faithful_father

Need Urgent help. Brother in Law Probably is a Sociopath

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone,

Short Back story

This past week my little sister (LS) and brother in law (BIL) came over to visit with my wife and myself. In our visit, my BIL and LS disclosed to my wife and I many troubling things that give me trouble sleeping at night. After their message, they left our house and gave my wife and I hugs goodbye, but I was still processing all that they had shared with me. I was shocked. They all have to do with the life, trauma and disfunction of my BIL, and the awful situation I find myself in.

Here is a list of what I learned about my BIL during his "Pre-missionary" life

  • He was extremely sexually abused for many years, perhaps 10 years, perhaps more, when he was a child to young man, by this Step Father (SF), were are talking about multiple times being raped by his SF, and again this is my BIL we're talking about. Think about the worst case scenario, and that would be my BIL. Think Kevin Spacey.
  • He has had past suicide attempts during his teenage years, which many scars from cuts on his arms from self mutilation. Again, think worst case scenario.
  • He was extremely promiscuous as a teenager, pornography as well. When asked by my LS how many people BIL had slept with he could not give a number. My guess say it would be between 50 to 100.
  • He had a DUI at 17, was addicted to drugs, tobacco and drinking.
  • Overall, his childhood was awful and he or someone he knew thought it would be a good idea to go on a mission. OMGosh!!!!

His Mission

  • He obviously lied to get on a mission. Was sent state side to a state in the east.
  • While on his mission he had sex multiple times with a girl who was I'm not sure was, or was not a member. Apparently, he planned on marrying her after the mission, but that didn't happen because my lucky sister was duped instead (more on that later.) 
  • He finished his mission and came home "with honor", never disclosing what he had done.

After his Mission

  • Moved out of his parents house, and left his home state and moved to the the community and singles ward that my sister lived in after his mission.
  • Continued to be promiscuous after his mission, meeting girls at bars, smoking, drinking. 
  • Him and my LS then start dating, and she thinks he is the greatest guy, in the meantime he is cheating on her.
  • He volunteered to be a temple worker during this time, at the same time having sex with women on the side. Wow...
  • All of these facts were hid from my LS, my siblings, myself and my parents. My mother very much liked him and he comes across as a very "nice" person. Well mannered, agreeable, charming, etc.

Married my Sister

  • He married my LS in July 2017. Obviously, he had not repented from any of this, and enter the temple unworthily and that wedding should have never happened. 
  • After about 3 months of marriage the "guilt" was too much for him, and he confessed what he had done as listed above to my LS. 
  • My sister decided to stay with him. I wish she would have divorced him on the spot. But she has her own problems (low self esteem, fear of unknown, etc.)

His Disfellowshipment

  • After disclosing this to my sister, he meet with his Bishop, and something his Bishop told him was "In the five years that I have been doing this, you are the most wicked man that has ever sat in that chair." Amen.
  • At his disciplinary council, the Stake President said "BIL the only reason you are not being excommunicated is because you wife (my LS) stood before them and asked them not to excommunicate him because she wanted to "preserve my sealing." Which ironically didn't matter anyway, because he went to the temple in the condition he did. The sealing was of no effect. But I digress...
  • We was disfellowshipped for a total of 11 months. 3 months after my LS first found out about all the sins my BIL had done, they decided to get pregnant. They now have a 1 year old baby.
  • On a personal note, I had been through a disfellowshipment of my own after my mission, only I was disfellowship for a long 2 years and what I did was NOTHING compared to what he did. I am shocked about how lenient they were with him!
  • He was reinstated and blessed his child. And as far as I know is in full fellowship. 

Please help me answer these question.

1. Do you believe that he is a sociopath? (Hint: I do.)

2. Given you know about his childhood, sexual abuse, addictions, do you really believe that someone like that, who was so awful could change in a year after 11 months of disfellowshipment. (Hint: I don't) I do believe people can change, repent, and be forgiven, but I don't believe BIL had enough time to do that. I mean 11 months of disfellowshipment is nothing. I know of people who have been excommunicated for way less with at least a waiting period of 5 to 10 years before they would be reconsidered for re-baptism.

