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What we think about what?  Not sure what your question is...

Some questions for you:
- How old are you, how old is she?
- How long has it been since you cut contact?
- Were you dating, friends, or what?

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2 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

What we think about what?  Not sure what your question is...

Some questions for you:
- How old are you, how old is she?
- How long has it been since you cut contact?
- Were you dating, friends, or what?

What do you think about her *reply*

I’m 24 and she’s 22. 

It had been five since we last spoke and saw eachother. 

We were never officially together, instead we had a sort of fling for four years. 

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12 minutes ago, Occitanie said:

- She said that all the hurt and pain had come back. 
- That what I put her through had badly affected her and still does. 
- That she’s had issues with her relationships and that she’s never quite felt the same again. 
- That she thought I hated her. 

What do I think of her reply?  I don't know what to say.  I think the breakup hurt, and when you contacted her, the hurt came back.  I think she thinks the breakup badly affected her in various ways.  I think she thinks you hated her.

Still not sure what you want here.  Are you looking for absolution from a message board?  Or condemnation for you or her, or something?

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4 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

What do I think of her reply?  I don't know what to say.  I think the breakup hurt, and when you contacted her, the hurt came back.  I think she thinks the breakup badly affected her in various ways.  I think she thinks you hated her.

Still not sure what you want here.  Are you looking for absolution from a message board?  Or condemnation for you or her, or something?

 

She said “I like the idea of us trying something together but I’m afraid of the result”

 

To me, that means she still has feelings, that she would like us to get together again BUT she doesn’t trust me and is worried that I’m just going to cut contact again. 

But of course that could be wishful thinking. 

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You want to get back together with a girl you ghosted 5 years ago.

You guys were never married, but keep this in mind.  couples that divorce and then later marry each other again have a very high divorce rate.

The odds are not in your favor.  You remember the good and forget the bad.  You will justify things by convincing yourself that you are different and she is different.  

Can it work?  Sure.  The romantics out there will try and convince you to go for it.  I have my doubts.

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21 hours ago, Occitanie said:

I recently got back in touch with the girl I cut contact with. 

I didn’t think she would respond after all this time, but she did and it was quite long:

- She said that all the hurt and pain had come back. 

- That what I put her through had badly affected her and still does. 

- That she’s had issues with her relationships and that she’s never quite felt the same again. 

- That she thought I hated her. 

 

This really hurt, but I know where she’s coming from. 

I cut contact because I kept doubting her feelings and I convinced myself she didn’t like me. I didn’t once think about how it would affected her - it was incredibly selfish and devoid of compassion and at least an explanation for her. 

Im totally ashamed of what I did and what I put her through. 

I would like to know what you guys think. 

... and you're suddenly asking this gal out, after a bad history and a quarter of your lifespans passing in silence?

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Is there any hope for you?

Depends on WHAT HAS CHANGED between 5 years ago and now.  If you're the exact same person now as you were then, or she's the same person now that she was then, then no.  There's no hope for you.  You need to grow, mature, learn what it means to LOVE somebody (hint:  it has not much to do with whether the girl likes your or not), then you'll have hope.

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