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A question about temple marriage

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Hi, 

Well done for starting to get your relationship on the right track.    IMO you still have some way to go before you are ready to marry this man.  If you don't trust him enough to share this information with him, do you trust him with your life and your eternity?  If the roles were reversed how would you feel?  Is there anything that he could be hiding from his past that would be a game changer for you? If so have you explicitly asked him about this? 

He has reacted really positively so far, but does he believe that you go to church regularly, just don't have a temple recommend?  How will your lives fit in together with him being focussed on the gospel and going to church, scripture study etc??  You have a lot of conversations which need to take place before you are ready to join your lives together e.g.   How are you compatible spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically?  Do you have  common goals that you will work towards as a family?  

I can understand the need for short engagements but you guys need to have a really intense series of conversations before marriage or you are going to have a stormy start to your relationship.

If he wants a wife who has the same spiritual values as him, how will you achieve this?  I understand how difficult it is dealing with anxiety  ( I am moving and joining a new ward next weekend and fully expect to be vomiting in anxiousness, but this will not stop me )  I would recommend prayerfully taking your anxiety to Christ and ask him to sustain you and support you so you can attend, for just a sacrament meeting).    My only caveat would be DON'T go to church JUST to please your partner,  you both deserve people who will fulfill all parts of your life and make each other happy.

Edited by KScience

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4 hours ago, Friend said:

Hi, 

it took me so long to re-find this thread. My partner and I are going to go for a civil wedding in November and whenever I am able to we are going to be sealed together. 

Sounds great... hopefully you opened up completely to him about your past and settled the matter.

How's church working out for you?

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7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Sounds great... hopefully you opened up completely to him about your past and settled the matter.

 

We spoke a lot :) and he was really understanding, which I kind of expected him to be. 

 

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

 How's church working out for you?

I go sometimes but I find it really tough to get there on time and try to entertain my son ad focus on the speaker. 

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19 minutes ago, Friend said:

I go sometimes but I find it really tough to get there on time and try to entertain my son ad focus on the speaker. 

Is your fiancee not going with you?

My suggestions: 
- Being on time is a matter of priorities and prayerful preparation
- Teach the child to focus on the speaker and entertain himself if his attention span is not yet long enough
- Focus on the speaker

 

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56 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Is your fiancee not going with you?

 

He is paramedic, so he works in shifts and he usually has 2 Sundays free a month so I try to go with him on those Sundays, I don't go without him because I have anxiety

 

58 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

- Teach the child to focus on the speaker and entertain himself if his attention span is not yet long enough

I can't look away from him because he will get up and run for the door or throw things, it's a really stressful time 

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17 hours ago, Friend said:

I can't look away from him because he will get up and run for the door or throw things, it's a really stressful time 

I can understand the stress and anxiety of dealing with a child in sacrament meeting.  I found it went smoother when we were better prepared.  We learned to keep a diaper bag stocked with books, quiet toys, and snacks so we could just grab it as we left for church.  It's OK if you give even 99% of your focus to your son.  He, and you, will still pick things up.  And the more often you take him, the more exposure he gets, the better he'll be in the future.

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On 10/10/2019 at 4:16 PM, dprh said:

I can understand the stress and anxiety of dealing with a child in sacrament meeting.  I found it went smoother when we were better prepared.  We learned to keep a diaper bag stocked with books, quiet toys, and snacks so we could just grab it as we left for church.  It's OK if you give even 99% of your focus to your son.  He, and you, will still pick things up.  And the more often you take him, the more exposure he gets, the better he'll be in the future.

I took him on Sunday with my fiance and he was so naughty I ended up leaving with him half way through, because it really triggers my anxiety when lots of people look at me and he was drawing so much attention to us. 

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On 8/20/2019 at 5:26 PM, Friend said:

I have anxiety about going to church, I always set my alarm and get clothes ready for church but on Sunday morning we never go. 

I think that unfortunately it will take me longer than that, but I am wanting to work towards it. 

 

This is what I hope will happen, but I don't know how likely it is

How about...make a goal to go to church and just sit in the foyer for ten minutes? You know, baby steps? 

if you make a lesser goal, this might be easier?

So just go even if dressed super informal (if people don’t mind what you wear in your area. In my area, you could show up to church in jeans and we would wrap you in a warm embrace). 

If a bit nervous, go to church sit for a bit in the foyer and then call a friend? It is hard to walk into a building in which you do not know anyone. We are thinking of you! Let us know how it goes! ❤️ 

 

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