3. My parents do not know about any of this. I want to tell them so bad. If this was happening to my daughter I would be irate. Should I tell my parents about this?

4. I want to talk to my sister in a clam and diplomatic way to help her understand that she still might be getting duped by him. I don't believe someone with years of this behaving suddenly changes course after 1 year. When I asked BIL about had he had the intense therapy that is needed for his situation my LS responded "I am this therapist." AHH!!!

5. Follow up on #4. My sister has a very rigid and high expectation of pornography use. At our meeting, she said "BIL knows if he uses pornography even once that I am leaving him." She seemed very serious about that. So, my concern is that most people like BIL that have 10+ years of hard pornography use relapse all the time in following years. My concern is now that he knows where the goal posts are he will hide the times he does relapse. Thus building the guilt building up, which guilt will case him to re-enter the addiction cycles he "once" was in. I want to tell my sister that she might as well pack her bags.

6. I want to contact his old bishop (they have since moved wards) and stake president and ask them what the hell they were thinking to not tell her parents, and to not counsel her to leave him. So, should I contact their old bishop?

 

Thank you all for forthcoming comments. I will read them and consider them. I will check back in every 48 hours or so to answer any follow up questions. I am scared for my sister and I'm afraid she married a complete sociopath.

 

Thank you.

 

Edited by faithful_father

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like there’s a lot to be concerned about, brother.  But if I may say:  I think your post reflects a mixture of sincere concern, a desire to protect your sister . . . and a (perfectly understandable) desire to make sure your BIL gets what you consider to be his “just deserts”, a desire compounded by your own history with church discipline.

Love your sister; and keep gently suggesting therapy.  Protect yourself and your immediate family (wife and kids) from financial or emotional or sexual exploitation of any form, and be vigilant for any signs of this going on with your extended family.  But, I would suggest that you acknowledge that you simply are not in a position to make an impartial judgment as to whether his penitence has been sincere or sufficient; and commend that matter to the Lord.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, faithful_father said:

6. I want to contact his old bishop (they have since moved wards) and stake president and ask them what the hell they were thinking to not tell her parents, and to not counsel her to leave him. So, should I contact their old bishop?

You should not.
You were not in those meetings. At best, you are receiving a watered down version of the events, if even that. You honestly don't know what the Bishop, High Council or Stake President really said to them.

If at any point you are concerned for the safety/immediate danger of your LS or their child, then I would cross the bridge of confidence and speak with your parents. If we are talking about sins and the fact that your BIL disgusts you, that is not a danger related item and perhaps not your place to step in. Similar to the Bishop, you may not be aware, but perhaps your LS has already told your parents certain aspects of BILs behavior/past without your knowledge.

If you learn of new grievous sins that would affect his standing in the Church or put others in danger, you can voice those concerns directly to his current Bishop with or without your LS's permission. Even if your LS doesn't want protection from said actions, we should feel obligated to step in and do our part to protect other innocent members of the Church.
 

26 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

Sounds like there’s a lot to be concerned about, brother.  But if I may say:  I think your post reflects a mixture of sincere concern, a desire to protect your sister . . . and a (perfectly understandable) desire to make sure your BIL gets what you consider to be his “just deserts”, a desire compounded by your own history with church discipline.

Love your sister; and keep gently suggesting therapy.  Protect yourself and your immediate family (wife and kids) from financial or emotional or sexual exploitation of any form, and be vigilant for any signs of this going on with your extended family.  But, I would suggest that you acknowledge that you simply are not in a position to make an impartial judgment as to whether his penitence has been sincere or sufficient; and commend that matter to the Lord.

