Donna Law

Feeling Inadequate: Facing Remodeling/Wedding/Moving in about a month.

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So end of July I get married to an amazing man. I wish I had an idealized body for him to enjoy, which I don't; stress has me eating things I normally would not, and my current knee sprain injury is making workouts difficult to nonexistent; I am nervous about becoming a stepmom to his wonderful kids; I fear not having enough money in the future, a fear I've had most of my life; I'm ADHD and organizing all the details and remembering everything to be done is dreadfully challenging for me; part of me wanted to elope and avoid all the planning and prep work; we will be moving out-of-state the day after the wedding, and trimming away unnecessary things is hard, knowing what to take and what to let go; I'm doing my parents' remodel's finish work, and I still have base boards, back splash, refinish the deck, caulking, and touch up painting to do; currently out of Claritin-D; my wedding plans by default cannot be finalized until my fiance and I receive a clearance letter for his first sealing. The stress and anxiety feels borderline paralyzing at times. Any words of wisdom, talks, articles, scriptures, mantras ?

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First, welcome! What comes to my mind:

- delegate! Who else can help with the remodel? Wedding plans? Moving preps?

- ask your ministering sisters to help - it could be a fun project for them

- simplify!

- to help with deciding what to pack/discard - check your library for "Spark Joy" or "Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up" both by Marie Kondo (they're quick reads)

- take one day at a time

- focus on what you want, not what you don't (post reminders on your mirror: "I've got this", "I'm a great step-mom", "I'll always have the money I need", "I enjoy eating what's best for my body"...)

Congrats on the wedding! Wishing you all the best!

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8 hours ago, Donna Law said:

So end of July I get married to an amazing man. I wish I had an idealized body for him to enjoy, which I don't; stress has me eating things I normally would not, and my current knee sprain injury is making workouts difficult to nonexistent; I am nervous about becoming a stepmom to his wonderful kids; I fear not having enough money in the future, a fear I've had most of my life; I'm ADHD and organizing all the details and remembering everything to be done is dreadfully challenging for me; part of me wanted to elope and avoid all the planning and prep work; we will be moving out-of-state the day after the wedding, and trimming away unnecessary things is hard, knowing what to take and what to let go; I'm doing my parents' remodel's finish work, and I still have base boards, back splash, refinish the deck, caulking, and touch up painting to do; currently out of Claritin-D; my wedding plans by default cannot be finalized until my fiance and I receive a clearance letter for his first sealing. The stress and anxiety feels borderline paralyzing at times. Any words of wisdom, talks, articles, scriptures, mantras ?

You know what is cool about all your stress? It’s all good things. Your life appears to be very well put in order.

you are getting married

your getting married to a man that trusts you to help raise his kids

your moving out of state for better opportunity (I’m assuming at least)

You are talented enough to assist in remodeling

Your out of Claritin D... well, I guess that is pretty dang rough 😕

but other than that you seem to be doing well. You have what I call “good problems”

Remember this, in two months you will have completely different stresses :) these will be gone in the wind.

another note, weight and appearance tends to be a touchy topic when it comes to marriage and sex. But I found that as soon as I was open and honest about my desire for my wife to look good and take care of her appearance (in a kind way of course), her stress about it went away. We now have this desire and expectation for each other to take care of our bodies and to look good. Don’t be stressed about it, just be open with your fiancé and try to do better. Study ways you can do this. Knowledge of nutrition takes away the stress.

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Random things that I've learned that you might be able to apply:

1.)  My mom is OCD - not quite the same as ADHD although a lot of symptoms overlap.  She makes Lists with time limits.  So, say if she was the one in your situation, she would put everything you just told us you have to get done into a list.  She'll probably even detail out each item into smaller tasks - like, paint the baseboards would have tasks under it like -  Kitchen:  tape the wall, tape the floor, paint the baseboards, let dry, remove tape.  Living Room:  move couch, tape wall, tape floor... etc. etc.  Did I mention she has OCD?  Anyway, she would then put a date on each task.  She then gets a kick out of drawing a line through the task when she gets it done - it's like a dopamine hit or something.  She puts time limits on certain things.  Like - paint the baseboards - 1 hour.  If it doesn't get done in one hour, she stops and does other things on her list that she was supposed to get done too.  Then she re-works the list for the next day to add the unfinished task - or she'd ask somebody else to do it.

2.)  I've been obsessed by the minimalist videos on youtube.  A few weeks ago, I watched a 24 year old woman show everything she owns.  Everything fits in a carry-on luggage and a small backpack.  She has been travelling for 2 years working as a travel blogger.  She said her Macbook is her life - it has her work, her connection to her family, her photo albums, her books, her documents, etc.  Then she has her camera equipment complete with tripod and long lens.  Those 2 things basically take up 1/3 of her luggage space. 

3.)  Mantra:  "I never did mind about the little things."

 

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