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So my fiance has been struggling for the past few weeks with life and has been seriously contemplating suicide. So we did some stuff we shouldn't have. I thought it would help and it did. Is it wrong that I did it to save her life? There was literally no other option. I tried everything else but nothing worked.

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Fixing someone's suicidal thoughts with premarital sex?  Yeah, no, not the best idea.

"I tried everything else but nothing worked" - her problems are not yours to fix.  They are hers to fix.  

If I were you, I'd postpone the wedding, read a bunch of books on suicide, attend some premarital counseling sessions.  I would not marry someone with unresolved suicidal issues - it's not fair to either of you.

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I struggle enough with St. Paul's idea in 1 Cor. 7 that my sexual availability/unavailability might mean that I am at fault for my spouse's sin. I don't think that is right. I am even more uncomfortable with elevating that to the next level where my sexual availability/unavailability might be at fault for my fiancee's/spouse's very life. Any variation of "I will kill myself if you don't have sex with me" is all kinds of unhealthy and wrong -- even if I were to make concessions in the moral right/wrong department.

I agree with NT, it is not fair to you to be yoked to someone whose very life depends on your sexual availability. If she is not currently in treatment for her suicidal ideation, then she needs to enter treatment. Get her emotional state back under control, then worry about how you are going to go forward -- including how you will deal with the moral right/wrong part of the question.

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My comment may seem harsh as I do not know you, her, or her situation, but you should not marry this girl right now. She has issues that need to get resolved, and she should seek professional help and counseling. Yes, it was still wrong, and you should begin the repentance process ASAP.

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So, let me quadruple down on my advice: 

Here's a common notion: "I can't do anything to cause her more stress, she's already talking about suicide, if I called off the wedding, she would kill herself and it would be my fault."

That notion is a lie.  Believing it is like willingly placing chains around your neck and selling yourself into slavery.  What's worse, it's not slavery to a person, it's slavery to an illness.  What's even more worse, is when someone has someone else catering to their illness, and acting out of fear of that illness, a big motivation to not be ill any more goes away.  "I know he loves me because he helps me not feel suicidal."   Why would she ever try to get healthy?  She'd always be wondering if she was taking the thing away that has you loving her.  She'd wonder if you'd leave her if she got healthy.

Somewhere in your fiance, Sven, is a precious young lady, an inheritor of a divine birthright, a daughter of God.  That lady needs to be running the show before she's ready to be married.

Edited by NeuroTypical

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11 hours ago, SvenIronhand said:

So my fiance has been struggling for the past few weeks with life and has been seriously contemplating suicide. So we did some stuff we shouldn't have. I thought it would help and it did. Is it wrong that I did it to save her life? There was literally no other option. I tried everything else but nothing worked.

Textbook manipulation... robbing you of agency through extreme guilt tripping.  There is literally a lot of options - if you're in the USA, the best one would be to take her to a hospital and tell the admitting nurse she's suicidal.

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12 hours ago, SvenIronhand said:

So my fiance has been struggling for the past few weeks with life and has been seriously contemplating suicide. So we did some stuff we shouldn't have. I thought it would help and it did. Is it wrong that I did it to save her life? There was literally no other option. I tried everything else but nothing worked.

Speaking as somebody who spent way too many years in the suicidal camp (due to sexual abuse)--

Two wrongs never make a right.

If you truly love this girl, you will strongly encourage her to seek the medical attention she so desperately needs.  You will treat her as the daughter of God she is.  You will not use sexual favors as a bargaining tool in anyway.  Any "help" you think using sexual favors will do is nothing more than a temporary illusion that will only hurt both of you.  You can't give another person their self esteem or "prove" to her that she's important: she needs to discover her value for herself.

Edited by Jane_Doe

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13 hours ago, SvenIronhand said:

So my fiance has been struggling for the past few weeks with life and has been seriously contemplating suicide. So we did some stuff we shouldn't have. I thought it would help and it did. Is it wrong that I did it to save her life? There was literally no other option. I tried everything else but nothing worked.

Crack to an addict . . .

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13 hours ago, SvenIronhand said:

So my fiance has been struggling for the past few weeks with life and has been seriously contemplating suicide. So we did some stuff we shouldn't have. I thought it would help and it did. Is it wrong that I did it to save her life? There was literally no other option. I tried everything else but nothing worked.