Very well said JAG.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you are dealing with this @faithful_father. It's extremely distressing to watch loved ones end up with terrible spouses. I've had to go through this several times with 2 of my sisters, my mom, and my aunts so at the very least I empathize with you. I second@Just_A_Guy and @NeedleinA comments. Before you go talking to your parents, first have a talk with your sister, preferably privately where you can voice your concerns. Hopefully she starts paying attention to the red flags you mentioned, but you have to steel yourself for a total rejection of everything you say. My family tried to have a full blown intervention with one of my sisters after she had a baby with her drug using, emotionally abusive boyfriend. He actually screamed at her for being lazy while she was recuperating from childbirth in the hospital (rich coming from him). We seperated them, discussed how awful he was, offered her support and a home etc. And she went right back to him after exactly 24 hours. There is a limit to how much you can help when someone else's agency is involved. It took her months of terror at this individual spending any time alone around their child (she loves her son dearly) before my sister finally admitted her mistake, asked for help to move out, and started her journey of healing. With my second sister, I offered love and support. I voiced my concerns about her abusive, emotionally controlling, and compulsive liar of a fiance but it went in one ear and out the other. So I loved her, listened when slowly but surely the inevitable horribleness of living with this person slowly dawned on her over several years, before she finally woke up and divorced him. It's one of the few times I've celebrated a divorce. Accept right now that she may ignore all reason and stay with this guy. Be loving and open, hope that maybe he has changed, but keep the lines of communication and love open so that when she probably (and hopefully) realizes she has made a terrible mistake, she'll know she can turn to you. Remember, not even God attempts to force people into heaven, so don't try to do something similiar with your sister, I guarantee it won't work and will only drive a wedge into your relationship. Best of luck in this difficult time brother.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@faithful_father, I'm sorry you and your family is going through this pain.

I myself went through a horror story of sexual abuse, suicidial by age 7, and lots mental health issues.  My husband comes from a similar background, had major outburst issues, and was literally told by a counselor that he was a sociopath.  I met him... well when he kicked me in the face with a soccer ball.  It was many rough childhood and early adult years for the both of us.  The road is.... honestly if you're not had a major tragedy in your life, I find mis people don't understand that-- don't "get" why a kid at the age of 7 would think she's so horrible that she needs to die to protect her family.  Don't "get" why a different kid would be so blind by rage to literally hog-tie & lock up any new authoritative figure.  They don't "get" that 'other' life and how it tears you in two.  

However... they also don't "get" my love of the Savior on some levels-- how when I talk about Him being my Savior, I'm not just talking about saving from sins, but literally Saving my life from a horrible darkness.  When I talk about re-brith and Saul transforming to Paul, I speak as a person who's literally been there.  Who's had that horrible self-defining pain cast away and been made whole.  And likewise my husband: transforming from that rage-filled monster to a gentle & honest father.  

 

 

You don't know what your BIL has been through.  You can't.  No other mortal can.  And honestly it's not your place too.  It's also your place to heal him, nor your place to dispense justice.  Though I COMPLETELY understand the impulse to want to tear BIL's throat out.  You want to protect your little sister-- that's natural.  

But it's not your place to be her protector right now.

Where she needs your right now: is to be a supporter.  To be there and supporter her, as she and BIL go on this journey.  It's going to be a long road.  She needs you to be there to listen, support her, and care.  Be there for her.  Maybe gently suggest counseling, even offer to help pay (if you're able to).  Be there, hold her, love her.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/5/2019 at 10:13 AM, faithful_father said:

Short Back story

This past week my little sister (LS) and brother in law (BIL) came over to visit with my wife and myself. In our visit, my BIL and LS disclosed to my wife and I many troubling things that give me trouble sleeping at night. After their message, they left our house and gave my wife and I hugs goodbye, but I was still processing all that they had shared with me. I was shocked. They all have to do with the life, trauma and disfunction of my BIL, and the awful situation I find myself in.

...

Please help me answer these question.

1. Do you believe that he is a sociopath? (Hint: I do.)

2. Given you know about his childhood, sexual abuse, addictions, do you really believe that someone like that, who was so awful could change in a year after 11 months of disfellowshipment. (Hint: I don't) I do believe people can change, repent, and be forgiven, but I don't believe BIL had enough time to do that. I mean 11 months of disfellowshipment is nothing. I know of people who have been excommunicated for way less with at least a waiting period of 5 to 10 years before they would be reconsidered for re-baptism.

