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I am attracted to a female co-worker of mine; however, I know that she does not date co-workers. Immediately after she said that, she stated that she would be alright going out with a guy if he was no longer a co-worker. We work at a seasonal job that ends in a month, and I feel that a month is a reasonable time to wait before I ask her out. I happen to know that she likes some other guy, but that she is not currently in a relationship with anyone. I am contemplating anonymously sending her flowers of her favorite color with a message like the following:

"For a woman with a radiant smile only matched by her radiant soul.

-Co-worker that respects your personal rule and is willing to wait."

The main idea behind this is so that she knows there is a co-worker interested in her, thereby hopefully increasing the chance that she does not end up getting a boyfriend within the next month. She does not want to date co-workers because of the weird things that can happen in such a situation, so I figure leaving the message anonymous will be better than signing it.

My Questions

  • Is sending her flowers appropriate in this situation? 
  • If so, should the message be anonymous?
  • Should I do something else to indicate my interest? (Note that I do flirt with her, but I have little relationship experience so I am not entirely sure if what I do comes across as flirting or not.)

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I wouldn't send anonymous flowers. To me that would be a little awkward... encroaching on creepy.

If I were in your situation, I would go to her and say in a joking voice “I know you have a thing about not dating co-workers... but come on... look at me, I’m clearly an exception. There is this sweet axe throwing place around the corner, wanna go with my Saturday night?”

Now that is just me and my personality, may not turn out well for everyone. But I would say definitely do no send anonymous flowers.

Edited by Fether

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9 minutes ago, Fether said:

I wouldn't send anonymous flowers. To me that would be a little awkward... encroaching I’m creepy.

Bro you are on a roll today with posts. Agree 100%. 

OP-In order to succeed in life you need to put yourself out there. You need to ask this girl out upfront. If she shoots you down, eh, it happens to all of us (hard to believe, but it's even happened to me before too!). 

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8 minutes ago, Fether said:

I wouldn't send anonymous flowers. To me that would be a little awkward... encroaching I’m creepy.

If I were in your situation, I would go to her and say in a joking voice “I know you have a thing about not dating co-workers... but come on... look at me, I’m clearly an exception. There is this sweet axe throwing place around the corner, wanna go with my Saturday night?”

Now that is just me and my personality, may not turn out well for everyone. But I would say definitely do no send anonymous flowers.

Thanks for your input. I was wondering if it would seem creepy or not. From my understanding, some women would find it creepy while others would find it sweet. I'm curious what others will say.

 

As far as the latter goes, both she and I have a strong belief that people should follow rules. I do not want to, even if I'm joking, suggest for her to break a personal rule.

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27 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

Bro you are on a roll today with posts. Agree 100%. 

OP-In order to succeed in life you need to put yourself out there. You need to ask this girl out upfront. If she shoots you down, eh, it happens to all of us (hard to believe, but it's even happened to me before too!). 

Alright, thanks for that response. I'll just wait to ask until our last common working day, for the reasons I mentioned in my reply to Fether.

Edited by MnDisciple27

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Speaking as a lady--

Anonymous flowers are a mind game: leave her guessing "oh who sent these?"  and then obligated to stealthily examine each possible co-worker to figure out who's doing things and guessing game.  

That's a HORRIBLE idea.

Just own how you feel and ask her out when it's ok to.  Two weeks out you can even say "hey, I like you but I know you don't want to date co-workers.  Can we see a movie after our seasonal job is done?".  It shows respect to her wishes, and courage on your part.

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How about just asking her out today on a date for the day after you leave the company? That way, she won't be dating you when you're employed together. That's what I'd do in that position, anyway.

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3 hours ago, MnDisciple27 said:

I am attracted to a female co-worker of mine; however, I know that she does not date co-workers. Immediately after she said that, she stated that she would be alright going out with a guy if he was no longer a co-worker. We work at a seasonal job that ends in a month, and I feel that a month is a reasonable time to wait before I ask her out. I happen to know that she likes some other guy, but that she is not currently in a relationship with anyone. I am contemplating anonymously sending her flowers of her favorite color with a message like the following:

"For a woman with a radiant smile only matched by her radiant soul.

-Co-worker that respects your personal rule and is willing to wait."

The main idea behind this is so that she knows there is a co-worker interested in her, thereby hopefully increasing the chance that she does not end up getting a boyfriend within the next month. She does not want to date co-workers because of the weird things that can happen in such a situation, so I figure leaving the message anonymous will be better than signing it.

My Questions

  • Is sending her flowers appropriate in this situation? 
  • If so, should the message be anonymous?
  • Should I do something else to indicate my interest? (Note that I do flirt with her, but I have little relationship experience so I am not entirely sure if what I do comes across as flirting or not.)

How old are you? I only ask this because this seems like a very highschool thing to do.

Just ask her out, it's a seasonal job why would you wait? if she says no then you know where you stand. Why would you waste a month of your life hoping and praying that she may go out with you.

As a general rule I agree with her you don't date people you work with, but this isn't even a real job.

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2 hours ago, dprh said:

Like @Fether, I can only tell you what I'd do in the situation.  I'd continue building a relationship at work and on my/her last day, I'd ask her out.  The flowers are a good idea, but not anonymously.

Thanks. I'm probably going to forego the flowers based on what everyone has said.

2 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Speaking as a lady--

Anonymous flowers are a mind game: leave her guessing "oh who sent these?"  and then obligated to stealthily examine each possible co-worker to figure out who's doing things and guessing game.  

That's a HORRIBLE idea.