I do not like this scenario. Individual is suicidal, but fornication saved his/her life. Hey church member...can you blame me for saving a life???!!! Oh, don't try to say that there were other options--"literally no other option." So...if I say it was wrong it's like I'm wishing the person dead. If I say it was right, of course I am admitting that the Law of Chastity (or prohibition on premarital sex) is wrong.

That's the setup. Perhaps it was unintended. Maybe the OP is asking a sincere question--there really might be the belief that sex before marriage prevented a suicide. If so, though I was not there, I reject this false dichotomy. Either the suicide could have been delayed/prevented in other (better) ways, or this person simply has not completed the act yet. The vast majority of suicides are cries of pain...calls for help. Compounding such suffering with an added sin ... well, if this soul does end up healed it will be God's mercy--NOT the sexual immorality--that turned the situation around.

Edited by prisonchaplain

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18 hours ago, SvenIronhand said:

So my fiance has been struggling for the past few weeks with life and has been seriously contemplating suicide. So we did some stuff we shouldn't have. I thought it would help and it did. Is it wrong that I did it to save her life? There was literally no other option. I tried everything else but nothing worked.

I had a close friend who was committed to suicide. The only way I could help him—SAVE him—was by shooting heroin with him using an old needle from an AIDS patient. Then we went and knocked over a 7-11 for cash, because otherwise he would have committed suicide. There was literally no other option. I tried everything else, but nothing worked. Was I wrong to do as I did? I mean, I SAVED him!

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19 hours ago, SvenIronhand said:

So my fiance has been struggling for the past few weeks with life and has been seriously contemplating suicide. So we did some stuff we shouldn't have. I thought it would help and it did. Is it wrong that I did it to save her life? There was literally no other option. I tried everything else but nothing worked.

As tempting as it is, I will forgo the sarcasm and patronizing comments that are crashing through the doors and breaking through the walls of my mind right now.

Here is the thing... You spiritually committed a murder-suicide to the person you were about to (I am assuming at least) covenant with NOT to commit murder-suicide to. God cannot look at ANY sin with the least degree of allowance (D&C 1:31). The attitude we ought to have toward sin is that we would sooner die than break our covenants with God. 

Now to the second portion. This was not a "commit suicide or have sex" situation. That is utterly ridiculous. Additionally... you are not responsible for her emotional well being, not yet at least. There are plenty of other sources of help such as psychiatrists, therapists, and bishops.

I would go to your bishops and confess what happened. To start your marriage off like this would just be a domino effect of bad decision after bad decision until you finally choose to repent.

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OP knew enough to make reference to the Law of Chastity...perhaps to give the initial impression s/he was a member. Then again, pull take out the religion. Take out the sex. The real question becomes a classic: Does the end justify the means? IMHO, we've all answered a resounding NO.

Edited by prisonchaplain

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I do not mean to be flippant. Suicide is a serious matter. In case, the situation is as described, I will be respectful.

A counselor that I knew many years ago, described to me a form of therapy in which they build happy memories for depressed patients. For women they used chocolate or ice cream. Patient is asked ‘What is your favourite ice cream flavour? ‘ Next session, counselor and client eat ice cream. In subsequent session, the counselor reminds the client of this happy experience and gradually they build happy memories. I suspect that chocolate would have a similar effect. Happy memories can be triggered by watching a favourite childhood show or even playing a fovorite childhood game.

Many things can bring love and comfort to a woman, and sex is rarely the first item on the list! 

i use this happy experience technique when visiting depressed friends. I talk to them about anything that they have told me that they like. Eg decorating pictures from a magazine, country music, anything they have had a positive experience with. If I am desperate, I bring chocolate. 

Layering pleasant experiences really can help! 

Edited by Sunday21

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Folks, if OP wishes to contribute further, he will.  No need to second guess his genuineness.  I remember back in the day, I agonized over a very personal question I was terrified to ask.  I remember creating a dummy account and posting the question from a public library on the other side of town.  I was able to sift through all the answers, and I never went back to that account.  With a few decades hindsight, I was going overboard on staying anonymous to ask my question.  But it was the biggest thing weighing on my mind at the time, and very embarrassing.

 

Edited by NeuroTypical

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Thanks NeuroTypical. This wasn't a troll post. I got my answer and that's that. She was being poisoned by her psychiatrist. Too much lithium in her blood made her go crazy. 

To other posters thank you for your replies. However don't take suicide lightly it's a very serious thing and also be gentle and kind. Some people get offended very easily. Have a great day.

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