First, unless you are a mental health professional, I don't know how accurately your label of "sociopath" can be.  You could be right.  You could be completely wrong.  I have no idea.

Second, one always want to protect others.  And a little sister tends to hold a special place in a man's heart on the protection scale.  But what has he actually done?

I haven't heard you say anything to the effect that:

  • He was cheating on her WHILE MARRIED.  There is certainly a different standard for fornication than adultery.  Perhaps you can clarify that he has cheated on her since they were married.
  • He has abused his wife.
  • She is in any way being forced into staying with him.  Instead, you said she's making her own choice.

If he is a bonafide sociopath, I'd say that the protection instinct is justified.  But if not, I think you're judging someone very harshly because he's reacting in a very human fashion for having been treated in a very inhumane way.  What would it take for someone like that to turn to the route of repentance?  He has a tremendous excuse for turning out like he did.  What's your excuse for turning out like you did?

It seems to me that he has recognized how bad his life has been, and how bad HE's been.  And he's trying to change.  Whether he has completed a transformation is a different story.  But he seems to be honestly trying.  I didn't hear you say that he now believes it is all behind him or that he's now no longer tempted by ... whatever.  That would probably be incorrect.  But is he trying?

Recognize that the only difference between a righteous person and a sinner is that the righteous person acknowledges his sin and tries to overcome it through the power of the Atonement.  And this is something he will need to work on probably for the rest of his life.

Let me ask you:  How did he react to the bishop telling him that he was the most wicked person that has ever sat in that chair?  The fact is that I'd wonder if that weren't some sort of sideways compliment.  Consider this:  How often do those with SERIOUS LONG TERM SINS come to the bishop to confess and forsake them?  The fact that no one else has done so to this bishop should tell you something about his character -- if he was sincere.  And that is all that matters.

You question his sincerity.  Your sister does not (or at least less than you do).  We have no way of knowing on this side of the internet.  Regardless of how far along he is, does he continue to try?  Then you should too.

Edited by Mores

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If this was a romance novel, I'd say your BIL found his angel in your LS that finally made him realize he's not the monster that his childhood tragedy has made him to be giving him hope for redemption.  His Bishop, through his priesthood authority of discernment guided by the Holy Ghost, sees this and acts in a manner consistent to the Holy Ghost's desire to support him in his journey back to God with the help of your LS.  This is the kind of love story even little girls like to daydream about - being THE ONE to save the jerk.

Yes, I realize this is not a romance novel.  That said, I like to look at things from the perspective of hope and love.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

Please help me answer these question.

1. Do you believe that he is a sociopath? (Hint: I do.)

Based on what you have written: No. Sociopaths don't confess due to guilt feelings. They don't experience guilt feelings.

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

2. Given you know about his childhood, sexual abuse, addictions, do you really believe that someone like that, who was so awful could change in a year after 11 months of disfellowshipment. (Hint: I don't) I do believe people can change, repent, and be forgiven, but I don't believe BIL had enough time to do that. I mean 11 months of disfellowshipment is nothing. I know of people who have been excommunicated for way less with at least a waiting period of 5 to 10 years before they would be reconsidered for re-baptism.

Yes.

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

3. My parents do not know about any of this. I want to tell them so bad. If this was happening to my daughter I would be irate. Should I tell my parents about this?

No.

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

4. I want to talk to my sister in a clam and diplomatic way to help her understand that she still might be getting duped by him. I don't believe someone with years of this behaving suddenly changes course after 1 year. When I asked BIL about had he had the intense therapy that is needed for his situation my LS responded "I am this therapist." AHH!!!

I don't see a question here.