Just own how you feel and ask her out when it's ok to.  Two weeks out you can even say "hey, I like you but I know you don't want to date co-workers.  Can we see a movie after our seasonal job is done?".  It shows respect to her wishes, and courage on your part.

First, thank you for stating that you are speaking as a lady. It helps lend credence to what you say.

Yeah...I have a convoluted mind. I personally enjoy mind games, but I can see why it would be a horrible idea in this situation. Thank you for clarifying why instead of just saying it is a bad idea.

Thank you, that seems like a sound idea. I'll stick with what you said. I feel foolish for not thinking of that solution...

2 hours ago, Vort said:

How about just asking her out today on a date for the day after you leave the company? That way, she won't be dating you when you're employed together. That's what I'd do in that position, anyway.

Good idea. I feel like a month is probably too far in advance though. I'll go with two weeks instead; it seems more reasonable.

1 hour ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

How old are you? I only ask this because this seems like a very highschool thing to do.

Just ask her out, it's a seasonal job why would you wait? if she says no then you know where you stand. Why would you waste a month of your life hoping and praying that she may go out with you.

As a general rule I agree with her you don't date people you work with, but this isn't even a real job.

I do not appreciate how you worded that. It feels like every other line is written to attack me. Please be more aware of how others may view what you write, whether or not it is how you intended to come across.

Now, ignoring the phraseology, I do agree that I should ask her out and set the date for when we are no longer co-workers. As I said above, for some ridiculous reason the thought did not even cross my mind.

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6 hours ago, MormonGator said:


OP-In order to succeed in life you need to put yourself out there. You need to ask this girl out upfront. If she shoots you down, eh, it happens to all of us (hard to believe, but it's even happened to me before too!). 

This.  You'll miss 100% of the shots you don't take.   I married my best friend. Never would have happened if I hadn't drunk dialed cute, funny girl who's name I didn't even know.

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3 hours ago, MnDisciple27 said:

I do not appreciate how you worded that. It feels like every other line is written to attack me. Please be more aware of how others may view what you write, whether or not it is how you intended to come across.

Now, ignoring the phraseology, I do agree that I should ask her out and set the date for when we are no longer co-workers. As I said above, for some ridiculous reason the thought did not even cross my mind.

Don't be so sensitive, nothing i wrote was made with the intention of attacking you. You came here to a forum on the internet looking for advice and you got some. 

Facts do not equal and attack.

1. It's a seasonal job (not a real/fulltime job)

2. She claims that she won't date co-workers (in general a good idea but see #1)

3. My advice is the same as all the others here don't pussyfoot around just ask her out.

4. If you read a personal attack into everything someone says or writes life is going to be very tough for you.

 

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13 hours ago, Grunt said:

This.  You'll miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Exactly. 100% correct.

13 hours ago, Grunt said:

  I married my best friend. Never would have happened if I hadn't drunk dialed cute, funny girl who's name I didn't even know.

 I married my best friend as well, and it never would have happened if I didn't convince her to drop my first college roommate and go out with me instead. I must have been right about something, because we've been married for 17 years. 

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2 hours ago, MormonGator said:

 I married my best friend as well

I asked my best friend to marry me. When my wife heard it, she said, "You're joking." But I wasn't. My best friend accepted my offer, and my wife has learned to accept that.

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Thanks all. I intended to ask her in two weeks because I thought asking her out a month in advance was weird. However, a great opportunity presented itself today so I went for it. Got the date ^.^ 

This was my first thread on the forum. There isn't much point in leaving this thread open. Is there a way to close it or mark it as resolved?

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10 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Speaking as a woman:

I go for the guy that is so good they can make me change my mind about not dating co-workers.  ;)

 

I respect that, but asking her to compromise her personal rule would go against what I stand for. I just went with asking ahead of time.

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2 hours ago, MnDisciple27 said:

Thanks all. I intended to ask her in two weeks because I thought asking her out a month in advance was weird. However, a great opportunity presented itself today so I went for it. Got the date ^.^

You're living proof that good things come to those who actually go and do something.

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12 hours ago, MnDisciple27 said:

I respect that, but asking her to compromise her personal rule would go against what I stand for. I just went with asking ahead of time.

You didn't understand what I said.  If you're that good, you won't have to ask... she'll break it to go after you.  If you're not that good, then she wouldn't.  Plain and simple.  So, what do you do?  Be THAT good.

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13 hours ago, MnDisciple27 said:

Thanks all. I intended to ask her in two weeks because I thought asking her out a month in advance was weird. However, a great opportunity presented itself today so I went for it. Got the date ^.^ 

There ya go.

 

13 hours ago, MnDisciple27 said:

This was my first thread on the forum. There isn't much point in leaving this thread open. Is there a way to close it or mark it as resolved?

No need to close the thread.  People will post on here if they want to post.  Or not.  You don't have to read what people keep writing on the topic.  ;)

 

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Well...a bit of a sad update here. Got a text from her a few hours after she said yes. She said that she didn't really see me that way and that the "date" would be as friends. I responded, "No worries, I understand. Thank you for telling me. If I may ask, why did you initially say yes?" She simply said that she never said no to a first date.

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45 minutes ago, MnDisciple27 said:

Well...a bit of a sad update here. Got a text from her a few hours after she said yes. She said that she didn't really see me that way and that the "date" would be as friends. I responded, "No worries, I understand. Thank you for telling me. If I may ask, why did you initially say yes?" She simply said that she never said no to a first date.

"Friends is good. Let's go out as friends and see how we like it."

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