nellyleyva92 Posted October 18, 2019 Report Share Posted October 18, 2019 (edited) I'm a single adult approaching her 30's. My dating years have not been fun. Finding my eternal partner has been...painful. To say the least.From being cheated on to abusive relationships... What I always wanted in life was to find my eternal companion, get sealed, have children, work with him through life trials and have a Christ-like marriage and family and all that stuff. I had always prayed and lived for it, but as I age, it just seems impossible. All the men I've dated have not only been wrong for me, but they have harmed me in many different ways that I think it's going to take me forever to ever fully recover. Last time I prayed for a good man, I did it humbly and faithfully. I had left an abusive 5 year relationship with one member of the Church for one year. The Lord knows how many times I'd been harmed before, how long I've waited, I've tried, and always did my best to live worthily. 3 months ago, after I prayed humbly for it again, a man came along under the circumstances and time I had prayed for. He seemed perfect! I was the happiest person and thought it had been worth the wait and pain from past experiences...until he showed his true colors shortly afterwards. The relationship not only ended soon, but left me with severe trauma; and self-esteem, mental and spiritual issues. Needless to say I've been asking nonstop: "Why, God?" I'm now both terrified and discouraged about love, dating and marriage. I've stopped believing in love and help from heavenly Father in this important issue. What bothers me the most right now is that if I ever want to marry in the temple, I have to keep dating within the Church and meet people through Church activities, YSA activities or Institute, but it's horrible to see my ex/ex's there, both mine and my boyfriend ex's are there too, and his potential new dates as well, and they all will be there forever as long as we all remain active, which is what we're all supposed to do, right? We all have to date each other! The Church is so small that it makes it impossible to move on. I don't want to grow up taking Sunday School classes with "the one that got away", or knowing that someday one guy who hurt me might be my bishop one day and I'll have private interviews with him, or ask for his help, or that I will have to visit and minister a sister who happens to be the girl who "stole" a boy I loved in the past or a girl he cheated on me with, or...if there are trust issues within the couple, having to feed attractive sister missionaries at home when I know the husband always has had trouble with wandering eyes or let him fulfill a calling that requires him to work with the girls he dated or had a crush on in the past... or any other attractive sister! ... I think I've made my point. It kinda sounds funny, I know. But when there's sin, abuse and trauma involved...it is definitely not fun. If we weren't Church members these situations wouldn't have to happen. The Church creates opportunities for socialization that we normally wouldn't have, and it feels awkward to have to date and marry within this closed environment. Anyone else feels or has felt this way? I know I sound stupid...but I don't know where else to vent and ask for some encouragement. Right now I'm struggling seeing my ex at Church and seeing him hook up with other girls I know. Why do I have to see this? I'm not feeling well to remain 100% active in the Church forever under these circumstances, and at the same time I've given up on eternal love and happiness. My parents are both good members of the Church but terribly unhappy in their marriage, most members of my ward are divorced or unhappy as well, my relationships have been a mess and the Lord doesn't seem to care that much, at least not in my own personal case. He has let me go through heartbreak after heartbreak and I feel very much alone recovering from emotional, physical and spiritual trauma. I really need some encouragement, I really could use some advice or anything, because I'm completely hopeless in this matter. I know I should come to the Lord for relief and definitely not leave the Church...but it's hard when the things that hurt you happen to be ...IN the Church. Edited October 18, 2019 by nellyleyva92 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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