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

5. Follow up on #4. My sister has a very rigid and high expectation of pornography use. At our meeting, she said "BIL knows if he uses pornography even once that I am leaving him." She seemed very serious about that. So, my concern is that most people like BIL that have 10+ years of hard pornography use relapse all the time in following years. My concern is now that he knows where the goal posts are he will hide the times he does relapse. Thus building the guilt building up, which guilt will case him to re-enter the addiction cycles he "once" was in. I want to tell my sister that she might as well pack her bags.

Again, I don't see any question.

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

6. I want to contact his old bishop (they have since moved wards) and stake president and ask them what the hell they were thinking to not tell her parents, and to not counsel her to leave him. So, should I contact their old bishop?

Go right ahead if you think it will make you feel better. But they don't answer to you, and they're not likely to tell you even the least little thing about what they did, what they said, or what was done or said to them.

I'm not devoid of sympathy for your situation. But you are not a principle actor in this scenario; you are merely a concerned bystander. For your own sake and for theirs, please don't forget this crucial distinction.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

Please help me answer these question.

1. Do you believe that he is a sociopath? (Hint: I do.)

No, look up the definition before you throw that word around

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

2. Given you know about his childhood, sexual abuse, addictions, do you really believe that someone like that, who was so awful could change in a year after 11 months of disfellowshipment. (Hint: I don't) I do believe people can change, repent, and be forgiven, but I don't believe BIL had enough time to do that. I mean 11 months of disfellowshipment is nothing. I know of people who have been excommunicated for way less with at least a waiting period of 5 to 10 years before they would be reconsidered for re-baptism.

Can they change in that short a period of time? maybe. I don't know what I do know is that the amount of time he has spent being "dis-fellowshiped" should be irrelevant to you as you are not his priesthood leader.

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

3. My parents do not know about any of this. I want to tell them so bad. If this was happening to my daughter I would be irate. Should I tell my parents about this?

No, it is not your place to air your sisters dirty laundry, I'm a little vague on as to why they would have a true confessions session with you and your wife. 

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

4. I want to talk to my sister in a clam and diplomatic way to help her understand that she still might be getting duped by him. I don't believe someone with years of this behaving suddenly changes course after 1 year. When I asked BIL about had he had the intense therapy that is needed for his situation my LS responded "I am this therapist." AHH!!!

So your sister is a trained therapist? If she is she is probably crossing some ethical boundries. If she is an arm chair therapist like me she may be in real trouble. What's your question here?

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

5. Follow up on #4. My sister has a very rigid and high expectation of pornography use. At our meeting, she said "BIL knows if he uses pornography even once that I am leaving him." She seemed very serious about that. So, my concern is that most people like BIL that have 10+ years of hard pornography use relapse all the time in following years. My concern is now that he knows where the goal posts are he will hide the times he does relapse. Thus building the guilt building up, which guilt will case him to re-enter the addiction cycles he "once" was in. I want to tell my sister that she might as well pack her bags.

Well on the plus side sociopaths don't feel guilt in a traditional sense, so that diagnosis is ruled out. Things can't be so black and white. He will relapse, and if there is no give he will hide it.

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

6. I want to contact his old bishop (they have since moved wards) and stake president and ask them what the hell they were thinking to not tell her parents, and to not counsel her to leave him. So, should I contact their old bishop?

No, conversations with him and his bishop are none of your business. 

 

Look if it as me I would pull my sister aside and smack her on the back of the head. I would have one very firm conversation with her and let her know that I am available to help if she needs it and then never mention it again. Ever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

After disclosing this to my sister, he meet with his Bishop, and something his Bishop told him was "In the five years that I have been doing this, you are the most wicked man that has ever sat in that chair." Amen.

I call horse dootie on that. 

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

On a personal note, I had been through a disfellowshipment of my own after my mission, only I was disfellowship for a long 2 years and what I did was NOTHING compared to what he did. I am shocked about how lenient they were with him!

So what? it's none of your business and you shouldn't give it 2 thoughts.

 

On 8/5/2019 at 8:13 AM, faithful_father said:

He was reinstated and blessed his child. And as far as I know is in full fellowship

Good for him. 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well nearly all the advice on this thread was awful. He was/is a sociopath. He nearly killed my sister two days after I authored this post. Should I should follow the Spirit and not ask for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Particularly Omegas comments were crass and thoughtless. Ultimately, I was right. The only one in my family to not believe his story about "sincere repentance." 

