Ramblings

[Jekar]

Hi,

I grew up LDS and until I was 34, I considered myself a member and even served a mission in the Ohio Cleveland Mission.  I guess technically, I am still a member on the books anyway. Until recently there was absolute no thought or any desire to return.  I would have to say that the reason I'm even thinking about it is a friend and co-worker has been trying to work on me.

Growing up, I always felt ostracized at church.  I didn't feel comfortable going but I believed strongly.   My family was the "poor family" in an "affluent" ward.  My siblings and I felt like we were the outcast.  I've only ever respected two bishops that I've known and one of those two bishops were not mine but my parents.  The interesting things is that the friend who is working on me is the nephew of that bishop.  One bishop went to my mom and said that it would be inappropriate for me to help out at a etiquette dinner because they wanted every girl to have a good time and I wouldn't give them the good time.   Another told my mom to stop talking to him about problems she had because my dad was good man and he didn't believe anything she was saying.  

My first wife and I were married in the temple and to be worthy we needed to talk to our bishops.   My ex-wife and I made an appointment with my bishop.  She talked him about things to get ready to go and after listening to her he goes, I'm glad I could help you get that off your chest but I'm not your bishop so I can't help you.  We went to her family ward and talked her bishop and he asked "Did you have an orgasm?"   She went to a college ward and that bishop said don't take the sacrament.  We'll talk later.

Then when I was in my 30's the church found me (sister told them where I was).  I started getting some home teacher visits and then they stopped coming.  I received a call later from the church asking me if I was seeing home teachers.  They told me that the home teachers were reporting they were doing their visits and I hadn't seen them for a while.   After that point I decided to investigate the Catholic Church, I had always believed if the LDS church wasn't true, the only other possibility was the Catholic church.  I sent the Catholic priest of where I lived and never heard anything from them.

I pretty much gave up at that point and pretty much lost all belief in God.

A few years ago, I re-started school and attended a Nazarene University.  I ended up graduating with a Computer Science degree.  From the interactions with the religious aspect of the school, I started believing a little bit.

Talking with my friend this evening at work, I seriously started wondering if I should re-investigate the church.  I'm scared because since leaving, fornicated,  and been drunk many times, I'm sure I'll be excommunicated.  I'll come back and be kicked out again.  I had just returned home from my mission and one of the members of the ward was excommunicated.  They announced it in sacrament meeting and then during opening exercises of Priesthood and asked all of the Aaronic priesthood to leave and re-announced it.  

I'm sorry for rambling and not even sure this is a good place to put this.  I don't even know why I am rambling.

If anyone made it through this long post, Thank you for reading it.

 

 

 

Edited August 25, 2019 by Jekar

[estradling75]

Welcome @Jekar

You are always welcome to come and join us at church. (The sign says visitors welcome for a reason)

You can always read the scriptures.

You can always pray.

You can always talk to the missionaries.

As for coming back... You have already effectively excommunicated yourself even if the paperwork was not done.  If coming back is what you want then that is a clear sign of repentance and changing of behavior which is exactly what Bishop want to see.

 

[Jane_Doe]

Howdy @Jekar!

The Father wants all His children to be with Him.  As Estradling said, right now you've effectively chosen to self-excommunicate yourself.  There is no worse to go.  But plenty upward to go, and that's where your Father wants you to be: He wants to embrace His prodigal son.   

[Guest MormonGator]

Hello my friend! 

We're praying for you here. It took major courage to write this and it shows your heart is in the right place. Stay strong my friend!

[NeuroTypical]

4 hours ago, Jekar said:

A few years ago, I re-started school and attended a Nazarene University.  I ended up graduating with a Computer Science degree.  From the interactions with the religious aspect of the school, I started believing a little bit.

We took our kids to a homeschool co-op run by the Nazarenes.  They were very genuine, very nice, very spiritual people.  They accepted our kids and never made a big deal about theological differences.  Good times. 

Quote

 

Talking with my friend this evening at work, I seriously started wondering if I should re-investigate the church.  I'm scared because since leaving, fornicated,  and been drunk many times, I'm sure I'll be excommunicated.  I'll come back and be kicked out again.  I had just returned home from my mission and one of the members of the ward was excommunicated.  They announced it in sacrament meeting and then during opening exercises of Priesthood and asked all of the Aaronic priesthood to leave and re-announced it.  

 

Oh wow - that is a very rare occurrence to announce an excommunication over the pulpit.  Sometimes it happens when someone has been teaching false doctrine and is like attracting a following or something, but otherwise no.  

Further, I wouldn't worry much about excommunication.  The purpose of the atonement is to help us individually take the weight of our sins, including the anxiety and worry and stress and guilt and shame over them, and rid us of them so that we can walk clean.  Jekar, this church isn't about punishing sins.  Christ paid the price for our sins.  This church is about each of us, no matter where we are in our personal discipleship, starting where we are, and moving in the right direction.   If you came to my ward, I'd be happy to have you sit next to me.  

What I'd suggest, is if you decide to give church a second chance, just show up.  You can seek out the bishop for a quick meeting - I'd suggest you basically tell him everything you're telling us.  I'm sure he'll be happy to have you here.  And I'd bet ten bucks he won't yell "die fornicator" and attack you with a thick set of scriptures.   (Actually, I'd bet a thousand bucks if I were a betting man, which I'm not.) 

 

[CV75]

12 hours ago, Jekar said:

Talking with my friend this evening at work, I seriously started wondering if I should re-investigate the church.  I'm scared because since leaving, fornicated,  and been drunk many times, I'm sure I'll be excommunicated.  I'll come back and be kicked out again.  I had just returned home from my mission and one of the members of the ward was excommunicated.  They announced it in sacrament meeting and then during opening exercises of Priesthood and asked all of the Aaronic priesthood to leave and re-announced it.  

Go for it. Don't assume you'll be excommunicated since everyone's top aim is for you to get back on the right path which may not require it. Announcements are only made in exceptional circumstances to protect victims and the innocent, in which case you would probably be facing criminal charges, and which you should own up to if that is the case. In any case, you are being prompted to do the right thing, so do it!

[ldsguy422]

Remember John 8 where the woman was caught in the very act of adultery? The scribes and Pharisees brought her to Jesus, trying to trick him. He told the lady straight up, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more." I don't believe Jesus was condoning the woman's act. He wasn't forgiving her. But I do believe he was encouraging her to reform her life. "Go, and sin no more." I believe bishops are much, much more concerned with healing than chastising/punishing. It's possible you might have a disciplinary council, but that is okay. Christ died for everyone. You, me, and everyone alike. And guess what? Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. He wants you back. Your bishop is essentially a spiritual doctor and he will help provide council for getting you back on the pathway to Christ. This is a great step. 

[Aaddaamm]

If you are truly repentant, have no fear in being excommunicated from the Church. Call it Gods will if you must.

I have been a member my entire life, like you, and I have had a good solid couple of years of inactivity, where I wanted and had nothing to do with the church because I wanted things it advised against.

Your best bet, which works 100% of the time for everyone like us, is to pray to God and believe that he wants the best for you, even if you feel you dont deserve it. Ask specifically for the Spirit to be with the Bishop as you attempt to speak with him on a specific day and time. And itll all work out according to your wants if they are righteous.

You'll be surprised. Best feeling ever.