I'm meeting with an Area 70 to complain about the stake president and Bishop for not disclosing any additional information to her family. After my sisters recovering the hospital with her 24 broken bones we will be pursing legal action against BIL and perhaps others.

I certainly have learned my lesson on thinking asking people on the internet for advice is any substitute for following my gut. Good riddance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, faithful_father said:

Well nearly all the advice on this thread was awful. He was/is a sociopath. He nearly killed my sister two days after I authored this post. Should I should follow the Spirit and not ask for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Particularly Omegas comments were crass and thoughtless. Ultimately, I was right. The only one in my family to not believe his story about "sincere repentance." 

I'm meeting with an Area 70 to complain about the stake president and Bishop for not disclosing any additional information to her family. After my sisters recovering the hospital with her 24 broken bones we will be pursing legal action against BIL and perhaps others.

I certainly have learned my lesson on thinking asking people on the internet for advice is any substitute for following my gut. Good riddance.

I'm sorry we couldn't help you. You are in our prayers, hope things work out for you and your family. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, faithful_father said:

Well nearly all the advice on this thread was awful. He was/is a sociopath. He nearly killed my sister two days after I authored this post. Should I should follow the Spirit and not ask for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Particularly Omegas comments were crass and thoughtless. Ultimately, I was right. The only one in my family to not believe his story about "sincere repentance." 

I'm meeting with an Area 70 to complain about the stake president and Bishop for not disclosing any additional information to her family. After my sisters recovering the hospital with her 24 broken bones we will be pursing legal action against BIL and perhaps others.

I certainly have learned my lesson on thinking asking people on the internet for advice is any substitute for following my gut. Good riddance.

I'm sorry your heart is hurting so much right now, and your sister as well.  I wish & pray of the best for her.  

Edited by Jane_Doe

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, faithful_father said:

Well nearly all the advice on this thread was awful. He was/is a sociopath. He nearly killed my sister two days after I authored this post. Should I should follow the Spirit and not ask for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Particularly Omegas comments were crass and thoughtless. Ultimately, I was right. The only one in my family to not believe his story about "sincere repentance." 

I'm meeting with an Area 70 to complain about the stake president and Bishop for not disclosing any additional information to her family. After my sisters recovering the hospital with her 24 broken bones we will be pursing legal action against BIL and perhaps others.

I certainly have learned my lesson on thinking asking people on the internet for advice is any substitute for following my gut. Good riddance.

I'm so sorry this happened to your sister. I will be praying for a speedy recovery for her, and that you guys will be able to receive the justice you are seeking. Just remember that he deceived most of the people who knew him, and we only knew what you said about him here. The comments were made in good faith, and most were an attempt to help you.

Edited by Midwest LDS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, faithful_father said:

Well nearly all the advice on this thread was awful. He was/is a sociopath. He nearly killed my sister two days after I authored this post. Should I should follow the Spirit and not ask for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet...I certainly have learned my lesson on thinking asking people on the internet for advice is any substitute for following my gut. Good riddance.

I'm glad that at least something positive has come out of this experience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/9/2019 at 12:49 PM, faithful_father said:

Well nearly all the advice on this thread was awful. He was/is a sociopath. He nearly killed my sister two days after I authored this post. Should I should follow the Spirit and not ask for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet. Particularly Omegas comments were crass and thoughtless. Ultimately, I was right. The only one in my family to not believe his story about "sincere repentance." 

I'm meeting with an Area 70 to complain about the stake president and Bishop for not disclosing any additional information to her family. After my sisters recovering the hospital with her 24 broken bones we will be pursing legal action against BIL and perhaps others.

I certainly have learned my lesson on thinking asking people on the internet for advice is any substitute for following my gut. Good riddance.

Here's the summary as far as I can read:

Post 1: The guy was abused and broke the law of chastity a lot throughout his life.  Now that he's married to my sister, he tried to repent.  He's obviously a sociopath.  So, I don't see why I should forgive him.  So, should I tell everyone about this?

My post:  (Notice: no mention of any violent tendencies or anything that would lead one to conclude that he's a sociopath, No mention of adultery or abuse against your sister).

Post 2: Well, you guys were all useless.  You didn't even have the wisdom to predict how violent he would be to my sister.

Nope, we didn't predict any violent behavior based on the description you gave us.

Edited by Mores

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Mores said:

Here's the summary as far as I can read:

Post 1: The guy was abused and broke the law of chastity a lot throughout his life.  Now that he's married to my sister, he tried to repent.  He's obviously a sociopath.  So, I don't see why I should forgive him.  So, should I tell everyone about this?

My post:  (Notice: no mention of any violent tendencies or anything that would lead one to conclude that he's a sociopath, No mention of adultery or abuse against your sister).

Post 2: Well, you guys were all useless.  You didn't even have the wisdom to predict how violent he would be to my sister.

Nope, we didn't predict any violent behavior based on the description you gave us.

Even his new post doesn't say he was violent.  Maybe BIL was driving drunk and got in an accident.  I just saw this thread today, and I thought the community's comments were pretty much spot on, given the information provided.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 hours ago, Mores said:

Here's the summary as far as I can read:

Post 1: The guy was abused and broke the law of chastity a lot throughout his life.  Now that he's married to my sister, he tried to repent.  He's obviously a sociopath.  So, I don't see why I should forgive him.  So, should I tell everyone about this?

My post:  (Notice: no mention of any violent tendencies or anything that would lead one to conclude that he's a sociopath, No mention of adultery or abuse against your sister).

Post 2: Well, you guys were all useless.  You didn't even have the wisdom to predict how violent he would be to my sister.

Nope, we didn't predict any violent behavior based on the description you gave us.

Wait... is this a  psychologist’s forum? I swore this was a forum for normal people to talk about the gospel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Fether said:

Wait... is this a  psychologist’s forum? I swore this was a forum for normal people to talk about the gospel.

Yeah... including the authority of church leaders.  We, devout church members, usually defend the authority of the Priesthood unless undeniable evidence of mis-use of authority is presented.

But, what do I know... I'm one who never thought serial adulterers beat up women too.  Adulterers are usually sly about it - hiding behind oozing charm.  Bruises and broken bones kinda defeats that purpose.  Goes to show my ignorance on the matter.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

22 hours ago, Mores said:

Here's the summary as far as I can read:

Post 1: The guy was abused and broke the law of chastity a lot throughout his life.  Now that he's married to my sister, he tried to repent.  He's obviously a sociopath.  So, I don't see why I should forgive him.  So, should I tell everyone about this?

My post:  (Notice: no mention of any violent tendencies or anything that would lead one to conclude that he's a sociopath, No mention of adultery or abuse against your sister).

Post 2: Well, you guys were all useless.  You didn't even have the wisdom to predict how violent he would be to my sister.

Nope, we didn't predict any violent behavior based on the description you gave us.

Nope we did not. 

Given that he clearly did not predict it either (otherwise he would have confessed that sin of his BIL along with all the others)... Well I guess he is probably feeling pretty useless himself.

Add to that his clear investment in his Sister that we do not have...  Well it is easier to lash out and strangers then to face the reality of your own powerlessness, impotence, and failures.  For whatever flaws he accuses us of... he has to carry the guilt of having it himself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8/9/2019 at 11:49 AM, faithful_father said:

I'm meeting with an Area 70 to complain about the stake president and Bishop for not disclosing any additional information to her family. 

Make sure you mention the internet people also gave you crass, thoughtless, and awful advice. 

Look, sorry to hear about whatever happened to your sister.  You're light on the details, so got no clue if there was a car accident or a beating or what.  But if you're gonna turn on people who are trying to be helpful, make sure that's not the only thing you end up doing, because it isn't going to help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now